Well, you know, Bridget, this needs some work.

You said you wrote the last 2/3 in an afternoon and it shows.  The
conversation between Ranma and Mrs. Murakami is stilted and a little
dry.  Likewise the conversation between Akane and Ranma.  It doesn't
have that special, magical air you created in "Shizuku".  I think we
need more description in the dialogue, and to make the dialogue more
natural. So I do think you need to polish this up a lot.

And Oh God did I love this story.

When I saw that the final week was entitled "FLAMBEE!", little shivers
ran up my spine.  I shouldn't have been surprised, not really, but it
did manage to fill me with anticipation that was not disappointed.  The
gist of the dialogue between Mrs. Murakami and Ranma was great.  Ranma
and Akane were touching, and you even managed to maintain the status quo
between them somewhat, while still leaving us feeling like a threshhold
had been crossed, and that's rare.

I loved how you brought in all the recipes from the various weeks into
the very end.  Tied the whole story together *very* well.  While I'm a
little sorry that the rest of the family fled, at the same time the
image of Ranma and Akane alone in a darkened dining room eating dinner
together is one I am going to hold on to for a very long time.

This is truly a piece of art.  If you can just work a little on the
technical aspects, you'll have one of the finest bits of Ranma 1/2
fanfiction ever created.

Bravo.

-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

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All my fanfics can be found at:   
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm
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