Alright... remember...it's not me!!!!
Neil
___________________________________________________________________________
Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene Nene
I met a Lady in the Meads,
Full beautiful, a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light
And her eyes were wild.
J.Keats
________________________________________________________________________
Agent Of Chaos. Robyn, Duke of Amber. Unicorn Knight
****************************************************************************
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Tue, 3 Dec 1996 10:04:31 -0500 (EST)
From: Christopher Ackney <loviatar@interlog.com>
To: Neil Sinclair <yu120475@yorku.ca>
Cc: Krishna Lalla <yu132724@yorku.ca>, Jason Kee <eclipse@ionsys.com>,
Matt Greenwood <mtgreen@yorku.ca>
Subject: Some fun
Fun stuff from my Dilbert newsletter :)
Chris
Things not to do:
1. If you're bidding on a job for UPS, don't send your bid by FedEx.
2. If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot
be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
3. If you want your refrigerator's ice maker to work, you need to hook
it to a water source. Air doesn't make good ice unless it is mixed with
water.
4. No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get
heavier.
5. A bad place to store your emergency backup diskette is on the
underside of your desk drawer, secured by a large magnet.
6. It's okay to use the Poloroid Land Camera on a boat.
7. When the PC says, "Insert diskette #2," don't do it immediately.
Remove disk #1 first, even if you're sure you can make them both fit in
there.
8. When your PC says "You have mail," don't go to the company mail room
and look for a package.
9. The French version of Netscape Navigator doesn't translate English
language web pages into French.
10. If you're in the armed services, and it's April 1st, and you get an
e-mail message to call Colonel Sanders for new orders, don't.
11. If you go to the computer store to buy a mousepad, you don't have
to specify whether it's for a Windows or a Macintosh.
...another true tale from tech support:
Tech Support: "What does the screen say now."
Induhvidual: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support: "Well?"
Induhvidual: "How do I know when it's ready?
These true tales of Induhviduals have been reported by DNRC members:
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his
address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where
Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look,
I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"
-----
A co-worker was playing with an astronomy program called 'Distant Suns'
when an Induhvidual walked by, noticed his monitor and inquired what he
was doing. He repliad that he was connected to the Hubbell telescope and
was manipulating its view from his keyboard over the Internet. He even
let this person take a try at moving our NASA's multi-million dollar
telescope himself, just by clicking the mouse and the arrow keys! The
person could not pry himself away, thinking he was working with the
Hubbell and could not wait to tell his wife what he had done at work.
-----
Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put
it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
Hey, interns work free.
-----
I was working the help desk. One day one of the computer operators
called me and asked if anything "bad" would happen if she dropped coins
into the openings of her PC. I asked her if this was something she was
thinking of doing. She said, "never mind" and hung up. So I got out my
trusty tool kit and paid her a visit. I opened her CPU case and sure
enough - there was 40 cents.
[editor's note: Maybe there was some confusion over the phrase "screen
saver." ]
-----
One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator
trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to
a directory named "i386". He started to type it and paused, asking me,
"Where's the key for that line thing?"
I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one that
looks like an upside-down exclamation mark."
I repliad, "You mean the letter i?" and he said, "Yeah, that's it!"
-----
This Induhvidual had a broken lamp which he wanted to discard.
Unfortunately, the power cord ran under his refrigerator, making it
impossible to move the lamp while the cord was attached.
He decided to cut the cord, since the lamp was unusable anyway. He
didn't remember to unplug it first. I found him in the hallway rolling
back and forth.
-----
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and
the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister."
I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had
set the cruise control, then went back to make a sandwich.
[Editor's note: No, I don't believe this one either.]
-----
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The Induhvidual who
answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
----
Here's the set up:
I rented a movie from Blockbuster. Before the movie begins a message
comes on the screen saying, "This movie has been altered to fit your
television screen."
Comment from Induhvidual:
"How do they know what size screen I have?"