Shampoo's Interview
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*Name?  

Shampoo.

*Last name? 

Shampoo

*Umm...That's your first name.  

Shampoo know.  Shampoo is Shampoo.  Shampoo is NOT Pantene Pro V.  Say
Shampoo is Pantene Pro V, like last interviewer, and Shampoo KILL!

*OK OK OK OK OK OK!!  Phew.  Sex?

What you saying?  Shampoo no look female?  Shampoo no look like girl?  KILL!!!

*ARRGH!!  OK OK!  Female.  And age?

Stupid interviewer no can tell Shampoo's age?  Stupid interviewer think
Shampoo is no 16 years old??  KILL!!!!

*Alright, alright!!  Sixteen it is!!  And....what position are you applying
for, Shampoo Shampoo?

What this about Shampoo Shampoo?  Shampoo is Shampoo.  Shampoo Shampoo 
is not Shampoo, Shampoo says.  Shampoo is Shampoo's name.  You no 
listen too well, interviewer?  You no take Amazon seriously??  
KILL!!!

*Alright, alright!!  Shampoo.  What position are you applying for?

Shampoo want to become Ranma's wife.

*<doesn't everybody?>  Well, Shampoo.  What qualifications do you have?  

You no believe Shampoo is perfect wife for Ranma?  You still ask 
Shampoo for....qua-lee-fictations?  What word is quarrel-fixations?  Shampoo
no understand.  KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*NO!  NO!!  You don't understand!

Shampoo understand!!  (pauses)  Well....Shampoo no understand and Shampoo
understand!!  You no want Shampoo become Ranma's wife!!

*You see, this information has to be processed by the subsection 34b/ff of
the government, and the resulting form has to pass bureaucratic red tape and
sent to the marriage counselling section, particle 445.r/fjkj of the
subclause 554.b/g of subsection.....

You make Shampoo dizzy.  Get on with interview or Shampoo kill.

*<phew.  Knew it had to work!>  Ahem.  Well...what qualifications do you have?

Shampoo can cook.  Shampoo know how to make *special* shuumai...make Ranma
come back for more!!  Shampoo know martial arts.  Shampoo dedicated.
Shampoo resourceful.  Shampoo beautiful...(glares at interviewer) you no
think so?

*OF COURSE I DO!!  OF COURSE!!  YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!!!

You no say that so that Shampoo's heart no break?

*<I'm saying that so you won't break MY heart in two, with your fist that
is>  Of course, Shampoo.  Do go on.

Shampoo know how wash Ranma's back in bath!  Shampoo open.  Shampoo....know
how use bonbori!  (whips out the bonbori)

*Of course you do, Shampoo.  Of course you do.  Can you put those bonbori
down, please?  

(puts bonbori down)  That all.  Shampoo qualifixate?

*That's 'qualify'.

Shampoo know!!!  You think Shampoo not smart?  You make fun of Shampoo
accent?  KILL!!!!

*YEEAAHRGH!!  No!!  Stop twisting my arm like that, Shampoo!! Shampoo!!

What interviewer say just now?  Shampoo Shampoo?  Shampoo told stupid
interviewer that Shampoo Shampoo is not real Shampoo.  Real Shampoo is
Shampoo, not Shampoo Shampoo, Shampoo says.  Get point, interviewer?
(twists some more)  

*ARRGH!

Pooh.  You no fun.  (releases interviewer)  Now.  Shampoo qualifly?

*I'll get back to you in a couple of days on that, Shampoo.  

So Shampoo no qualifry?  Do Shampoo's ears deceive Shampoo?

*In two days, Shampoo.  48 hours.  You'll receive a fax from me.

Shampoo receive facts from interviewer?  This facts for interviewer : If
Shampoo no get Ranma, interviewer get meet maker.  Is clear?

*Crystal.

Good.  Now Shampoo go.  (crashes through a wall with bike and takes off)

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