[FF]Robotech !!: Voyager (Repost)[TGACFH]

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                        Robotech !!: Voyager 
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                   Yet another offering from the
        Anthing-Goes School of Indiscriminate Fanfic Writing

                  written by Christopher Willmore

             All characters are copyright someone else.
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    The SDF-1's detached bridge hurtled through space, powered only by the
photons gathered by its solar sails...  It's really a pity the crew didn't
have a steam engine available - they could have made much better speed by
harnessing the hot air they were generating...

    "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" sobbed Commander Lisa Hayes. "Macross is
destroyed! My friends... My family... They've all been blasted into tiny
multicoloured dust particles!"
    "It's not THAT bad," chided Captain Gloval. "Think of it this way,
Commander Hayes: If we hadn't gotten rid of the rest of the SDF-1, the 
Zentraedi would have continued to pursue us. Who knows? They probably
wouldn't have let us back on Earth, and in time the situation would
probably escalate into a full-scale war..."
    "Huh? Are you feeling well, Captain?" asked Rick. "You're not speaking 
quite sanely, Sir." Gloval nodded solemnly, partially because he was
incapable of any other action, and partially because it was past his bed-
time, and he was tired of keeping his head up.
    Lisa looked around.  So, they had one shameless whore, a resurrected
Veritech pilot, someone who thought she was the Queen of Macross, which
she called her 'Castle in the Sky', one stud-muffin, and... and... How DID
one classify Gloval?
    "Sir?" she asked. "Have the food supplies been checked?"
    "They have, Commander. Why do you ask?"
    "Considering what we've all been seeing recently, I thought they might
have been... Touched..."
    "They're fresh."
    Lisa pinched herself.  It hurt.  Darn. That meant she was awake.
    "Sir?" she asked again.
    "Yes?"
    "Are you SURE you kept your 'magic mushrooms' well away from the
emergency rations?"
    "QUITE sure, Lisa."
    <Huh? Magic Mushrooms?> thought Rick. <So THAT'S why he's always been
so... distant...  Wonder if he'll share...>
    "Hey!" shouted Commander F**ker. "Are you implying I'm a
HALLUCINATION?  Believe me, I'd rather be back where I came from, scoring
on Nina, than stuck here with a bunch of WIMPS who won't even DIE so I can
show 'em round the Nether-world!"
    "Huh?" (That was Rick.) F**ker sighed, and gave up.
    Lisa stared out the viewport, trying to sort out the thoughts in her
head.  Suddenly, something startled her. She strained her eyes, refocused,
then turned to the Captain.
    "You are ABSOLUTELY sure the food wasn't tainted with your 
'medicine'?"
    "I wouldn't waste it like that, Commander Hayes."
    "Then how do you explain... THIS?" with a sweep of her arm, she
gestured to the space immediately outside of them.
    "What the?" (Doesn't matter who said this. They all thought more or
less the same thing.)
    "Looks like a... a cross between a cat and a rabbit..." said Rick.
    "...and it's eating a carrot..." said F**ker.
    "IN OUTER SPACE?!?" exclaimed Lisa.
    "KAWAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII!" said Sheeta and Minmei.
    Captain Gloval blinked.
    "I'll be right back," he said. "I have to check my stash."
    The others nodded, dumbfounded, as he left into a side-room.
    "Um... Lisa?" asked Rick.
    "Yes?"
    "Do you see what I see?"
    "I hope not."
    "It's... growing..." noted F**ker.
    "And it's even CUTER when it's BIG!" shouted Sheeta and Minmei.
    "...and it's sprouting wings, and..." before the late pilot could
continue, the transformation accelerated to a breakneck pace. In no time
flat, the cute cabbit had transformed into a huge, menacing spaceship.
    "Aw....." sobbed Sheeta and Minmei. "Not cute anymore.  Spaceships.
Bleargh."
    Rick blinked repeatedly.
    "Huh?" he asked.
    "Huh?" he asked again, for dramatic emphasis.
    "Must be some new kind of Veritech..." pondered F**ker. "But, why the
f**k would they want that wimpy animal as the battloid mode?  Hmm...
Wonder what it looks like in guardian..."
    "A new Veritech?" Rick's eyes lit up. "I'll test it!"

    "WARNING! WARNING! ENTERING METEOR SHOWER!" the ship's computer
announced.
    "But we don't have our deflector shields!" exclaimed Lisa. "Gasp!" she
gasped.
    "Gasp!" said Minmei.
    "Gasp!" said Sheeta.
    "Cool!" said F**ker.
    "Huh?" said Rick.
    
    Soon, large chunks of mineral compounds were coming towards the SDF's
bridge and the 'experimental cabbit Veritech'.  Before they could reach
them, however, the Cabbit-ship powered up and fired a huge energy beam,
which powdered the space rocks.
    "That's one heck of a Veritech," said Rick and F**ker.  Sheeta's eyes
just widened.
    "Um... Am I seeing things, or... Never mind. Poor choice of words. Of
COURSE I'm seeing things." said Lisa. "What I mean is, does our mass 
hallucination include a huge glowing tree in the middle of that
spaceship?"
    Sheeta's eyes nearly popped out of her head. <Tree?> she said to
herself.  She extended her hand, and closed one finger.
    "Yep," said Rick. "Must have something to do with how it was able to
fire that energy blast..."
    <Energy blast...> said Sheeta, putting down a second finger.
    "Oh, I don't know," said F**ker. "That thing's BIG... When you have
something the size of a small city, you can stash plenty of generators on
board..."
    <Size of a small city...> noted Sheeta, and put down a third finger.
She made some mental calculations, and then shouted,
    "LAPUTA!!!"
    "Yes?" asked Minmei, who'd been giggling and staring at the ship all
this time.
    "Not YOU!" said Lusheeta. "The ship! It's my castle! LAPUTAAAAAA!"
    Apparently, the cabbit-ship heard her. It turned to face the girl.
Sheeta opened her arms and tried to hug the thing through the unbreakable
glass-like clear plastic alloy.  The ship noticed, and sped away at full 
throttle.  After a brief run-in with Azusa back on Earth, it had become
wary of anything that tried to hug it and give it a new name...
    "Laputa..." sobbed Sheeta.
    "There, there," Hayes comforted her. "That was just a magic-mushroom-
induced hallucination. I'm sure we'll find the real Laputa soon." A pause. 
"Assuming, of course, that you're not a figment of my diseased
imagination, as well."
    The captain stumbled out of the supply room.  "Nopes..." he said. 
"The schtuff's all there..." He ran into a wall.  Rick grinned.
    "Could I have some, Sir?" he asked.
    "Nopesh, nopesh, nopesh..." said Gloval. "All gone. ALL GONE! ALL
GONE!  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" He promptly collapsed, unconscious.
    "I KNEW I should've kept the key..." said Lisa. "He just doesn't know
when to STOP!"
    "Now," said Rick, "about our situation...."

    "WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!" shouted the computer. "LARGE METEOR
APPROACHING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!"
    "Current course?" asked Lisa.
    "INTERCEPT."
    "Steer us out of it's path, then!"
    "STEERING FUNCTIONS NOT AVAILABLE UNDER SOLAR SAIL MODE."
    "Oh, sheet..." said Hunter.
    "Yes?" asked Sheeta.

    The meteor was closing in...

    "That... That's HUGE!" said Hunter, looking at the massive boulder
that was quickly catching up to them.
    "And I've got bad news." Lisa looked up from her computer screen. 
"It's headed straight for the sail."
    "Gasp!"
    "Gasp!"
    "Huh?"
    "Look at all the pretty flowers..."
    "Yippee! Now you'll ALL die, for sure!  First drinks at the Afterlife
Bar are on me!"
    "Don't look now," said Lisa, "but I think it..."

    The meteor connected with the bridge's solar sail, causing it to
shudder.
    "What the?!?" asked Rick. "The sail isn't broken!"
    "No... The meteor is just... Buried in there..."
    "And it's pulling us along!" shouted Minmei. "Look at how FAST we're
going! Isn't it FUN???" She glomped Rick in her happiness.
    She was right (remarkably). Somehow, the rock had imbedded itself
halfway through the sail, without breaking it, and was now pulling the
crew towards the Earth.
    "Towards the EARTH?" cried Rick, looking at the above paragraph.
    "Seems it was on the same course we were." said Lisa.
    "When will we arrive?" asked Sheeta.
    "Hmm... I'd say... About five minutes."
    "WHAT?!?!?"
    "Well, it's pulling us along at near-light speed, and it whatever the 
Zentraedi did warped us closer to the Sun than we were before..."
    "Can we land in Amsterdam?" asked Gloval from the floor. "There's some
schtuff I want to pick up..."
    "I'm afraid, Sir, that we'll have to land wherever this thing takes
us..."
        "Meanwhile," said Sheeta, "let's enjoy the view." She looked out. 
"It's so beautiful..."

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    Five minutes later...
    It was a somewhat peaceful day in Washington, D.C.. Well, OK.  It was
a very violent day, but for Washington, any day that doesn't result in an
attempt to take over the US government by armed guerrillas is a peaceful
day.
    Anyhow... The tourists visiting the Washington Monument that afternoon
were very surprised to find the sky suddenly grow dark, and a large,
massive spaceship/meteor combination come crashing down towards them. 
Being endowed with a healthy sense of self-preservation, each and every
one of them left to a safer location. In other words, as soon as they saw
it, they panicked and scrammed.
    The object landed with a loud crash in one of the beautifully 
landscaped parks surrounding the obelisk.  Surprisingly, the SDF-1's
bridge stayed above ground, while the meteor submerged itself in a crater
of its own creation, severing power and utility cables in the process and
causing a massive blackout.
    "It would seem," said Lisa from the inside of the ship, "that we have
landed in Washington, D.C."
    "Huh?"
    Before anyone could answer Rick, the crew of the SDF bridge heard a
girl's voice from without.
    "Are you the aliens that stole all the energy from the downtown area?"
    "Well," said Hayes, "we're not aliens, but we DID come from space, 
just now, and I'm afraid our entry DID cause that blackout."
    "Thought so.  MOON PRISM POWER!"  From out of nowhere came the blaring
of bad synthesiser music, and a light show of Olympian proportions,
visible even through the damaged vessel's blackened viewport.
    "Gasp!"
    "Gasp!"
    "Huh?"
    "PLEASE tell me this isn't the girl Zoi-chan warned me about in the
nether-world..."
    "MOON TIARA MAGIC!" Something small, and remarkably powerful, hit
the SDF-1, cracking it open like a rotten walnut.  Once the dust cleared,
the crew were able to get their first look at their assailant.
    "Oh, f**k," said F**ker. "It IS Usagi..."
    The blond, bi-pony-tailed girl struck silly poses for half a minute.
    "Hey! She muscht haf sum schtuff, too!" said Gloval.
    "And it must be pretty good, if it makes her dress and act like THAT!"
agreed Rick.  "Wanna share your dope?" he asked her.
    The poses stopped.
    "What?" asked Sailor Moon.
    "Dope!" said Rick.
    "Dope!" said Gloval.
    "How DARE you insult the Moon Princess like that?  In the name of the
Moon, I will punish you!!!" she pulled a pink plastic wand with a stylised 
moon crescent out of an invisible pocket.
    "KAWAIII!" said Minmei and Sheeta.
    "Uh-oh..." said Lisa.

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Come on. Who out there didn't realise this was part of the "Great Anime
Crossover from Hell"? Hands up, everyone!  Anyway, now the cat's out of
the bag.  Er... Poor choice of words. Sorry, Luna.

Anyway, next ep. is choc-full of surprises! Stay tuned!

Christopher Willmore
4cw6@qlink.queensu.ca