Before I leave town for the weekend, here are my comments on a recent
fanfic:

C&C on Full Salvo by Paul Ervi (posted by Ranchan@mail.accent.net;
please E-mail Ranchan, not the FFML, if you need a copy of this fic.)

This was an entertaining story, but it has IMHO some major problems:

First of all, when you are writing dialog you should start a new
paragraph every time the speaker changes. Multiple speakers in the
same paragraph makes it really hard to follow.

Secondly, this story borrows too much straight from the anime. Akane's
"You like me, you really like me!" scene is one example.

Finally, there is just not enough about the character Salvo that is
sufficiently new or different to make him interesting to me. His
phenomenal cold powers, maybe, but that's not enough. Consequently,
there wasn't enough about this story that was sufficiently new or
different.

Gary


Gary Kleppe
kleppe@execpc.com, http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe