On Wed, 27 Nov 1996 01:50:34 -0500, Jang Choe wrote:

This is my extreme rough draft. If you read it, please give me some
suggestions on how to develope the characters better. Thank you

See below. BTW, I can provide spelling/grammar corrections if you'd
like. Let me know if you want them.

Sasuke: How did your pigtailed girl respond to your gracious gift?

Tatewaki:  She was so joyous of my gift that she accidentally threw it
into my face and ran off.

This was funny.

    [As on cue, a bunch of guards come and control Kodachi. They
cuff her and take her away.]

This seems pretty unlikely to me. Kodachi ought to be able to
out-fight these guards. Maybe you can find some other way of getting
her captured.

Tatewaki: That's nice, Sasuke. Now begone.

Sasuke: But . . . but Master Kuno, have you no remorse?

Tatewaki: I said begone from my sight!

It seems strange for him to be so unconcerned.

Ranma: Sure it is, it's labeled HCl, water.

Nabiki: You idiot! That's hydrocloric acid! Water is H2O!

Ranma: Uh oh . . .

OK, stop right there. Even if we assume that Ranma could possibly be
this careless (it seems to me a bit much even for him), he wouldn't
just walk away. He's responsible. If he actually caused permanent
damage to Kuno, he'd be busting his butt trying to make amends for it.
But we don't hear from him throughout the rest of the story. Not to
mention the rest of the Tendo clan, who I think would help Kuno out if
he really needed it.

Doctor: Not to worry, we got you a plane ticket and a job in your old
home town, Nerima. The job isn't much, but it'll keep you on your feet
till you find your family again.

This is a little unbelievable. These are American doctors. Who's
paying for all of this?

    [For the next fifteen mintues, he tells her the whole story. Kuno
starts by telling her about how Ranma blinded him during a fight in the
chemistry lab. Kuno also tells about how his father retired and decided to
live in Guam and gave all his business to Sasuke since he was blind and
couldn't manage the business.]

ACK! Sasuke in charge of anything is a frightening thought. :-)

Kodachi: Well, that does not matter. You can always ask.

Tatewaki [sighs]: All right, since I haven't seen . . . I mean heard from

Nice touch of irony there.

Kodachi: Sasuke! It's nice to see you again.

Sasuke: Kodachi we missed you very much, and when this idio . . . I

Idiot? People who live in glass houses...

Sasuke: You don't know it, with all the experiments you tested me with,
with all the dirty deeds you made me do, the most gruesome work that
you forced me to do, I did em with one reason. I loved you Kodachi! I
never liked that idiot giving me orders, but I had respect for him!

Kodachi: I don't know what to say.

Personally I think vomiting would have been appropriate. :-p

Kodachi: What?

Tatewaki: I . . . am . . .[coughs] going to kill . . . Sasuke.

YAY!! IT'S ABOUT TIME! (ahem) sorry...

Tatewaki: Mia, throw it away! 

Sasuke: Actually, why don't you check? I think I put money in there,
maybe I put a bomb in there, I don't know.

Knowing him he's probably telling the truth... (OK, I'll stop with the
Sasuke insults now...)

OK, suggestions for the characters:

Tatewaki: Let his personality show more. The man has a lot of pride
and dignity, and I think this should have remained even after he was
blinded.

Kodachi: Given that she could be cured, your treatment of her seems
reasonable.

Sasuke: Never liked him anyway.

Ranma: Totally out of character. See above. He wouldn't just abandon
the situation after causing someone a disabling injury. Maybe he went
on a quest for some kind of magical eyesight restorative to try to
cure Tatewaki? Then you still have to explain what happened to Genma
and the Tendos. Why didn't they offer to look after Tatewaki?

Gary

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, Home page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe
My fanfics and the FFML map are on my comics/manga page,
       http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics