Dark Streamline A.D. Viz-ion Image Entertainment Presents...
A "Not-Bloody-Likely" Production
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----------------- THE GREAT ANIME CROSSOVER FROM HELL!!! -----------------
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by Erin Mills, Christopher Willmore and Nicholas Leifker
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With apologies to the creators of the characters herein.
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Episode 7: 'Such is life in the Tropics', or 'Sailor Vie'
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NOTES AND STUFF LIKE THAT THERE.
Time: Approximately 25 seconds after the end of ep. 6
"Oh, hello Sailor!"
-David Unction, 'Monty Python's Flying Circus'
"Hey, diddle-de-dee! A Sailor's life for me!"
-'Pinnocchio'
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The hotel, once a bastion of otaku expression, had the feel of a ghost
town, as though some grave calamity had befallen the poor misanthropes
once there. Quiet hung over the place ominously, daring someone to come
through and break the silence. The halls were deserted, left by their
lonesome as the anime fans ran off to chase their dreams - and then ask
them on dates.
A young man wandered alone through this desert, worry clearly etched
on his brow as he went from room to room, searching for something - or
someone. He was a nondescript otaku, short, stocky, with unruly black
hair that reached down to the bottom of his collar, weather-beaten face
unshaven for a day or two, and pewter glasses. Save the black velveteen
cloak around him, he was dressed conservatively for a con attendee, with a
black button-down shirt, blue jeans, and tennis shoes.
A noise captured the young man's attention, causing him to run quickly
to the source of the disturbance. He went to the door, threw it open with
a command born of desperation, and was rewarded with a nice, ear-
shattering scream.
"Er, excuse me..." the young man bowed, considerably embarrassed at
the sight he had just glimpsed briefly before averting his eyes. A young
man, clad in a blue Nehru-jacket style suit, was engaging in... friendly
conversation... with another young person, a girl in a blue sailor outfit.
He started to close the door, when something awfully familiar about the
two registered in his mind.
"Uh... pardon me, but who are you two?"
"Uh... my name's Molly," the girl replied, with a rather distinct
accent. "And this hunk here is Ataru..."
The young man closed the door quickly, not wishing to hear any more,
and started running. Besides, he had fanfic writers to find, and not much
time to do it.
He just hoped the people attending the panel would like the Jimbo
Viles plushies he'd made up....
* * * * *
Rob Orock was not having a very good day.
Sure, it had started out ordinarily enough - enjoyable breakfast,
excellent anime at the con...
Then Chun-Li showed up. Poor girl. He couldn't help but feel sorry
for her as she passed him...right before the stampede came charging over
him. Still, all in all, it wasn't too bad - he survived the trampling
without too much damage.
Unfortunately, he woke up to find himself staring straight at two very
familiar characters... Virgo and Allegra. They apparently decided to show
their thanks to their creator - by trying to blast him into his component
atoms.
Now, as he walked through the deserted halls of the hotel, a 'foxy'
lady (taken, regrettably) at his side to protect him, he couldn't help but
wonder... what next?
An ear on the lady's head twitched. "Down!"
A pulse laser blast quickly interrupted his reverie. Narrowly ducking
the blast, he ran to the nearest room and took cover. Sailor Spam, the
writer formerly known as Foxtrot, stood her ground, ready to attack.
"You know, you're pretty brave, attacking an innocent person in that
hardsuit!"
"Hey, he created us! Ask HIM!"
She raised an eyebrow. "I will...once I'm done with you!" Her body
made the familiar gyrations of a senshi about to do some work.
"In the name of useless chatter, I will punish you! CATTLE PROD!!!!!"
Lupine agility kicked in as she leapt for the .sig, bouncing off the
wall once before shoving her prod into the suit. The suit, fried beyond
working order by the charge, began to smoke.
"Is it over?" A meek voice called from the room.
The anti-senshi smiled. "Yeah, it's over. Come on out, Rob."
The smoke from the suit drifted to the ceiling, triggering the
sprinkler system - and a smile from Rob. He ran to the suit, and pulled
the helmet off.
"What is it?"
Rob reached into the suit and pulled out a small brown dog. "A
Jusenkyo curse. She's not going to be happy, once she wakes up." A
mischievous grin appeared on his face. "Let's take her to the vet."
A glow from the prod illuminated the fox-girl's face. "How's
'Twilight' coming?"
A nice large drop of sweat appeared of Rob's head...
* * * * *
"Well?" A scarlet eyebrow arched on Sailor Critic's face.
Williams and Miller looked at the wands, then at the well-endowed
chest of she who had once been Jimbo Viles, and big-sweated. Aaron was the
first to come to his senses.
"No." He shook his head. "Sorry, but my life has become crazy enough
without the magic tricks. Chris, would you please calm down? Remember who
she was BEFORE she used the wand?"
Chris's cheeks hastily un-reddened, and he began to look fairly ill.
Mars approached Aaron from behind.
"Oh, come on. What's a little gender-bending between friends?"
"I hate to disappoint you, my hentai exorcist friend, but I don't want
my gender bent! In the past two days I have been flattened, punched,
threatened, bruised, arrested, pummelled, and blasted! The last thing I
need is to have a sexual identity crisis, thank you very much! Now, shut
up!" For some reason, Rei shut up, and glanced over to Usagi.
"How about you, Chris?" Critic broke the silence.
"Er..." Summoning a supreme act of will, Williams raised his head to
face the anti-senshi. "I don't know..."
"Hello, everyone! Ready for the panel?"
"HUH?!?" The entire group turned to face the person at the door.
Oblivious to the goings-on around him, he walked up to the group and stood
to face Williams.
"Chris, glad you could make it. Cool costume, by the way. Have you
seen Jimbo or Rob around here? It's kinda hard to have a panel with only
two people, though we could probably manage it."
"Is this guy normally this clueless?" Ami whispered to her transformed
fiance.
Critic shrugged. "He's usually just manic-depressive."
Sailor Mercury blinked. "That makes me feel better...I think."
Aaron went over to the interloper. "Excuse me, and you are..."
The young man turned around, the intensity of three litres of Diet
Mountain Dew in his eyes. "Oh, sorry. Mick Leiter, at your service.
Most people here know me as the Nightimp."
Aaron didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or just collapse in a
portrait of a nervous breakdown.
"Nightimp? Oh no...not another one..."
"What? Am I missing something?"
"His marbles, maybe..." Ami whispered aside to Critic.
Joy sighed, and turned to Ami. "Let me put it to you this way: His
idea of comedy is giving the entire Ranmaverse Jusenkyo curses and getting
Ranma pregnant. Trust me, you don't want to know what his serious works
are like. He's about as bad as Williams, but a little less notorious.
Lord knows what would happen if the two got together on something."
The two authors exchanged curious glances for a moment.
All of a sudden, a maniacal glint appeared in Aaron's eyes. "Hey,
Mick..."
"Yeah?"
"We have some-"
"We're saved!" Rob ran into the room, quickly followed by Sailor
Spam.
"Hello." Critic walked over to greet her fellow anti-senshi. And
you are...?"
"Foxtrot...er, Sailor Spam. This is Rob Orock. Would someone please
tell me what the heck is going on here? Happousai transforms me into
this, Rob's hunted by his sigs...what's next?"
Jimbo waved her hand back to her companions. "Sailor Spam, meet
Aaron Miller, Chris Williams, Nightimp, Sailor Slacker, Sailor Mercury,
Sailor Moon, and Sailor Mars. The lump on the floor is the DIC-dubbed
Sailor Moon. I am Jimbo Vi- Sailor Critic."
Foxtrot looked dumbstruck for a moment.
So did Nightimp.
"Viles," said Leiter, "I know that you said you were going to have
a good costume, but-"
Critic grinned, and pointed at her bosom.
"What, this?"
"It's rather different from what I put on the plushies."
Viles aaah'd, and nodded.
"Of course," she said, "the plu-"
All present did a double-take.
"YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THOSE PLUSHIES?!?"
Critic blinked. "I thought they were rather handsome, actually."
The others seemed to disagree.
Mick backed away as an energy bubble formed on the tip of Chris's
blaster, and the senshi began their chants.
"Mars... Fire... SO-"
"That won't be necessary," said Aaron, a mercenary glint in his eye.
He turned to the wild-eyed angst-magnet. "I see you don't have a
costume, Mick."
"Well... No. I had to pay for my registration, and the room, and the
air fare, and I was hoping that sale of the plu-" Sailor Moon put her
hand to her tiara. "PLUM PUDDING my mom made would help pay for the
materials, so as you see I haven't..."
"Rather long-winded, isn't he?" whispered Miller to Williams, as the
Nightimp continued his rant. Chris nodded grimly.
A few minutes and a small novel of words later, the 'Imp concluded,
"...and that's how my Aunt Bonnie ended up dating Weird Al Yankovic."
He looked around for a moment, bewildered. "Now... What were we talking
about, again?"
"Costumes," said Aaron.
"Cross-dressing," said Chris.
"Power," said Critic.
"Haruka would think they're all the same thing," giggled Mercury.
"Power?" asked Rob.
"Power," answered Critic, waving her correction pen about. "Power
beyond your wildest dreams!"
"I have pretty wild dreams, and they've taken to trying to kill me,
recently."
"ESSAY-MARKING-INDUCED-BOREDOM-CREATIVE-CORRECTION ACTIVATION!"
In a few seconds, happy faces with fangs, apparently drawn in red
ink, were snuggling up to Rob.
"Ah... Maybe not THAT wild."
Leiter boggled.
"NEAT special effects. You're saying you have more of those things?"
The senshi looked at each other knowingly.
"We have two other wands to be used." She-who-had-been-Viles held up
one of the rods. "Do you want one?"
Images of SuperRob beating Virgo to a pulp flooded Orock's mind, and
he took the initiative.
"YES!"
Critic handed him a rod.
Rob took it, stared at it for a few minutes, then asked, sheepishly,
"Could you please get rid of the fangy-faces first? They're nipping at
my ankles."
"Ah. Of course. HEH. :) HAPPY-FACE-REMOVAL-UNJUSTIFIED-FLAME-REPLY!"
Years later, the minds of those present still reeled when they tried
to imagine how she had managed to pronounce 'colon, right-bracket' as one
syllable, but that she did, and when the chant was finished, the
correction-mark-critters dissolved into nothingness.
"Better?"
Rob nodded dumbly.
Critic then turned to Mick. "How about you?"
He shrugged. "A free costume?" Nod. "With the lightshows included?
Another nod. "I guess, if the others don't want it..."
Aaron and Chris just looked at each other, and smiled. "Sorry, we
don't want _that_ kind of power," Aaron piped.
Critic handed him the last rod. "Just close your eyes, and think of
the words that best describe you. Then, once you're done, shout them,
followed by the word 'power', while thrusting the wand in the air."
The two closed their eyes, letting memories flood through them...
characters created, then never put into actual stories...
nights spent in the computer lab, wired on caffeine and sugar,
typing in fanfics...
the madness of the .sig wars...
the despair he felt as he wrote 'Onna-Ranma meets the Overfiend'...
the fun times he had role-playing Virgo...
studying all night for classes...
"SIGNATURE...CHARACTER...POWER!!!!!"
"NIGHT...SADNESS...POWER!!!!!"
* * * * *
A man sat in the darkened bushes of Lafayette Park, slowly putting his
equipment together, quietly thinking of the targets in his mind. Of the
multiple ones that he'd been given, these three happened to be the first
that he had found. Unfortunately, they also seemed to be the easiest of
the targets - carefree women, without any suspicion of their demise.
No challenge.
No fun.
The targets were just standing there, giggling away and talking about
their respective lives. He paid it no mind; those lives would be over
soon anyway.
Comfortably, like a lover come back to him, he raised the sniper rifle
to his shoulder, and adjusted the sight ever so slightly. His cross-hairs
focused on the one in the Chinese outfit, as she appeared to be the
greatest threat.
* * * * *
The Bimbo Brigade stood in a desolate section of Lafayette Park, their
efforts at finding Rick and Lisa fruitless. They were sitting around,
taking a moment to rest and relax.
"Uh...Yohko?" Minmei leaned against a tree, looking out at the beauty
of the park.
"Yes?" Yohko said wearily. <And people call me a bimbo. I'm surprised
listening to these people hasn't caused me to go into an epileptic fit
yet. God, I'd kill for a Tylenol...>
"What do you do...where you come from?"
The warrior smiled. "I'm a Mamono Hunter. I hunt down demons."
The topless woman shivered, causing the objects of men's affection to
jiggle. "Isn't that...scary?!?"
She shrugged. "Yeah," <Not as scary as those things, honey> "...but
I'm used to it. It's all part of the job. How about you?"
"Me?" She glowed, finally allowed to bask in the spotlight once more.
"I'm a star. I sing, and make movies...I do all sorts of important stuff.
Wanna hear?"
She cleared her throat.
"Oh, no..." Sheeta just covered her ears, and tried to ignore the
coming hell. Unfortunately, Yohko didn't know any better.
"To be in love....must be the sweetest feeling that a girl can feel...
to be in love... it's like a dream...."
The music was soon accompanied by hideous screams coming from the
bushes. The girls jumped as a well dressed man carrying a custom M-16
burst from the greenery, and ran screaming down the street.
"Gee," Minmei said, perplexed. "What happened to HIM?"
"Probably the same thing that happened to HER," said Sheet, pointing
to where Yohko was banging her head against a tree.
* * * * *
Virgo had had a bad feeling ever since she arrived on this plane of
existence. Call it what you will... woman's intuition, karma, last
night's supper... she had it.
And, somehow, Rob Orock was behind it all.
He had to be. He created them; he played with them as though they
were his puppets. And he was here, on this realm, working his magic.
This was why she and Allegra were here to kill him. If he died, then
he couldn't manipulate them. Logical. Of course, killing him might
result in their own destruction, but that was a chance they had to take.
She ran through the halls, and stopped when she noticed the empty
hardsuit. Allegra, in her cursed form, lay on the outside of her suit, a
collar around her neck. She picked up the poor creature, and tried to
revive her.
"Hey, Allegra, wake up! We need to..."
She looked down, and screamed softly in horror. She was fading. They
both were. Somehow, their very existences were being swallowed....
* * * * *
"DAMN!" Fujiko yelled, chucking the phone across the hotel room.
Lupin looked in from the bathroom.
"Something wrong?"
Fujiko looked up at the master thief. "I can't find him!"
"Who? Your client?"
"Exactly, nobody seems to have heard of him. The man is the biggest
fence in Europe and every one of the people I've talked to says they've
never heard of him. Which now leaves me with one big f**king rock that I
can't do anything with--are you listening?"
Lupin's attention had been diverted from his love to the evening
newscast. The screen showed scenes from around the city, and anime
characters destroying those self same scenes. Lupin pushed the 'volume'
button.
"...City Hall has declined comment. However, the President has
initiated a forty-eight-hour curfew for all citizens in the District of
Columbia to allow the National Guard time to deal with the rioters. To
repeat, a mass of unknown persons and things have descended upon the
Washington D.C. area. Stay in your homes, the National Guard is on its
way.
"In other news, police today arrested a suspect in the daring mid-
morning theft of the Hope Diamond from the Smithsonian Institution.
Nineteen-year-old Aaron Miller was arrested for aiding and abetting the
prime suspect, but police have stated that after a routine check, Miller
was released with no charges filed."
The screen showed a shot of Aaron being helped into a squad car by
Mallory and Zenigata. Lupin stared at the teenager, remembering their
earlier encounter.
*And you, how do you know who we are?*
*Would you believe that here you don't exist?*
*No.*
*I thought so.*
Lupin turned to Fujiko.
"We've got to find that kid."
* * * * *
The conference room rocked with the power of magic.
Nightimp thrust his wand into the air, calling on a powerful wind.
Water gathered around him, swirling furiously to form a wall of liquid
surrounding his body.
Rob was a different matter. Two super-deformed characters
materialised out of nowhere and approached him. One, a relatively
normal-looking character with long white hair, threw Orock up into the
air, where the other one, flying around in a hardsuit, splashed him. His
long dark hair faded to become a bright scarlet. His T-shirt and jeans
blurred and shifted around to form a green sailor fuku. A bright green
bow materialised around his (her?) rapidly-expanding chest, while a full
foot of height vanished in a second. Other smaller changes occurred as
tennis shoes morphed to lace-up booties and white gloves formed around
perfectly-manicured hands. The transformation complete, the first SD
character leapt into the air, and smashed her into the ground. The new
anti-senshi stood up, blinked, and made a pose.
"Say hello to Sailor Sig!" Sailor Sig looked down at herself, and
twitched visibly. "eyuh....what the..."
Chris smiled. "Wonderful! A Ranma-chan clone! More popcorn,
Miller?"
Aaron began rubbing his eyes under his glasses.
The column of water around Mick began to collapse as the winds died
down, drenching the person inside with water. Already in a pose, the
anti-senshi simply flashed a smile. The best way to describe Mick's new
look was...well...exotic. White hair, adorned with a blue streak, ran
down to her waist, and was held in a ponytail by a spiked hair-band. The
eyes (along with everything else) had changed and shifted, from a normal
hazel to a frighteningly reptilian-looking red, while her ears had
extended slightly to form sharp, elfin points. Her clothes, while
obviously a sailor fuku, were black leather, with gold trim around the
edges and chains taking the place of ribbons. Black leather gloves and
spike-heel boots were worn, as well as fishnet hose. Not only that,
but her transformation wand seemed to have metamorphosed into a long,
twisted, mean-looking whip. To put it bluntly, she looked like a senshi
gone to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
"Say hello to Sailor Sadist!" She looked down at the changes in
herself. "Oh my..." she purred, in a distinctly un-Kasumi-like voice.
"Uh... Didn't I say 'Night Sadness Power'?"
Critic arched an eyebrow. "I guess the wand must have misinterpreted
it."
"I guess..." The fifth anti-senshi looked at herself closely for a
moment, then focused a strange, frightening gaze on the others... and
smiled. "Mattel's going to have a lot of fun fielding the lawsuits from
THIS toy," she giggled.
And the odd thing was, it wasn't just any giggle.
It was an inane giggle, a Jynnai-would-be-jealous-of-this-and-Kodachi-
would-have-to-kill-her-as-competition giggle that filled all those present
with absolute horror.
It wasn't a natural sound, and coming from someone who looked like
a Dark Kingdom general on a bad hair day after a night of drinking Pan-
Galactic Gargle Blasters mixed with pure Jusenkyo spring water, Usagi's
reaction was perfectly understandable.
She thought she was a youma.
Sailor Moon struck a pose, and began a speech.
"Horrid creature who stalks the night and preys on the mental sanity
of innocents, despair, for the president of the Yu-Gen-Kai-Sya has-"
Realisation dawned. "Oops!" Usagi put her hand over her mouth. "Wrong
speech! Gomen nasai." She blushed momentarily, then cleared her throat
and began again.
Aaron rubbed his temples.
Chris grinned, and continued munching his popcorn.
"You have committed crimes against the lovers of good taste everywhere
with your outfit, and attempted to use the powers of the senshi against
them! Therefore, in the-"
"But I haven't-"
"Don't interrupt! Therefore, in the name of Love and the Moon, you're
gonna get it!" Sailor Moon pulled out the crescent wand and waved it in
the air. "Moon... Healing... ACTIVATION!!!"
One might wonder why, at this time, everyone else just stood back and
watched the pretty rays of light and computer-animated hearts and moons
fly by, without raising a finger to stop the Sailor.
There were several reasons.
Rei and Ami had had their doubts about the newcomer all along - after
all, those plushies seemed to drain the life energy out of anyone who set
eyes on them - or if not their life energy, at the very least their will
to live. (On top of that, Ami's super-computer confirmed her suspicion
that the boy-now-girl was a natural attractor of negative energy, and
literally fed on the dark emotions - quite the qualifications for a Dark
Kingdom general).
As for the anti-senshi, Critic knew full well that Sadist was under
the protection of that most powerful of forces, the Invincibility of Major
Characters, and was quite interested in seeing how Continuity would deal
with this turn of events. Spam and Slacker followed his lead, and Orock's
attention was entirely occupied between the two activities of carefully
examining her new form, and blushing furiously at the realisation that she
was probably doing something naughty.
The others?
Aaron would be glad to be rid of at least ONE of the super-otakus,
and Chris was enjoying the show.
Light surrounded Sailor Sadist, spinning, enveloping, enclosing her
in a cylinder of brilliance through which her frame was only barely
visible, a dark silhouette against a backdrop of iridescent blue-white
luminosity and superfluous, excessive adjectives.
Usagi held the wand fast, continuing to pour energy into the
maelstrom, but to little effect. Nothing changed, nothing moved, until-
Until the Scream.
It was a yell of agony, of anguish, of depression and knowledge that
all is wrong in a perverse world, and there's no way to ever make it
right again.
And it wasn't coming from the anti-senshi.
With the sound, the energy that had collected around the bondage-
outfit-clad Sailor discharged in a star-shaped burst, knocking all those
present to the ground.
When they could finally open their eyes again, they saw Sadist
standing at her original position, unscathed and staring incomprehensibly
at the many newly-created char marks on the convention centre's walls and
ceiling.
"That," said Critic, arching an eyebrow, "is the first time I have
ever seen an energy blast commit suicide."
"Guess this guy really DOES get depressed," said Foxtrot, dusting
herself off. "Even the love energy couldn't take being that close to
a soul as dark as HIS." She paused. "Or... HERS. Whatever."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" cried Usagi, "My Healing Activation
didn't work!"
"Actually, that's not all that surprising," answered Mercury, typing
furiously at her computer. "It seems that this Mick is actually-"
Sadist blinked.
"I... I'm actually a Sailor Scout?"
Ami blinked back.
"That's one way of putting it," she said.
"This... This isn't just a costume? And these things on my chest...
They're not... I...." A pause, as she who had been he looked at the whip
in her hands and the chains around her waist. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"
<And here I thought the bimbo brigade was clueless,> sighed Aaron. He
then turned and marched out of the conference room, without a word to
the others.
"Trust me," said Orock, putting her hand on Leiter's shoulder. "I'm
sure you'll grow to enjoy it."
******************** And now, for the half-time show! ********************
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THE 'ICHI AND SHAMPY SHOW!!!
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[Open scene: We see a pretty girl in a black jump-suit chasing after
Shampoo with a mallet in a generic indoor cartoon setting. Eventually,
the Amazon is cornered.]
Girl: How dare you try to feed that to Ranma, you B*TCH!
Shampoo: [glaring] Shampoo no b*tch!
[Girl blinks, lowers the mallet slightly and puts a finger to her temple.]
Girl: You're right... You're not a b*tch, just a big pussy! [She swings
at Shampoo with the mallet, but the Amazon knocks it out of her hand with
one of her bonbori. Just as the other is to come down on the girl's head,
she reaches into N-space and pulls out a bokken.]
*BAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAPBAP*
[Shampoo falls to the floor, rubbing her sore head.]
Shampoo: Kunoichi, I KILL!
[Kun-chan merely kicks her downed opponent.]
Kunoichi: Must be thirsty work...
Shampoo: [blinks] Huh?!?
Kunoichi: How about some lemonade?
[Shampoo blinks, trying to understand.]
Kunoichi: First of all, the water... [She plucks a glass of cold water out
of N-space.]
*SPLASH*
Shampoo-neko: Meow?
Kunoichi: But, where will we find the lemons? Hmm... [Rubs her chin in
thought, then snaps her fingers. She grabs a struggling Shampoo-neko with
both hands and holds her up to the TV camera so that her underside is
exposed to the television audience.]
Shampoo-neko: [mortified, big-sweating, turning red] Meow!
[We hear the collective panting of several femaline fanboys, followed by
the scritchety-scratchety of pencils on paper. In seconds, the cartoon
studio is flooded with several metric tons of Grade A lemons, and Shampoo-
neko is desperately trying to claw her way to the surface from the middle
of a pile of the fruit.]
Shampoo-neko: [looking at Kunoichi with puppy-dog... er... with KITTY-CAT
eyes while she struggles up.] Meow? Meow!
Kunoichi: [Safely on the outer perimeter of the citrus flood.] What's
that? You can't get out?
Shampoo-neko: [nods] MEOW!
Kunoichi: Oh, dear... [grins] Looks like you're in HOT WATER now! [A huge
cauldron appears out of nowhere above the middle of the pile of lemons,
tipping itself over and creating a small pond of boiling water, with the
fruit and a naked, sputtering, wet Shampoo floating on top.]
Fanboys: [from beyond the camera] YAY! [More panting noises.]
[Shampoo is screaming and licking her burns, but the lemons rub against
them, increasing the pain. She also tries to cover herself, but each
attempt only causes her to sink into the water. Eventually, she gives up,
floats on her back, and cries.]
[Kunoichi walks to Shampoo.]
[Yes, on water.]
[Shampoo takes a look at her, and blinks.]
Kunoichi: Well, I *am* a goddess. [Smiles.]
[Shampoo grabs her jump-suit trousers and grovels.]
Shampoo: Please, please get Shampoo out!
Kunoichi: So you can kill me?
Shampoo: Shampoo no kill you now. Shampoo see you much too powerful.
Kunoichi: Of course. A hussy like you couldn't POSSIBLY defeat the likes
of me.
Shampoo: You right.
Kunoichi: I'm ALWAYS right. [Pause.] Even when I'm not.
Shampoo: *piku* *piku*
Kunoichi: [Pats Shampoo on the head.] Don't bother thinking about it.
The strain would probably melt down your last brain cell, or something.
Shampoo: Okay.
Kunoichi: Now, tell me. WHY did you try to feed that passion spice to
Ranma, hmm?
Shampoo: Ranma Shampoo airen. Shampoo too, too lonely. Want be together
someone.
Kunoichi: Lonely, hm?
[Shampoo nods.]
Kunoichi: [grinning, to the audience] I think it's time for our guest
character... [Motions to the mist on the side of the studio, beyond the
hot lemon pond. Wagner's 'Ride of the Valkyries' begins to play, and as it
continues in a crescendo, a large woman in Viking attire, complete with
breastplate and horned helmet, steps out of the smoke, waving it from her
face.] Please welcome... [Drum-roll] Pat the Red! [Applause machine.]
Shampoo: [pointing at the newcomer] Who that?
Kunoichi: Someone who can teach you proper English. She does the Ranma
transliterations.
Shampoo: Trans... Li... Te...
Kunoichi: Dubs.
[Shampoo pales, and her heartbeat increases so that it is audible to the
home viewers.]
Shampoo: AAAAARGH! NO! NOT THAT!
Kunoichi: [Motions Pat to come to edge of pond.] That.
[As the Viking woman walks over, the whole room quakes, and the sound of
her rumbling stomach knocks down a few low-flying canaries.]
Kunoichi: [To Pat] Hungry? [Pat nods, and Kunoichi pulls a bowl of noodles
out of nowhere.] How about some ramen? [Pat grins widely. Shampoo
blanches.]
Shampoo: Where nast... [Kunoichi glares at her.] Where pretty goddess get
that?
Kunoichi: [Smirks.] It's Ranma's ramen. The one you were going to feed
him.
Shampoo: Aiyaa! Raunchy! [Begins to tremble, tries to grab the bowl, but
to do so lets go of Kunoichi's jump-suit and sinks deep into the hot
lemons.]
[Shampoo screams as she sees Kunoichi give the bowl to Pat, then teleport
out of the room with a flash of light and a few blasts from a trumpet
while an angelic choir sings hosannas.]
[Pat finishes the noodles off in a single gulp, then looks at Shampoo.]
[Shampoo looks at Pat.]
[Pat grins.]
[Shampoo gulps.]
[The Viking woman cannonballs into the provisional hot tub then swims
towards Shampoo.]
Shampoo: That no woman! That sperm whale! [Tries to swim away, but Pat
grabs her ankles.]
[The camera pans to the left as Shampoo screams in horror. For the next
few minutes, all one can hear are assorted yelps and hentai noises,
then... Silence.]
[The camera pans back to the right, and we see a huffing, puffing Shampoo
holding onto the floating corpse of Pat the Red as to a lifesaver. One of
the horns from the helmet is stabbed deeply into the cadaver's chest.]
[Kunoichi blinks into existence and waves off her attending angels.]
Kunoichi: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww.... I was hoping she'd stay longer.
Shampoo: Shampoo no like crazy Viking woman! In Amazon village, we charge
bigtime for what SHE want, and she no want pay!
Kunoichi: Oh?
Shampoo: [Nods, points at the horned helmet.] Horny woman get what she
deserve. <Author's note: By horny, I meant the HELMET, of course. >
People who mess with woman's heart go very bad place!
Kunoichi: I'm not a sore winner... I'll tell you what, Shampoo. [Pulls a
small package from a hidden pocket.] Here's an anatomically correct
blow-up Ranma doll. It's all for you.
Shampoo: [Puts on Ryo-ohki eyes, which water as she looks up at the
gracious goddess.] Mean it?
Kunoichi: Of course. [Smiles, hands package to Shampoo. The Amazon tears
open the wrapper and squeals in delight as she unfolds the latex figure.]
Go on; try it out. [Shampoo puffs into the doll.]
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
[The blow-up doll works perfectly. It blows up, and bits of green lemon
and red Shampoo splatter the camera.]
Kunoichi: That's what you get for trying to blow-
"BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA!"
"Huh?" Carol Seewrong opened her eyes and blinked at the Akane-clock
on her monitor. Glancing at her watch to make sure of the time, she
clicked the application into silence. "Lab closes in half an hour... I'd
better get back to work on the page..." She laid back in her chair as
Netscrape loaded up, and smiled. The dream had been... Pleasant. Maybe
she could find a way to work it into one of her stories...
'Document: Done' appeared at the bottom of the window, and she
scrolled through the page. Yes... This needed quite a bit of updating.
Thanks to a recent grant by some crazy Asian millionaire, though,
Mycinder's computers were top-notch... She wouldn't have to type a thing.
"Computer," she told the voice-activated file manager, "open
church.ryouga.html"
'WORKING...'
* * * * *
Ukyou stabbed her spatula into the ground and looked around.
Not that she could see much, of course. It was dark, it was cold, the
wind was blowing dust into her eyes, and that JACKASS Ryouga had gotten
them lost again.
"Ryouga, this does NOT look like Washington."
The eternal lost boy squinted at a map, trying to make out directions
by the light of the full moon.
"But... But this says that the anime studio should be right over
THERE!"
"Where?"
"THERE!" He pointed his umbrella to the east.
All Ukyou saw were the outlines of more of the same rocks, small
bushes and oversize bonsai trees, not to ment-
<Wait a minute...> Were those lights? It sure as shootin' wasn't the
capital of the US, but someone there should be able to tell them where
they were, and point them in the right direction...
"C'mon, hon. It isn't DC, but it's better than nothin'."
Silence.
"Ryouga?"
A grunt from somewhere near her...
Ukyou spun, and, by the faint light of the moon and stars, saw her
partner some feet away. He was in an... Odd position.
"Ryouga, WHY do you have a bear on top of you?"
The Hibiki poked his head out from beneath the animal.
"I... I don't know... I was under that tree, when he just... Dropped
on me."
Ukyou blinked.
<Okaaaay...>
"That's nice, but we don't have time to waste. I want to find a way
home as soon as possible." She shuddered. That was quite the
understatement. She'd rather have Kodachi as a house-mate than spend
another week with those... With those... Otaku.
Taking only a second to whip her combat spatula out of the ground and
send the dropped bear into low earth orbit, she picked Ryouga up, dusted
him off (her kitchen instincts wouldn't allow her to let him stay dirty)
and started him in the right direction.
"Th... Thanks."
"Don't mention it, sugar."
A kangaroo opened its drowsy eyes and looked at the two departing
figures. <Bloody foreigners,> it thought, then sunk back into sleep.
* * * * *
Aaron flopped down on the steps in front of the hotel's main doors.
<This?!> he thought. <This is what I'm supposed to save the universe
with? A bunch of egotistical anime characters and deranged super-powered
otakus? Hell, we might as well surrender right now! Why me? Why does it
have to be me?>
*Because there is no one else.* came the voice of Floy. Aaron jumped
and looked to see if he was still awake. He was, much to his regret.
<What do you mean, 'no one else?'>
*The anime characters are not prepared to deal with this world, and
the others are too...enthralled...with the prospect of the various
universes colliding...*
<I believe the word you're looking for is 'obsessed.'>
*Regardless, you are the only one of my allies who sees the real
danger of converging realities.*
<What do you suggest I do? I don't exactly have the entire force here,
you know, or the firepower necessary to make these guys listen to me.>
*You have more power than you realise...*
Floy's voice faded into the darkness of the night. Aaron stood up and
looked at the rising moon.
<Okay, Floy, I'll try. But it would be easier if I knew what we were
up against.>
*BEEP*
Aaron looked across the street to see Lupin III and Fujiko Mine
motioning him over to their car. He walked over to them.
Lupin looked him right in the eye and said:
"We need to talk."
* * * * *
Elsewhere, The Man in the Black Cloak boarded the Invid Shocktrooper
mecha. Honestly, if you couldn't trust the world's greatest hit man to do
your work for you, who could you trust?
As he climbed into the pilot's seat, he heard a distinctive ripping
sound. Examining his clothing under the cloak, he saw that one of his
sleeves had been caught on one of the control switches. Shrugging, the Man
in the Black Cloak ripped the sleeve off and tossed the brightly coloured,
nearly fluorescent cloth to the floor.
* * * * *
"This lab will be closing in five minutes..."
"Damn." Carol looked down at her watch, then at her shrine. "Oh,
well..." She stopped for a moment and gazed at the god in question, her
mind lost in a bit of fantasy. Ryouga was such a... well... character,
honourable and cute and -
<Never mind. Better finish the page. I can always fanta- Er... Plot
my stories at leisure in the privacy of my own ro->
"Excuse me, but could you please tell me how to find the offices
of A.D. Vision Dark River Pictures Entertainment company?"
Carol kept her eyes on the screen, moving the mouse from window to
window.
"Just a sec. I still have to put a few finishing touches on-" A
pause. "If you mean Dark Streamline A.D. Viz-ion Image Entertainment,
I'm afraid you're out of luck, I think they're based in America, or
something."
"Told you so," said Ukyou.
Seewrong pouted.
"We never get any companies like that here, and we have to rely on
evil dubs and bad fansubs!"
"Oh. I must have gotten lost then. Sorry to bother you."
"Heh," smirked Carol. "Missed the address by a few continents?" She
turned to face her visitors. "You're almost as bad as... RYOUGA!"
She stared at the bandanna-clad young man before her, then at the
image on the computer screen, then back at the man, her eyes widening all
the while, each dilation making only more painfully clear the expression
of pure lust which filled them.
"Ah, er... Haha... Um... Eheh..." The lost boy rubbed the back of his
neck and blushed furiously. "Could you... Ah... Tell us where we are?"
"Mycinder," she said, in a way that made the name of the university
sound more than vaguely erotic. "My name's Carol. And you are..."
"Hibiki Ryouga."
Carol smiled and stood up, shutting off the computer.
"Then the girl next to you must be-"
"Ukyou and I were in Washington D.C. when we... sorta got lost."
The young brunette's eyes sparkled. Either someone had gone a little
too far in otaku-land, or she needed a LOT more sleep.
She looked the boy over.
And up.
And down.
And across.
Regardless of which it was, she wanted more sleep.
A lot more sleep.
With him.
Soon.
"I see," she said. <Oh, do I EVER, Ryouga-sama...> "So... What brings
you to Australia?" <Apart from my dreams. This HAS to be a dream. I
must have fallen asleep at the keyboard again, and the alarm will wake me
up in a few minutes.>
"Well, as near as we can tell," said Ukyou, "something brought us into
this universe, and left us in the middle of these weird...otaku." The
young chef shivered as the not-so-pleasant memories assaulted her. Carol
just coughed slightly. "After a few fights with the local police,
bandanna-boy took us out of there and-"
"Just a second, dear," said Carol, interrupting her. There was ONE
sure way to find out whether she was dreaming, and if she was, she didn't
have much time, so...
Seewrong grabbed Ryouga's head and placed it next to her own, sweeping
him into a deep, passionate kiss.
A few minutes later, she pulled her blood-stained face away, letting
a jelly-knee'd Hibiki fall to the floor.
"It IS you!" she shouted deliriously.
"What do you THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!?" asked an enraged Ukyou, holding
up her combat spatula.
<Getting ready to play games with hot-and-cold running water? Trying
to find out at exactly how high a pitch piggies can squeal?>
"That was a... Traditional Australian greeting from a hostess to her
house-guest."
Kuonji blinked, and lowered the spatula. Ryouga continued that
strange half-giggle which is so peculiar to him after a nosebleed-inducing
event.
"Houseguest?" asked Ukyou.
"Sure! You two have to stay somewhere, right?"
"I dunno..."
"Come on. Where else are you two going to spend the night?"
Ukyou looked sceptical for a moment, then nodded. She was getting
tired of wandering through deserts, and Ryouga was hardly in any shape to
endure prolonged travel. Sighing, she began to sling the babbling
Hibiki over her shoulder.
Carol stopped her.
"That's all right," she grinned. "I can do that."
"You're too kind!" beamed Ukyou.
The threesome went out of the computer lab and into the night. Carol
gripped the lost boy's hands tightly about her neck as they travelled
through the campus, relishing the feeling of his front pressing on her
back. <Ryouga will be at my place! And... and...>
"Uh, pardon me, but you seem to be taking this rather well." Ukyou
looked at the brunette otaku sceptically. "Do you know us like everyone
else, as...fictional characters?" The last words echoed with a touch of
bitterness.
She shrugged. It was no use hiding it - they'd see the posters
anyway. "I guess. I write some anime fanfiction on the net, usually
works about you and your friends."
The chef's eyebrows shot up. If this world's fiction was their
world's reality, then maybe...
"Do I... get Ran-chan?" she asked.
A large sweat-drop appeared on the back of Carol's forehead. "Well,
not really...you end up with -"
"Hello, Miss Seewrong." The voice was machinelike and imperious, a
tone of command. Ukyou turned, and Carol let Ryouga fall to the floor as
she recognised the machine.
An Invid battle mecha.
"No way...not Robotech too..." Carol muttered as she fell to the
ground, dumbfounded. Fortunately, her companions were more combat-
oriented, and the combination of the knock to the head, release from
Seewrong's grasp and a mech talking to them seemed to have brought Ryouga
back to his senses. Both Nerimites unsheathed their weapons of choice,
and stood ready to attack the sleek quasi-robot.
"Wait. I do not wish combat with you."
"Huh?"
The mecha seemed to bow. "Carol, a new age is dawning on this earth,
an era of magic and power. Next to you are two examples of this new
power: warriors from another realm, sent here by me to do good for the
earth. You too can be a part of it, if you desire..."
"Why me?" The authoress was, quite naturally, sceptical. Her?
Good? Only if you happened to be named after the colour red, or were
young, single, male and Jusenkyo-cursed.
"This new realm is in need of dreamers, people who can see beyond
this banal plane and into others. You are not the first one I have come
to seek, nor will you be the last."
The mecha spread its arms wide in invitation. "Would you like me to
show you what powers I have given to some of your friends?"
Carol got up from the ground and nodded. This could be fun.
A holographic image of Sailor Critic appeared before them. "This is
Sailor Critic, one of a new breed of Senshi native to this earth. Before
the storm, she was a fanfiction writer by the name of Jimbo Viles."
Carol leaned against Ryouga for support, causing the latter to blush.
"You...you turned Jimbo into a girl?!?"
"Ever hear of otaku wish-fulfilment?"
"Well, yes, but... I never knew that Ami was like Haruka!"
The mecha turned to Ukyou.
"Young lady, what would you give to have your precious Ran-chan
forever by your side?"
"I...I..."
"Join me, and it shall be given you. And you, Ryouga. Wouldn't you
like to be cured of your curse, and always have a loving Akane to adore
you?"
Ukyou eyed Ryouga.
"Curse? What curse?"
Ryouga looked at the mecha with an intense joy. "Yes! I..." He
looked back at the spatula girl nervously. "I mean... Uh..."
"Wait a second." Carol straightened up for a moment, and looked
Ryouga squarely in the eye.
"Ryouga, I've seen so many possibilities for you...but in the ones
with you and Akane together, it always came with a price too large for
either of you to pay. In one, I saw you kill Ranma, marry Akane, and see
it all crumble to DUST!" Her eyes started to shimmer with tears. "Please
Ryouga...let her go. I would love... love to be with you."
The lost boy gulped, shocked at the confession. "But... I hardly know
you."
The Goddess of Lemons winked at him. "That can change..."
Carol handed Ryouga a handkerchief for his nosebleed.
"Do you truly desire him? I could arrange for the two of you to be
together, if you like..."
The writer turned around, and snarled at the mecha. "Don't you get
it? We write our own bedroom sc- I mean, we make our own destinies!"
Actually, that was EXACTLY what she wanted, but she had grave doubts
as to the validity of anything arranged by a creature out of a Macek dub.
The Hibiki, however, took her words at face value.
"That's right," said Ryouga, snapping out of his hormonal trance.
"whoever or whatever you are! I am nobody's pawn!" The lost boy gently
pushed Carol away, and readied his umbrella. "Are you with me, Ukyou?"
"I guess, sugar. But if he was right, you owe me big-time!" The two
leapt into battle, weapons swinging, only to be swatted away like flies.
Carol ran over to their prone forms.
"Ryouga...are you okay?" Genuine concern showed in the Australian's
eyes.
"Yes...now that you're here." He looked up at the caring in her eyes,
and knew he could live with - could love - her. Regrettably, reality
towered over them, ready to strike. "We've gotta get out of here." The
young man picked up Ukyou's unconscious form, and draped her over his
shoulder. "Do you know a safe-"
*CRASH*
A laser blast cut into the building next to them, crumbling the mortar
around them and sending them running - in opposite directions.
"I offered you a place in my kingdom, a chance to place yourselves
among the gods, but nooooooo...you just had to be so concerned about your
freedom. Very well then...even that will be denied you!" The mecha flew
over and reached for the first person it could find.
"Let...go...of...me!" Carol screamed as the claw scooped her up into
the air and held her.
"One down, two to..."
He looked around at the mess around him, the clutter from the battle,
only to find debris - nothing else.
The Man in the Black Cloak cursed. Gone! For once, Hibiki's sense of
direction (or lack thereof) had actually proved useful and gotten he and
Kuonji out of there!
<Somebody is ruining my plot integrity and I...DON'T...LIKE...IT!>
he thought. He turned his attention to the raven-haired beauty in the
claw-like 'hand' of the mecha.
Underneath the hood of the cloak, the scourge of reality's eyes
widened. It couldn't be. But it was. And his exasperation turned to joy.
"You, my dear Kunoichi, are going to be very useful in the next
little while. Assuming, of course that Plan B doesn't work out..."
He chortled with laughter, opened the portal and vanished with the
Australian Goddess of Lemons.
* * * * *
Through the streets of Sydney, far from the site of the battle, a
plaintive cry born of heartbreak and desperation reverberated through the
city, awakening those unfortunate to hear it and moving them to pity.
"Where on earth am I now?!?"
* * * * *
Back in D.C., Ranma and Akane were conversing with Rick Hunter and
Lisa Hayes. Or, to be more accurate, Ranma and Akane were conversing with
Lisa and Rick injected the occasional "Huh?" into the conversation.
The two couples had run into each other about the same time that Aaron
was venting his frustrations on the Charge of the Bimbo Brigade outside
the capitol building. Recognising the two as not from being around the
area, they stopped arguing about whether or not Ranma's sailing into the
lap of the Vice President by way of Akane's fist was an accident and
removed them from the tourists who taking pictures of the translucent
couple.
Lisa had stopped crying and was talking to Akane about what a baka and
a hentai Rick was, with Akane wholeheartedly agreeing, while Ranma spoke
with Rick who had just explained the situation.
"I know what you mean," Ranma said. "She flips out when some girl
glomps onto you..."
"He's always glomping onto that *bimbo...*" said Lisa.
"She's constantly acting like a tomboy..."
"I can't get him to see me as something other than a superior
officer."
"And she gets angry for no good reason."
"And he never listens to what I'm trying to tell him!"
"Exactly!" Akane said.
"Right?" asked Ranma.
"Right!" said Lisa
"Huh?" said you-know-who.
"And you know, Akane," Lisa said, standing up. "I'm sure I could do a
lot better. I know there's got to be a nice guy out there for me. One that
isn't such a hentAIIIIIEEEEE!!!"
This last statement was caused by the fact that Happosai had just
fallen from the tree that Lisa was under and was now firmly attached to
her ample chest.
"GET IT OFFA ME!!!!" she screamed. Akane stepped forward, but was hit
by a weight from above and knocked to the ground.
Ranma leapt to his feet and spun around, ready to deal with what he
was sure must be the perverted master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts.
What he was not prepared to deal with was the fact that there were TWO
Happosais in the area. One each securely fastened to the chests of Lisa
and Akane.
Ranma shook his head, got out of his astonishment, walked over and
picked up the twin perverts by the bags on their shoulders. They both
looked up at Ranma.
"Ranma, m'boy!" they said simultaneously. Each Happosai looked at the
identical Happosai across from him.
"WHO IS THIS IMPOSTER?!" They both demanded.
Ranma groaned.
Akane groaned.
Lisa glared.
Rick went "Huh?" (to absolutely NO ONE's surprise.)
* * * * *
Aaron walked back into the conference room, Lupin and Fujiko behind
him. The otaku and the Senshi were busily conversing amongst themselves.
Aaron looked at the two thieves, who were staring in shock at the oddly-
dressed figures. He turned to Lupin.
"At the risk of coming off like a complete jerk, 'I told you so.'"
Aaron looked back at the group. How was he supposed to get these
wackos to follow him? It wasn't like Floy could instantly communicate
with them, since she seemed to prefer invading his head.
An idea struck him. A completely ridiculous idea but one that, given
the current situation, was just crazy enough to work.
Leaving Lupin and Fujiko to introduce themselves, Aaron went in
search of the U.S. Manga Corps booth.
* * * * *
"So, what do we do now?" Usagi asked, not looking at her dubbed
counterpart. The general consensus was split as to whether they should
use Serena as a doorstop, or sell her piece-wise to the fanboys.
"I say we go out, round everybody up, and have one big party!"
said Sailor Sig.
"Sounds good to me!" said Sailor Spam. "It'll be fun, now that our
favourite chars. are real! What a blast!"
Chris fired his blaster a few times to accentuate the remark, leaving
some of the Pink Pineapple characters' costumes on nearby posters just
slightly more breezy.
"And," said Sailor Critic, brandishing her red correction pen. "As
long as characterisation is kept in order, there shouldn't be a problem
with anybody."
"If there is," said Sailor Sadist, brandishing the whip her
transformation wand had turned into, "We can always...ENCOURAGE them to
join us."
"It's... nice to see you getting used to your new situation, Leiter,"
began Critic.
"AND somewhat alarming," concluded Williams.
"Sorry, Sadist, Nightimp, or whatever the hell your name is. But
that isn't going to happen."
The group turned to see Aaron walking down the aisle, his hands behind
his back.
"And why shouldn't it?" asked Sailor Slacker. "Don't tell me you
weren't thrilled to have Ranma and Co. staying in your house last night,
Miller."
"Actually, yes I was," Aaron began. "For all of ten minutes. I had to
spend the night explaining that they shouldn't exist in this world, and
was then later threatened by Ryouga and Ranma to keep my mouth shut about
their Jusenkyo curses. Finally I get a call at 4:30 in the morning to go
and keep Gally out of jail. Oh yeah, it was thrilling... Now listen up!
"The anime characters are NOT staying! I'm sorry, but they don't
belong here. They belong back in their home worlds."
"Why?" asked Chris. "All they need is a little background on the way
things work around here and they'll fit right in."
"I don't know about any of you, but I haven't seen one anime villain
running around yet, have you?"
The collected otaku answered in the negative.
"Then who's keeping the villains from taking over the home worlds of
the characters? Any bright answers to that one? No? Okay then, this is the
agenda.
"Number One, we round up everybody we've had direct contact with. Two,
we figure out what's going on and three, we send everyone and everyTHING,
back to where they belong." Aaron punctuated this statement with a glare
at the transformation wands.
Ami raised her hand.
"Excuse me, but why should we follow your orders? According to
everything I've seen, you have no special powers or any technologically
advanced weaponry. You, Mr. Miller, seem to be an unlikely candidate for
leader of our group."
"That, Miss Mizuno, is where you are wrong. If you'll follow me,
please."
Aaron led the group to a smaller meeting room where a sign proclaimed
it to be "Video Room 2." He gestured for the group to sit. He turned on
the big screen TV and the VCR and inserted the 'Harmageddon' tape into it.
<I sure hope this works, cause if it doesn't, kiss this world
goodbye, Floy,> thought Aaron.
He was relieved when he pressed play and Floy appeared in the room in
front of the dumbfounded otaku and fictional entities.
* * * * *
Floy vanished into the darkness, having delivered a private telepathic
message to each of the individuals in the room. Sailor Critic stood and
walked over to face Aaron.
"It appears we have little choice, Mr. Miller. We are at your
disposal." She punctuated this with a grandiose curtsey. Aaron couldn't
help but burst out laughing. Soon, everyone was into the act.
After a few moments, the laughter died down and Aaron faced the group.
"Listen, I'm sorry I blew up at you guys, but I've been a little...
tense... lately."
"Nothing to worry about, Miller!" said Sadist. "It seems that we have
some pests to take care of... and it is time we did so. Wouldn't you
agree?"
There was general agreement. However, the otaku had each begun to
make plans about how they were going to keep their favourite characters
firmly on this side of reality. But for now, all was smiles and
civility.
At least, until the Invid Shocktrooper mecha burst through the
wall, guns at the ready.
==========================================================================
Akane: The stage is set and the finale is about to commence!
(Cut to a shot of The Man in the Black Cloak)
Akane: Who is this nefarious evildoer?
(Cut to Zenigata being busted out of jail by our heroes, then to a
chase through the streets of D.C.)
Akane: Why are we being chased by the D.C. police?
(Cut to our heroes staring at a large blue portal.)
Akane: And what is Dark Streamline A.D. Viz-ion Image Entertainment
hiding?
Next time on "The Great Anime Crossover From Hell!!!":
"Eat Your Heart Out, Rod Serling!"
==========================================================================