<grumbles incoherently> No more...that's my last fic for tonight...no
more e-mail...need sleep...no more... <sees one more post come in> Hm?
What's this?
<blink blink>
Ah, heck. Sleep was always overrated, anyway. :)
On Mon, 2 Dec 1996, Mike W. Loader wrote:
EPISODE 6 - Duck and Cover.
Ranma: No, I mean the duck's name is Mousse.
(Saburo thinks about this for a second.)
Saburo: Wouldn't it have made more sense to name it "Duck"?
Groan... At least this gag wasn't done with the already milked-to-death
"Shampoo." ;)
Ranma: Never mind! I'll take care of it later. Hand me the duct
tape, I'll secure his wings and legs.
Saburo: Ah, you mean duck tape. Here you go.
Groooaaannn....
Nabiki: (wheedling) ....buy them back for triple what you paid.
After all, you don't need them now that you're in love with
Kasumi, right?
Kuno: I would keep them as a remembrance of what we once meant
to each other. And what is filthy money to one such as I? (notices
Akane) Ah, Akane-san!
Heh heh heh heh. What, Nabiki didn't keep the negatives, just in
case? ;)
(Nabiki is trying not to stare hungrily at Akane, and failing.)
Gaaaahhh. Unfortunately for my sanity, I can actually see this as if
it was on the screen. <grumble> Must be turning into some kinda weirdo... :)
Kuno: On the roof? Why is my love up there? Surely she is not
forced to mend it!
Akane: Oh no, nothing like that. She's just flashing bursts of light
at the sky in a series of timed pulses.
Kuno: (very puzzled) Whyfor does she do this?
Akane and Nabiki: (mechanically) It is a very normal thing to do
that we should take no notice of. Nor should we ask her about it.
We will go about our business.
Urk. Now Kasumi's gone weird, too? (besides the powder effects, I
mean) Is this something that's going to play a major role in the fic, or
is it just going to be a one-shot gag?
Akane: This is worse than I thought. He didn't even make a pass at
me, or recite any bad poetry. I guess he really has it bad for
Kasumi.
Actually, the poetry he recites is quite good; it's the context he
uses it in that's bad. Anyway...
Nabiki: (staring at Akane) Yeah. Got it bad.
Gah. @_@
Nabiki: (relieved) Oh. Oh yes! (slams fist into palm) Darn, and it
was such a good plan to get your bod, er, money! Yes, money!
That's what I was after! Er.
A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. ;)
Akane: (kindly) I think I can guess.
Nabiki: (fervently) Oh, I hope not.
<snicker>
Nabiki: (dreamily) Yes?
Akane: (eyes still closed) Why is your tongue in my ear? And what
are you doing with your hands?
<grabs tissue to stop nosebleed>
Saburo: Oh yes. (looks nervous) Um, that okay with you? I mean, I
understand you two have a history...
Ranma: (grinning) Nah, I think you two would be great together.
(frowns) Better than this guy she has a date with, anyway. I dunno
bout him...
Saburo: (gulping) Oh? What have you heard about m..., er, this guy?
Refresh my memory a bit (it's been awhile since I've read the
others). How much has Ranma heard about Ukyou's date?
Ranma: She really doesn't know much about him...he's probably
some smooth-talking womanizer out to take advantage of her. (he
scowls) If he makes her uncomfortable, or tries anything funny,
I'll shove his head up his...
Ah, yes. Next to nothing. :)
But I think it would take some doing to "take advantage" of Ukyou,
especially for a non-martial-arts powered character. (Bobbit's got
nothing on Ukyou when it comes to kitchenware) Anyway...
Saburo: Yeah, we're partners in Animal Control. I drive, he
wrestles psychopathic dire wolves to the ground. Real fair
distribution of labor.
Well, to each his own... I doubt Ranma could drive worth spit.
Ranma: (frowning) Now, that ain't entirely true...Saburo here has
handled some of the tougher cases. Like the one on Sakeda Street
this morning.
Saburo: Ranma, that was a housecat.
Ranma: (dramatically) Fearlessly, he approached the beast, while I
hid behind the car...
Saburo: A twenty-year-old housecat. With arthritis and no teeth.
Ranma: (oblivious) With no thought to his own safety, he grappled
the...
Saburo: It died on the way here. Heart failure.
Ranma: The city is safe again.
Doesn't seem quite like Ranma to exaggerate the exploits of someone
else's bravery, especially at the expense of his own. But it's darn
funny.
Saburo: Um, I'll have what he's having, I suppose.
Ukyo: Right. 169 okonomiyaki, coming up.
Saburo: On second thought, I'll have 1/10th of what he's having.
Ukyo: (winking) Probably wise.
1/10 of 169 okonomiyaki is still almost 17 okonomiyaki, though.
Saburo must be a growing boy...
Ukyo: (startled) You guys caught a moose?
No, not again! :P
Saburo: (while leaving) No, a duck.
Ranma: No, Mousse.
Ukyo: (puzzled) Is it a duck or a moose?
Makes me wish they'd use subtitles to communicate... grumble... :)
Ranma: So, you up for it Ukyo?
Ukyo: (scratching her head) Well, yes, but I thought you wanted...
Ranma: (beaming) Good! It's arranged.
Ukyo and Saburo: (exchanging what-the...? looks) Yeah, it's
arranged.
Boy, Ranma can be a putz at times...
Ukyo: Um. I don't suppose Ranchan's been acting strangely today?
Saburo: (nodding) Matter of fact, he has. He took a nasty blow to
the head bringing down that duck.
Ukyo: Mousse?
Saburo: (nodding) Yes, he thinks it's a moose.
That's IT! ULTIMATE BAD PUN RUNNING GAG PUN PUNISHER SPECIAL ATTACK!!!
@SPLUT @SPLUT @SPLUT @SPLUT @SPLUT!! <sound of overripe pomegranates
being hurled by a monstrous mechanical device>
But seriously, folks: Funny! :)
(Ranma stares in disbelief.)
Akane: (nodding) Yup. It was like I was someone he had just met on
the bus. Didn't try to hit on me, date me, grope me....
I don't think Kuno has ever actually groped a prospective beau, not
on purpose, at least. Hassle, harrass, harangue, attack, yes, but not
grope. Anyway...
Akane: He really has it bad for Kasumi. When I left they were..
..um....funny, I don't remember what they were doing. It was
something completely ordinary and unremarkable. Not at all the
kind of thing I should notify the government or media about.
Gah. I guess this, too, will have to be dealt with eventually. It
seems kinda sudden, though, with not many hints leading up to it, besides
that call to Mulder, of course. Or have I been missing the hints all along?
Ranma: (shrugging) I just ate. I might have a soda or something
before I go.
Booth Table: Sure thing. Be right back.
(The table wanders off into the kitchen. Ranma and Akane watch it
go.)
Hee hee hee! When you least expect it...
Kodachi: (firmly) You are. After all, you know enough about
selective bone breaking, drugging, and highly annoying hair-care
shiatzu to be the envy of any, um, psychotic barber moonlighting
as a torturer.
Er, yeah, that'll convince Ranma you're the one for him for sure. :)
Kodachi: And you make a good bowl of ramen.
Shampoo: So can any college student.
Hey! I'll have you know that I make one MEAN bowl of instant ramen! :P
Nabiki: (to phone) ...Yes, I think 5,000,000 yen is an acceptable
sum. Who will you cast in the starring role? Oh? Okay...and you
_will_ change the names, neh? Good. Yes, I'll notify you if there
turns out to be a (shivers) sex scene. Okay. Bye. (she hangs up, and
turns to the other two) What do you want?
Bleah. If Viz won't pick up the rights, maybe Streamline will.
Nabiki: (dripping sarcasm) How touching. Alas, neither of those
two gentlemen are in at the moment. You might as well go home
and resort to electricity.
Kodachi: (eyes narrowing) Where are they?
Nabiki: I understand you can purchase one at any good marital aids
store.
Ewwww! I didn't get this the first two times, but now I kinda wish I
didn't. @_@
Nabiki: I honestly have no idea. Thanks for the yen, though. Bye!
(She shuts the door. Kodachi and Shampoo stare at the doorknob
for a second.)
Heh. I kinda suspected as much. :)
(Scene changes to the patrol Pinto, parked outside the Nekohanten.
Ranma has just emerged from the restaurant, a cup of hot water
in one hand.)
Ranma: Yo, Saburo! Bring out the duck!
S: You mean the moose?
R: No, not "the moose," "Mousse." The duck!
S: But you just called it a moose!
Etc... ;)
Saburo: (scribbling rapidly on a sheet of paper) Lessee, "I, Natami
Saburo, being of sound mind and body, declare this my official
will and testament..."
Hee hee!
Ranma: (amazed) What the...? Okay, Ryoga....
(Ranma charges for Ryoga, dodging the bolts that rain down.)
No pun intended, of course. :)
Ranma: That's it! (braces himself against the back of the front
seat, and points backwards) MOKO TAKABISHA!
(The recoil from the ki blast moves the car forward a few inches,
and the motor catches. Saburo guns the engine, just as a greenish
plasma discharge crackles down where they had been a second
before. The car accelerates; the expanding plasma explosion's
force pushing it even faster.)
I'll have to think about the physics of that one for a while...
Saburo: (glancing in the rearview mirror) Cool. Just like
"Independence Day". (notices something) Hey, Hibiki! Get out of
the *THUNKBUMPBUMP* whoops, too late. (calls back) Sorry!
HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Ranma: (thoughtful) Well, that would explain why he fights me all
the time...but I think it's far more likely that it's due to some
hidden flaw in the technique, which I will go on to exploit and win
once again.
Saburo: Yeah?
Ranma: Yup. That's how it always works. You'd think Ryoga would
have learned by now...
Naaaaahhh.
Woman: (brightening) Okay!
(They get back in the car and drive off. Ryoga watches them go.)
Ryoga: (snorting) Americans.
Heh.
Shampoo: (seriously) Kodachi is my friend, Akane. There's a
difference between "cunning" and "treachery".
Friendship between Kodachi and Shampoo chills me, for some reason.
(Shampoo strolls off. Akane glares at her as she leaves.)
Akane: (muttering) One of these days I'm gonna toss a bucket of
ice water on her, and take her to the vet's to be spayed.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!
(She walks home slowly, absorbed in her own thoughts.)
Akane: (thinking) Speaking of which, I wonder if I should have P-
chan fixed...that might stop him from wandering away so often.
And they say the procedure is fairly painless...
Ya know, it'd be even better if Ryoga had been around to hear that...
But then again, it would be nearly impossible to restore things back
to the status quo if that did happen. "Ryoga? What's wrong?"
END OF EPISODE 6
I'm still loving this crazy series! It looks like it's gonna be a
while before you can even begin to start to resolve the five or six
separate plotlines you've got here, but that's just fine by me. :)
Itching to see what's up with Mousse (you know, the duck), if that's
even Mousse at all. Perhaps a duck with a Jusenkyo curse who learned
hidden weapons-style martial arts? And what of Kasumi's strange interest
in signalling extra-terrestrials all of a sudden? Will Ukyou finally go
out on that date with Saburo? Will Nabiki have to take cold showers every
ten minutes? The truth... is out there. :)
Anyway, looking very forward to seeing more of this soon.
^^
---
Raphael See
P.S. Just out of curiosity, what does "fnord" mean?