kapster@mokamo.com wrote:

And here's Part 11 of "Hearts of Ice."  Only three more Parts to
go!  Woo-hoo!  I can't believe I started this in August.  Maybe
when I'm finished with this, I can get a life.  Then again, I may
do something really stupid, like starting another fanfic... ^_^

Now why would that be stupid?

As usual, this installment is up for shredding.  Unsheathe those
claws and have at it.  Heaven knows I need it.  I've been a bit
distracted lately and have been missing some really stupid
grammar and spelling errors, among other things.

Once again I'll save grammar and spelling errors for someone else.

---------------------------------------------
Hearts of Ice
Part 11: Best Laid Plans
by Krista Perry
--------------------------------------------

     She *had* to find a way to eliminate the spell voices.  She
had to make sure Ranma forgot Akane completely.

<brandishing Hyperparticle Lance, which splits into a long, narrow,
sharply pointed tuning fork.>
Oooohhh.... Cologne's about to get about fifty trillion joules of
charged particle fury up the wazoo.
 

     A smile crawled across Cologne's face as she contemplated
her decided course of action.  A child-like Ranma with little
memory of his past could be easily molded into the perfect Amazon
man.  <All in all,> she thought, <a plan with very few
drawbacks.>  Now all she had to do now was find the necessary
ingredients for the potion...

<The Hyperparticle Lance begins to crackle with violet light as
coruscating motes and slivers of hyperspace begin to coalesce upon the
sharp and silvery wave guides...>
 

     Akane felt tears build behind her eyes.  It was nice to know
that she wasn't *completely* alone...  "Thank you, sensei," she
said.  She felt a new resolve fill the emptiness inside her.  She
stood from her futon.

     "Where are you going?" asked Masakazu.

     "I'm going to talk to Yuki-san," she replied.

All right Akane!
 

     It was too perfect.  If things kept up like this, she may
not have to do anything to interfere at all.

     She couldn't help but chuckle softly at the stricken look on
Ranma's face as he slowly realized that Nabiki might be right.

     She watched with cool amusement as Ranma went to his room,
his shoulders slumped in despair.  He closed the door behind him,
went over to his dresser, knelt down, and opened the bottom
drawer.  Using one hand to push his clothes aside, he reached in
with the other and pulled out a small cardboard box from the
bottom of the drawer.  Sitting cross legged, he opened the box
with trembling hands.

     Then, reaching in carefully, almost reverently, he pulled
out a length of dark, blue-black hair tied with a white ribbon.

     Ranma's face was pale, his dark hair spiking over haunted
blue eyes that shimmered with tears of despair.  He stroked the
silken strands with shaking fingers.

     "Akane..." he whispered.  And began to sob quietly.

*sniff!*
 

     The Snow Woman laughed.

<sizzle> <crackle>

Okay, I've got plenty of charge on this thing to spare a blast or two
for the Snow Woman once I reduce Cologne to quark dust...
 

     Another sob, wrenching and full of pain.

     Wait...

     Yuki-onna's head snapped up.  That sound hadn't come from
her mirror...

     The Snow Woman spun around, the mirror darkening behind
her...

     And found herself facing Akane.

Yes!!!
 

     Akane stood in the middle of her quarters, staring at the
now-dark mirror.  Tears streamed silently down her face, her
brown eyes wide in a mingling of disbelief and grief...

     ... and fury.

But will she do something about it?
 

     Yuki-onna's stepped back in shock, leaning against the
mirror to keep from collapsing as the strength drained out of her
legs.  "Akane..." she said hoarsely.  "How... how long have
you..."

     "Long enough," Akane replied.  Her words were ghost-like,
barely audible, without any force behind them, yet Yuki-onna
reeled as if from a physical blow.

     "Akane."  Her voice was pleading.  "I can explain..."

Yeah right. Lie once, lie again...

     When Akane looked up, her eyes were wet, but determined.
"I'm leaving," she said softly, hoarsely.  "I'm going to find
someone in the Kami Plane who will break the blood spell so I
can... go home.  You'll have to find someone else to be your pet
mortal from now on."

     And with that, she turned and walked quickly away.

     The Snow Woman, numb with shock, reached out her hand.
<No...>  "Akane..."

     <Akane, don't leave me...>

     But she was gone.

     In one day.  Masakazu was gone, and now, Akane was gone.
She had lost them both.

     The Snow Woman sat silently and stared at nothing as tears
of ice slid unnoticed down her face.

I'm glad this didn't come to blows actually. Akane's abandonment of
Yuki-onna is far more hurtful than any kind of physical blow. I don't
feel an iota of sympathy for her. Not one. At first I sort of liked the
Snow Woman, but after her attempt to kill Ranma, realizing that he
really loved her, and still scheming to keep Akane away from him? No
ma'am, I'll save my tears for someone who deserves them.

------------------
Now some Kuno-speak comments...

<snip>...I feared lest I should never see you agai--!"

Axe 'lest'. You could substitute 'that', but get rid of 'lest'.

    Kuno immediately went to sweep him up in an embrace.  "Pig-tailed 
girl!  What aileth thee, my lo--" His face met Ranma's fist, and he 
collapsed once again to the pavement.

What 'ails' thee, perhaps?

Other than that, good job! 

    He knew he had hurt her.  Going too far with the name 
calling, or making fun of her martial arts abilities or her 
cooking...

    He would eat a whole room full of her cooking if it meant he 
could see her again.

It *has* to be love...

The part with Nabiki, Ukyo, and Shampoo was pretty good. Interesting to
see Nabiki taking a shine to Ranma now... Of course Ukyo's loyalties
were never in doubt.

     Fortunately, it was a long-playing tape, and Nabiki had made 
sure the whole thing was filled with the vital conversation, 
repeated over and over...

     Gradually, Ranma's eyes began to clear...

<Stows Hyperparticle Lance.> 
I guess Saotome can take care of things from here on out.

     The Snow Woman smiled at the demon, her frost-blue eyes 
glinting.  "I have a proposal for you," she whispered.

On the other hand...
<Whips out Lance again> 
A little support never hurt... Fire For Effect!!!

A fine installment Krista. Looking forward to 12. I'm the bloodthirsty
type, so perhaps some fisticuffs shall follow?

Jamie