From:        Terence Fergusson, NC005390@newcol.demon.co.uk

YAY!!!  C&C at last!!!  Now I can go over all those tricksy little
plotholes, inconsistencies and errors and make everything perfect!!!

Heh. When I C&C, I C&C. At length. The one I'm currently stuck in the 
middle of is even longer...

Oh, by the way, do you keep a record of all your reviews?  Maybe you
should compile them all or something into one big file; y'know, sort
of like a fic about Windir, Frito and Lyra.  Or maybe you already
have done... I dunno.  

They're archived on the FFML Fun Critiques page, 
<http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/FFC/>... along with John Biles' Mystery 
Fanfic Commentary Theatre 3000 reviews, which inspired me to bring back 
Windir and Frito; Mike Loader's Institut Rats critiques; Sebastian 
Weinburg's unnamed critiques; and Peter Ward's Magical Girls Fanfic 
Theatre critiques.

Anyway, I just gotta say, this has to be the
most enjoyable peace of C&C I've read (not because of the praise, but
because of the characters).

Er, well, thanks. :)

Windir: Upon reading this prologue, my first impulse was admittedly to 
lay this story aside; this plot device has been used many times, so 
frequently that it usually degenerates into hackneyed cliche. (As in that 
particular television show on the Fox network, which may sadly have 
blocked the re-introduction of a show both near and dear to our hearts.) 
I am, in fact, rather surprised that I continued, and had the opportunity 
to discover the skill with which this particular instance was handled.

Hmm, I'm wondering which television show this is...  care to enlighten
me?  We don't get things like the Fox network over here in Britian <sigh>

The show he was referring to was Sliders, where the main character 
invents a device that takes him (and a group of his friends) 'sliding' 
from alternate universe to alternate universe. Fox co-sponsored the 
recent Dr. Who movie, you probably knew; and Fox was supposedly looking 
at a series based on the movie. One popular rumor was that the Dr. Who 
series was being considered for the Sliders spot in the schedule, and 
that it came down to a choice between the two shows. I don't know how 
much truth I'd attach to these rumors, though.

I actually started off the Books saga with an episode called "Prologue",
which detailed this entire part with the bookshop.  In fact, the adventure
game I'm writing has the first section in it as well, including running up
the staircase and jumping through the portal.

Any thought about releasing that one?

In fact, I've started a few other episodes as well, including the mentioned
Ranma 1/2 one.... however, I always fell down on plot difficulties.
For the moment, "Boomers and Youmas" is the only one I'm actively working on;
it was started in late August.

The Ranma 1/2 would be interesting... though I can understand about the 
plot difficulties. They've stymied most of the stories I've started, as 
well.

 /No.  I'm not going to even think about that.  I am not going to even
consider the word `man...'  that genre./  Ian looked around fearfully.  /It
might return to haunt me./

Frito: Too late, fryboy! Yer in for it now!

As Ian himself has once remarked, he's the luckiest man alive.  But he's
not quite sure what kind of `luck' it is....

Oh, yes. :) Like the statement "I've had a lot of luck with romance. All 
of it bad."

Windir: This seems rather a bit manipulative on the author's part. The 
purpose of this scene -- aside, perhaps, from a certain amount of comic 
relief -- is to establish the MacGuffin driving the engine of the BGC 
sequence, namely, his supposed identity as the inventor of a matter 
transport device. However, it also has -- in the rather colorful language 
of my not-so-esteemed colleague -- plot holes 'large enuf ta smash a 
truck through.' Ian is allowed to leave the ADPolice station... after 
suddenly appearing in the middle of their prison block, mind you... with 
gaping holes in his story and his record. For example, one would assume 
that the database check that Nene does at the beginning of Chapter 2 
would be part of standard procedure... yet Ian is able to leave the 
building without anyone noticing this rather obvious false name. *Or* 
taking a closer look at his gun. The author plays up Fraser's impatience 
and frustration, apparently as an excuse, but I believe something more is 
necessary.

Okay, okay, point taken.  

Windir has a tendency to necrohipposadism, I'm afraid. He often belabors 
the point. <wry g>

Admittedly, that wasn't one of the places I
was worrying about, but now that it has my attention....

Right, got it.  It also explains Nene not checking her activity logs
(thanks Lyra).  Basically, ADP is expecting a huge amount of paperwork
to come in late afternoon as those who control their budget attempt
to find out whether ADP really needs so much of it.  Unfortunately, due
to the reduced amount of boomer rampages, the evidence required to get
better equipment takes an awful lot to find.

One suspects Genom's hand in this... ^_^

Um... no bet? Will be interested in seeing how this looks.

 Yet despite the fact that they had firearms, and had eventually been
forced to use them, the guy had simply stood there, not seemingly harmed at
all.  If it was a guy.  Anyhow, one of their number was down on the floor,
hit by some sort of weapon the guy had.  It now seemed obvious who was
performing the show of force.

Frito: Sounds like somethin' outa Sanctuary or somethin'. 

 At that, one of the gang panicked and ran.  He got three paces when a
green bolt hit him in the back, taking him out completely.  Max kneeled by
his fallen comrade and checked his pulse.  Nothing.
 "So," came the voice, "do we have a deal?"
 "Yeah," Max replied woodenly.  "A deal."  /Just as soon as you turn your
back, man.  Then you'll get what's coming to you./

Lyra: Famous last words.

Frito: 'Cept for da Bloody Deckers, outa dat Foglio book. *They* was cool.

Sanctuary?  Bloody Deckers?  Um... care to enlighten me again...
<sigh>  Sorry 'bout this....

No problem. :) Sanctuary is the setting for the Thieves' World 
anthologies by Robert Asprin; pretty dark and cynical, home to many 
back-alley ambushes. Though they don't always turn out as expected... The 
Bloody Deckers are a street gang from the Phil Foglio/Nick Polatta book 
_Illegal Aliens_ (a light piece of fluff, but I thought it was fun). They 
get picked up by an alien ship as test subjects for the 'Galactic 
Federation Entrance Exam'... which naturally horrifies the U.N. first 
contact team. Until it turns out the aliens are Not Quite What They 
Seem...

 Sometimes Ian wondered exactly how far the thing worked.  Judging by what
he remembered from Douglas Adams's book, the translation should only have
worked one way, and only if the person was present.  But through live
experimentation in worlds that had adopted a native language other than his
own, he found that not only could he understand those near him, but they
automatically understood him, no matter what language he spoke.  Seemingly,
everyone he talked to thought he replied in their native language, which
made for some awkward encounters.  Plus, he could even understand foreign
transmissions.  Maybe brainwaves were somehow caught in recording media, or
something.  In fact, the strangest thing was, he could even understand
talking computers, things that didn't have anything organic in them at all.
The only limitation to the Babel fish that Ian could find was that it
hadn't helped his reading skill any; Japanese was still a funny set of
squiggles to him.

<snip>

However, I must defend this one segment; this is one of the few
Guide paragraphs that is _really_ necessary.  Since there are no
planned episodes between the Ranma 1/2 one and this one, Ian gets
his Babel Fish in between the two.  Therefore, in the timeline,
this is the first time he gets to make use of it.

Hmmm. Well, like Windir said, it is a plausible explanation for his being 
able to understand them, and vice-versa. But I still think it goes on too 
long, and goes further than it really needs to on the explanation. The 
more you belabor the point about what it does that it wasn't supposed to 
do, the more you damage the suspension of disbelief. This is one of those 
things that the reader usually *wants* to believe in... so, as long as 
you make it vaguely plausible (or sufficiently funny/clever), they'll let 
it slide on by -- a bit of verbal sleight-of-hand. But the more you try 
to explain something that really can't be logically explained, the more 
you draw readers' attention to it. Peter David did a really nice 
explanation of this kind of thing in his "But I Digress..." column one 
time; it's collected in the book by the same name, and I highly recommend 
it.

In this case, you might just try something like "...so he decided to take 
a flyer on a Babel Fish. To his surprise, it worked exactly as 
advertised; he could now understand anything said to him in any form of 
language. In fact, it worked even better than advertised -- it let other 
people understand *him*, and let him understand spoken language without 
any brainwaves behind it. He shrugged. Maybe someday, he'd figure out 
why. Unfortunately, one freebee he *didn't* get was written language; it 
was still so many squiggles to him."

 There is a little part of the story of how Genom stole the knowledge of
creating boomers from the scientist, Dr Katsuhito Stingray, and how they
warped his legacy into the military scheme it was now; and a little part
how Dr Stingray's daughter, Sylia, set up the vigilante group, the Knight
Sabers, to bring down Genom and their twisted ideals.  But that isn't

Windir: "There is a little part"? "A little part" of *what*, perchance? 
The sentence is confusing; it lacks an object.

Little part of the story, Windir.  But changed anyway.  Thanks for the
comments; I want to relieve as much confusion as possible.

Um, no, that wasn't what he meant. Oops. When you say "There is xxx," 
you're seperating out 'xxx' to say something about it: "There is a little 
part of the instructions *that I didn't tell you*," or "There is a little 
part of this red, beautiful apple, obtained at great cost by a roving 
band of adventurers, *that is rotten*." You say there is a part of this 
story involving Genom and the Stingrays... but you don't say what part, 
or why you seperated it out.

Oh, and Lyra, if you could let me know where those other couple of times
are....

I'll try and remember. :)

Lyra: Poor guy. Just keeps getting caught in the middle. 

Yeah.  I'm probably the only author on the FFML who could be
plausibly revenged by his own character ^_^

Well, in the revengefic I did, I got revenged by both a group of authors, 
*and* the unholy trio...

 Most perplexing.  Well, perhaps this `inventor' would be worth observing.
"Keep him under surveillance."
 Madigan bowed, and then turned to leave.
 "Wait."  Quincy smiled.  "Keep him alive.  He may be useful."
 "Do you expect there to be an attempt on his life?"
 "Just observe him.  But make sure he's alive when I decide to have him
brought in."

Windir: From small acorns do mighty oaks grow...

Lyra: Except he's a rather large nut, isn't he?

Who is, Lyra?  And what do you mean by a large nut anyhow....

Lyra: Quincy, of course. If you don't think he's nuttier than a 
fruitcake... heck, he could be put away for meglomania, if nothing else.

 Ian stopped suddenly, and glanced around.  He was *sure* he was being
watched.  It wasn't Chronos; if it had been him, he would have shown
himself far earlier.  He *hoped* it was a good guy.  And then he hoped that
they knew that *he* was a good guy.  Convincing them that usually took
quite a while. Or a short battle with Chronos.  Ian knew which one *he*
preferred.

Frito: Ayup.

Lyra: I wonder if he's trained with the Doctor, yet? Might be rather 
useful, and our Gallifreyan friend has certainly had lots of practice.

Hmm... interesting idea.  Any takers?  I don't have any expertise with
Dr. Who, I'm afraid, so if anyone thinks they could have a decent go....

Not I, I'm afeared. :) But this is exactly the kind of situation the 
Doctor keeps having to talk his way out of...

Frito: Um... I din't mean it, Windy... <Small voice> uh-oh...

Windir: Boot to the head! <He attempts the kick, skids on the spilled 
pop, misses... and kicks Lyra's tub of popcorn over into her lap.

Um, where'd this "Boot to the head" come from anyway....  this isn't
the first place I've seen it....

The original was from a comedy sketch, called "Tai Kwan Leap," by a small 
group... I believe they were called the Frantics. (It's on the Dr. 
Demento anniversary CD set, I believe.) Typical clueless yutz comes to 
martial arts training because he want to learn to beat things up, and 
whines about this 'stupid mystic junk.' Said yutz gets quickly disabused 
of his notions...

 However, despite the pulse laser being lighter and far less damaging by
itself than plasma bolts, it does have one major advantage.  Because pulse
lasers are made out of light, they are effected by the same laws as normal
light; reflection, refraction, etc.

Windir: "Affected," I believe.

Ack!  Spelling mistake!!!  Oh no!!!

Well, there's "affected," a passive term, meaning 'acted upon by an 
outside force'; then there's "effected," an active term, meaning 'causing 
something to occur.' Thus: "He effected repairs on the drive system 
affected by the ion storm." ^_^

 "We have to go in *there*?"
 "Aw, come on Linna.  Where's your sense of adventure?  All we gotta do is
catch up with the boomer and trash it.  And find out why the hell it's
following that guy," she added as an afterthought.

Frito: Ya said it, baby! I mean, comeon! Ya got an M-16 tank ta wear, and 
dese schmoes ain't got a clue!

An M-16, huh?  Well, if ya wanna go in there with just a rifle, Frito, be
my guest.  Now me, on the other hand, I wouldn't even go in there if you
gave me an M1....  course, if we're gonna get technical, I suppose I'd agree
to co-pilot a F19 (as if you'd really think I'd be crazy enough to pilot
it...)

Anyhow, something tells me that modern 20th Century weaponry, while cool,
won't quite be as useful against a boomer....

Wasn't this Linna talking to Priss, and Linna being nervous at going into 
the gang district? In other words, a Knight Saber, capable of taking out 
multiple boomers in a firefight, being nervous about going into a 
district inhabited by gangs that could barely scratch the paint on one of 
those boomers? Or, to put it another way: If you were a gang leader, 
would *you* want to mess with the Sabers? Just seems kinda funny, you 
know?

 In metaphorical terms, the match was hovering over the fuel.
 And from the sky, four females in hardsuits came to light it.

Frito: BOOM! Boom boom boom! He he he...

Lyra: Oh, you're ready for another chant of the B5 mantra?

Frito: Erp... <Sheepish look> Uh-uh, I'll be good. Promise.

B5 mantra?  I know loadsa mantras (being an Ultima fan helps), but
B5 is a new one on me.  What's it do?

Oh. Babylon 5 reference. Frito's giving a quote by Lt. Commander Susan 
Ivanova, to an ambassador who's pestering her, in the episode "A Voice in 
the Wilderness." The B5 mantra is from the same episode, Ivanova speaking 
to a shuttle crew that's just pulled a particularly stupid stunt <in a 
delightfully dry tone>: "And just one more thing. On the trip back, I'd 
like you to take the time to learn the Babylon 5 mantra. Ivanova is 
always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's 
recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova 
will personally rip your lungs out! Babylon Control out. <Sigh> 
Civillians. <Looking up> Just kidding about the God part. No offense." 
You can check it out, if you like; *you* have Babylon 5 available on 
videotape in the UK. |<

 Megacorporations battling for control.  Individuals became pawns for use.
On a piece of paper somewhere, Ian had said he was a scientist working on
Matter Transportation.  He now thought he had an inkling on just why so
many people were after him.
 The realisation just made getting out of here a more urgent objective.

Windir: Another Maalox moment, I believe.

Lyra: Or another tally on the OSQ.

Windir: OSQ?

Frito begins snickering.

Lyra: <Blushing> The "Oh, sh*t" quotient.

Windir: Ah. <Wisely decides to say nothing further.>

Lyra: <Still blushing> Nicely done, anyway. Good scene.

Thanks.  Maalox, huh?  What's that?

A popular antacid in the U.S.; I had the impression they were sold 
more-or-less worldwide. The tag of a series of Maalox commercials was 
"It's another Maalox moment."

As for the OSQ, I _might_ just use that.  Then again, Ian's OSQ tally
would be interesting to say the least....

You're more than welcome to. :) And yes, it would be *quite* interesting. 

 Why had he looked up at her just before he disappeared?  He had seemed
frightened of something.  Frightened of what?
 Who was he working for?  And what was this new faction all about?  Nene
foresaw a lot of work ahead of her analysing the scraps she'd found.  As
well as all the data she'd intercepted from the surveillance boomer.
 She resolved to answer those unanswered questions later.  The guy would
turn up somewhere.  Nene was sure of it.

Windir: A definite bone among the dogs, here, if one wishes to re-use 
that rather tired cliche. 

Lyra: It'd be interesting to follow-up on this later, and see just what 
they all make of it...

Windir: Perhaps, but that is not the author's story.

Um...  Windir, you're just ever so slightly wrong there.  "Boomers and
Youmas" is a 7-part story arc; and the only two books it jumps between
are BGC and SM.  Part 3 sees Ian's return back to the Bubblegum Crisis
universe he left, a few hours after his abrupt departure.  

Oh. <blinks> Good. <evil g> You did set up a *very* interesting 
situation, but I've seen other authors do the same and deliberately leave 
it hanging... and the fact that you cut to the SM segment suggested 
that's what you had in mind.

However, I'm not gonna say a word on where he turns up yet....

Sometimes mysteries can be fun. Sometimes they can be infuriating. Be 
sure you know where yours falls on the spectrum. ;>

 /Aw man..../  Ian hurriedly leapt behind a potted plant as the monster
started to flick energy bolts at _him_.  He set to work, feverishly pulling
down on the charging mechanism; the pulse-laser pistol only stored a
limited charge before it had to be `recharged' by pulling a hard-to-move
mechanism back and forth once, similar to a pump-action shotgun.  With Ian,
it always seemed to happen at the _worst_ possible times.

Lyra: Another manufactured plot device?

Frito: Aw, it's just anodder gimmick.

Lyra: Cute one, though. 

<sigh>  Well, the pistol does need recharging sometime, and I thought it
a little unfair for Ian to give it the same restraints as the now broken
ShieldGen... in other words, I needed an alternative to the old 5000 AAA
batteries required.

True... but this has both practical and narratical problems. :) From a 
practical standpoint... I wonder if it would be possible to fit such a 
recharge mechanism into the pistol without making it too bulky to be 
convenient. From a story standpoint... it's just a little too convenient. 
:) Seriously, it's enough to interrupt a fight briefly, but not enough to 
be more than a minor hassle -- doesn't really satisfy either point of 
view. ;)

Well, it was either that or the lightning conductor ^_^

"Come, Eigor, I have an experiment to perform!" ^_^

How about a little portable generator -- something he can pull out of the 
backpack, so it's not a show-stopper, but enough inconvenience that it's 
not just a minor delay the author can pull out of the hat.

 He was stuck for twenty-four hours in the middle of a book he neither
liked nor cared about.  A little girl's book.  He believed `kawaii' was the
word his friend had described it.  Japanese for "cute".  And that it was.
Ian could almost puke.
 "FIRE SOUL!"
 He was in their reality now.  He was bound by their laws of physics and
their way of doing things.  He was, to all intents and purposes, trapped.

Frito: Dum, da DUM dum! Dum, da DUM dum dum DUMMM...

Windir: Frito, if you are going to attempt to hum the Dragnet theme, you 
could at least attempt to hum in tune.

<puzzled>  Where does Dragnet come into this?  <sigh>  Caught the ending
of the film once, still want to see it, still can't.... <deep sigh>

Oh. Another cultural reference, I guess. The opening notes to the Dragnet 
theme are often used as a harbinger of doom... or at least of an 
unasked-for appearance of an authority figure. :)

Books/Bubblegum Crisis/Sailor Moon
"Boomers and Youmas"

Part 2 : "Kawaii Just Doesn't Cut It"

Frito: <Making Bambi eyes> What'sa matter... don't you like me when I'm 
cute?

<grins>  Just for that, Frito....  <begins to write with gusto, creating
out of nowhere:>

Elmyra:  Oh boy, a cute lovable critsy-witsy!  I always wan'ed one!  <glomps
onto Frito>  I'm gonna love you, and squeeze you, and hug you, and feed
you, and....

<grins evilly>  Well, it was either that or Azusa.... and I _don't_ want
to deal with Azusa.

Well, when the Institut Rats did their first critique, they decided to, 
um, borrow the Fanfic Investigation Team's theatre... and enlisted 
Azusa's help to do it. Lyra was out at the time, but Windir and Frito 
were *not* pleased, to say the least. But they got a measure of 
revenge... they, ah, convinced Nabiki that there was a possible source of 
revenue she was missing. See, after Gary Larson retired from drawing the 
Far Side, he went into research, needed experimental subjects... and was 
willing to pay quite well for persons of the proper caliber. :) He even 
sent along a couple of gorillas to help her collect them. <evil g>

 Ever so carefully, hoping not to break any stalemate that might be in
force, he put his gun away.  He thought he could hear the senshi whispering
fiercly to each other.  He turned, a little faster than he really wanted
to, and started making for the nearest exit.  The words "Dark Kingdom" and
"Youma" drifted to him from the girls, as well as the strange paranoid
feeling of furtive glances being directed at him.  He started walking
faster.  Not running, at least, not yet.  He'd learnt that lesson the hard
way; running brings attention.  He remembered reading a very good book that
had something about that.  Something about the time to run was when someone
said....
 "Hey, you!"
 /Oh yeah, that was it./
 Ian ran.

Windir: With a herd of crazed sumo wrestlers in pursuit, no doubt.

I really haveta borrow "Interesting Times" again sometime....
...I take it you have by now realised that Ian suffers from a severe
Rincewind complex?  ^_^

Hmmm. Not quite. Rincewind runs a lot more. And a lot further. ;>

Frito: Windy, is dere somethin' wrong with your eyes or somethin'? Those 
are some bodacious babes!

Uh, Frito, there's one thing you gotta understand.  It's canon.  When
there's one man, and a whole load of women, and the women are chasing
the man, the man doesn't stop.  Ever.

Until they're caught, anyway. :) Hmmm, let's see... Godai/Kyoko... no, 
that supports. Hmmm. Tenchi/the harem? Inconclusive... nuts. <wry g>

Oh, yeah, did I mention that Ian didn't care much for the Sailor Senshi?
And the fact that they are about fourteen years old at the time?  A little
underaged even for you, eh Frito?

Otaku canon: Male fanboys will see even young teenaged girls as mature, 
when presented in the appropriate sailor fuku. ^_^ And as far as Frito's 
concerned, *every* male *should* be attracted to pretty girls. <grin, 
duck thrown custard pie, run!>

 End Chapter 6

Windir: Ah. So it's that time, is it?

Frito: Where's da next part?

"Da next part", as you say, is currently half-finished, and unfortunately
has remained that way for about a month.  However, I am restarting work on
it.  What has really been taking my time is the adventure game I was
writing based on the Books saga.  Haven't got around to the cat-killing
puzzle yet, but it's coming along.

Frito: <Twirling a bolo> Ya better not be thinkin' of doin' no 
cat-abusin', here. We got *ways* of dealin' with dat!

[Editor's note: It had better be *soon*. Like *really* soon. Trust me.
You thought a DBTFH was bad, wait'll I sic a rabid Frito on you... ^_^]

Windir: <Shudder> Something to be devoutely avoided, I can assure you.

<wonders how long Elmyra will be able to delay the inevitable until
he can complete the next chapter>

Lyra: Not very long. We've got a Ryo-oki doll we can use when the time is 
right. <grins nastily>

Actually, it may be a little while until I can send any more fanfics.
Since the aforementioned problems with the Pentium, the only computer
available at home doesn't have a modem, and the college technician won't
let me send large E-mails (anything more than 20k....)

So, be prepared to wait a while.  Those who can't wait can try David
Kogan, but to discourage this, I'm not giving away his e-mail address
here, and whether he gives it to you or not is another matter.  To
discourage this even further, I'm not telling him about this either.
But, if you're still interested in the half-finished part he's got....

Oh, I'll be patient. But consider this... incentive.. for getting your 
system fixed. :)

Frito jumps up and tries to tackle Lyra; she hops lightly up on the 
seatback and runs for the emergency exit, shooting taunting looks back at 
him. Windir settles back, shaking his head ruefully... but with a slight 
smile on his face.

Thanks for the review, guys.  It means a lot to me.  

Thanks yourself. :) It's nice to be appreciated. 

I'll try and tighten
up those early chapters, and by the time I have a new Internet provider, I
should at least have Chapter 7 done, and maybe even Chapter 8 (which will
probably conclude both Day 2 and Part 2).  And then it's back to the BGC
side.  Fun, frolics, and death-defying experiences in the darker dimension.
Did I mention I'm going to get killed in any revengefic I write?  ^_^

Windir: I believe the possibility did arise in conversation, yes. :)

Good luck, and I'll be looking forward to it. 




Travis Butler
(The Professor, once on Myth and Magick!, now floating off in cyberspace;
 tbutler@tfs.net, <http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.