This is the self insertion fic I started back in August.  It sucks.  It's
meant to be a parody, but it's just not funny.  So I finished the second
chapter, and decided to just post what I have.  Flame away.


R1/2 -- Thom Youngblood <ranma@tendo-dojo.ranma.net>

			A Wolf in the Dojo


    Chapter Zero -- I Wish You Were Here, And I Wasn't.

	It was a 'Bad Day'.  Oh, it didn't start that way, and I didn't
know it until it was too late, but it was.  You see, that was the day I
went to Nerima.
	Sure, sounds innocent enough.  But what if I told you it was the
Nerima that Ranma lives in?  Oh, you think that sounds cool?  HA!!  Let me
tell you, it was a living HELL.
	Yeah yeah, you're not convinced.  Well, let me tell you a tale
then.  I'll tell you all about my trip to Japan.  Then you can decide for
yourself if you want to visit there.  It all started on that bad day...


    Chapter One -- Here's Thom!

	Do you believe in Majyk?  I didn't.  When that shop owner said it
was a magical ring, that could grant a wish, I thought he was pulling my
leg.  But it was majykal.  Oh, why do you spell it differently?  See,
magic is controllable.  Majyk is not.
	So I put it on, and said 'I wish I was in Nerima!'  Now, had it
been magical, I'd've been taken to the Nerima, Japan in my world.  Well,
that's not quite where I ended up...

				*****

	"...For I am, The Blue Thunder!!"  <KRA-KOOM!> Lightning forked
out of the sky, hitting Kuno.  Ranma lifted his arm to cover his eyes,
blinking away the flash.  When he looked up again, a much stranger sight
met his eye.  Instead of Kuno, there was a gaijin.  Ranma blinked a few
times.
	"Who the hell are you?"
	"Who the hell are you??  And why am I speaking Japanese???"[1]
	"I'm Ranma Saotome."
	"Oh.  Then I'm in trouble."
	Nabiki commented dryly, "That's a funny name, even for an
American."
	"Er... sorry.  My name is Thom."[2]
	Ranma spoke up again.  "How do you know me?"
	I realized I needed a place to stay.  I sorted through half a
dozen options, but only two sounded feasible.  I could either claim to be
looking for the dojo for training...  Or that I was a relative.  Ok, make
that only one sounded feasible.
	"I'm looking for the Tendo Dojo.  I was told a great kempo master
was there by the name of Ranma Saotome."  I figured flattery couldn't hurt
any.
	Ranma stepped into a fighting stance.  "Ok, whoever you are, I'm
ready for you."  He rushed forward at me.
	My eyes widened.  I squeaked out, "No, I wanted you to train..." 
right before he hit me.  That was the last thing I remembered.  Oh well,
at least it got me a place to stay.

				*****

	When I woke up, my first thought was that I'd had a bad dream.
All I had to do was open my eyes, and I'd see my room.
	"Thom?  Are you awake?"
	I opened my eyes.  It wasn't my room.  It was clearly the living
room in the Tendo house.  And I had the worst headache.
	"Thom?"
	"Yeah, I'm awake.  Did you get the license plate?"
	Akane blinked.  'Must be an American joke.'  "Are you okay?  I
hope Ranma didn't hit you too hard...  That baka."
	"I'll live.  I think he pulled his punch."  Actually, I was sure
he had.  I was alive after all.
	"Did you come here all the way from America just to train here?  I
had no idea that anyone in America had ever heard of the Tendo Dojo."
	Every now and again, I have these flashes of brilliance.  I
thought I had one at that moment.  I suspect now it was just an
after-effect of getting hit so hard.
	"I met Ryoga.  He told me about the dojo, and Ranma."
	"Ryoga was in America?  I had no idea he spoke english that well."
	"Um... I don't think he does."
	Nabiki had been sitting quietly, but she then said what I had been
hoping to hear.  "I expect you'll want to stay here, right?"
	"I was hoping..."
	"5000 yen a night."
	Oh crap.  Before I even had a chance to do anything, Akane saved
me.  "No way Nabiki, he's staying here free.  He's my guest."[3]
	Nabiki raised an eyebrow.  "Fine."  She glared at me.  It was a
you'll-pay-for-being-here-one-way-or-another look.  I was quite sure she
was right.  But, I was here and I had a place to stay.  What could
possibly go wrong now?[4]

				*****

[1]  Well, I suppose I could have had myself *not* know japanese, but then
this would be a pain in the ass to write.

[2]  Silent H, pronounced like Tom.

[3]  Gimme a break!  It's not like I'd have any money...

[4]  The mind boggles.


    Chapter Two -- The Easy Way

	Kasumi truly is a fantastic cook.  She doesn't cook complex
multi-course meals.  Just plain, simple meals; very tasty plain simple
meals.  Kasumi wasn't cooking dinner that night.
	I didn't realize what was wrong at first.  Oh sure, I should have
known something was up when Genma didn't steal Ranma's food, or
vice-versa.  Or maybe Akane bringing out the food should have tipped me
off.  My only excuse was that I was under stress from being in a fictional
universe.  That didn't save me.
	While everyone else sat staring at the meal, I dug right in.  I
piled my plate high, missed Ranma's frantic waves of horror, missed
Akane's hope filled eyes, missed Nabiki grabbing for her camera, and
missed Soun and Genma's looks of shock.  I took a bite.

				*****

	The convulsions died down by morning of the next day.  By the time
I was able to get up, school had started.  So I missed the morning
sparring.  I missed breakfast too.  Of course the thought of food was...
painful.  So I was amazed when I did make it downstairs, the scent that
was tickling my nose actually made my mouth water.  Kasumi smiled as I
entered the kitchen.
	"I made you breakfast.  You didn't eat much at dinner last night." 
	I grinned.  No one did.  And there was the fight.  "Thank you,
Kasumi.  I'll try to be on-time from now on."
	While I ate, she cleaned up the kitchen from last night.  I don't
know if Martial Arts Housekeeping is an official art, but it should be.
After all, Akane seems to know Martial Arts Cooking.  My guess was that
the knife in the wall was an accident however.  There's no way she could
have...  Oh wait.  This is Akane after all.
	"Thom, I'll be going to the market to shop.  I'll be back in a few
hours."
	"Ok...  oh!  Could I come with you?  I don't know my way around
Nerima very well yet."  Have you ever noticed, once you start making
mistakes, you can't stop?
	"I'd be happy to show you around.  It's a very quiet place
usually."  I grimaced.  Somehow, I didn't think anyone else would say that
who lived here. 

				*****

	Now, I did do one thing right.  When Kasumi stopped at Dr. Tofu's
to borrow another book [1], I stayed outside.  I was very grateful for
learning where it was however.  I had a sneaking suspicion I might need to
know it later on.  As it turned out, well, I'll relate that bit when the
time is right.
	Kasumi was born to shop.  No, not like those people who go out and
buy boxes and bags of clothing every week.  They just spend money.  Kasumi
*shops*.  I had my first hint of her talents when she listed what
vegetables we needed, then she proceeded to only buy half of them.
	The store owner grimaced, and marked down the price on the ones
she didn't buy, muttering something that sounded like 'always
underpricing me'.  It took me almost an hour to figure it out.  Kasumi was
so well known, if she didn't buy something, it was because you were not
the lowest price in town.  Needless to say, she finished her shopping
there.  On the way home, I asked her how she knew that somone else had a
lower price that day.
	"I don't think anyone did.  Nabiki said I should do that."
	"Oh, does Nabiki run the family finances?"
	"No...  but her allowance comes out of the food money."
	I decided that some stereotypes might have been a touch off.

				*****

	I am not a great cook.  That said, I do know how.  And I really
wanted to do something to help Kasumi.  To this day, I don't understand
how Ranma could have fallen in love with Akane [2].  Kasumi is simply the
sweetest person I've ever met.  So I cooked lunch.
	I honestly don't know how it happened.  I swear.  There's just
something about that kitchen.
	I had never seen anything like it.  How does beef stew catch on
*fire*?  And burn so hot it melts the pot?  Thankfully, when the stove
exploded, the gas was cut off automatically. It was a safety feature
installed when Akane began cooking.  At the time, even Ranma thought it
needless.
	I felt so guilty.  Well, I also felt very burned.  Luckily,
Ranma's clothing fit me.  And my hair would grow back.  Eventually.  That
night, as I tried to keep from moving and aggravating my injuries, I asked
myself how it could get any worse.  But you see, I hadn't tried to solve
Ranma's problems yet.

				*****

[1]  'Rain Dances of the American Indians'  Explains a lot, doesn't it?

[2]  Well, I have no proof of this.