On Wed, 20 Nov 1996 12:50:49 +0000 Krista Perry said:
: Please, send me your C&C. This is far from polished, but
: hopefully it's better than the first draft of this part I sent
: in. Your comments and critical observations are more than
: welcome. How else will I catch and fix the really *stupid*
: mistakes I make?
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Terribly sorry, Krista. I saw you revision
posted on Friday a week ago and thought "Oh, goodie! Now you can
read and C&C it over the weekend," like I wanted to do for some
other fics. Alas, it should not be, because I had forgotten to
take any disks with me and had to let the fic lie at the uni until
Monday. :(
Anyway, *this* weekend I have your fic here and can finally dig
in. :)
: ---------------------------------------------
: Hearts of Ice
: Part 9: Memory and Mayhem
: by Krista Perry
: ---------------------------------------------
: Shampoo stood numbly as she looked at Ranma. Mousse stood
: behind her. She could feel his myopic gaze on her back; could
: feel his almost tangible desire to reach out and comfort her.
: But he did nothing. Shampoo didn't know whether to feel relieved
: or... sad. Her eyes still burned from watching the scene that
: had unfolded a moment before; watching as her dreams of having
: strong, handsome Ranma as her willing husband crumble to dust.
: Her hands tingled, and her heart felt frozen in her chest.
I really like this. I normally pretty much despise Shampoo, and
you let her do something incredibly worse than she ever did before
- but you paint her remorse and torn feelings in such vivid
colours that I can't hate her for it. Poor dear. Let's hope she
and Mousse find happyness one day, without having to destroy
someone else's.
: Unnoticed by all, Cologne's amazement dissolved into a slow,
: wicked smile. <The Kami Plane,> she thought with a mental
: chuckle. <Well. Who would have thought that the blood spell
: would send her *there.* All may not be lost after all.> She cast
: a subversive glance at Nabiki, who was staring at Ranma in
: disbelief, and her eyes lit with triumph. <Akane is well and
: truly beyond their reach if she's in the Kami plane. And
: soon...>
Yes, *better*. :)
BTW, I gotta wonder: When Akane arrived at Yuki-onna's home, they
mentioned the fact that she was *supposed* to be headed somewhere
else, but didn't reach that destination because Ranma had
shattered the spell. What was that destination and was it also in
the Kami plane? Is that of any importance or doesn't it matter?
: He turned to Cologne. "You said you can help me. If we can't do
: that spell again, isn't there something else you can do? Do you
: know how to get me to the Kami Plane?"
Well, Ranma, there is one sure-fire way to meet Yuki-onna...
Just walk into the heart of a snow storm and wait - she'll turn up
eventually. Not exactly a very healthy method, agreed, but for
true love that is not too high a price. Still cheaper than a long
distance call to the Kami plane. :)
: Nabiki leaned forward and looked down at the withered
: Amazon. "Five days. This is your last chance to stay on Ranma's
: *good* side. After that, if Akane's not back, you can wave
: goodbye to... well, mortal existence probably. After his
: demonstration this evening, I'd place the odds 50 to 1 that Ranma
: could produce a depression ki blast that would make anything
: Ryoga's done look like a measly firecracker."
Which seem pretty logical, considering that Ryouga's depression is
mostly self-induced ("because of you I have seen hel, yadda
yadda..."), while Ranma's depression here has a rather more
immediate cause.
: Shampoo went back into the restaurant, smiling from ear to
: ear.
Don't plan the wedding reception before the groom's said "yes",
girl. :) Even if Cologne's little plan would work out, your
future with Ranma would never be like you imagined it. Deep, deep
down you'd always know that what you have is just a fake - stolen
and made to fit, but not the real thing.
: And now he had ruined it all. Akane would never be content
: to stay knowing that *he* was looking for her. Not as long as
: that blasted wisp of dragon blood connected them, at least.
:
: She was getting closer to removing it. After a year of
: daily work, she was finally feeling a weakening in the blood
: spell. It wouldn't be long now...
I am still pretty sure that you are not quite right about the
nature of that wisp of "dragon blood". You might very well burn
your hands, trying to remove it, Yuki-onna.
: Even the boy's own mother. Tears of ice slid down
: Yuki-onna's face as she witnessed how desperately Ranma's mother
: wanted to see him, to love him. And yet he spurned that love,
: mocked it by hiding in female guise right in front of her;
: enjoying the pleasure of her company, yet denying her the joy and
: comfort that would come with the revelation that he was her son.
: The tears Ranma's mother shed for her lost son, not knowing he
: was mocking her grief right in front of her, pierced Yuki-onna to
: the heart.
*That's* one thing she got right. Although I guess that the worst
punishment you could give Ranma for this would be to make him
*aware* of the pain he's causing his mother.
: "Well." His father held him in front of him, cleansing his
: wounds with stinging antiseptic. "You learn anything?" He
: looked narrowly at Ranma's puffy red eyes and sunken expression.
: "What's wrong with you, boy? You're supposed to be learning Cat-fu
: down there! Don't tell me you just curled up in a corner and
: cried?!"
Hey, I just had another idea how to get Akane back. How about we
tie Genma to an altar and messily, over the course of several
hours, sacrifice him to some spirit or other? I mean, even if it
doesn't bring Akane back, it would be serving a useful purpose.
: **Frightened, boy?** The words were a low growling hiss in
: his mind. Ranma was too terrified to open his eyes. But he
: found he didn't need to open his eyes to see the Shadowcat that
: had just appeared in the room. The supernatural animal glowed
: with black ki and padded silently towards him through the thick
: mass of yowling, hissing cats that were trying to tear him to
: pieces.
The Shadowcat and the mysterious nature of the Cat Fist were
already foreshadowed several parts ago when the cast were visiting
Dr. Toufuu's mentor. Seems like this is going to play a major
role later on.
I like the way you turn something that was basically silly
slapstick humour into something very different and dark.
: Genma froze in shock as he heard Ranma's voice change from a
: cry of terror to an inhuman yowling, like an animal in pain.
:
: "Ranma!" Without another thought, he threw open the trap
Well, at least he has *some* concern for his son's well-being.
: "Oh my," she said. The old woman peered at him with wide
: eyes. Her husband had been a great martial artist before he
: passed away. Because of him, she had seen things, heard things
: in her lifetime... <Could it be..? But no, that's just a
: legend. And who would do such a thing to a child?>
Interesting. Again you take the outlines of the Manga and fill
them in with your own, richly textured back story. I like that.
: <Stay with me,> she wanted to say. <I'll take care of you
: better than he can.>
Ah, it seems that Yuki-onna is not the only one who suffers from
lonelyness and longs for a child lost (with Nodoka that makes
three), although that doesn't necessarily have to be the
motivation here. I just noted the parallel.
: Ryoga staggered to his feet, wiping blood from his mouth.
: "Shut up, Ranma. I'm still half asleep anyway. I don't see why
: you have to take it out on me just because you can't handle
: waiting another two days for Cologne to get back from China."
Two days? Did so much time already pass, while we were away,
observing Yuki-onna observing Ranma's past?
: Ranma glared hard at his friend/rival. He sure was acting
: casual about the whole situation... "Well, I don't see how you
: can sleep at all, *P-Chan,* especially knowing that Akane's in
: trouble, and there's nothing we can do about it!"
:
: Ryoga paused and blinked.
:
: "Who?"
Ka-booom! Yes, this ending is *lots* better than the one you sent
out first. A real zinger that pulls the floor from under our own
feet, while we see the bottom drops out of Ranma's world. This is
absolutely fascinating and I'm eager to see how this brave new
World Without a Akane looks like.
I hope we'll get to see part 10 soon.
Sebastian