Magical Girl Fanfic Theater
By Peter L. Ward
Starring:
- Miyakawa Mika as Exquisite Soldier Lovely Freesia
- Toriyama Akiko as Exquisite Soldier Crimson Rose
- Mura Natsumi as Exquisite Soldier Golden Poppy
- Ferris as Exquisite Soldier Pretty Daisy
- Takara Akira as Exquisite Soldier Wild Orchid
- and Penko as herself
Tonight's Feature Presentation: Happi-ness by Nicholas "Nightelf"
Leifker
[The lights come up on a holovid theater that hasn't seen much use
in a while. We see all five of the Exquisite Soldiers busy with
brooms and dust-mops cleaning up the theater.]
[Mika]
Oh! Hi there, folks! I'm Miyakawa Mika and welcome to Magical Girl
Fanfic Theater!
[Akiko]
Sorry the place is such a mess, but we're trying to get it cleaned
up! It does tend to happen when you don't use the place for a
couple of months. Then again, the writer has been busy with two
other writing projects plus his own studies.
[Ferris, rather crossly]
You're forgetting his stupid preoccupation with his new Saturn, Akiko.
But we took care of that, didn't we, Mika?
[Mika, in smug satisfaction]
That's right. We decided to swipe his Saturn until he gets numbers
nine through twelve of MGFT done. He only has three more after this
one before he can start kicking butt on VF2 again.
[Ferris]
Ha! By the time he gets it back, we'll be able to whomp on him like
there's no tomorrow! We never said that we wouldn't be practicing up
on it in the meantime, right?
[Mika]
Right! With you playing as Sarah and me playing as Pai, he won't be
able to stop us!
[Natsumi]
Hey, don't forget me! I'm doing better with Lion!
[Ferris]
Bah! Lion's cheap! A few good low hits and he's done for! Speaking
of the male characters, it's too bad they're only polygons...
especially when it comes to that Jacky! Yum!
[Akira]
You can say that again, Ferris!
[Ferris]
Shut up, pretty boy! Who asked you, anyway?
[Akiko]
*Ahem!* If we're through discussing video game characters, can we
get on with the fic?
[Mika, chagrined]
Right. Tonight's feature is "Happi-ness" by Nightelf, part of the
Sunrise Chronicles. We had to do a bit of research on this one.
Here's a hint for you authors out there who want to get their stories
reviews on our show: make sure our writer is familiar with your
series if the story in question is part of a series. If he asks
for previous chapters or stories, pass them on to him so he knows
what's going on.
[Ferris]
Yeah! We almost skipped out on this one since we didn't know much
about it before having to dig around on the net for more info.
[Akiko]
Anyway, the Sunrise storyline stems from a what-if scenario. In it,
Ranma loses against Prince Herb and the Musk Dynasty in the battle
that was in the manga. As a result, Akane, Shampoo, Mousse, and
Ryoga lose their lives. Cologne adopts Ranma, who is stuck as a
girl now, as heir to the leadership of the Chinese Amazons and they
move to China. Also moving to China are Ranma's parents, Ukyo,
and Nabiki.
[Mika]
Right. This was explained in the author's notes in the original
Sunrise story. This is part two of a prequel series he's writing.
So, without further ado...
-----
Nightelf (nwl9354@tam2000.tamu.edu) presents...
"Looking back on it, I'm surprised that we were able to integrate
into the village so smoothly. Mom had sold her old place, and used the
money to build a house - modest, but large enough to fit all of us snugly.
Cologne preferred that I stay close by, so it was built only a stone's
throw away, on some land given to us by her. Ukyou, Nabiki, and I all
lived in the house for awhile once it was built, but eventually moved
on.
Nabiki had maintained her various business contacts after moving to
the village, and found them to be quite useful. She started out by
working from the house, purchasing on order only, buying goods wholesale
from Japan and importing them here. After a few years of this, she
opened her own store, selling anything and everything the village
couldn't supply on its own. When she wasn't working on her business or
her studies, she was training, her skills improving at a frightening
rate. Personally, I think it was just her way of dealing with her grief -
burying it under a pile of of work, then exorcising a bit of it through
her training.
Ukyou got off to a slower start, due to her injuries. But, once she
recovered, there was no stopping her. The yatai became a popular place
in the village, providing cheap, good food as well as a meeting place to
discuss crops, fighting styles, or anything else on the minds of the
villagers. Needless to say, I hung out here often, to sample Ucchan's
cooking, as well as to get to know these people better, to prove to them
that I wasn't some fly-by-night jerk, there only for my own purposes.
After the defeat, Blossom grew even more embittered, letting her
anger for me drive a wedge between herself and the village. She ceased
to take an active role in the village, only showing up when it came time
for the tournament. To be honest, I couldn't blame her - only pity her.
To her, we would always be outsiders - outsiders who had let Shampoo die
and had usurped her place of honor in the community.
It wasn't until the grand opening of Ucchan's, when _he_ returned to
the village, that we realized how bitter she was - and the lengths she
would go to to satiate that bitterness."
-- Exerpt from _Journals of Ranma Saotome, 108th Leader of the
Niichieju_.
-----
[Mika]
You know, other than the fact that it assumes some knowledge on the
reader's part of previous Sunrise stories, this is a pretty good way
of bringing the reader up to speed on what's happening in this series.
[Akiko]
True. Some extra bits would have helped though, like a recap of who
Blossom was and why she has a grudge against Ranma.
-----
Nightelf presents...
Happi-ness
Part the Second of the Sunrise Chronicles.
-----
[Ferris]
"Part the Second"?? Shouldn't that be "The Second Part"?
[Akira]
You're probably right, Ferris.
[Ferris]
Who asked you, pretty boy?
[Penko]
That's enough, Ferris. He was just saying you're right, that's all.
------
"Kirei..."
"I told you it was worth the climb."
From the top of Mount Phoenix, the vast expanse of the Chinese
countryside stretched out beforee Ukyou Kuonji, its intricate beauty
literally taking her breath away. She stared, eyes wide in amazement, at
the villages appearing like anthills below, the endless rice paddies, the
forests, the entire area an impossibly-detailed map beneath her gaze.
Ranma stood next to her, holding her hand, her heart jumping at the glow
in the young cook's dark eyes.
"I found this little spot after our battle with Saffron. They used
this place as their lookout point: from here, they could spy on every
village, every villager...anything of interest to them. Let's
see...Niichieju should be right...there." Ranma pointed to a secluded,
rather unassuming village nearby. Her eyes scanned the area, her hand
shifting to other points of interest. "And there's Shiyuan...Jusenkyo...
Linshao..."
"What's that place over there?" Ukyou interrupted, pointing to a
large, imposing castle situated on a nearby mountain.
A shadow seemed to creep over Ranma's face as she noticed the object
of Ukyou's attention. Her voice, previously jovial and animated, was now
hard, subdued, as though she were insulted by the sentinel's existence.
"That, Ukyou, is the fortress of the Musk Dynasty, home to Lord Herb -
and the Kaisuihuu."
Ukyou's look was one of shock as she turned apologetically to her
companion. "I'm sorry, Ranchan...I...I didn't know..."
"It's okay, Ucchan." She reached out to embrace her friend, letting
her know no offense was taken, her voice taking on a tone wiser than her
twenty years. "It's okay. There's no way you could have known."
At this, she noticed the warrior tense up ever so slightly,
imperceptible to those who didn't know her. "What is it, Ranma? I hope
I didn't..."
Ranma laughed softly, a grim smile on her face. "No, Ucchan. It's
nothing you did. It's just...you'll think I'm crazy..."
"I already think that, Ranchan."
"Gee, thanks..." Ranma whispered, her tone sarcastic. She sat down
on the peak, inviting Ukyou to take a seat next to her. The okonomiyaki
chef sat down, concerned, as Ranma looked out at the countryside, taking
her hand in a fierce grip.
"Ucchan, you know that warning, that prickling feeling that comes
when you sense an attack coming? Well, I've been having that same
feeling for the past few days or so. Something bad is going to
happen..."
She turned back to Ukyou, taking a long moment to take in the
details of her face. She was older now, and leaner, her face hardened by
the warrior's life she now led. The last baby fat had disappeared from
her body, bringing out her cheekbones and other features of her face.
Truly a beauty...
"Ranchan, you awake? Earth to Ranma..."
Ukyou waved a hand in front of the entranced woman's face, in an
effort to draw her back to reality. Ranma blushed slightly, embarassed
at the nature of her thoughts, then turned her attention back to the
conversation. "Anyway, be careful out there, especially with Ucchan's
opening in a few days."
"Th-thanks, Ranchan," Ukyou blurted, realizing what had captured her
friend's attention. She tightened her grip, giving the hand a fierce,
reassuring squeeze. "You too, okay?"
"Have I ever not?"
An elegantly curved eyebrow arched on Ukyou's face, humorously
incredulous. "Do you really want me to answer that question?"
-----
[Mika]
Now, here's an example of good writing. It really brings out the
emotions of both Ranma and Ukyo and how what has happened before
affected them.
[Akiko]
Not only that, but it tends to show the level of maturity, both
physical and emotional, that these two have attained by this time,
since they're now about twenty.
[Ferris]
Well, it's a good thing that Ranma was a boy originally, and that
he'll be one again in due time, or else I'd think this was one of
those girl-girl scenes! Eccchhhhh! Don't know what it is about
you humans and that kind of thing...
-----
Nabiki Tendo stood at full combat stance, the late-morning wind
blowing through her shoulder-length brown hair, her blue-gray
Chinese-style blouse and slacks flapping under its gentle, inexorable
pressure. The dark eyes flared, a small amount of annoyance blended with
a typical fight intensity. Her refined features were etched into a scowl
as she eyed her opponent carefully, wary of any surprises.
"Gel, please. I don't want to hurt you."
The young man's grey eyes lit up from behind the glasses, mistaking
the woman's compassion for affection. He wore a long white robe, in a
style similar to that of his late brother. Short black hair framed his
long, noble face, adorned with a thin scar from a long-forgotten
childhood battle. "So...you _do_ care for me!" With this cry, Gel
launched at the businesswoman, seeking to conquer her heart through
combat.
For Nabiki, the combat strategy was a simple one: Use speed to slip
inside his defenses, take away his sight, then mercifully pummel him into
submission. She got in, using Ranma's Chestnut Fist to take the glasses
right from his face. Sensing his momentary indecision, she readied
herself for the roundhouse kick to finish the battle.
A small commotion to her left caught her attention for a moment,
forcing her to turn to its source. Her eyes showed worry as the all-too-
familiar scene played itself out, her mind calculating the possible
repercussions of the event, as an angry mob of women ran by, chasing...
"Now I've got you!" Sensing the small pressure wave at the side of
her head, she ducked, narrowly avoiding Gel's strike, then sweep-kicked,
tripping him up. She quickly knocked him out, finishing the bout, and
then stared at the peace in the young man's face, quietly wishing she had
time for such things.
A long moment later, the young woman ran at full speed for the
village, desperate to catch up to the mob. If she was right, Ranma would
need help very soon...
-----
[Mika]
Gee, guess who's coming for a visit?
[Ferris]
What I find interesting is that Nabiki seems to be attracting the
jerks around her. First, it was Kuno, and now Gel.
[Akiko]
At least she can handle them better in the physical sense in this
storyline.
[Natsumi]
Um, excuse me, but is Kuno Tatewaki related to our Kuno-sensei?
[Mika]
He's her great-great-grandfather, you ditz! I can't believe that
she's descended from him and managed to grow up normal, though.
[Ferris]
Yeah. Just be careful about mentioning her family tree around her,
though. She's a bit touchy about that, and I don't blame her one
bit.
[Mika]
No kidding! I remember the time you nearly landed detention just by
mentioning black roses around her! Took you some doing to explain to
her that you were only talking about strange flowers, not one of her
more psychotic relations.
-----
How dare he?
Howdarehehowdarehehowdarehehowdare-
Huh?
A gentle hand touched Ranma's shoulder as she brooded over her
predicament, calling her back from the unpleasant mental tirade. Her
mother, in her usual grace, sat down next to her, taking her daughter's
clenched fist into her own. A rare flash of anger smouldered in the
elder's dark, expressive eyes.
"I understand that Happousai paid you a visit."
"Uh...you could say that, Mom." The younger lady's face twisted,
bile rising in her throat as she replayed the moments in her mind. "The
old lech challenged me for my hand in marriage."
"I see..." Nodoka's soft lips hardened, holding back waves of
fury. Her soft voice, unusually calm for the situation, held only the
slightest touch of a nervous flutter. "And what do you plan to do about
it?"
Ranma shook her head in frustration. "I dunno, Mom. If I lose..."
"You won't lose, Ranma." She moved a delicate hand up to her
daughter's chin, forcing her up to eye level. "Remember: there are
always options."
"Even if I lose?"
"Even if you lose. As long as you don't let the old master get to
you, you can always remain in control of the situation."
Ranma shook her head, quietly voicing her negative. "Not with that
freak." She grabbed her mother's hand from her chin, moving it down onto
the table.
"When...when Happousai first reappeared, I was already cursed. One
of his favorite tricks was to splash me, then latch on."
The bitter venom laced in Ranma's voice sent chills down Nodoka's
spine. "Do you know how...how humiliating that was? I was a _guy_, not
a girl, and there I was, feminine and too weak to stop him. Every time
he did that, it was like...like..."
The true head of the Saotome clan nodded, placing a finger on
Ranma's lips to calm them, then managed a wry smile. "Did I ever tell
you about the one time that Happousai touched me?"
"One time?" Ranma looked at her mother, incredulous, but now
smiling.
"One time." Nodoka's smile broadened.
"When your father and I first met, he was already training under
Happousai. Back then, your father was more impulsive - and protective.
In fact, the only time he ever stood up to the old master was when I was
involved. He ordered the old man never to touch me under any
circumstances."
"Time passed. We got married, Soun and Naoko married, and we all
settled down in Nerima. He still never tried anything...until you were
born."
"A couple of days after I returned from the hospital, I was busy
making breakfast when Happousai dropped in for a visit." She blushed
slightly. "My breasts had swelled up, due to the childbirth, and...the
old lech couldn't control himself. One look at me, and he was launching
my way, ready to latch on."
"He hit his target, all right. The master spent a few seconds
feeling me - then he felt the knife at his throat, at which point I
calmly asked him never to do it again. He let go, and has never made
another attempt."
Her smile was broad as she matched Ranma's now-laughing gaze. "Now
do you know how to deal with Happousai?"
She nodded. "I guess, though I might not be as merciful as you were."
A soft, grim laughter echoed through the house as Nodoka took in the
half-joking possibilities of her daughter's words. "Well, it's about
time someone taught him some manners."
"Manners? Hmmm..." Ranma stopped, deep in thought.
"What is it, child?"
Mischief, intense and childlike, glittered in the warrior's eyes.
"Let's just say I've got a way to teach him some manners."
-----
[Mika, grinning evilly]
Heh heh heh heh! This is gonna be good! I'm looking forward to
seeing what Ranma has planned.
[Ferris]
Ain't that the truth! As for Nodoka, I didn't think she had it in
her.
[Akiko]
Yeah. It's hard to imagine her striking fear into the old lecher.
Sure, she struck fear into her husband and son, but that's an entirely
different matter altogether. But Happosai himself? Well, it
certainly speaks volumes about her.
-----
Night has a way of clearing the mind...its emptiness providing a
blank slate for the mind to write on, its dim luminescence giving a
pleasant, contemplative beauty. The cool wind soothes the heat and pains
of the day, relaxing the body and giving it rest. It is, in many ways,
the perfect time and place to contemplate a difficult decision.
Mouthwash was a true child of the village, a Niichieju warrior of
the next century. Like any young person, she idolized the older,
phenomenally skilled warriors of the village, religiously studied their
moves and training, and tried to take those lessons into herself. For
her sixth birthday, she had received a beautiful gift: child-size
bonbori, to train and fight with, just like her idols: Shampoo and
Blossom. The next year, she watched the tournament, and cried when
Shampoo fell to defeat, at the hands of a mysterious outsider. She cried
just as hard when news of Shampoo's death reached the village.
The other idol, Blossom...
She watched Blossom train more rigorously than ever, excited, proud
to be the new heir. There was no doubt it would be her: Cologne's line
needed a new heir, and Blossom was the best in the village.
The coming of the outsiders was an unexpected event, one that no
warrior could have foreseen. It rocked the village, threatening to tear
it asunder. And, like the other villagers, she viewed them with distrust
and suspicion, primarily the Jusenkyo-cursed one called "Ranma", who had
beaten Shampoo so long ago. Indeed, so great was her hatred that she
challenged the redheaded warrior, knowing full well it would only lead to
her defeat, but knowing of no other way to handle the situation.
Then the tournament came - and she came to realize the folly of her
hatred. Blossom, the star of the village, used her own hatred to commit
a horrendous act, one which should be beneath any warrior: Striking a
defeated foe. She, like Shampoo before her, eventually fell to defeat,
to the warrior named Ranma.
Her heart broke a little that day. Now it was breaking a lot.
Blossom, once again acting out of blind hatred, had now committed a
crime against honor. Interference with a formal challenge was punishable
by banishment or death - if the village found out. Unfortunately, only
three people knew about it, and at least two weren't talking.
Right now, as she tried to lose herself in the night stars, as the
cool wind blew the long royal-blue hair across her face, Mouthwash wished
that Blossom had died in battle, alongside Shampoo, rather than dishonor
herself like this.
-----
[Mika]
Now we get an idea of what happened with Blossom and why. It's too
bad we had to wait this long into the story to find out even just a
little bit about that.
[Akiko]
Yes. A small recap in the opening section would have helped new
readers greatly as far as this aspect of the story is concerned.
Otherwise, this portion is quite good. It shows us how the villagers
felt about the arrival of Ranma and company at the time.
[Natsumi]
I'm confused again...
[Mika, rolling her eyes]
So what else is new? What is it this time, Natsumi?
[Natsumi]
It says three people knew about them messing around with the
tournament, but who are they?
[Ferris, in irritation]
Well, duh! Old Happy and Blossom make two, and Mouthwash makes
number three. Any other questions, ditz?
[Natsumi]
Um...yeah! What kind of name is "Mouthwash", anyway?
[All four of the other Exquisite Soldiers do a double-take along
with Penko.]
[Akiko]
Why, that's actually a very good question, Natsumi.
[Mika]
No kidding. Who would've thought it? An intelligent question from
Natsumi. Next thing you know, she'll be acing a test from Kuno-
sensei.
[Ferris]
Hey, don't scare me like that! Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse
or something like that?
[Akira]
Lay off of her, you guys! She asked a good question, that's all. If
you even bother to get to know her, you'd probably find her a bit
smarter than you give her credit for.
[Mika]
Akira, it's hard to keep in mind that you're new to us here, but
please remember that we've known Natsumi longer than you have.
Ferris and I can show you group projects that she screwed up for
us in class, if we need to. Believe me, Akira, she's a class-one
ditz in the same league as Mihoshi, C-ko, and Usagi.
[Akiko]
I think you really should be careful about what you say about that
last one, Mika. Remember who Chief Hino's friends with...
[Natsumi, crying]
Will you guys stop it! I hate it when you guys fight like this!
[Akira, trying to comfort Natsumi]
Hey, hey...it's okay. We'll stop arguing. All right?
[Natsumi, sniffing, then brigtening up]
O...okay. Thanks, Akira.
[Akira]
Hey, what are friends for?
-----
Cologne sat alone in the silence of her home, quietly poring through
an ancient tome, desperate (if Cologne could ever be called that) to push
the events of the day out of her mind. She had watched and worried, from
a safe and separating distance, as Happousai and Ranma squared off outside
of Ucchan's, only to sigh in relief at Nabiki's rescue. She had thought
of going to talk to her pupil about it, but thought better when she saw
her and her mother together. She envied Nodoka that; for all the wisdom
she would give Ranma, for all the caring and support she could show, she
would always be "only" a mentor, a friend...not a mother. She missed that...
A knocking at the door. Two quick raps, then another one, rang in
her ears, like a tune lost to time.
"Come in, Happi."
The old lech walked in, his typical bag of goodies slung behind
him. He looked rather sheepish as he entered Cologne's manor. "Hello,
Cologne-chan. Howd'ya know it was me?"
She smiled, though the curt tone in her voice belied the volcano
within. "Who else could it be? It's the middle of the night, and you
have no place to stay. So, knowing you wouldn't be welcome at the Saotome
home, you came here. Am I right?"
Happousai nodded, seeing the anger building in her eyes.
"Cologne-chan..."
Cologne clenched a fist, trying to hold back decades of frustration.
"Don't call me that!" she hissed, spitting out her fire at the old man.
"What you're doing is...is..."
She calmed herself down, desperate to maintain a civil tongue for a
mooment longer. Her tone, no longer furious, was still hard, unforgiving.
"I...know why you're doing this. I've always known why. But understand
this: Ranma is MINE now, in every way but flesh and blood. If you win,
and you do ANYTHING to hurt her, there won't be enough left of you to
cremate."
The matriarch sighed, letting the remaining fire within her escape.
"You can use the second bedroom. Upstairs, second door on the right."
Happousai stood there, struggling to find his speech. "Th-thanks,
Cologne." He turned to go up to his room, his shoulders slumped from the
verbal lashing.
"Happi..."
He turned around. Cologne stood, facing away, tears falling on her
tome. "Have you ever thought about...what might have been?"
For once, Happousai was silent. The only glow in his eyes was the
gentle shimmer of forming tears. "All the time, Cologne-chan...all the
time."
The only sounds in the house for the rest of the night were the
tired footsteps of an old man...and the screaming of the silence.
-----
[Mika]
You know, Nightelf manages to do one of the toughest things a Ranma
fanfic writer could pull off here.
[Natsumi]
What's that, Mika?
[Mika]
Making Cologne at least somewhat sympathetic as a character. Maybe
it does take something as drastic as Shampoo's death to make her
tolerable to a certain extent.
[Akiko]
Not only that, but even Happosai gets a smidgen of sympathy here.
[Ferris]
Sympathy? For that pervert?! I'd sooner have sympathy for
Albercrombie than for that old lech!
[Akiko]
Notice that I said "a smidgen", Ferris...
[Ferris]
A-ha!
-----
Ranma stood out in the open center of the village, her form that
curious mix of pure calm and alertness common among experienced martial
artists. For the first time in months, she wore the typical scarlet she
wore in Nerima, as though raising an old battle standard, although there
were two additions to her attire. A small canteen hung from her waist,
waiting to be used, and, more importantly, a familiar yellow-and-black
bandanna was tied loosely around her neck, a momento from a long-departed
friend.
-----
[Mika]
Nice touch there, having Ranma wearing Ryoga's bandanna.
-----
She turned her eyes to the heavens, frowning, as she evaluated the
weather. Dangerous clouds were moving in, their presence warning of an
oncoming storm. The cool wind blew in with the clouds, sending a small
chill through her, -
Huh? * sniff, sniff *
Happousai stepped out into the open air, at roughly the same time
that everyone else stepped out. The warriors ran from his presence,
seeking their homes, another village..._anything_ to get away from the
sewer-garbage stench violating their throat and nostrils. The few men
who had come to watch stayed, bewildered at the inexplicable behavior of
the women. The lech just stood there for a moment, leering at the
primary object of his desire, expecting his victory at any moment.
"Hello, Ranma."
Ranma held her breath, blinking as she fought the tears forming in
her eyes. She quickly took off the bandanna, poured water from the
canteen on it, and wrapped the cloth around her mouth and nose, partially
filtering the obnoxious fumes from her lungs. The Niichieju warrior then
assumed a fighting stance. "Come on."
Happousai blinked, surprised. "How did you..."
"Lesson number one: Never hold a private conversation in the open
air. Are you coming, or are you just going to stand there?"
-----
[Ferris]
Hmmmm...I wonder if Ranma was listening in as well.
[Penko]
I don't think so. My guess is that Mouthwash passed the word to
others, including Ranma.
-----
"Very well, Ranma..." The pervert launched at Ranma with
frightening speed, gambling she'd still be somewhat disoriented by the
repellant, hoping for a quick knockout. Expecting the attack, Ranma
dodged, then grabbed hold of his hand, flipping him high into the air.
She waited patiently for the lech to come down...unharmed, unfortunately.
"Lesson number two: Never let your opponent goad you into a foolish
attack," Ranma hissed from behind the mask, her tone condescending.
Happousai nodded, grudgingly accepting Ranma's improved skill.
"Very good, Ranma. I see you haven't forgotten your Anything-Goes
training." He warily edged to one side, then launched himself into the
air. "Happodaikarin!!"
Ranma backflipped as the bombs started raining down, narrowly
placing herself out of the mini-arclight's range. Once the smoke
cleared, she reached a hand up to the top of her shirt, hesitatingly
undoing each button as Happousai looked on with increasing fascination.
A gentle smile found its way to the old man's face as she slipped
the shirt from her shoulders, letting it drop to the ground. It was the
lingerie set...the one he had given her the day before. Unable to resist
such a target, he leapt in, ready to glomp.
"Mouko Takabisha!" Ranma's confidence flared out of her hands,
hitting the lech full-force. Happousai flew back, his body impacting
with a nearby wall with a sickening crunch. He appeared dazed, hurt, as
he staggered back into the fight.
"Lesson number three: Never walk into an obvious trap, unless you
have to."
-----
[Ferris, slyly]
Nice one! Use your abundant charms, then whammo! Hey, Mika, why
don't you use that tactic once in a while? With the ID protection
fields working, who's gonna know it's you?
[Mika, flustered]
Ferris! Geez! Excuse me for trying to preserve what's left of my
modesty after wearing this stupid excuse of a uniform!
[Ferris]
Well, if you're not gonna use that tactic, I'll do it instead...
[Mika]
No! You're not gonna expose your chest or anything else covered by
our rather skimpy uniforms! Got that?
[Ferris]
Okay...boss! Geez, you're no fun at all!
-----
"Ranma..." The young warrior's eyes narrowed as Happousai started
to _grow_, his ki-energy radiating outward to project a thirty-foot high
monster version of himself. The giant struck at Ranma with a mammoth
hand, missing her by centimeters, creating a large crater in its wake.
Then, as the giant Happousai prepared for another strike, the image
began to fade. His face grew tired as the ki-energy dissipated,
evaporating until all that was left was a semiconscious, dried-up husk of
a man.
Ranma ran over, picked up the twitching mass, then touched a Shiatsu
spot before he could recover. "Time to wash you off..." She checked the
wind, hefted him for a moment to get the balance, then punted him,
American football-style, far from the confines of the village. Satisfied
at her victory, she stared at the departing martial-arts master, taking
off her mask, the harsh whisper in her throat laced with pent-up
determination and fury.
"Lesson number zero: Never, _ever_ challenge me for my hand in
marriage." Sensing the presence of others, she shot a deadly look at the
remaining male spectators. "Got that?"
The men, understanding the veiled threat in the words, nodded
meekly.
-----
[Mika]
And that's a good way to wrap up a fight. I especially like how
Ranma handled the crowd there.
-----
Blossom gave her thumbnail serious abuse as she watched the events
of the battle unfold from a safe distance. As if Happousai's touch
wasn't bad enough...(shudder)...Ranma wasn't as fazed by the repellant as
she had expected, and was repulsing his attacks with disturbing ease.
Worse, if the village suspected -
"Hello, Blossom."
She turned around to the ancient voice, an ugly feeling of dread
spreading through her. Cologne, ever the chieftain, stood at the front
of a small group of warriors. The young Amazon looked from face to face,
at the solemn expressions, their dark eyes...they knew.
"Mistress, I can explain-"
"And what explanation would you give for your actions?" Cologne
looked almost amused at the imbecilic comment.
Knowing her fate, knowing that no words could help her now, Blossom
bowed her head. "What I did...I did in the best interests of the
village."
"Perhaps." The old woman sighed, not wishing to soil her hands on
such a distasteful task. "Unfortunately for you, I am the one who
decides what is best for the village."
Cologne's gaze locked with Blossom's, the frightening intensity of
her eyes in full bloom. "Blossom, leave now. Pack enough for a long
training journey. You will not be coming back - not while I live."
"As you wish." She curtsied to the Niichieju chieftain, her motions
a sarcastic royal pantomime. She then straightened back up to her full
six feet. "But know this: When you have left this place, I will return -
to send your precious Ranma to join you."
Cologne nodded. "I would expect nothing less. It is a shame to see
a good warrior die so young, particularly one of your caliber."
Silence hung over the group as Blossom was escorted to her home,
then out of the village. No tears were shed, no words were said.
Blossom would be as one dead to the village: never to be spoken to, or
seen, or even mentioned...until Cologne's death.
-----
[Ferris]
Do we have the makings of a major villainess here or what?
[Mika]
Yup. We're going to see more of her eventually...
-----
"So...you tried to get the pervert to use up as much ki-energy as
possible, then punted him away when he ran out." Nabiki put a piece of
food in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.
"Mm-hmm." Ranma, her mouth full, glowed with exhilaration from her
victory.
"So where'd you punt him to?"
The young heir swallowed her food, then smiled broadly, reminding
Nabiki disturbingly of the lech so recently defeated.
****************************************************************************
Happousai dreamed...
A fog seemed to surround him, shrouding his world in a sea of
whitish-grey.
Then, from the formless mist, shapes began to appear, hazy at first,
then with more focus. Figures moved from the fog toward him, familiar
people from his life. Akane rubbed her hands against his chest in
passing, her forever-young, lithe form wrapped only in a silk neglige.
Cologne, a young Cologne, came for him, her body clad only in a simple
bra and panties. Natsume held him close, running her fingers through his
sparse hair, a lace teddy hugging her near-perfect body. Other women
were there, watching over him...all of them dressed in white. Alabaster
skin wrapped in sunlight...They held him close, caressing him, beckoning
for him...
"Happousai..."
A new figure emerged from the fog, her very presence driving away
the other ladies nearby. He rubbed his eyes, trying to clear them, to
confirm the sight of heaven (or hell) before him.
It was Ranma, in her now-permanent girl body, though if her clothing
were any indication, she wasn't made of sugar and spice and everything
nice. Her next-to-nothings consisted of a lace bra, panties, garter belt
with stockings, and spike heels...black. All black. The other women
faded away, going back into the void, leaving only her.
"Come to me..." she whispered, her voice a siren's call to the old
man. Unable to resist the summons, he floated to her.
"Let us be together...forever..." She held him tightly to her chest,
moaning in pleasure as he felt her perfect curves...the textures...
She picked him up from her chest, and began to approach his face,
his form twitching in anticipation. Their lips grew closer...he felt the
first whisper of contact...
* SPLASH *
-----
[Mika]
So, shall we start a pool on which spring the old lech lands in?
[Akiko]
I think Spring of Drowned Warthog would be most fitting. Put me down
for 1000 yen.
[Akira]
I dunno...If he fell into Spring of Drowned Gerbil, he'd be quite
helpless. I'm in for 1000 as well.
[Ferris, snickering]
Gee...do we have a freudian slip there, pretty boy?
[Mika]
Ferris! Enough of those jokes! I won't tolerate them on my team, got
it?
[Ferris]
Gotcha, boss.
[Mika]
Good. Now, what's your pick?
[Ferris]
I think Spring of Drowned Girl would make for some poetic justice.
[Mika]
I get it. He'll have to endure what us girls have to go through,
especially from the likes of him!
[Ferris]
Failing that, he'll be rendered harmless because he'll be busy with
something else...
[Natsumi]
What's that, Ferris?
[Ferris]
He'll be too busy feeling himself up to feel anyone else up.
[Natsumi, blushing beet-red]
You mean...he'd touch...oh, my!
[Akiko]
You have to admit, it would make him a whole lot easier to handle.
So, Natsumi, which spring do you think he landed in?
[Natsumi]
Um, well, I think he'd be cuter as a mouse!
[Ferris]
Not a bad choice, Natsumi.
[Akira]
Yeah. Too bad Shampoo is dead in this story, or else we'd get one
hell of a game of cat and mouse!
[Mika]
Your turn, Penko.
[Penko]
I'm not going to dignify this with my participation. This gambling
is below what's expected of members of the Magical Girl Corps!
[Mika]
Okay...not participating. I guess that leaves just me.
[Akiko]
And what's your pick?
[Mika, grinning evilly]
I think Spring of Drowned Worm would be the best choice. If he gets
out of hand...splash, then squash!
[Akiko]
And just when you think you know someone...
[Ferris]
I dunno, Akiko. I like that kind of thinking! I can't think of
anyone more deserving.
[Akira]
You have a point there, Ferris.
[Natsumi]
I can't belive you guys can be so cruel! At least the mouse would be
cuter!
[Akiko]
It's okay, Natsumi. We're only speculating about what's going to
happen to Happosai, that's all. It's ultimately up to Nightelf as
to what happens to the old man.
[Natsumi]
Oh. Okay! Um, Akiko, what does "speculating" mean?
[Akiko]
Mika, Ferris...what were her most recent grades in vocabulary?
[Ferris]
You don't want to know, Akiko.
[Mika]
Right. Anyway, I guess we ought to wrap up this session of Magical
Girl Fanfic Theater. Goodnight, everyone!
