AHHHHH!!!!

Can't anyone say anything else but 'It's a great story' or 'I can't wait  for
the next chapter' or 'It's wonderful!  Keep writing it!'?

It's already straining my belief system to call what I wrote adequate, 
especially since all of the first chapter and most of the second come 
right out of the Manga.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Heh.  That's probably your main problem right there.  It's definitely
diverged from the manga, but without being able to tell where it's going, I
think it's hard to offer any really constructive criticism, such as
"interesting idea, but I don't think you set it up enough because..." or
"great story, but does it really seem likely that Akane in any universe
would...", etc.  Without foreknowledge of where you intend to go, it's
difficult at best to tell whether you're doing it well or not...  though based
on your post, most people seem to think it a fun read thus far.

tom