<Just outside the Volcano room)
Finally, the horde of Anime Purists were dead or fled. Or both.
The Legion of Substitute Sailors gave out a collective sigh of relief,
then realized Tuxedo Sake had run off again. "Now where did he go?"
Sailor Moon asked.
Susanna shrugged. "The bathroom maybe? All that sake has to get to
you after a while."
"Well, now we can go rescue the hostages!" Sailor Moon reached
forward, grabbed the door handle, and got zapped by
111111111111111111111111.3 volts. She flew across the room into the
wall.
"Urk." Sailor Hermes said. "Umino, you open the door."
"I'm NOT touching that!"
Sailor Uranus strode forward. "I'll open the door!"
"Don't do it!" Neptune said, with a voice that sounded suspiciously
like Prisma's voice from the dub. "I couldn't bear to see you..."
Uranus laughed. "I'm not going to TOUCH it." She gestured and
summoned the Space Sword, then blew a hole in the wall.
The Sailors streamed through the hole. Beyond the hole, was a huge
dark room. It was pitch black, except for the light shining from the
Space Sword.
Sailor Moon clambered through behind the others, still looking a bit
black and crispy, then tripped in the dark and knocked everyone down.
"Dagnabit, I don't like this," Uranus said, unable to swear
properly since she had been dubbed.
"It's a trap," Tuxedo Umino Kamen announced.
"How can you tell?"
"It's always a trap."
Dark Queen Skuld's Voice boomed over the Loudspeakers. "So you
won't all just walk forward onto the pressure plate I've attached to a
Neutron bomb?"
"Umm...if that goes off, won't it blow up the entire base, killing
you as well?"
There was a pause. "Gimme a minute to disarm this thing." There
were mechanical noises in the dark. "Time for plan B."
"What's plan B?"
"I teleport this entire room into the Sun. Vaporizing you all."
"There's only one problem with that plan."
"What?"
"Ummm...it'll work perfectly?"
Dark Queen Skuld began to laugh. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
There was a sudden choking sound. "Ack...stupid tootsie pop..."
The Sailors ran for their lives.
***********************
Lemon Sherbet Chapter Eleven
"This one goes to eleven."
***********************
<In the Command Center>
Dark Queen Urd said, "Well, I'm going to have to hurry up my plans
before my incompetent sister gets beaten by all those new Senshi..."
General Fabioite said, "Well, after I finish my photo shoot, we can
get in your usual orgy and..."
"Not THOSE plans. I MUST get the other two orgasm crystals. I must."
"Why?"
"So I can become the LIVING KAMA SUTRA!"
"Just making sure the readers haven't forgotten."
"We have one. And now I am certain I have located the remaining
two. And just to make it convenient...they're in the same place."
"So you want me to get them?"
"Yes."
"But I'll miss my photo shoot! 'Misery's Long-Lost Pirate Love' is
supposed to hit the stands in a month, and..."
"If I turn you into a cow, you'll NEVER make the shoot, now will you?"
"As my queen commands."
*****************************************************************************
Mornings after are always messy. Especially when its the morning
after you tried to have sex about ten times before someone actually did
it right, and you did it in the same bed all those times. Especially
when it's not actually YOUR bed. Especially when two of the three people
involved change sex...
Negiri moaned faintly and woke up. Her vision was fuzzy...because
she wasn't wearing her glasses. Where am I? she wondered. She suddenly
realized several soft and squishy things were in bed with her. They were
warm. They were...people. Futaba and Misaki were curled up around her.
She blushed. Oh God, we must have...which means...She contemplated
fainting for dramatic effect, but with no audience, why bother?
Futaba mumbled something, leaned over and kissed her. Negiri
sighed. Might as well face the bomb now..."Good morning, Futaba-kun.
Good morning, Misaki-chan."
They both muttered, "Good morning, Negiri-chan", then their eyes
snapped awake.
She smiled nervously, "Uh...hi."
They stared at each other. "We...did we..."
Negiri nodded. Might as well make the best of this. "Yeah. It was
great too." She wrapped an arm around each of them. "Probably would
have been even better if I wasn't drunk and you two weren't acting a bit
crazed..."
"At least no one saw us change," Futaba said, then paused. "No one
saw us change...right?"
"Everyone was drunk and passed out or left by that point." Negiri
idly ran a finger up and down Futaba's chest. He shuddered slightly.
"So..." Misaki said. "I...you...uh..."
The door opened. Makoto stuck her head in. "You three awake yet?"
Misaki tried to cover herself with the sheets, then realized she was
already covered. "We...uh...yeah."
Makoto smiled. "Well, breakfast is ready, unless you three plan to..."
Futaba shook his head. "No, no, it's not what you think..."
Makoto smiled. "Don't feel ashamed. I like it both ways too. We
won't make fun of you. It's perfectly normal."
Misaki said nervously, "It is?"
Makoto said, "Well, I was in bed with Ranma and Ukyou last night, if
you know what I mean."
Negiri oooohed. "I'm jealous."
Misaki felt a full body blush coming on, followed by the change,
just at the thought. He sighed. "Aargh."
Makoto blinked. "Hmm. Whole lot of that sort of thing going
around, I guess. Well, if you ever want an interesting time...We enjoy
experimenting." She winked. "Well, come eat breakfast as soon as you
get dressed.
She paused on the way out. "Or you could come naked, if you really
want to..."
Futaba blushed and changed this time. Visions of future orgies
filled her head.
*****************************************************************************
Later in the day, Misaki-kun went over to Futaba's house with
Futaba-chan. They'd dropped Negiri off at her house on the way there.
As they walked in, Futana was there. "Hmm, dyed your hair, Misaki-kun?
Or is that natural?"
"It seems to be natural. I don't know why my hair has started
changing too." Misaki-kun said. "We were going to talk to Mr. Shimeru
about it."
"Good luck. I have a date with some cutie over in the Nerima district."
"What's her name?" Futaba asked.
"Shiratori Azusa. She doesn't look too bright, but..."
"Well, any girl who'd date you isn't too bright, Futana,"
Futaba-chan said before Futana punted her down the hall.
"Hmph. Who asked you anyway." She stormed out into the yard,
transforming as she left.
With a bit of searching around the house, they managed to locate
Mr. Shimeru, who was busy reading the newspaper. "Hello, there."
"Mr. Shimeru...I have a question."
"42." He went back to the paper.
Misaki-kun paused, uncertain how to reply to that. "Umm.
Actually, it had to do with my changing...I've never had my hair change
before."
"Probably it's just a minor hormone thing or something. I could
take you to see the family doctor, just in case."
"Well, I guess I ought to meet him," Misaki-kun said.
*****************************************************************************
Dr. Tofu looked up as the new patients arrived. "Hello, Mr.
Shimeru. Hello, Futaba-kun." He then noticed Misaki. "Why, you must
be Misaki. Nice to meet you!"
Misaki looked around. "You're a chiropractor?"
"That's my specialty, but I do a little of everything." He got
out some official looking charts. "I did some tests on the last blood
sample I have from you, and I think I know what the problem is."
"Okay, what is it?" She sat down, as did Futaba and Mr. Shimeru.
"Well, after running some genetic testing, I believe that certain
latent tendencies in your genetics have become activated."
"What?"
"You possess the changing gene, but it normally has to be
inherited from BOTH parents to become active. However..."
Misaki blinked. "I possess the gene?"
"Yes, but it is a recessive gene. You possess the proper
capabilities to secrete the appropriate hormones, but it would never
become active unless..."
She paused. "Unless I started taking the hormone and..."
"Woke it up so to speak. I think within about three months,
you'll no longer require the shot at all."
"What if I stopped taking the shots?"
"Probably it would take six months for your body to reach the
mature level of the change."
Misaki tried to calm down, but it wasn't working. "In other
words, I'm going to go on changing for the rest of my life, no matter
what."
Dr. Tofu nodded. "That about sums it up. I'm sorry. I should
have tested your genetics before we started, but this gene is so
rare..."
Futaba hugged Misaki, "At least you won't need to get shots
anymore, eh?" Yeah, that's real comforting, he thought.
She sighed. "Well, at least I still have you." If Mr. Shimeru
says something about being part of the family...
Mr. Shimeru smiled. "It was fate. Welcome to the family,
Misaki-chan."
Misaki was about to knock him into orbit, when she realized that
would be out of character and had Futaba knock him into orbit instead.
*****************************************************************************
The madam of the Red Star brothel was quite surprised to find
herself hanging upside down from her favorite chandolier, tied in place
by a ribbon around her ankles while a girl in a gymnastics outfit used
her as a pinata. Her enforcers lay scattered about, battered
unconscious. This is the last time I buy from budget slavers, she thought.
Kodachi smiled. "Let's see if you have candy inside."
The woman began to scream.
***************************************************************************
Some things in life are inevitable. As soon as Ranma first slept
with Minako, he realized that sooner or later, he'd end up in bed with
all the Sailors. There wasn't any point in resisting fate. Especially
not when fate involved a huge amount of pleasure. Ranma still hadn't
quite gotten the hang of mass orgies, but he was starting to really get
the hang of having sex with two women at the same time. It helped that
there just seemed to be an inadequate supply of men with the endurance to
do the job. At least who were also fairly sane.
He, Rei, and Usagi were tangled on the bed, trying to do what one
of Ami's erotic databases refers to as, "Climbing Mount Fuji". The
hardest part had been propping Rei's bed up against the wall so that it
was at a 40 degree angle to the floor, and then not falling off the bed
or knocking it down in the progress. As it was, they'd had to tie
Usagi's ponytails to the bedposts to keep her from falling off the bed.
They would have tied Ranma's pig-tail to the posts too, but it wasn't
long enough. Bad enough he'd almost fallen off at one point and Rei had
caught him by it. Luckily, at that point, Usagi had pushed the wrong
button on the Shining Sexy Swiss Army Moon Sceptre, and they'd found out
it had a climbing cable and grappling hook built in, so now they had
something to grab onto besides each other if they started to slide.
"MORE!!!!!" Usagi-chan screamed as Ranma's engorged member
stabbed into her again and again. She could feel herself building
towards orgasm. Unseen by any of them, their orgasm crystals were
pulsating and building towards a release.
Unseen by them, eyes were watching...
Rei clung to Ranma's back with her legs, busilly pleasuring herself
with her hands, waiting for it to be her turn again, relaxing in the
afterglow of the orgasm, that even if it had happened off screen, had at
least been satisfying, even if Usagi had accidentally bit her hand in the
middle of it.
Just as Ranma and Usagi started to come at the same time, in an
ever so convenient fashion, a pair of hands darted in and grabbed their
orgasm crystals. They howled in frustration, caught at the edge of orgasm
and unable to cross over.
Rei whipped her head around and looked. It was General Fabioite.
And twenty five Condominiums. "Hi there. You'll note that today's theme
is overwhelming force...I really should have thought of this a long time
ago."
"You BASTARD! Couldn't you at have at least let them finish?" Rei
screamed.
He shrugged. "I'm not risking becoming a cow. Condominiums.
Finish them." He vanished in a spray of romance novel covers.
The Condominiums charged in. Rei lept off the bed, bounced off the
head of one Condominium, landed, rolled, and grabbed her transformation
pen. "MARS STAR POWER, MAKE UP!" She transformed into a rather
buttnaked Sailor Mars.
Ranma did the same thing. "CALLISTO STAR POWER, MAKE UP!"
The Condominiums paused and wondered if Ranma had really just
changed sex.
Usagi tried to jump for her broach...then realized her pony-tails
were still tied to the bed. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Several lustful Condominiums staggered backwards, repelled by the
sheer power of her screaming. Mars and Callisto began blasting
Condominiums to bits. Soon, the other Sailors began piling into the
room, most of them also bucknaked except for Tiaras. It had been a busy
night...
**************************************************************************
Dark Queen Urd cackled. She held the three Ultimate Orgasm
crystals. "Now, we must complete the ritual. But first...we need to
capture the Sailors so that we can force them to watch my triumph. I
shall become the LIVING KAMA SUTRA AND RULE THE UNIVERSE!" She cackled.
"But my Queen...how shall we capture them? The other generals have
all run off and taken oaths of celibacy after being defeated one too many
times by the Sailors. They grow stronger by the day."
Dark Queen Urd said, "I just ordered five cases of Condominiums from
the Dark Trojan Corporation. That should do it."
They both cackled evilly together.
**************************************************************************
Ami finished scanning Usagi and Ranma. "Yes, they took your orgasm
crystals. Everything else seems to be here, though."
Makoto paled. "He can't orgasm until we get it back?"
Usagi began to cry. Ranma began to cry. Heck, EVERYONE began to
cry. It seemed like the thing to do at the time.
Rei growled. "I'm going to find Dark Queen Urd and pull out her
intestines through her ears for this!"
Akane nodded. "I'll chop off her toes with an axe!"
"I'll sever her eyelids!"
"I'll bite off her arm!"
"I'll make her eat Akane's cooking." Ranma got malleted for that.
***************************************************************************
Ami finished running a program on her computer. "I think I've
finally located the best site to teleport to Dark Queen Urd's stronghold
from." And finally hacked into Donald Trump's swiss bank account. Time
to make me some money.
Right as the Sailors joined hands and prepared to teleport, 3000
Condominiums appeared, along with Major Spamite in Ami's backyard,
preparing to attack. To his suprise, the Sailors shouted "Sailor
Teleport" and vanished. He sighed and decided to go hit the town
instead. "Well, if we go back, we'll be executed...so everyone go get
laid! At least, we'll die happy!"
A horde of horny Condominiums rushed out into the town. It would
be...a night to remember.
***************************************************************************
Dark Queen Urd and General Fabioite were in bed, warming up, as the
Sailors appeared. "Put your hands up and don't try anything
pleasurable!" Sailor Moon shouted. "Give us the orgasm crystals now!"
"Or what?"
"Or we'll grind your bones to make our bread!" Sailor Mars shouted.
"We'll make BAD sausage out of you!" Sailor Venus shouted.
"We'll force you to listen to the complete Bob Dillon collection,"
Sailor Spatula said.
Dark Queen Urd paled. This could be bad. "It's too late! You've
just come to see my FINAL TRIUMPH!" She gestured, and the Impenetrable
Forcefield (TM) she had had her sister install the other day kicked in.
The Sailors futilely blasted, kicked, and punched the forcefield,
while being forced to watch Dark Queen Urd and General Fabioite perform
the entire Kama Sutra before their eyes. This took a VERY long time.
The three orgasm crystals glowed brighter and brighter. After a while,
Sailor Mercury gave up and just started taking notes.
Finally, the three Orgasm Crystals rose into the air and began to
spin around the writhing bodies on the bed. The Sailors watched,
horrified and turned on at the same time. Usagi and Ranma, however,
didn't feel particularly aroused at all, so they kept whaling away on the
forcefield.
The final orgasm came. Dark Queen Urd screamed with pleasure and
the crystals flashed. The power washed over her. Yes, this was
it...this was her triumph...
***************************************************************************
<In the Command Center>
The dark room, Dark Queen Skuld's ultimate trap teleported into the
sun. She cackled as it burned to ash. Well, that would finish them
off. No more worries. She went off to go have a tub of ice cream to
celebrate.
The Legion of Substitute Sailors, however, fled out the door, right as
the room teleported into the sun. They found themselves in the REAL Volcano
room. They could see all the tied up hostages. They were still hanging
from a laundry line over a volcano. Saint Patrick, Godzilla, Kahm,
Rachel, Amy, Raye, Lita, Serena, Mina, Luna, Dr. Sam Beckett, Artemis,
Number Six, Reenie, Tuxedo Mask, Ted Turner, Andrew, Rita, Melvin, Molly,
Molly's mother, Hercules the cat, Grandpa, Chad, Sammy, Serena's Mom and Dad,
the New Number Two, Miss Haruna, Steven King, the entire cast of Full
House, and a little black dog were all tied to the sagging rope.
The Sailors rushed forward and swiftly started rescuing the
hostages. Luckily, the line was rigged up so you could just pull the
line and it would move towards the side you pulled it from, so they
started rotating it and bringing their friends, family, relatives, and
passersby to safety. Just as Sailor Charon helped lift Steven King off
the line and onto the side of the volcano, her scythe slipped and fell,
slicing the rope. The cast of Full House plummeted into the volcano. So
did Toto. Sailor Hermes moved like a blinding blur of speed, stealing a
few special effects from the Flash. She leaped off the head of the
annoying twins and grabbed Toto, then ran UP the rope to safety, letting
the minions of evil plunge into cleansing lava.
Sailor Saturn said, "Good job, Hermes. You spared me the effort of
killing them myself."
There was MUCH rejoicing.
*****************************************************************************
<In the Command Center>
Dark Queen Belldandy sat impatiently, waiting for them to finish
filming her sister's big scene. Akemi came in. "Well, how are you going
to achieve ultimate victory?"
"Well, I finally came up with the right plan."
"Which is?"
"I'm going to capture the Merchant Marines and..."
"Who?"
Dark Queen Belldandy paused. "The Sailor Senshi...I always get them
confused."
"And how do you plan to capture them?"
"Well, you know, my sister pointed out that if I use all my minions
at once, it's harder to beat them than if they come at the Senshi two or
three at a time. I can't believe I never thought of that."
"It's a genre thing."
***************************************************************************
<I touch myself, The Divinyls>
Dark Queen Urd glowed. The power of the Kama Sutra flowed through
her. She became the Living Kama Sutra. Her power was complete. Fabiote
blinked as Dark Queen Urd turned into a large, ornately decorated volume,
which was warm to the touch and seemed to somehow be breathing. The
Living Kama Sutra. The three orgasm crystals glowed, then flew back into
their possessors, who simultaneously came...which was really
embarrassing. Well, two of them came. The other crystal flew off to try
and find Kasumi. The Forcefield shorted out.
Fabioite looked at the book, then at the angry Senshi. "I wonder if
this how they made the Living Bible...probably not."
Fabioite's word for the day was about to be...pain. Serious pain.
*****************************************************************************
Kodachi returned home. Vengeance WILL be mine, she thought. But
first, I think I'll have some cake.
*****************************************************************************
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu bailesu@komodo.hacks.arizona.edu
http://www.hacks.arizona.edu/~bailesu/falcon.html
P-chan ran across the field and hopped into Akane's arms. She
snuggled her little pet. "I love you, P-chan, especially with a little
apple in your mouth and that special sauce Ukyou makes." They cooked
P-chan over an open fire and made special okonomiyaki out of him. And
all was good.
--Draft of Lemon Sherbet, Episode 12