Sailor Van Allen Belt and Sailor Oort Cloud wandered down another
generic hallway. Sailor Charon and Sailor Dust Particle #875643-QBERT
staggered out a soundstage door, still wearing shades and trenchcoats
over their fukus. "Hey, there you are!" Sailor Van Allen Belt said.
"Been clothing shopping while WE were fighting evil?"
"We just stared in a commercial." Sailor Charon said.
"Ooooh...that's gonna help save the hostages." Sailor Oort Cloud
said.
"Well, Excuse me little miss Perfect. We'd have helped if you
hadn't run off and gotten lost!"
"Well, it wasn't MY idea for you idiots to collapse the ceiling on us!"
Just before another Sailor Brawl could start, three dozen evil salt
shakers...I mean trashcans...I mean Daleks rounded the corner.
"EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" They began firing laser
blasts. "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! REGURGITATE!" The
Daleks paused and vaporized their defective fellow. Couldn't do to have
someone breaking their rhythm. The sailors took this chance to run.
***************************************************************************
Lemon Sherbet Chapter Five:
"Whole lotta moaning going on."
or
"Akane REALLY loves P-chan"
or
"A duet of MPS for two and three respectively."
***************************************************************************
<theme song: Rubber Ducky>
Akane chased P-chan down the hallway. "Bathtime for you! I don't
think I've ever managed to get you clean! Now you're going to get a bath
if it kills me!"
She chased the pig past Ranma, who was sitting and reading some
Dragonball Z manga. "Help me, Ranma!"
Ranma said, "Your pig, not mine, tomboy."
Normally, Akane would have stopped and socked Ranma into the
stratosphere for that one. However, today, she was determined to finally
give P-chan a bath. While teasing Ryouga was fun, she was feeling
increasingly sexually frustrated of late and this would, one way or another,
solve that problem. P-chan, naturally, had no idea she knew he was
really Ryouga. She sometimes wondered how everyone could be stupid
enough to think she didn't know. She had a lot of fun messing with
Ryouga's mind like this.
P-chan fled down the hallway, his yet human mind in a panic. <I
can't let her get me near hot water!> He turned and bolted outside...uh,
okay into the kitchen. <Maybe I can hide behind Kasumi.> He tried to
run behind Kasumi and somehow found himself running straight at Akane.
Akane grabbed him. "Got ya!"
Kasumi said, "Oh my. Why is P-chan running away from you, Akane?
Akane said, "I think he knows I want to give him a bath."
P-chan squirmed as Akane headed back into the living room. Ranma
looked up from his manga. "Jeez, what's the porker freaking over?"
"I guess he doesn't want a bath." If he knew what I intend to do,
he wouldn't be so resistant. This wouldn't be so much fun either,
though, she thought.
"A bath? You can't give him a bath!"
"Whaddya mean I can't give him a bath? Are you saying I'm too
clumsy?" Akane growled slightly, a dark cloud passing across her face.
Ranma said, "Uh...You can't bathe pigs."
"Why?" Akane began looking for something suitable for crushing
Ranma that only required one hand so she could keep a grip on P-chan with
the other.
"It uh...suffocates them. They need mud to cool off in. At least,
you can't give them a hot bath."
Kasumi leaned her head out the door. "That's right, Ranma. Pigs
overheat easily because they can't sweat. If you give him a hot bath,
he might get hurt."
Akane blinked. Ranma stuck out his tongue at her. "See, I was
right!" She grabbed the nearby Shogi table and whapped him out the door
and into the pond. Splash!
"Then I'll give him a cold bath, you hentai! And don't come
peeping, cause I'm gonna take a bath too!" She headed off for the
bathroom.
As she entered the bathroom, she heard the sound of water running in
the kitchen and the distant voice of Ranma shouting, "TOMBOY! Whaddya
do that for?"
She slammed the door to the bathroom shut. "Stupid hentai. Always
picking on me and P-chan. Just because I want my pet piggie to be clean,
he has to pick a fight. Sometimes, I think he must be jealous of you,
P-chan." Gotta keep up the act, so Ryouga will think this all comes as a
surprise, she thought.
P-chan bweed happily in Akane's arms. <Just as long as I don't get
any hot water on me, I'll be fine. Oh, Akane, if only I could be with
you as a man. But, I...I don't know how you really feel about me? Do
you love me? Or am I just your pet piggie?>
Akane put P-chan down on a towel and ran some cold water into a
bucket with some soap. She then methodically cleaned him all over and
rinsed him off. "Not as good as a hot bath, but I guess it will do."
Taking the towel, she methodically dried him off. He really did need a
bath, she thought. I guess it must be hard to keep clean when you've got
to avoid hot water in front of people.
**********************************
Back in the living room, Ranma fumed. <And once again, Ryouga
peeps on my fiancee naked in the tub! I can't let him get away with
this! But, how can I prevent it? If I just barge in, Akane will just
try and knock me silly. She's probably naked by now. Grrr.> He sat and
fumed. Kasumi came out of the kitchen.
Kasumi said, "Is something wrong, Ranma?"
"That stupid pig is spying on my fiancee again! I mean, uh..."
Ranma blushed slightly, realizing how stupid he sounded.
Kasumi sat down by Ranma, smiling faintly. "You wish you were in
there with her instead of P-chan, Ranma?"
Ranma started to nod, then caught himself. "No way I wanna see that
tomboy naked! Heck, I've got a better figure than her when I'm a girl!
And I'm certainly not jealous of that stupid pig!" He pounded his fist
on the ground.
"He's just a pig, Ranma. It's not like he cares if she is dressed
or not. Haven't you ever had a pet see you naked?"
"I never had a pet. And P-chan's no ordinary pet." Ranma glanced
back towards the bathroom, straining to hear the slightest odd sound.
All he heard was water running.
Kasumi blinked. "He isn't? What makes him any different?"
"He's not a pig! He's ...uh..." Ranma trailed off.
Kasumi blinked again. "He certainly looks like a pig. And I
haven't caught him reading the newspaper."
Ranma stared at Kasumi.
"Like a human? Never mind." Kasumi stared off at the wall for a
moment, then turned back to Ranma. "So what do you mean?"
"He...he...Baah. I can't say."
"Why? He's just a...He's not Happousai in a disguise, is he?"
Ranma laughed a little. "Happy tried that once. It didn't work
very well. Even Ryouga wouldn't fall for that disguise."
Kasumi smiled and stretched. "Oh my, I'm tired. Perhaps I'll take
a little nap. Don't worry about P-chan. He's just a little pig. No
reason at all to be jealous of him."
"I'm not jealous!" Ranma glanced back at the bathroom again.
"Then why do you keep looking back at the bathroom?" Kasumi rose to
leave.
"I ought to just go in there and punt that pig into orbit!"
There was a hesitant knock from the kitchen, then Makoto walked in.
"Hi, Ranchan. I hope you don't mind I let myself in."
"Oh, hi, Makochan!" Ranma perked up.
"Wanna come over to my place tonight and watch some movies? Umino
and Naru are supposed to come over tonight, and I didn't want to watch
them snuggle by myself."
"Sure!" Anything to get away from thinking about that tomboy and
her stupid pig, he thought. He got up and said to Kasumi, "I'll see you
later, Kasumi."
Kasumi nodded. "Don't hold supper for you, I suppose?"
Makochan nodded. "I've got food ready and everything."
"Well, have a fun time! I'm going to go make out with Dr. Tofu."
They both blinked. She laughed. "You thought I was serious, didn't
you."
Ranma nodded nervously. Kasumi seemed to be trying to be a comedian
today.
"Well, I was going to ask you, but I guess you two will be making
out tonight, so..."
Ranma and Makoto facefaulted.
Kasumi laughed. "I guess the new Sake I bought was more powerful
than I thought...Maybe I ought to go take a nap..."
"You've been drinking?"
"I only had a little. It was some weird chinese brand, and I wanted
to make sure it didn't taste horrible or something."
Makoto checked the kitchen and found a bottle, then read the tiny
fine print in Japanese. "Concentrated Sake. One pint of concentrate
will make five gallons of Sake."
Ranma blinked.
"Oh my. I had about the equivalent of 3 gallons then...wheee!!!!"
She promptly passed out. Makoto and Ranma dragged her upstairs to sleep
it off.
***************************
<Music cue: Undress your love>
P-chan sat on his blanket as Akane dragged in and hooked up her
boombox and put on a CD. She then started stripping to the music. He
stared in shock. He'd seen her strip before, but not like this. Pretty
soon he had a little piggie nose-bleed going full force. Finally, she
finished, tossing her panties over his head. It took his entire force of
will not to pass out.
She dumped a bucket of water over her head and began to lather
up. P-chan tried not to look, but the temptation was too great. <She
has such a lovely body. If only I had the courage to go jump in that hot
bath, and boldly proclaim my love for her. But I am too weak! And even
if she does love me, she wouldn't appreciate me seeing her naked like
this. Not yet anyway.>
Akane sang a little song to herself as she scrubbed herself clean.
She couldn't quite remember all the words, the name of the song, or who
sang it, but she liked the sound of it. She looked over nervously at
P-chan, who was half-buried in the blanket. Was he chewing on the blanket?
This is going to be fun, she thought. I've never done this before...she
thought. I hope he's good...She shook with anticipation and felt her
body tingle.
She finished scrubbing and doused herself with cold water again to
remove all the soap. Standing, she stretched, then made her way over to
the hot water and sank into it. The heat began to soak into her muscles,
relaxing them. Not quite as good as a massage, but it would have to do.
If Ranma wasn't such a baka, I could be doing it with him right
now...Ohhhh....She moaned faintly at the thought. But if he's going to
fool around, so will I! I mean, he's got three fiancees...four if
you count Kodachi. Hmph. If I had four fiancees, he'd explode! And I'm
supposed to put up with him hanging around with all these other women.
Akane fumed, the pleasure of the hot water now serving only to fuel
her mental heat. "Baah. I bet he'd flip his top if I told him I wanted
to marry Ryouga." She grinned an evil grin. "That would serve him right
for being mean to me and my P-chan."
P-chan struggled not to faint from shock. She wants to marry me?
I...she...Or is she just thinking of things that would make Ranma angry?
Akane lost herself in interesting fantasies. "Maybe I should tell
him I'm engaged to Ryouga also now. That would show him two can play at
the multiple fiancee game! I've had enough of playing second, third,
fourth banana. Maybe I'd get a little attention then." Yeah! Then he
won't have an excuse to get angry for what I'm about to do, either.
For a moment, her conscience tried to stop her, but she brushed it away
with thoughts of how good Ryouga would look naked. Her hand slid down
and she started to pleasure herself, then stopped. Why do that when I've
got Ryouga right here?
Should I slip out and get some hot water so I can be hanging around
when she comes out? Good idea. This may be my best chance to profess my
love! P-chan began to slip towards the window. The motion attracted
Akane's attention.
"You're not going to run away again, are you, P-chan? Don't leave
me alone. I need someone to talk to." Akane said. P-chan froze in his
tracks.
I can't leave now. She needs me. P-chan sighed a piggy sigh and
wandered over closer, but not too close to the hot water.
To his suprise, Akane leaned over and picked him up. He squirmed,
succeeding only in falling into the water. Splash! The transformation
came over him, leaving him butt naked, lying on top of Akane. I'm
dogmeat, he thought.
He tried to get off her and only managed to tangle his legs with
hers and put one hand on her left breast. He bigsweated.
She smiled. "I've been hoping for this for a long
time...Ryouga-kun."
He blinked, tried to speak, and failed.
She smiled and said, "I'm yours, Ryouga-kun. Take me...now."
He almost fainted, then gave a start as he felt her hand reach up
and grasp his manhood. It responded in seconds, swelling against her
palm. He moaned faintly. "Akane-chan...I..."
She smiled. "Deeds, not words." She pulled him down into a kiss.
Pretty soon the sound of moaning was echoing to the ramparts. Well,
through the room, anyway.
***************************************************
<In the halls of the Command Center>
The four fleeing sailors rounded a corner and collided with Tuxedo
Umino Kamen, Sailor Moon, Sailor Hermes and Sailor Titan. As they
dragged themselves out of the pile, the Daleks rounded the corner.
Sailor Moon struck a pose. "Threatening to salt my friends isn't
very nice! I will..." She was unable to finish as the Daleks opened
fire, and she had to dodge. "Hey, who armed these pepper shakers?"
Soon, the Daleks herded the group into a corner. A nearby panel
opened. A twisted humanoid, seated in a command chair that bore some
resemblence to a dalek floated out. "Greetings sailors. I am General
Davrosite."
"Hey, I thought you got killed in Doctor Who!" Tuxedo Umino Kamen
said. "For that matter, the Dalek homeworld got destroyed too."
"I am tougher than the average bear," Davrosite replied. "I
merely wished everyone to believe I was dead."
Sailor Van Allen Belt slapped her forehead. "Oy. I'm an idiot."
"Yes, of course you are. Compared to me, everyone is an idiot,"
Davrosite replied.
Sailor Van Allen Belt smiled. "MAGNETIC ATTRACTION!" All the
Daleks suddenly zoomed at Davros, clumping together in a huge magnetized
lump.
"ALSKDJFKD! I can't aldkjfdj breathe!" He choked out through the
pile of Daleks he was now buried under.
"Wow, that was really good, Sailor Van Allen Belt! Now I'll finish
the job! MOON HEALING ESCALATION!!!!!" She pulled out the Crescent Moon
Wand and waved it around. Waves of energy washed over the daleks, which
turned pure white with red hearts on their bumps. Davrosite simply
dissolved away. The Daleks dropped to the ground and rushed off down the
hallways shouting, "INFATUATE! INFATUATE! INFATUATE! INFATUATE!!!"
***************************************************
Makoto and Ranma came into Makoto's apartment. She checked the
answering machine. "Hi, Makoto-chan. This is Naru. Umino's feeling
under the weather, so we won't be coming. See you next time!"
Ranma plopped down on the couch, while Makoto went to the
kitchen, and got a big plate of cookies from her cookie tin, two
glasses, and a pitcher of lemonade. She plopped down the snacks,
grabbed some and sat down next to Ranma. "This fiancee situation is
really a mess, isn't it, Ranma?"
He nodded and stuffed some cookies down his throat. He drank some
lemonade and said, "Yeah. They all fight all the time. If it was just
Akane and Ukyou...Maybe I could work something out. At least I'd know
the other one would survive my making a decision...Shampoo and Kodachi
are nuts..."
"Kodachi won't be hurting anyone for a very long time." Makoto
said, shifting on the couch a little closer to Ranma, and clicking on the
TV with the remote control.
Ranma blinked. "How come?" He plopped back on the sofa and spread
out his arms on the back of the couch, a move that seems to be
instinctive to the male of the species. He was unaware that Makoto was
within the area now claimed by his arms...well, in the part of the seat
in front of the back area his arms claimed.
"She kidnapped me, so my friends had to take her down for the
count...Uh, I mean I was rescued by the Sailor Senshi. I...I kinda know
them." Makoto leaned back, her pony-tail spilling over Ranma's arm.
After much clicking of the remote control, Makoto settled on the
Tenchi Muyou TV series. It was a re-run, though. But she'd missed this
one while fighting Cardian Mophead. Or was it Daimon Squeeze Toy? She
didn't even waste time trying to remember what she'd been fighting at the
time.
"Aargh...it's really dangerous being around me sometimes,
Mako-chan. I tried to come save you, but ...things got out of hand. I'm
glad Ucchan and your friends were able to help you, though. Why did she
grab you?" Ranma moved a little closer to Makoto, just in case anyone
else was going to show up and try to grab her. Yeah, that's it.
"Hai. She thought I'd gotten engaged to you or something. She's
kinda creepy. Her brother really was kinda nice to me, though. He snuck
me in some food. He's really short and ugly, doesn't look like her at
all...but..."
Ranma blinked. He'd heard Kunou called many things. Short and ugly
wasn't him...oh wait, she must think SASUKE is Kodachi's brother. He
laughed. "I think that was Sasuke, her personal ninja."
"Oh. Well, I was in a drugged haze..." She inched closer to
Ranma. If that nut shows up, I've got to be ready to protect him. That
nut nearly took us all out...No way Ranchan could stop her. He's a good
fighter, but us Senshi, we're the best! Makoto smiled at Ranma. "Thanks
for being willing to come over, Ranchan. I spend a lot of nights alone."
"After that ...date...I needed a vacation. I haven't gotten to
spend any time with you hardly at all, anyway." He blinked. "Don't you
have a boyfriend?" A cute girl like Mako-chan ought to have the guys all
over her. Hope she says she's free...then I can...what am I thinking? I
can't afford another fiancee!
"No. Not lately. I've dated a lot...but it never lasts." Either
he turns out to be a monster, or one eats him, or he can't stand how I
have to vanish all the time, or he's a creep, or he has a girlfriend in
Africa, or he gets bitten by a radioactive gopher or something...
Makoto sighed. "While you have too many girlfriends."
Ranma nodded. "I really need to whittle them down some. Or we
could just run away together." I can't believe I said that...Come
on...laugh...don't hit me...What if she takes me seriously? Well, that
wouldn't be too bad...She's really cute and a good cook and well
built...and quite a fighter too from what I've seen...but I can't just
leave Akane and Ucchan like that...
Makoto blinked. Was he serious? No, I couldn't be that lucky.
Might as well play along...see what he does. She leaned over and put a
hand on his chest, running it up and down it, while the other rested on
his shoulder. Her face moved close to his and she smiled at him. "How
about if we just run away to my bedroom?" I can't believe I said that!
I meant to say run away right now! "Or we could just stay right here..."
Ranma's arm came down around her to his surprise and he pulled her
closer. "Do you...mean that, Makochan?" Is she making fun of me, or is
she serious? She's gotten so beautiful...Ranma felt his manhood
beginning to stir at her closeness. Only the sure knowlege that if he
tried anything, one of his fiancees were guaranteed to come crashing
through the wall, kept him from ripping off her clothing right then and
there.
She blushed. I'm always forward, so this shouldn't surprise
me...but he's engaged! At least two of them count...I can't...I
shouldn't do this to Ranchan...He'll feel guilty afterwards...But I want
to...ahh, there's an idea! "Yes, Ranchan. But I know I'm not as
beautiful as your other fiancees...I'm so tall and unfeminine and..."
Hmm. That's not what I'm supposed to be talking about! What about my
brilliant idea?
"Yes you are! Don't put yourself down! You're very beautiful!"
And very close...and really tall. I really should let go of her. His
arm ignored him and pulled her closer. He could sense if they got any
closer, her breasts would be pressing into his chest. His other arm
swung around her. "Maybe I could call them and get their permission..."
Did I actually say that or did I hallucinate that? Get their
permission? Yeah, right.
"Yeah, that's a good idea." No, it isn't! Well, it'll keep us both
from making a mistake. I don't want to mess up my friendship with
Ranma...and I think he really does care about his fiancees. At least the
sane ones. Reluctantly, she pulled back. "Let me get you the cellular."
Ranma nodded. I can't believe I'm going to do this...This is just
going to start a riot. Well, it will keep me from trying to seduce
Mako-chan again...He stared at the lemonade. "There isn't any of that
Sake concentrate in this, is there?"
Makoto returned with the cellular. "Here you go, Ranchan. Sake in
the lemonade? I only use alcohol when recipies call for it." I can't
believe I agreed to let him call his fiancees...I could just kiss
him...No, that wouldn't be right! I'm a Senshi. I have to do the right
thing, even when I'd rather be making out like a crazed weasel with
Ranchan. This will keep me from trying to seduce Ranchan again.
Although with what happened at the Pajama party...Ukyou might freak out
totally...
Ranma called the Dojo first. "Hi, uh, Nabiki...is Kasumi there? I
mean, is Akane there?" Makoto waited nervously, listening. "Can you put
her on?"
At the dojo, Nabiki said, "Can you wait until she and Ryouga finish
making out?"
Ranma got really big eyes. "WHAT?"
"To our surprise, we found out P-chan is actually Ryouga
tonight...Akane tried to bathe him...Let's just say they're giving each
other a really thorough internal and external cleaning right now..."
Nabiki smirked. "I'm filming the whole thing if you want a copy."
Ranma stared at the phone. "This is a joke, right?" This couldn't
possibly be real.
"Okay, I'll get her." Nabiki headed into the bathroom, where Ryouga
and Akane were lying in the bathtub together, quite naked. Ryouga was
just about to go for orgasm number four of the night when Nabiki shook
his shoulder and said, "Phone for Akane."
Ryouga blinked, saw Nabiki seeing him naked, and promptly fainted.
Akane blushed. "Nabiki-chan...We're busy!"
"It's Ranma," she said, shoving the phone into Akane's arms.
Akane blushed. All over. What can I say to him, she thought?
I've betrayed him with Ryouga...and if I can revive Ryouga, I'm not
likely to stop tonight...ohhh, I feel so good and happy all over... If
only Ranma was doing this to me...or both of them...maybe Kunou too..and
Shinnosuke...who else do I know that's cute? Ack! I'm acting like I'm
in a lemon story or something! "Uh...hi, Ranma?"
"I...you...uh..." Ranma's brain froze up. Was she really in bed
with Ryouga? "Are you...uh...did you really give P-chan...a hot bath?"
Makoto stared at Ranma. Why was he so nervous over the fact that
Akane gave her pet pig a hot bath? Do pigs explode in hot water or
something?
"Uh...Yeah. He's Ryouga! He's been sleeping in my bed as my pig
all this time! And if we hadn't just had sex four times, I'd probably be
really angry with him! As long as he wakes up and makes love to me a few
more times, I'll forgive him though. Uh..." I can't believe I said
that! At least I didn't tell Ranma I planned this to happen that way...
"How are you, Ranma?"
Ranma felt anger try to stir in him, but mostly confusion...I've got
to be dreaming this...I should go kill Ryouga...I should make love to
Makochan...I should call Ukyou and ask if I'm hallucinating... "I..um...
Makochan and I were going to have mad passionate sex on her couch...We
decided we ought to get you and Ucchan's permission first."
Akane felt a boiling anger well up inside her...Ranma was going to
sleep with someone other than ME? How could he do that? Then a little
voice in her head said, hey Akane, you're sleeping with someone other
than Ranma. Shut up! I don't want to be rational! You shut up! You
betrayed him! The least you can let him do is sleep around! What? My
own thoughts shouldn't talk back to me! How about a compromise? If he
promises to make love to you when he comes home, you can let him sleep
with her this time. How's that for fair? Then you can finish with
Ryouga, and get even more when Ranma comes home! You know he keeps his
promises. Good idea! Shake? Shake. Akane shook mental hands with
herself. "As long as you swear to make mad passionate love to me as soon
as you come home, I don't mind."
Ranma stared at the phone. I must be on drugs. He looked over at
Makoto. Mako-chan would never drug me. This must be delayed effects of
something Shampoo did to me... "Are you really in the bathtub with
Ryouga or am I hallucinating? You're not under the influence of any
mind-altering drugs, are you?"
"No, I'm fine, Ranma. Do we have a deal?" Akane blinked. I sound
like Nabiki. Ryouga began to stir. I've got to make this quick.
Endless ecstasy awaits.
"You really want me to make love to you, Akane?" Ranma had to be
sure...Now if I call Ukyou and she's in bed with Tsubasa...then I'll know
this is a dream.
"Until we both pass out from exhaustion. You're my fiancee. It's
your duty." Ryouga looked up, saw Nabiki, and fainted again. "Nabiki,
get out of here!"
Nabiki smirked. "I'm not leaving without my phone." She hid her
camera, which had been at work while Akane talked. These photos should
be VERY valuable.
Ranma began to wonder if some strange alien had taken Akane's
place. "You really want me to?"
"Desperately." Why'd I tell him that? On the other hand, I'm
probably dreaming all of this...Ranma would never call me on the phone to
ask me if he could make out with someone...
"Okay. See you later, Akane...-chan. I've got to call Ucchan." I
am dreaming this...I have to be. He hung up. "She...She said yes."
Makoto blinked. "Really? That's great! Call up Ukyou!" I've got
to be hallucinating all of this. Well, it's the most deranged fantasy
I've had in a long time. Let's see what happens.
Ranma dialed Ukyou's number. It rang and rang. Finally a voice
answered. "Hello?"
"Uh, hi, Ucchan."
"Hi, Ranchan! I'm just beating up Tsubasa right now." Ukyou
crooked the phone between head and shoulder and tossed Tsubasa out the
window.
"You...ah..." Might as well ask. This has to be a dream. "Was he
in bed with you?"
"Yes." Ukyou said.
Ranma megablinked.
"Well, he was...the bed. He disguised himself as my bed. Now I
don't have anywhere to sleep until I get a new bed..." Not to mention
Nabiki just called me and told me P-chan is Ryouga...she must be calling
everyone in town. Well, I guess Akane's out of the running. Not that I
mind! Assuming I'm not dreaming all of this.
"Umm...Would you...uh...I have a...uh...request to make of you..."
"Sure, what is it, Ranchan?"
"Umm.. Akane already gave her permission for this..but Makochan and
I thought I should ask you...it wouldn't be right without your
permission...and I...uh...would you...ahh..." I can't say it...I can't
say it...Maybe I should put it another way..."You need somewhere to
sleep, right?"
"Yeah." Is Ranma inviting me to come sleep with him? Oh, yes,
please let that be it! I've wanted this for so long! "Are you inviting
me to ...come and...sleep with you?"
Hey! Good idea! If Akane doesn't mind and she joins us, it can't
be wrong! Some tiny part of Ranma's brain tried to correct his logic,
but it was too late for that. Mouth was engaged. "Great idea, Ucchan!
Come on over and sleep with me and Makochan! I know she thinks you're
cute and we're both really horny right now...and I...uh..." I can't
believe I said that.
Makoto blinked. How does Ranchan know I think Ukyou is cute?
Especially when she dresses as a boy...kind of reminds me of Haruka.
Makoto got that wonderful warm tingly sensation all over. A threesome?
I've never done that before...For a moment, common sense asserted
itself. Think about what you're getting yourself into! I should say
no...I should...but I won't. Common sense is Ami's department, not
mine.
"You want me to come sleep with you, Ranchan? YES! YES! YES! YES!"
Yes, I get to sleep with Ranchan! Wait...and Makochan...Makoto? Hmm.
She is cute. And I like people with pigtails and ponytails...This is
kinda kinky...She felt herself flush with warmth. I must be dreaming.
Well, if this is a dream, I'm gonna dream Ranchan never ever gets tired out
while making love to me...."Give me directions, Ranchan."
"Uhh...let me put Makochan on...She knows the way better than me."
Ranma handed the phone to Makoto. "You...don't mind if she joins us...do
you, Makochan?" I've gone stark raving mad...the world has gone mad...
He looked up and down Makoto's lovely body. Insanity is good.
*************************************************************************
<Theme song: Do Me, Bell, Biv, Devoe>
Dark Queen Urd sat on her dark throne, in the land of Mordor where
the Shadows lie...Okay, actually she was on her dark throne in her
castle, the Castle of Eternal Orgasm, in the Megamiverse, on a planet
that would be called Earth if the inhabitants could ever stop moaning
long enough to talk. They were the first civilization ever to have 1000
different words that all mean "orgasm" in English.
Yet, all was not well with Dark Queen Urd. General Kinseyite had
failed her again. How will I ever collect all of the universe's sexual
energy if my servants constantly fail me. It's so hard to get good evil
help these days...
She stared at the sweating General Kinseyite, who tried to focus
past the three women and four men trying to strip him naked when they
weren't busy demonstrating twelve positions from the Kama Sutra
simultaneously. "So, General Kinseyite. You have failed me again. I
will give you one more chance...otherwise, you will be rendered impotent
and forced to clean the floors around here..."
He bigsweated. "But...no one's done that in over 1000 years! The
floors are so sticky that..."
"Do not fail me, Kinseyite. I have learned through my...ohh ohhh
ohhhhhhh...." She began to moan. General Fabioite was behind her,
licking her neck and removing her already scanty evil queen outfit.
Kinseyite sweated more and tried to boot away the people pulling off
his pants. "Learned what, my queen?"
"Someone is about to get laid and...ohohohohohohohohoh!"
Kinseyite levitated into the air, losing his pants, but preserving
his ability to concentrate at least a few more seconds. "And you want me
to steal their orgasm crystals?"
"Oh, yes...yes...yes...More! More! More!" Dark Queen Urd writhed
at Fabioite's touch.
"Who is it?"
"His name is...is...ohhhhhhhhhhh...."
"His name is Oh?"
"Saotome Ranma. Do it! Now!" General Fabioite stripped off the
rest of Dark Queen Urd's clothing.
General Kinseyite took this as his cue to leave. Hmm. What
condomian shall I send on this mission...
*************************************************************************
Ranma and Makoto watched TV nervously while they waited for Ukyou to
arrive. Ranma had his arms around Makoto's shoulders while she rested
her head on his shoulder. "Makochan...is this a dream?"
"There was a scene division, so probably not."
"What?" Ranma blinked.
"Oops, the cameras are running," she said.
*************************************************************************
<Lot 3>
Dark Queen Urd yelled, "CUT!"
Fabioite looked up from her bosom and said, "Cut what?"
"I meant the film crew!"
He turned and massacred the film crew with a blast of off-mauve
energy, cutting them into little bits.
Biles screamed. "She meant for them to stop the filming!"
"Well, this way also works." He went back to nuzzling Dark Queen
Urd.
Biles cried. "Somebody get a new film crew."
"Don't worry," Dark Queen Skuld said. "I had Frankensteinite clone
all the technical help, so it doesn't matter how many times we kill
them! The show will go on! Lemme go get them out of the refrigerator."
Biles cried some more.
Once the new film crew defrosted, Dark Queen Urd had them start
shooting from the start of the last scene.
*************************************************************************
Ranma and Makoto watched TV nervously while they waited for Ukyou to
arrive. Ranma had his arms around Makoto's shoulders while she rested
her head on his shoulder. "Makochan...is this a dream?"
She kissed his cheek. "I hope not. You're not getting cold feet
are you?"
Ranma checked his feet. "They're pretty warm."
She facefaulted.
The doorbell rang. Makoto answered the door. It was Ukyou, clad in
a trenchcoat, carrying a suitcase and her mega-spatula. "I brought a
change of clothing. I hope this place has solid walls..."
Makoto smiled. "I made a few calls. No one. I mean no one will be
disturbing us."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
****************************************************************************
<Music Cue: Someone to watch over me>
Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon stood on top of Makoto's Apartment
building. "So she thinks some homocidal maniacs are after her friend
Ranma?" Tuxedo asked Moon.
"Remember the ribbon weilding maniac? Well, he's got other enemies
too. She thinks they may attack tonight. It's so cold up here..."
Tuxedo Kamen smiled and pulled his cape around Sailor Moon. "So how
much food did she promise you to get you to do this?"
"She's gonna make me lunch every day for a month!" Sailor Moon
drooled slightly at the thought of all that yummy food. Also, this means
I get to be alone with Mamoru all night long!
"Are the others in place?"
Moon nodded. "Ami and Rei are in place. I think Minako may
actually be busy making out with her new boyfriend..."
"Now there's an idea." Tuxedo Kamen smiled down at Sailor Moon who
smiled back. He swept her into his arms and they did many things that
will only be skipped because the next scene also has sex enough for three
people. For obvious reasons.
**************************************************************************
Ukyou had finished stowing away her stuff in Makoto's guest room,
then returned to the living room. "Ummm...."
They all smiled nervously at each other. Desire warred with
embarrassment warred with wondering when Shampoo was gonna crash through
the wall or Ryouga wander out of the closet.
"Ranchan..." Makoto and Ukyou both said at the same time. They
turned, stared at each other and laughed, then turned and looked hungrily
at Ranma. They advanced on him in unison, grabbed him, and carried him
to the bedroom.
By unspoken agreement, Makoto began to kiss him, while Ukyou undid
his pants and slid them off. He ran his hands up inside the back of
Makoto's shirt and lifted it up off her, then slid his hands down to undo
her pants. She moaned faintly and lifted his hands up instead to rub her
breasts. They glided across the fabric of her bra, bringing a rush of
tingling sensation in their wake, moving up and down and around.
Ukyou moved up Ranma's back, kissing her way up his leg, across his
buttocks, then sliding off his shirt and kissing up his back and around
to his neck. He moaned, shivering from her kisses.
As Ukyou glided around his body, Makoto pushed Ranma back onto the
bed, then took off her bra. She pressed one nipple to his mouth and he
licked it, then sucked on it gently. She felt it swell and moaned,
sliding a hand down to touch his bulging manhood through his underwear.
She slid down his body and began to remove his underwear.
Ukyou slid off her pajama bottoms and climbed up onto Ranma's chest,
sitting on it. She took Ranma's hands and brought them up. He
unbuttoned her top and tossed it off. He pulled her down and around,
burying his face in her breasts, moving her body perpendicular to hers.
Makoto pulled Ranma's underwear off and watched his manhood rise.
She bent over it and licked it. It twitched and Ranma moaned very
loudly. Needs salt, she thought.
Ukyou moaned as Ranma kissed her and licked her breasts, his hands
roaming up and down her body. Ranma moaned, feeling his manhood being
pleasured, tasting the sweet taste of his oldest friend, smelling her
sweet scent, hearing her moan, seeing her writhe with pleasure, groking
her gavishny, and a lot of other senses you've never heard of as well.
Makoto felt her body flush, then traded places with Ukyou, letting
her pleasure his manhood, while Ranma pleasured her, touching her all
over her body, except those hard to reach places, like the tonsils. Just
show me one lemon story where someone's tonsils get pleasured! See, you
can't. Even Caroline's never done that.
Soon, both of them were ready to be pierced by the spear of love.
The only problem was..."REOIUADIJFDKlskdjflsja, xlikjr?" Ukyou said,
forgetting to stop sucking on Ranma's manhood while talking. Makoto
didn't even realize that was supposed to be intelligible. "Hey,
Makochan...do you have a coin?" Ukyou gasped out, switching to stroking
Ranma's asoko with her hands.
Makoto moaned as Ranma licked her clitoris. "A coin? Usagi
borrowed all my money to play the new Sailor V III Cheese Dip Edition
Video Game." What did Ukyou want money for anyway?
"We need to flip to see who gets to...first."
"Why don't you both...oh yeah..." Ranma groaned, feeling his
manhood on the verge of explosion. "Only one..."
Makoto and Ukyou both nodded. "You can be first, Ukyou. Since
you're the...guest...ohhhhhhhh" She moaned and got out of the way,
letting Ukyou climb up over Ranma. She then clambered onto Ukyou's back,
stretched her arms around Ukyou and started to stroke Ukyou's breasts.
Ukyou moaned loudly, then louder as Ranma stroked her love mound with his
fingertips.
"Ranchan....Mako...Makochan...ohhhhhh" She felt surrounded by
love. Slowly she lowered herself towards Ranma...forgetting to help
guide him in, so she simply pushed his manhood to one side.
"AAAAAAAAAA" Ranma froze in half-pain, half-ecstasy. Ukyou pulled
back up, thanking many workouts for being able to lift herself with
Makoto on her back, stroking her fiercely, oh so good....
This time, Ukyou reached out and took Ranma's manhood firmly in hand
and manuevered it into place, then let Makoto's weight push her down on
it. She felt it rush into her, and through her hymen, going deep inside
her. The pain of penetration rushed through her, but it was so fast that
ecstasy quickly replaced it. She moaned, feeling Makoto and Ranma's arms
wrapped around her body, stroking her all over, Ranma's manhood inside
her. She thrust herself down further, trying to absorb Ranma's asoko
like some guy eating spaghetti by sucking in the strands. He pushed up
to meet her, then pulled back...or perhaps was forced down by the sheer
weight of two women on top of him. They moved together, like an
unbalanced piston-engine, while Makoto's bed shook like a big hunk of
jello your little sister threw a raisin at.
Finally, Ukyou felt herself ignite. Her hair was on fire.
******************************************************************************
<Lot 3>
Biles swore softly. "CUT! CUT!"
Dark Queen Urd cackled. "Stupid Sailor Girl! You think you're
gonna get an orgasm in my movie?"
"She's not a Sailor! Makoto's the Sailor!" Biles sighed. This
movie is turning into a bigger disaster than Lemonade. My poor muses.
All we can do now is pray the Legion of Substitute Sailors can save
them. He thought hard for a moment. We're doomed. "Besides, if no one
orgasms, how will you find the Orgasm Crystal of Ultimate power you
need? OR have you changed objectives again?"
Dark Queen Urd frowned. "Right. Put out the fire and start over.
I think we're actually trying to find the THREE Ultimate Orgasm Crystals,
so I can become the living Kama Sutra."
"And someone get Shampoo off the set with the flamethrower..."
Twenty of Dark Queen Skuld's Model 12 Daleks swarmed Shampoo, only
to discover they had no arms with which to move her. The usual riot
ensued. Dark Queen Skuld resolved to add arms to the Model 13 Daleks.
******************************************************************************
Finally, Ukyou felt herself ignite, with pleasure this time. She
moaned and moaned and moaned. Oh yeah, she moaned too. The orgasm
rushed through her body like an orgasm. She felt Ranma come inside her,
like the Colorado river would if someone drove a Star Destroyer through
Hoover Dam. Wait, did I mention the moaning?
"Ranchan...I love you, Ranchan..." She melted into his arms.
"I love you too, Ucchan." They lay smiling at each other for a long
moment.
It was at this very moment that an army of berserk cats would have
run through Makoto's bedroom, except that they saw Luna instead...Did I
mention Luna was in heat? Well, you can guess what happens next...
Instead, Ukyou slipped out from between Makoto and Ranma, then
climbed up onto Makoto's back and began to do for her what she had done
for Ukyou. Makoto moaned at Ukyou's touch, feeling her hands stroking
her breasts, massaging her love mound. They rolled over, and Ranma
climbed over them, so that now Ukyou was on the bottom, Makoto in the
middle, and Ranma on top. His tired warrior of love hung in the air for
a moment, then Makoto reached out and touched it. New energy rushed
through it.
Soon, Makoto and Ranma had reached an even higher state of arousal
than before. It was at this point that the army of berserk female
alleycats was scheduled to run through the bedroom, except that Artemis
was...well, Artemis. That took care of that problem...The paternity
suits were another matter.
Letting her guide him, he plunged down into her, driving even deeper
than before...being taller, there was was more space for him. He
plunged into her and she arched up to meet him. They began to shake the
bed again, moaning with pleasure. Ecstasy filled them as they headed
towards greater ecstasy.
Makoto moaned. Oh, yes, this is so wonderful...I want to please
him...This has to be the best orgasm of all time...the very
best...ohhhhh. Her prayers were answered, because this was the episode
she was scheduled to recieve a powerup. Everyone else except Minako had
already gotten theirs. Not that this one would be used in combat too
much. She moaned. "Jupiter Supreme ORGASM!" A sheer wave of pleasure
rushed out of her body and through the room. Ukyou orgasmed as it
struck her. Makoto howled as five simulatenous orgasms rushed through
her body in defiance of...something. Ranma came three times and Ukyou
orgasmed two more times. For a moment, they all locked in a position
that would have been really embarrassing if anyone had been watching
besides the entire audience, the film crew...well, if anyone in the story
had been watching. Luckily, Nabiki was busy filming Akane and Ryouga
going at for the...again. By this point, Nabiki had lost track.
Finally, the orgasms stopped and Ukyou, Makoto, and Ranma collapsed
into the softness of the bed. "Wow..." Ranma said. "Was that tantric
magic or something? Can we do it again?"
They did it again and again and again and again.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, Shampoo wasn't getting any, nor was she
likely to. Not while I'm writing this story.
******************************************************************************
<Lot 3>
Shampoo grabbed Biles, who didn't do anything since he was still
tied into his director's chair. "Yes, Shampoo?"
"If Shampoo doesn't..." She stopped. "If I don't get a sex
scene...no...five sex scenes, I'm going to KILL YOU!"
Dark Queen Urd shook her head. "Torture yes, kill no. We need him
or the budget will be cut and we won't get to finish this."
"Shampoo will dress you as Shampoo and let Mousse in room with you
if...AAARGH! I'm doing it again. Well, you get the picture, Biles."
Shampoo said.
Biles paled and bigsweated. "Okay. You want a sex scene? You got
it. You want Five? You got it. You've gotta wait until we finish this
big sequence though."
Shampoo nodded. "Okay. I'll need to go to costuming anyway." She
walked off.
Biles smiled. I never said with who, hehehehehe, he thought.
******************************************************************************
Unbeknownst to them, Condomian Madonna and General Kinseyite were
in the apartment across the street from them, watching them through the
window. "Hmm. Three orgasm crystals. Dark Queen Urd will be proud.
Hopefully these interfering Sailor Scouts won't show up."
"Sailor Senshi, sir." Comdomian Madonna smiled. She was blonde,
with short curly hair, and the kind of figure that only Anime characters
and Barbie dolls can have without breaking their spine. She was wearing
just enough clothing to keep her R rating.
"Right. Go in there and take their orgasm crystals."
"Don't we have to wait for them to..."
"They're at it for the fifth time....They can't keep this up all
night. Probably."
"What about the couple on the roof?"
"What couple on the roof?"
She pointed at the top hat protruding over the roof top. "I keep
hearing moaning and there's a hat bobbing up and down."
"I'll deal with them myself. If we come back with five crystals,
Dark Queen Urd will be well pleased. Perhaps one of them might even
be..." He did not dare say it...even thinking of it seemed to draw down
those wretched Baylor Sprouts...uh, Saynomore Scouts...Tailor Senshi?
Whoever they were.
He vanished in a spray of 300 page reports on sexual behavior. As
always, Condomian Madonna wondered where he got so many of those to use
as his teleportation special effect, then she teleported to the busy bedroom.
**************************************************************************
<Music Cue: Twister, by Weird Al Yankovic>
As Condomian Madonna appeared in the bedroom, Makoto and Ukyou and
Ranma were engaged in something that resembled a perverted game of
Twister as much as it did sex. Makoto was talking into a star shaped
watch apparently getting instructions from someone on something called,
"The Cat and the Monkey make Time with the Starfish" from the Kama Sutra,
as being told to them by whoever was on the other end of the line. Ukyou
and Ranma were tied in a knot around her body, all of them busily
fondling each other in ways that seemed to defy the laws of physics.
Condomian Madonna blinked and wondered for a moment if she'd
accidentally teleported home. Luckily, they were too distracted to
notice her. Soon, Makoto finished the instructions and the three of them
began moaning loudly in unison. They writhed and fondled and licked and
kissed and did a lot of other things only really describable in a
language specially designed for describing sex. Ukyou was the first to
come, screaming and clutching Ranma's nose and Makoto's left leg.
As Condomian Madonna watched, Ukyou's orgasm crystal glowed
brightly, not that she could notice, being too busy feeling universes
exploding inside her. Condomian Madonna darted forward to reach into the
tangle and grab it, only to have the threesome twitch so that she ended
up grabbing Makoto's left breast instead. I think I'm going to be in
trouble now, she thought.
Makoto blinked, feeling another hand grab her. There's already four
hands on me, and I know I'm not grabbing myself. She spotted Condomian
Madonna. "Do I know you?"
"I'm uh...your new neighbor...Can I borrow some milk?"
"Planning to squeeze it yourself?" Makoto felt anger welling up in
her. What a rude neighbor! Wait a minute...Her new neighbor was almost
butt naked too. Great, my neighbor's a pervert...
"No, no, just go back to what you were doing...I'll uh...get it from
your fridge." Why am I wimping out? I'm a Condomian! No one makes me
submit but a Dominatrix! "On second thought...SUBMIT, PATHETIC HUMANS!
TO THE POWER OF THE MEGAMIVERSE! I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOUR ORGASM CRYSTALS
FOR DARK QUEEN URD! AND NOTHINK CAN STOP ME!" She began to laugh
maniacally.
Ranma growled. "I don't like being interrupted, especially when it
took us twenty minutes to just get into the starting position! Do you
know WHAT I DO TO PEOPLE WHO INTERFERE WHEN I'M HAVING SEX?"
Makoto blinked. No, Ranma! She's too dangerous! I've got to
handle this...Uh oh, my transformation pen's in my pants pocket...halfway
across the room...
Madonna blinked. "I...uh...no...I don't...uh..."
"Neither do I. It's never happened before, actually."
Everyone facefaulted.
Once they recovered, Makoto dived for her pants, grabbed them, and
pulled out the pen. While she was diving, Ukyou grabbed her spatula, and
Ranma lept at Madonna feet first. Madonna caught him and flipped him
over her into the wall. "HAHAHAH!!!! You pathetic people can't hope to
defeat me! Not to mention you weren't even doing that position right!
The guy is supposed to be the starfish, not the monkey!"
Ukyou growled. "What, you watched the whole thing and didn't even
tell us we made a mistake?" She leaped at the creature, pounding it into
the floor with her spatula.
Madonna pulled herself out of the floor. "SHI NE!*"
*As in DIE! in Japanese, not as in get bright :)
A blast of energy blew Ukyou across the room, out the window, and
across the street into the apartment Kinseyite and Madonna had observed
the room from.
Ranma got up. "NOW YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!"
Madonna tossed Ranma a 10 yen coin. "There ya go."
Ranma howled with rage. Meanwhile, Makoto held up her
transformation pen. Ranma will know who I am...but I don't want to keep
secrets from Ranchan. There won't be enough of this Condomian to tell
anyone anything after I'm done with her.
Condomian Madonna began singing "Like A Virgin" as she casually
chased Ranma around the room, trying to blast him.
"JUPITER STAR POWER, MAKE UP!!!!" Makoto went through her standard
transformation sequence, with one major difference...she was still butt
naked at the end of it except for her tiara. Her discarded clothing on
the floor had become her senshi uniform, though.
Jupiter sighed. Well, I think my security deposit's already toast...
"Sparkling WIDE PRESSURE!" A mighty blast of lightning formed into a
disk and struck Condomian Madonna, flinging her out of the apartment,
through the window, and across the road into the observation apartment.
Jupiter ran, and leaped out the window across the street, followed by Ranma.
As the legion of naked people leaped across the street, Sailor
Mercury looked up. Hmm. She spoke into her communicator. "Venus, you
help Jupiter, Mars, let's you and I go save Sailor Moon."
Venus's only response was a loud moan of pleasure. Mercury rolled
her eyes. "Look, no making out with your boyfriend while we're on duty!
A real threat has shown up!"
Venus sighed. "Right. Steven, I'll be back in a few minutes.
Gotta go bail out Jupiter. I'll get right on it, Mercury."
Mercury sighed. I knew something would happen tonight besides
Makoto getting laid. Again. I really need to get a boyfriend. Hmmm...
***************************************************************************
<Music Cue: Butt Naked, Hank Williams, jr.>
Condomian Madonna turned to face her opponents. "So, you think you
have me trapped, eh?"
Ukyou, Sailor Jupiter, and Ranma nodded. "Yes."
Condomian Madonna looked around, then realized Ranma had landed by
the door to the hallway. She was trapped. "Well, you'll never take me
alive!"
Sailor Jupiter shrugged. "I can't think of anytime we've ever taken
anyone alive."
Madonna laughed nervously. "Umm. Look! Over there!" She pointed.
They laughed. "You think we're stupid?" Ranma said.
"Your fly's open?" Ranma instinctively looked down, then realized
he was butt naked. Too late. Condomian Madonna fired a stream of
brightly colored records at him as "Like a Virgin" played in the
background. He collapsed.
At this very moment, Sailor Venus leaped up through the hole in the
wall into the room. "I am the lovely Sailor Warrior Sailor Venus! I
fight for love and justice! In the name of Venus...wow! What a hunk!
Your boyfriend's a major babe, Makoto!" She stared at the naked
unconscious Ranma, trying not to drool.
"You've already got a boyfriend! Keep away!"
"He's even hunkier than mine!"
While Sailor Venus and Sailor Jupiter squabbled, Condomian Madonna
turned to face Ukyou, who was trying to cut her in half with a spatula.
The two of them dueled for a while, leaping around the room. Well,
actually, Condomian Madonna ran for her life while Ukyou swung at her
wildly.
"Well, we had five orgasms!"
"You think that's great? We had six! No, seven!"
"I don't believe it!" Ukyou and Madonna sprinted between the
Sailors, who kept arguing.
"So, we're going to have to have a duel, then?"
"Agreed! Whichever one of us comes the most times in say..an hour?"
Jupiter nodded. She and Venus shook hands. Ukyou and Madonna
turned to them. "Are you two finally finished?"
Venus nodded. "Yep. VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!" A beam of hearts shot
out and entangled Condomian Madonna.
"Um, can I sing one last song before I go?" She said.
"Only if it's a death march!" Ukyou hammered down her spatula on
Madonna's head. Madonna dissolved away in a spray of cheesy special
effects with a final moan. "She died from a head blow? In...dust?"
"They always do that. Don't feel bad. They tend to be okay, okay,
crumble to dust. You'll get used to it." Venus said.
"This is gonna happen again?"
"To quote Ranger Rick, 'You can count on that!'," Jupiter said.
Ranma moaned, sat up, saw Venus and had a full body blush.
"AAAAHHH!!!!"
Venus smiled. "Hi, gorgeous. What's your name?"
"Get away from my fiancee!"
Venus realized for the first time that Ukyou was both present and
naked. "Fiancee? What about..." She looked over at Jupiter who
blushed. "Now I know why you kept after Haruka.." Jupiter now had her
own full body blush.
*****************************************************************************
<Music cue: Down comes Good Old Santa Claus>
Up on the rooftop, reindeer pause; down comes good old Santa Claus.
Oh wait, wrong rooftop. On this rooftop, Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Moon
had decided that if Makoto was getting some tonight, so would they. They
could count on Mercury, because she was dedicated, and Mars, because she
had no boyfriend, to keep watch.
Right now, about all they had on was Tux's cape and his hat. Oh
yeah, Usagi had her tiara and gloves on too. Everything else was
scattered about the rooftop, not that anyone could see much of what they
were doing through the cape. Tuxedo was just about to go down on her
when a shadow fell across them. They didn't notice.
Kinseyite watched for about thirty seconds, expecting them to notice
him, but they were too busy getting it on. He snapped his fingers. They
didn't notice, but Usagi did whisper something to Tuxedo Kamen.
Kinseyite said, "Ahem! I'm here to kill you."
Sailor Moon said, "Harder! Harder! OH YESSSSSSS!!!!!"
Tuxedo Kamen said, "For Love and...oohhhhhhhhh"
Sailor Moon laughed. "That's my line, Mamo-chan."
"I said, I'm here to kill you!" This was worse than talking to Dark
Queen Urd, Kinseyite thought.
They orgasmed instead of saying anything. Kinseyite sighed. "I
guess I'll just have to take you unawares...I suppose that would be a
good idea, actually."
Sailor Moon blinked. "Did you say something, Mamo-chan?"
Tuxedo Kamen said, "I think I may have to defeat you again..."
She giggled.
"Right. I'm going to kill you now." They ignored him. "Look! How
can I kill my greatest enemies if I can't even get your attention?"
Sailor Moon mumbled something about her nipples.
Kinseyite sighed. "Here goes..." He posed for exactly 12.3
seconds, then said, "DEATH BY STATISTICS!" A stream of scientific
research surveys on sexuality poured from his hands, glowing with dark
negative energies the likes of which the world has only seen a lot of
times in past episodes.
A bright flare of fire vaporized the blast, burning the reports to
dust. "I am the Lovely Soldier Sailor Mars! I'm feeling extremely
sexually frustrated right now, so I'll punish you in the name of
MYSELF!" Mars struck a pose. "Just be glad I'm not suffering PMS right
now too!"
"And I'm the Lovely Soldier Sailor Mercury! I may not be getting
any right now, but I have a plan to fix that! I will punish you in the
name of Mercury!" Mercury struck a pose.
Sailor Moon looked up. "Just remember you can't have my
Mamo-chan!" She noticed Kinseyite. "Hey, where'd he come from?"
Kinseyite frothed. "I'll destroy you all!"
"Can you handle this guys? Mamo-chan and I are busy."
Mars sighed. "Get up and fight, Moon! We're not here so you can
get laid!"
"I'll make it up to you later, Mars-chan," Usagi said, winking.
Mars blushed. "Don't talk about that in public, Usagi!"
Mercury looked over at Mars. "So that's why I heard..."
"WILL YOU ALL BE QUIET?" Mars screamed.
"The silence of the dead. Sounds good to me," Kinseyite said. Am
I forgetting something...oh wait, I need to get orgasm crystals...Maybe I
should encourage them. "I'll be quiet, but only if I get to watch you two."
Mars said, "Thanks. When we're going at it, I'm the one who makes
the noise...Uh..." She blushed again. "I'm not performing for you,
Kinseyite!"
He sighed. "THen I'll just kill you all!"
Dark Queen Urd's face appeared in the air. "Kinseyite, I want
orgasm crystals, not corpses."
They looked up at Urd. Sailor Moon said, "You weren't...ah...
watching me and Mamo-chan the whole time were you?"
Dark Queen Urd said, "Tuxedo Kamen, next time, don't rely so much on
just stimulating her..." Her voice dropped to a whisper and the hologram
of her head moved to speak into his ear.
Tuxedo Kamen blushed.
Dark Queen Urd said, "Kinseyite. Condominium Madonna has failed.
You have failed. I'm afraid you're going to have to clean the floor with
your tongue now."
Everyone tried not to vomit.
"Give me one more chance!"
Dark Queen Urd considered it. "Convince Mars to sleep with you, and
I'll let you live."
Kinseyite looked at Mars. "But she's not my type!"
"Bring me the golden fleece."
"Didn't Jason already take that?"
"Right. I'll just kill you then."
He winced. "The floors it is." He vanished in a spray of
sexuality reports.
Mars turned to Mercury. "So what is this brilliant plan of yours?"
Mercury smiled and started whispering to Mars.
*****************************************************************************
A few hours later, Makoto, Ranma, Ukyou, Steven, and the Sailor Senshi
finished repairing the wall of Makoto's apartment. "Thanks for helping
out, everyone!" Makoto said. "I made us all some snacks."
Everyone immediately fell to pigging out. Ranma said to Ami, "You
really look a lot like Akane..."
She smiled. "Is Akane your sister?"
Ranma blushed faintly. Ukyou laughed. "She was one of his fiancees."
Ami blinked. "One?"
Makoto nodded. "He's got two real fiancees, a crazed maniac, and a
chinese girl who thinks she has to marry him and kill me cause of some
silly laws."
"Who's your other fiancee, Ranma?" Ami asked.
He smiled faintly. "Ucchan here."
Ami thought about it for a minute. All three of them were butt
naked when we met them, so he was probably sleeping with Makoto and
Ukyou. Hmmm... "Why isn't your other fiancee here? Or does she not
like threesomes...I mean foursomes...I mean, ah..." Ami blushed faintly.
So did Ukyou, Ranma, and Makoto. "Umm. She said it was okay...She
was ...umm...naked in the bath with another guy and..." Ranma couldn't
quite say it. If he actuallly said it, he'd have to go beat up Ryouga,
and if he stayed, he'd likely get to sleep with Ucchan and Makochan some
more.
"So this guy likes Akane? Is he as good looking as you?" Ami felt a
wicked idea coming on, tried to supress it, then decided that if all
these new friends of Makoto were this horny, it might be worth trying.
"He's not bad looking, really. Has a few problems...but nothing hot
water can't fix." He laughed. Everyone else just stared as they had no
idea what he was talking about, except Ukyou, who smirked.
Minako sidled over to Makoto. "So when do we have the duel?"
"Hmmm. Schedule it for a week from now? I'm sure we'll both want
to practice."
"Duel?" Ami asked.
"Sexual endurance contest."
Ami blushed. "Oh my..."
****************************************************************************
Eventually, everyone went home, except Makoto who was home, Ukyou
who was going to stick with Ranchan, and Ranma, who was feeling up to a
few more hours of Mad Passionate Sex.
I could detail it all, but that's what the Kama Sutra is for, ne?
Not to mention there's a lot more sex scenes to come...
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu bailesu@komodo.hacks.arizona.edu
http://www.hacks.arizona.edu/~bailesu/falcon.html
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they
don't get up for at least an hour."
Wendy, age 8