On Thu, 14 Nov 1996 21:45:19 -0500 Suds-kun wrote:
: "The High Cost of Loving - Chapter Two"
: "The Money Pit - Part Four of Five"
: by Suds-kun (suds1964@tir.com)
: "Hai. I still haven't figured out what Ranma did with the broken
: blocks. These just seem to have piled up quickly." Akane sighed as
: she dumped the load of broken cement.
Heh, he donated them to build a shrine to the Goddess of Anger and
Mallets. :)
: Nabiki hugged her sister fiercely and whispered to her. "I promise
: that I won't rest until we find you someone, oneechan, I promise with
: all of my heart."
: Nabiki quietly shut the door as she left. "If only you could
: recognize that Tofu-sensei has got it bad for you." Nabiki walked
: into her room and snickered. "You know, I wonder how daddy and mom
: ever got along together, considering how the three of us are so inept
: at relationships.
Very nice. I like these scenes between Nabiki and Kasumi a lot.
: As the battle progressed, the panda took the little pig into a side
: room. In the room were a number of steaming tea kettles and a couple
: changes of clothes. The panda poured the contents of one kettle on
: the pig and then tossed the clothes at the naked Ryouga.
Um, since when does Genma know that Ryouga is P-chan? If he
knows, how come he allows him to sleep with his son's fiancee?
: "Ryouga!" shouted Ranma.
:
: "Ranma-sama!" shouted Kodachi.
:
: "Saotome!" shouted Kuno.
:
: "Ranma!" shouted Akane.
:
: "Well, now I know who all is here." thought Sasuke.
:D :D :D
: "You're going to pay for this humiliation, Ranma!" shouted Ryouga.
: "Shi shi houkoudan!"
What the heck is he so upset about? I know he flies of the handle
rather easily, but usually he waits for something to *happen*
before he accuses Ranma for it.
: Kodachi glomped onto Ranma in an attempt to kiss him. "Oh,
: Ranma-sama! I am so glad you came to welcome me home!"
:
: "Unfaithful Hentai!" shouted Akane as she punted Ranma away from
: Kodachi and into the collapsing wall. Which finished collapsing onto
: Ranma. Akane then stormed out the hole in the wall. "I'm leaving!"
And what is Akane's motivation here? She *does*, I admit,
sometimes react violently when Ranma gets glomped, but this is a
bit silly for a fanfic like this. I know you need this conflict
between them to set up Akane's insight scene later on, but I'd
appreciate if she got a little more motivation before she pulls
out the mallet (metaphorically speaking). How about letting Ranma
do his usual "Ooops, I got glomped by a girl" dither routine:
"Um, err... Kodachi... Ulp.", etc.
: Those funny looking words:
: Konbanwa Good Evening
Except you spelled it "KonbOnwa" in the text.
: Baka Akane's pet name for Ranma
: Hentai Akane's second pet name for Ranma
:D
All right. Apart from the abovementioned motivation problems,
this was throroughly enjoyable. I'll be waiting for part 5.
Sebastian