On Sat, 21 Dec 1996 18:57:23 -0500, RTeker@aol.com wrote:

Here is an updated vesion so far and remeber its still being worked on

Being a fan of both American comics and Rumiko Takahasi manga, I found
this very interesting. This first part just sets things up, so I'm not
sure where it's going, but it has great potential.

As far as the writing goes, it seems to be halfway between script and
prose formats. Mechanically it is prose, but the content is script:
dialog and matter-of-fact descriptions in present tense. Now, I don't
want to re-open the debate on which format is the best, but I would
recommend you switch to one or the other rather than this hybrid.
Either put it entirely in script format, or write it as prose in the
past tense with more than just matter-of-fact descriptions of what
happened.

Gary

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics