I think that this has the potential to be a great story. The problem
with it IMO is that you need to do a better job of conveying Akane's
pain and sorrow. Not only is Ranma dead, but it's HER fault. Her grief
and guilt ought to have been _incredible_, and I don't feel this came
across to the degree that it should have.

     You know, I've been struggling to figure out what I didn't like about
that story. You did a good job of putting it into words.
     That, and Ranma calling Akane a "bitch". Something that just seemed
wrong to me, since usually Ranma's calling Akane names is somewhat jesting.
--
Ben Kosse bmk7411@cs.rit.edu
BGC Otaku and worshipper of the Red-Eyed Goddess. Member of ShAS.
Anime, RPG's, computers, poetry (read/write), music (listen/compose).
Author of the Bubblegum Crisis theme pack (see the homepage below).
Homepage with anime and other interests. (http://www.rit.edu/~bmk7411)