This is part 1 of a two parter I've been working on; an actual fic,
not a spamfic. It is not as comedy-oriented as anything I've done so
far, although it does have some comedy. Any and all comments will be
greatly appreciated. I'm especially looking for comments on my writing
style. I'm not really used to writing prose fiction yet.


				 SHE KNOWS?

			     a Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
				     by

				 Gary Kleppe

				 Part 1 of 2

	This fanfic is brought to you by SPATULA CITY. Satisfied
customer Ukyo Kuonji says, "Ever since I saw that Weird Al movie, I've
always gone to Spatula City for all my spatula needs. They carry
everything from huge combat spatulas, to little razor-sharp throwing
spatulas. Whether I'm using them to lovingly bop Ran-chan on the
noggin, or to help Tsubasa find his way out of my shop, I know that
I'm using the best."
	
	The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful
property of Rumiko Takahashi.[etc., etc.]

	This story takes place before the introduction of Akari.

				  *******

	"I HATE YOU!" Akane screamed. "All this time you've been
deceiving me! Taking advantage of me! GET AWAY FROM ME! You
lying,perverted bastard! I never want to see you again! Do you
understand? If I see you again I'll KILL YOU! I hate you and I'll hate
you for the REST OF MY LIFE!!!"

	The scene ran itself over and over through Ryoga's imagination
as he walked. He was sure that someday it would really happen. What
had he done to deserve this? Being cursed to turn into a piglet was
bad enough. But now Akane. The most beautiful person he had ever
known, not only in appearance but in spirit as well. The one who had
given love and affection to him as her pet P-chan, affection that he
had never known as himself.

	Ryoga looked up at the prematurely grey afternoon sky. It
matched what he was feeling inside. He desperately wanted to find
Akane and tell her everything. Tell her how he felt about her, about
P-chan, everything. But he couldn't. He had been deceiving her for so
long that she would rightfully hate him for it if he told her. He had
had his chance in the beginning. If he had had the courage to tell her
from the start... But now there was nothing he could do. He had dug
himself into a hole, and the only thing he could do was to keep
digging deeper.

	The sky turned darker and rumbled. Ryoga had sacrificed his
umbrella a few days ago to get away from Azusa. He knew that if he
didn't find shelter soon, P-chan would be making an unscheduled
appearance. First he needed to find out where he was. It was obviously
a major city. Judging by the size of what he had seen so far, it
seemed big enough that it had to be Nagoya or Osaka, but surely he'd
walked farther than that by now? At least being this far lost, he
didn't need to worry about Akane finding out his secret for now.

	"I HATE YOU!" The scene started up in Ryoga's mind again.
Perhaps it was the reason he could never seem to concentrate on
finding his way to where he was going[*]. "I HATE YOU!" Akane. He
could hear Akane's voice in his mind as clearly as if she were right
around the corner...

				    *******


	"Hurry up, Ranma! If we don't get home soon we'll be soaked!"

	Akane moved purposefully through the streets of Nerima. Ranma
followed casually but swiftly along the fence top. "What are you so
mad about?" he asked, sounding a little irritated himself. Was it his
fault Shampoo tried to glomp him again at lunch?

	"If we're going to be engaged, the least you could do is show
me a little consideration."

	"What'd I do that was inconsiderate?" Ranma asked. He wouldn't
mind a little consideration himself, he thought. Everyone was always
trying to tell him what to do. Shampoo and the old ghoul, the crazy
Kuno siblings, even his Pop and Mr. Tendo. And Akane. Even though she
still claimed she didn't want to be engaged, she still expected him to
behave the way she wanted.

	"I suppose _you_ think it's OK to let Shampoo jump all over
you? What if I did the same thing? What if I was with another man?
What if you found Ryoga and me together?"

	Akane moved around a corner and unexpectedly walked straight
into Ryoga. They were together for a second before they both fell to
the ground.

	"Akane?" Ryoga asked, stunned. "What are you doing here in
Osaka?"

	Ranma jumped off the fence top and came around the corner,
noticing the situation. "This ain't Osaka, you jerk! We're a couple of
blocks from the Dojo! Get inside before it's..."

	Too late.

	A sudden downpour of rain came and washed away Ranma's
masculinity. This is it, he thought. She knows. About P-chan. Only
question is which one of us she's gonna kill first.

	Akane tried to wipe some of the water away from her face with
the jacket of her school uniform. "This is all YOUR fault Ranma!
Ooooh! I HATE getting caught in the rain! The water gets in my eyes!"
Akane looked down to where Ryoga had been to see a familiar black
piglet. It looked as if it were cowering in fear for its life. Which
it was.

	Akane smiled happily.

	"P-chan!" she exclaimed. "Where have you been? Did Ryoga find
you and bring you back to me? He's so considerate." Akane picked up
the piglet as Ranma stood stunned. "Come on, Ranma! I'm getting
soaked! Ryoga at least had sense enough to run off somewhere when the
rain started. Pick up the stuff he dropped and let's go."

	"O... OK, Akane," stammered Ranma, "I'll grab Ryoga's backpack
and his..." His clothes. His clothes were right there, and he wasn't
in them. She's GOTTA know now, he thought.

	"Pick up the laundry Ryoga was carrying and let's go!!" Akane
dragged Ranma home as he was too stunned to move.

				    *******


	Ranma and Ryoga were in the bath, looking at each other and
saying nothing. Ranma's mind was elsewhere, trying to understand what
had just happened. She should have known. It had to have been obvious.
How could she not know? After getting out of the rain, Ranma had
volunteered once again to be the official pig-washer. Why had Akane
never given her pet a bath herself?

	Ranma broke the silence. "What the heck were you doing out
there in the rain? Why didn't you use that umbrella of yours?"

	"I lost it earlier," Ryoga replied without his usual
hostility. "I accidentally walked onto an ice rink at a women's figure
skating competition. Remember Azusa Shiratori? Who we skated against
once?" As if Ranma could forget. "She was there, going up against
someone named Yamaguchi. She got one look at me and remembered her
little Charlotte."

	"What were you doing in pig form there anyway?" asked Ranma.

	"I wasn't in pig form, Ranma!" Ryoga's hostility was making a
comeback. "Remember the collar that Azusa put on me before our skating
match? Remember that she saw me in human form wearing her collar? Ever
since then she's known that I'm her cute little Charlotte. She knows!
I wouldn't have gotten away if I hadn't sacrificed my umbrella to try
to trip her up."

	Ranma's eyelids lowered in an expression of skepticism. "You
mean to tell me that you managed to trip up a champion skater like
Azusa?"

	"Of course not. But she got one look at my umbrella and ran
off with it, screaming `Lurleen! You're so cute!!'"

	A realization struck Ranma, as if he had been hit an
eighteen-wheel truck. Azusa had figured it out.

	Akane is stupider than... AZUSA??!?!?!

	It couldn't be. "It just doesn't make sense" he thought aloud.

	"Yeah. My umbrella wasn't all that cute. She could get one
just like it at..." Ranma turned the cold water on Ryoga and his words
turned into a stream of pig-squeal.

	Ranma got dressed and wandered downstairs as the rain was
stopping. Kasumi was cheerfully working away in the kitchen as usual.
"Why hello, Ranma! I'm afraid dinner is going to be a little late
tonight" she said as Ranma's stomach grumbled in protest.

	"Kasumi... can I ask you something?" Ranma said a little
hesitantly. Kasumi smiled reassuringly. Ranma had a rare moment of
forethought. What he was about to say might earn him a pounding if
Akane heard. He looked out the kitchen door; nobody was there. "It's
about Akane" he said. "Sometimes I just don't understand her."

	"It's not easy to understand another person, Ranma.
Understanding Akane is something you are going to have to work at your
whole life. Just as she will have to try to understand you."

	"Yeah, OK, but it just seems that sometimes she... y'know,
can't figure things out. It's like, something can be so obvious, but
Akane just doesn't get it."

	From outside the kitchen a plate was thrown, striking Ranma
squarely in the head. "I heard that, Ranma!" Akane said as she headed
out the front door for her afternoon jog. Ranma removed the plate and
nursed the bruise that he now had.

	"Ranma, it takes a long time to really get to know someone"
said Kasumi. "People always keep part of themselves to themselves. You
can understand that, can't you? People are always deeper than they
seem on the surface."

	A voice from outside interrupted. "Pig-tailed girl! Where are
you, my love?"

	"Of course," continued Kasumi, "there are exceptions."

	Ranma went out reluctantly towards the living room. Well, that
talk was useless. Or was it? Had Kasumi been trying to tell him
something? Maybe it was a dumb idea to ask Kasumi to help him
understand Akane, when he understood Kasumi even less. She always
seemed to treat him as if she were a mother watching a child, the
child getting all worked up over some kid's game. But then she seemed
to treat everybody else like that too.

	At least talking to Kasumi hadn't cleaned out Ranma's wallet,
as asking the other Tendo sister for help would have. Anyway, Ranma
had something more immediate to deal with. "If it isn't underclassman
Kuno, the True Blunder of Furinkan High. Whaddaya want?"

	"You are insolent as ever, Saotome" said the samurai, not
losing his calm despite Ranma's baiting. Ranma noticed that he carried
a heart-shaped box of chocolates in addition to his usual bokken. "A
poet once likened life to a box of chocolates. A piquant observation,
do you not think?"

	"I dunno, too many nuts in it" replied Ranma disinterestedly.
"Like I said, whaddaya want?"

	"I bring a gift for the pig-tailed girl" Kuno replied,
indicating the chocolates.

	"All right! Thanks, man!" Ranma started wolfing down
chocolates, happy that he would now not have to go hungry until
dinnertime.

	Kuno's calm was now utterly lost. "HOW DARE YOU! These sweets
are an expression of my innermost affection! I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall
smite you for your transgression!"

	Ranma dodged a flurry of bokken strikes. He then leapt over
Kuno, bringing his legs down into Kuno's side and sending him crashing
into a wall. "Yeah! Hit the road, Jack!" Ranma cried in triumph. "You
just aren't cut out for martial arts, Kuno. Stick to something simple.
Maybe baseball is more your speed." Ranma sat down to enjoy his snack.

	"I raised you better than that, boy!" interrupted Genma, as he
snatched the box out of Ranma's grasp. "Battles are not won by
underestimating your adversaries. True victory is not just a matter of
physical superiority. A true combat is a battle of wills, of minds.
You must understand your opponent completely, Ranma. When you can get
inside his head, know what he knows and what motivates him, then and
only then can you achieve true victory!"

	"You're just tryin' to distract me so you can grab this food
and run off with it!"

	"Yes! That's the way, boy! That's exactly what I'm talking
about! Well done!" Ranma and Genma struggled over the box of
chocolates. Neither of them noticed that Kuno was getting up. With a
self-satisfied smirk, Kuno threw the Tendo dinner table into the air.
He then swung his bokken around as if it were a Louisville slugger,
batting the table into Ranma and Genma, knocking them into the pond.

	"I believe I have just hit a home run," said Kuno, suppressing
a laugh.

	To his surprise, it was not Ranma and his father who crawled
out of the pond, but a panda bear and the pig-tailed girl. "My love!"
Kuno fished the box of chocolates out from where it had been knocked
into the water. "A present for you, my sweet." He placed a soggy piece
of chocolate into Ranma's already brown-stained mouth.

	Ranma was less than overjoyed.

				    *******


	That night, Ranma quietly finished his dinner and retired
early to his bedroom. He tried once again to comprehend the events of
the day. Okay, Kuno is stupid enough to still not know who his
"pig-tailed girl" is after all this time. But there's no way Akane's
as stupid as Kuno. Ranma felt a heavy feeling, like having an
eighteen-wheel truck parked on top of him. Not only because he still
didn't understand Akane, but because he had had to endure the pain of
listening to Kuno try to be funny.

	Ranma became, in his mind, a teacher standing up at the
blackboard in front of a classroom. There was one student in the
classroom, who was also Ranma.

	"Okay, class," Teacher Ranma began, "let us analyze the
following situation. The subject, who we'll call Miss Tendo, is unable
to spot obvious clues that that little pig, P-Chan, is really that big
pig, Ryoga."

	The student Ranma yawned. Even in his imagination, school was
boring.

	"We know from other experience, however," the teacher Ranma
continued, "that Miss Tendo is not that stupid. For example, every
time we go in disguise to fool Ryoga, Akane manages to see through it.
What can we conclude from this?"

	"That you suck as a disguise artist?" Student Ranma offered.

	Teacher Ranma mentally threw an eraser at himself. "We have to
figure this out! Stop playing dumb and pay attention, you big jerk!"

	But that was it. Playing dumb.

	Suddenly everything fell into place. Ranma felt a release,
like the eighteen-wheel truck moving off and leaving him lying on the
road.

	Akane wasn't the stupid one after all.

	He was.

	Pop had been right. Ranma was guilty of underestimating his
adversary.

	"Akane!!! How long have you known!?"


TO BE CONCLUDED

				    *******

[*] -- Of course we can't rule out simple incompetence.

Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe