This is the cursed story.

After losing the file three times to the hard drive gods, I've finally
got something resembling a second part finished (yes, I know it took me
long enough..), and I'm sending it out before the file gets eaten yet
again.. o.O

Hope you like it!

----------

 
In the beginning, reality was created.  This made a lot of people very
upset,and was generally regarded as a bad move.  More to the point, it
was regarded as not going far enough.  The powers that be, and the
powers that wanted to be, and even the powers that never would have a
chance of being, but happened to be around at the beginning of time,
were all uniformly dissatisfied, especially since the reality that was
created could hardly explain them as being the Supreme Being.

Naturally, the real Supreme Being (who happened to be named Johnathan
Biles, and whom had lived a rather peaceful and idylic life after
starting the universe, living in a small suburban area of North America,
until he, the state, and in fact, the entire planet, suffered from a
small, minor problem of being uniformly anhailated) had planned it this
way, but instead of listening to an endless eternity of whining,
created the multiple realities.  Infinite in scope, and completely
endless in possibilities, the multile realities allowed each power (of
whatever level) to have it's own universe to play with, and the
possibility of new realities being created, making gods out of the the
ordinary joe, if they happened to create a world in their own mind that
enough people believed in.

And if they happened to know how to get there.

Technology to get between realities, of course, is a completely
horrific project, and well beyond the minds of most scientists. 
Especially since it took them so long to even think about the fact that
other realities might even exist.

But there is no motivator like money.  And when the higher-ups at the
HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy caught wind of it, they spent
ludicrous amounts of money to get this technology to be developed. 
Imagine, they thought, of making a new Guide, even better than the Mark
II, in which it could skip between all the realities!  Infinite
realities means infinite income for selling one copy to every
reality...  And there was far more than one person in each.  
Well, most of them.

And so, it was developed in secret, and refined, and after a few years
work and hundreds of dead reality researchers later, they came up with
a fully incomplete version.  But no one had to know that.

Unfortunately, the project had been doomed to failure, and the only
version of the HitchHiker's Guide to Reality had laid in a solitary
room, all alone, simply sitting and collecting dust.  Until that is, a
certain Ford Prefect picked it up, thinking it might be kind of neat.

Which was why Arthur was now sitting face-down in a koi pond, wishing
he was in fact truly and really dead.  He wasn't.  But he would be, if
he didn't get out of the water soon.

Unfortunately, Ford pulled him out almost instantaneously.  The pair
fell over each other, and onto the rocks beside the pool, on which
Arthur hoped quite desperatly he had caused some kind of internal
bleeding.

Laying there in a daze, Arthur scanned around him.  There was a simple
looking house right in front of him, a sliding door open to the pond.
Just inside, a tall man with long black hair and a moustache, and a
large.. panda, were staring at him curiously..

---

The HitchHikerπs Guide to Reality series

part 2 - The dojo somewhere middlish in the the Takahashiverse

---

Soun Tendou watched the two men carefully.  By now, he had gotten quite
used to seeing people falling into his koi pond - much to the chagrin
of the koi that actually swam in it -, but he was used to knowing who
it was that had fallen in.  These two, however, he had never seen
before in his life.  Gaijin, at that.  At least they hadn't changed
forms (or so he desperatly hoped) when they had fallen into the
water...

A bad thought entered his head.  A very bad one.

"Saotome, your training never took you anywhere near America or Europe,
did it?"

A sweat bead formed slowly on the back of the panda's head.  It
chuckled, and help up a sign, which read:  "Of course not!"

Soun narrowed his eyes, looking between the panda, and the wet pair of
people, not getting a good feeling at all about this...

---

"Terribly sorry Arthur, I really do have to work on my landings.  It's
just that I'm new to this and all..."  A few clicks and beeps.  Arthur
barly noticed, as he watched with interest as a beat of sweat clung to
the panda's head.  What kind of strange gravity was at work here?

Finally, Ford brought himself to face this world.  Naturally, it didn't
phase him.  "Fascinating, pandas can communicate here?"

Arthur had one of his many bad thoughts, and turned to Ford quickly.
"Look, we can understand them, because of the babel fish, but will they
understand us?"

"It should.  I managed to get all around your planet without a hitch.
What's got you so concerned anyways?  I thought you wanted to be
dead.."

"I did.  But now that I'm not, I'm very frightened for me.  What's this
world all about anyways?"

Ford handed him the guide to Realities, which had changed somehow
during the visit, and was now labelled, 'The HitchHiker's Guide to the
Takahashiverse'.  Apparently it adapted itself to whatever reality it
was in.

"You can check it up on this," said Ford, "I'm going to talk to the
natives."

Ford got up completely out of the pond, and sloshed his way over to the
man with the panda.  Meanwhile, Arthur became immersed in the new
guide...

---

What the Guide has to say about the Takahashiverse is this:  The
Takahashiverse revolves mainly around the setting of two high schools,
a boarding house, and a lot of hilly, semi-abandoned saside houses, all
on the planet Earth.  Just about everywhere else on earth exists, but
aside from a few choice places in China, some floating islands and the
occasional far-off planet, they seem to be rather vague and undefined. 
Anyone leaving the direct area of Japan and China will find themselves
in quite barren places.  There are people, but they donπt seem to be
very conscious or aware.  This is due to the fact that the
Takahashiverse was created by a female writer who came from that very
same area.  Food and housing seem to be free somehow, and gravity fails
to work for about 1/10th of the population.  Getting off of the planet
Earth is particularly unlikely, unless you propose to any of the
occasional bikini-clad female aliens that seem to use Earth as a
playground.

The guide also had a gigantic list of related links, and some warning
about not eating some kind of meat, but Arthur decided
those could wait.  For now, finding a way not to get off of this
personπs property without causing bodily harm to himself seemed like
the wisest course of action.

Unfortunately, that wasnπt the way Ford was going to have it.

≥Really?  Back where I came from, I never saw a talking panda before.≤
he said conversationally, while pondering a move, and moving a shogi
piece, ≥never met one that could play shogi either.≤

The moustached man and the panda both seemed rather amiable, or it
seemed so to Arthur.  The moustached man had given up his seat, and now
Ford was having a gruelling match of shogi against the panda.  Still
more of those sweat beads were hanging on their heads.  What was going
on here?

---

≥If this gaijin doesnπt know Genma, then what is he doing in my house? 
I have enough freeloaders as it is..≤ pondered Soun.  He eyed Genma
suspiciously.  What was going on in his old friendπs scheming mind
right now?

≥I hope I didnπt sell Ranma to this man as well.  Thereπs already been
three suitors this week already..≤ Though Genma, as if on cue.  More of
the curious timing that seemed to happen in this world.  A shame that
neither Ford nor Arthur could notice it.

Soun kept a friendly expression on his face.  ≥Well, donπt be too
impressed by our..  Pet here.  He cheats.≤

Genma growfed at that comment, too busy glaring at Soun to notice while
Ford switched the board around.  Genma looked back at his pieces, a
little confused at how much he had to change his tactics.  Too many
distractions today, he guessed.

Soun couldnπt help but smile slightly, but he quickly continued.  "So..
 What brings you here?  We donπt usually have guests falling
into our pond..≤ He paused.  ≥Well, not appearing there, at least."

"Bad aim.  Aside from that, it'd be rather hard to explain..."

"Martial arts masters, who can teleport?  I hope not.." Pondered 
Soun, "They don't look that dangerous, but then, neither does 
Happosai.."

Soun decided on what to him was the wisest course of action.  Or at 
least, wise to his own mind.  He smiled at Ford, and Arthur, who was
now walking up to the house.

"Perhaps I could invite you in for some food?  My youngest daughter
is a wonderful cook.."  Soun smiled broadly, ignoring the shocked 
expression on Genma's face.  "Please, please let Akane's cooking be
useful for once.."  Soun pleaded to himself, as he led the 
unsuspecting pair towards the kitchen..

---

Ranma couldn't help but feel irritated.  It seemed that more strangers
had shown up at the Tendo dojo.  Would he have to enter yet another
stupid martial arts contest to prove that he could in fact, do what he
wanted to, and no what his demented father had promised him off to do?

Ranma crept up into the house, shaking his head and muttering.  Another
day, another stupid martial art to prove he was the master of.  
Couldn't they just get over the fact the he was the greatest, and get
on with things?

>From the kitchen, a typical "Oh my." could be heard.  That was no help,
she always said that..  What came next, though, wasn't quite expected.

"Oh, ah, hello...  My names....  Ah, um..."

This guy was almost as bad as Tofu..  And this was his challenge?
Ranma peeked around the kitchen door.  Or maybe it was the seedy guy
holding the towel?  Ranma shook his head.  Amateurs.  They'd fall 
before him like nothing.

"His name's Arthur Dent," chimed in the seedy guy, while the gaijin
in the wooly kimono just stood there babbling, "And I'm Ford 
Prefect.  We're ah, just stopping through on a visit.  Made a wrong
turn a while back.."

Great.  One had Tofu's affliction with Kasumi, while the other had
Ryouga's sense of direction.  If they had this much going against 
them, what kind things could they have going for them?

A body slid up beside him.  Ranma froze.  Was there a third one?
He turned quickly, to stare Nabiki directly in the face.  She raised
a finger to his lips, indicating him to be quiet.

"Who are they?" she whispered.  Ranma could just see her mind 
calculating some kind of way to make a profit out of the situation.
Not like he wasn't accustomed to that.

"No idea." He confided, leaving Nabiki behind, and walking into the 
kitchen.  How dangerous could these gaijin be?  Everyone knew that
he always won in the end anyways.

His opinion of these gaijin, turned to one of shock, when he saw the
knife in the hand the gaijin who had been previously babbling...

-----

Arthur had no idea what came over him.  Really.  For a moment, he 
had been trying to make conversation with this darling woman
Kasumi, when a sudden urge kicked in.  He had seen the knife just 
lying there, along with all those vegetables...  And something
just..  Kicked.  Arthur had responded.

And before he knew it, the knife was in his hands.  A veritable
blur of movement later, he called out, "Supreme cutting 
maneuver!!"  And following that, the vegetables on the counter 
became sliced, ready for preparation.  Another cry followed,
of "Ultimate Loaf Technique!!" which basically entailed a loaf
of light sandwich bread appearing in his hands, and being 
cut into perfectly even slices, and then being placed on the
counter in twos.  Moments later, five prepared sandwiches 
were the only evidence of Arthur's actions.

The responses were somewhat typical: "Oh my, that was nice.",
"Oh boy, food!", and "Maybe I could make those.." being the
most noticably so.  What was typical for most situations,
but not usually for the preparation of food, was Soun's reaction,
which was drop-jawed shock.

Ranma had jumped into the room in a flash, but saw the moves
as basically harmless, so kept himself to simply eyeing him
carefully.  Arthur was eyeing himself carefully too, actually,
not quite sure how, or why he did such a thing.  

Ford reacted by anyone else, grabbing Arthur by the arm, and
dragging him towards the living room.  "A wonderful display
Arthur, but we're guests..  We can't take over their kitchen
he said loudly, dropping his voice to a hushed whisper as 
they got out of earshot.  "Bloody hell Arthur, I think you
just ruined our welcome.."

-----

Back inside the kitchen, Soun was weeping.  Not an unusual
thing for him, to be sure.  What was unusual was how silent
he was about it.  "We're doomed, doomed..."  He whispered..

And for once, it wasn't Genma's fault.

-----

"On the plus side, you've just proved a theory I had about
reality travel." Said Ford conversationally.

"Theory?  You make it sound like this was mostly new to 
you, Ford.." 

"Well, it is, actually.  I've never done this before.  Never
had the need."

"What?  So am I supposed to be your Guinea Pig?"

"Oh hush Arthur.  It's not like I'm not putting myself 
through the same thing.  Besides, it was this, or 
atomization..  Anyways, this theory of mine, is really
quite fascinating."

"So of course you're going to tell me all about it."

"In great detail!" Ford gushed.  "What we have at work 
here, is what I call, the 'blend effect'.  Now listen,
the idea behind seperate realities is that they are
universes that operate under completely different 
sets of rules, right?  Well, I bet myself that 
whenever you skip between the different realities,
you gain properties to yourself of that reality."

"What?"

"Okay, let me put it this way..  Here in the Takahashi
reality, or at least this part of it, martial arts is
a facet of every little bit of reality.  Tea making,
gymnastics, skating..."

-----

"Martial arts Sandwich Making?!"  Ranma cried.  This just
going too far.  It was bad enough when that person from
the school of matial bonsai challenged him, but really,
enough was enough.

"I am NOT learing how to fight with a sandwich!"

"Hush boy!" cried Soun.  "He might hear you!  Ohh, what
a tragedy!  I had thought I'd lost them for good!"

Now it was Akane's turn.  "So let me get this straight.
You offered up one of your daughters..  For a sandwich?!"
It was bad enough that Genma had a person appearing every
few weeks to claim her as bride, but now her father did
it?  It better the only case...

Soun sobbed, which of course was no suprise.  "It..  Was
a really good sandwich..  I was hungry, it was the middle
of nowhere..  I was desperate!"

Ranma took Soun by the shoulders.  "Look, I am a martial
artist of the indiscriminate style.  But I've got limits!
A real man does not fight with a piece of bread!"

"But you must Ranma!!" wailed Soun.

Ranma sighed.  Better to get this over with than to 
drown the house, again.  He turned towards the door, 
ready to face his lastest, and most definately silliest,
opponent.

-----

"...  The whole works.  And now you seem to have some 
martial art based around what you do best, which is
sandwich making.  Is that any clearer?"

Arthur shook his head.  "Not in the slightest."

Ford pulled the Guide out of Arthur's pocket, and 
examined it.  "Well, just accept the fact that your
sandwiches are now deadly weapons.  And they probably
taste smashing too."

Arthur blinked.  "Wait!  Why are you taking the guide?"

Ford smiled.  "Well, you obviously don't need it 
any more.  You've found your niche in this reality.  I
haven't.  Thus, I'm obviously in the wrong place.  I'll
need this.." he hefted to Guide. "To help me figure out
where I do belong.." 

Ford strolled towards the entrance.  "It's been 
smashing Arthur, really, but since we're here, we
might as well do what we're meant to do.  Good luck!"

Ford left, disseapearing out of sight, just as a cry
forced Arthur to turn around.

"Gaijin!  I won't let you take Akane!"

The ensuming battle raged through a good deal of the
house, defaulting the insurance for the nth time.  
Ranma had struck quickly, leaping at Arthur with a 
hundred-punch strike.  A hundred squelches later, 
Ranma's hand was covered in sandwich codiments, and
Arthur was holding a somehow still-perfect sandwich
in his left hand.

"What are you doing?!"  Arthur cried, somehow 
having the ability to leap away from a spin kick 
that would have connected with his temple.

Somehow, Arthur felt his integration into the 
Takahashi universe wasn't going to be a smooth
one.

-----

end part 2

-----

EPILOGUE:

Ford whistled to himself cheerfully, taking him
wherever his feet happened to lead him.  After a 
few minutes of random wandering, he noticed that 
he was not walking, but in fact floating, drifting
along the ground.  When he finally looked around
to get his bearings, he noticed the signs at a
train station said that this was the 'Tomobiki'
district....

--------

And so ends chapter 2.  Chapter 3 is tentatively
titled 'Fiances, aliens, and a lot of things you
don't want to know about'.  Coming out god knows 
when.
 
 - Eric

ps - A semi-sequel to 'Interpretations' has been
     written, titled 'Snippets best left as short
     as they are'...  I don't think it's as good(?)
     as the last one, but if people want to see it,
     I'll send it to the list...  :)