The following was done with the kind permission of Jim Nutley.
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The Tragedy of Jim: Prince of Rant --ACT TWO
Additional Dramatis Personae
Erin Twopointfive: A musically challenged bard
Sir Christopher of Willmore: A taletelling knight.
The Night Elf: The Earl of Melancholy
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(SCENE: A fogbound moor betwixt LVNEXUS Castle and FFML Tower.
Jim and Horatio enter on pantomime horses. As they ride, they encounter
three motley looking individuals. A bard with a lute, a knight in full armor
and a bandanna, and a dark, shadowy elf-type person.)
Jim: Hold, Horatio! I see three weary travellers ahead.
Mayhap they come from yonder tower. Hallo, good men,
Wherefore dost thou come from?
Erin Twopointfive: If the most venerable prince means "wither" from
whence we came, why then we come from the FFML tower, my lord.
Jim: Ah! Happy news indeed! How does the FFML, good sirs?
Sir Christopher: Badly, my liege. The gates are locked solid, no man
may get through. 'Tis our fear the list hath been barbecued.
Jim: And what of sweet White Wolf, master of the tower?
The Night Elf: Alas, we fear the worst. Naught hath seen him in Eight
and Forty hours. Even her Loveliness, the Lady Kunoichi cannot find him
to irk.
Jim: Zounds! 'Tis indeed a state of tragedy when even the Lady
Kunoichi cannot irk the master of the tower! And what of you kind sirs?
Erin: We wait, O Prince, for while the tower is inaccessible, many of
the White Wolf's allies have parted for their home countries for the time
of Yule Celebration. Indeed, even my esteemed colleagues, Sir
Christopher of Willmore and the Night Elf, Earl of Melancholy (gestures)
are removing themselves hence for the times of merrymaking and
consumption of fine food and drink. We also use the time to complete our
epic "The Hell-Spawed Giant Tale of the Crossover" to regale upon the
new year.
Sir Christopher: I also use the time to add to my epic "The Tale of Sir
Ranma of the Year 2096."
The Night Elf: And I, "The Sunrise Chronicles", Lord.
Jim: And what of you, good bard? Who art thou and why do you
remain?
Erin: I am called Erin Twopointfive, m'lord. And I remain as I have
entered into indebtured servitude to ye Royal Underground Transport
Sandwich Shoppe, and am thus required to remain until the day of Yule.
Jim: Aye, 'tis indeed a pity. So, they have all gone, you say?
The Night Elf: Not all, Majesty. A few still remain, hopeful that the
gate may soon open. Deluded fools all of them. (Begins to mutter to
himself)
Sir Christopher: Forgive him, my liege. He is called not the Earl of
Melancholy in jest.
Jim: Well, stout fellows, fear not. For I, Jim, Prince of LVNEXUS,
shall investigate and once more fling wide the gates of FFML tower. And
again, the tales will flow like the nectar of the gods to appease our need
for entertainment. No, good friends, you shall not want any longer! For I,
Jim, the Prince of Rant and Lord of Many A Goodly Thing--
Horatio: My lord...
Jim:--shall discover what hath befallen the good White Wolf and
soon--
Horatio: Your Excellency...
Jim: --the Lady Kunoichi shall once again be able to irk our host
and regale us with her saucy tales of Sir Ranma and the Lady Akane
and of herself and the Lord Ryoga, and of the whoreson Shampoo and
her violent and bloody death--
Horatio: JIM!!
Jim: What? How now, Horatio?
Horatio: They appear to have left, my liege.
(Jim looks around to discover that the three travellers have,
indeed, departed.)
Jim: Ah! Driven forth by my stirring speech to the tower, no
doubt!
Horatio: Yes, my lord. (rolls eyes)
Jim: Let us be off then!
(EXUENT)
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---Erin 2.5
"I have, I had, I will, I did, don't I?"
---Trevor Goodchild, "Aeon Flux"