On Wed, 27 Nov 1996 23:59:20 -0500, "Odie3100" <odie3100@bridge.net>
wrote:

After a long hiatus, back to the grindstone....I just went through the
worst case of writer's block in my life :P This is a half-finished product,
and I would like some feedback from anyone and everyone......

This looks really good, but I'm lost without having read the previous
parts. E-mail them to me, will you please?

Now so I don't get justifiably flamed for posting such a request to
the list instead of just E-mailing the author, I'll correct some minor
spelling errors, typos, and such.

slight thumping sounds as he walked, which were sounding vaguely like the

I think "which sounded vaguely like" would be better here.

	Akane had been lying in bed awake, thinking of all the things that had
happened to her today, when she heard soft footfalls from the stair case.

Staircase (one word).

Even being so sift,

soft,

there was no mistake

"mistaking" I think.

that those feet belonged to Ranma.

	The suspence

suspense

was tearing at Akane. She wanted to fling the door open at

and

he was now feeling extremely nervous and began doubting his desicion to try

decision

to talk to Akane.

	She spied a little boy with what looked to be a large scabberd almost as

scabbard

different emotions sort themselves out. She could, of course, send Ranma
flyintg

flying

	Akane had been laying

lying

	And just as quickly as it had formed, the spell was broken. They both
opened their eyes at the persistant

persistent

<Ranma,> her mind quietly whispered. Clenching her fists tightly and
momentarily closeing

closing

It seemed to him that this place lived up to the reputation it had earned,
which was to say, a house of madness. He turened

turned

and peered through the now
bare gate. A young woman wearing a placid smile was waling

walking (?)

	He remembered his plan and answered.

"Yes, ma'sm

ma'am

"Well then, this is the place you are looking for, although I don't know if
Father and Mr. Tendo are teaching anymore. Please, come in."

Whoops! Father and Mr. Saotome, unless this is a weird Elseworld.

	She took him by his small hand and led him towards the house. He flushed
trmendously, enjoying the feel of her soft palm.

tremendously

the dirt road. By his calculations, they were at least a day behind
schedule, and not making up any ground on thier

their

quarry. He noticed his
horse and his charge's panting heavily.

"He noticed his horse's and his charge's heavy panting."
or
"He noticed that his horse and his charge were panting heavily."

	The elder patted his steed on the side of it 's

its. "it's" means "it is".

	They dismounted and stoodd

stood

 

what you once were?" He narrowed his eyes at the other and paused for
effect. "We have strict orders not to return until we apprehend the escapee
and have him.

??? If they apprehend him won't that mean they have him?

As if you couldn't tell, this is a sort of a test for you and
I. You wouldn't want to fail-"

for you and me.

her like a dehydrated man looking for a drink.> That thought brought back
memories of his own wife. It seemed like only a millenia ago they had

a millenium. Millenia is the plural.

met...... 

	His own wife was on extended leave for seventy-four years on a very
special mission of her own. Eighteen of those years had already passed, but
it did little to sooth

soothe



Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe