Subject: Quest for the Silly Spamfic, Part 4
From: KLEPPE@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)
Date: 1/5/1997, 1:42 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com


The Tail of Sir Jim

Authors: Gary Kleppe, Jim Nutley, and "Numbski" Shadwick.

(Sir Jim rides through misty spooky forest,  Scary music all around.
The music tells of some horror, getting closer, closer,...)

Knight of Nee: (Jumps out from behind a tree) NEE!

Sir Jim: NOT YET!  We're all back together for YOUR scene!

Knight of Nee:  What?  I was sure...  (pulls out script, leafs
through) Oh, there it is.  You're quite right, so sorry.  (fades back
into woods)

Sir Jim: Siiigh!

(Sir Jim rides through misty spooky forest,  Scary music all around.
Suddenly out of the mist, an ancient castle, and above it, a wondrous
floating vision.  It is the cursed spring!  And then it fades away.
Sir Jim presses his horse in that direction.  He leaves his horse
outside. He enters the darkened gate.  He turns the corner and ...)

Sailor Jupiter (in black leather and chains, chewing gum):
(grabs Sir Jim by the collar and slams him up against the wall)  
We is da 12 Virgins of Metallica.  You have entered our pad, ... uh,
castle.

Sir Jim:  Fear not, fair Damsel, I mean no harm to thee.  I seek the
Holy Cursed Spring, which appeared in a vision to me above thy ...

Sailor Jupiter:  ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT Already!  Don be tryin ta fool us
ya Hentai, we got da word on ya. (snaps her fingers)

Sailor Venus: (in black leather and chains, as are all the Virgins of
Metallica) (hands envelope to Sailor Jupiter, a pink envelope with an 
SD Urd emblazoned on the seal, written on it are the words: RE:
"Plague of Skulds: Skuld spanks Urd" )

Sailor Jupiter: Seems a reliable source says: dis Nutley fanfic
author guy's gotta serious spanking fetish.  Well, me an da girls, we
figua, whatever makes ya happy ya know....

Sir Jim: Are you suggesting.....?

Sailor Jupiter:  Ain't suggesting nothin.  We decided, ...Ya can
spank us. And ta give ya some incentive, we gave our panties to da
little guy there...

(cut to Happosai, fingering 12 sets of unmentionables)

(cut back to Sailor Jupiter and Jim)

Sir Jim: (eyes getting big, nose starting to bleed,...)  You did?  I
can?

Sailor Jupiter: Ya got it toots, and we're all wearin skirts, as ya
are seein.

Sir Jim:  Well, ...a... I suppose I could ...um... pause long enough
to refresh.. .um..

Sailor Jupiter: There's just one thing.

Sir Jim: *Uh Oh.*

Sailor Jupiter: In dis castle ya have ta take what ya want.  Ya only
get ta spank us if we don't spank ya first.

(The 12 virgins of Metallica are: Sailor's Jupiter, Venus, and Mars;
A-KO; B-KO; Nuku Nuku; Miyu-hina; Shiga Azusa (Laughing Target); Cutie
Honey; Iria; and by special dispensation Assigari Priss and Armitage
Naomi )

Sir Jim: Um, ...Um... (leafs through script) Ah Ha!  it reads here and
I quote *at that moment Sir Numbski crashes through the door and
saves Sir Jim, informing him that the test is too perilous and they
must flee, despite Sir Jim's heartfelt protest*  So, ....eh, Sir
Numbski?  ...That's your cue Sir Numbski..."

(deafening silence)

Sailor Jupiter: (blows bubble, pops it inches from Jims face)

(Cut to outside of the castle, we'd describe the sounds of Sir Jim
being tortured to you, but it's just too horrible for text.  Fade to
next tail, I mean tale.)

Posted by
Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics