AAAAA
AAAAAAA
AAA AAA -------
AAA AAA W Y R M
AAA AAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA Filling a Plot-Hole
AAAAAAAAAAAAA -------
AAA AAA Part 1
AAA AAA Rude Awakening
AAA AAA -------
AAA AAA
AAA AAA godawful alarm sound awoke Wyrm from a deep slumber. He
looked around bewildered, trying to find the source of the noise. His eyes
came to rest upon the computer terminal that he had left active to alert
him if anything important was happening. He shoved on his glasses and
looked.
On the screen was this message:
INTERDIMENSIONAL POSTAL SERVICE: STATUS REPORT
INVOICE: ONE (1) PLOT-HOLE
RECIPIENT: MICHAEL W LOADER
STATUS: RECIEVED
TOTAL CHARGE: 15 BOXES OF FRUIT-LOOPS
"Ah! Mike's recieved my little postal package," he quipped, and threw
the covers off of him. Throwing on a bathrobe, he stepped up to the monitor
and sat down in the seat.
"Do you mind?" came a mumbling voice from his bed. Wyrm blinked, then
looked back behind him. He saw, much to his utter bewilderment and then
awe, his animated anima aspect, Wyrm-chan, crawl out of it, wearing nothing
but a sheer silk nightie.
She stood straight up and streached, working kinks out of her muscles
and cracking joints back into place. It felt good to work them out of her
body. It was no torture chamber for Wyrm either, admiring the well-built
and quite thorougly female version of himself (in both mind and body) doing
awakening exercises. Her scarlet locks danced over her shoulders, looking
quite nice even though it was quite ruffled.
Finally, Wyrm came to the point that had been dancing at the edge of
his conscious mind for several seconds. "What the hell were you doing in my
bed?"
Wyrm-chan looked up, seemingly slightly puzzled. Then she smiled like a
predator inspecting her future prey. "Awww, come on, Wyrm-sama..." she said
pouting, yet with a sultry voice that raised the heckles off of Wyrm's
back, as well as a blush on his face. She saundered over to him, hips
swaying in that oh-so-sexy way. "That room of mine all the way on the other
side of the Middle Of Nowhere...It gets lonely...There are only nine of us
in, what, seventy-five trillion cubic light years?"
Wyrm shook his head. 'Of all the animas in the universe, I have to get
one with nymphomania,' he thought. 'I understand how she was able to get my
Avitar to seduce Spacewarp.' "Listen, Wyrm-chan, I got to make sure Mike
doesn't screw up when using that plot-hole I sent him," he grumbled.
She smiled and sat down next to him, hugging onto his arm and purring,
"That Loader fellow can watch his own back, Wyrm-sama..." She smiled and
lightly tugged his arm, a come-hither look on her face. "Let's do someting
more...fun."
"That's incest, you shameless flirt."
"I'm you, Wyrm-sama..."
"I don't wanna pull a Lister," dm countered.
"Awww, come on...It'll be more fun than what you're doing..." She
rubbed up against him. Wyrm transfered his data from floppy to hard-drive.
Wyrm gave her a grave look. "First work, then fun," he told her. "If
Mike misuses that thing, we're in the shit." Hoping that it would get her
to back off a little, he added, "The sooner we get done with this, the
sooner we can get back to..." A slight swallow. "Bed."
With a passion-filled voice she announced, "Alright..." She moved off,
and added, "And I expect you be in bed, then." Wyrm sighed with relief. "In
bed, but not necessarily asleep." Wyrm shivered.
Normally, he would've jumped at the chance, engaging hard drive, but
two things prevented him. The first was that Wyrm-chan was almost
completely identical to him in every way, like an identical twin sister.
The second was that he had great responsibility. Like being a guardian
angel over Mike. He tuned into the nullnet-signal microprobe that he sent
along with the plot-hole.
A pronounced Australian accent pronounced, "*...are go for assault.
Status on your end?*" Mike Loader, presumably. What was he talking about?
"*Eureka! I've found it!*" came a Strange Voice (tm) from the 'phone.
'Who is that?' Wyrm thought. He ran a scan. "What the...Trump!" he
shouted. Trump technology was used by very few beings in this universe,
none of them good for the ALF cause. He listened in...
"*A second way into Fred? How?*"
"*Take the 762587236578th Shadow after the Pattern and turn left.*"
Wyrm recognized the notation. Absolute Shadow Referent. A notation not used
since the .SIG Wars, and was used by Psychowulf. 'Damn! Mike's a traitor!
No bets onto whether or not he's up to no good with my plot-hole.'
"Alright, sucker," Wyrm mumbled, "I might not be able to track Trump
signals directly..." A wide grin spread across his face. "...but that
doesn't mean I can't find you!"
Working quickly, he linked together a transdimensional background
vibration scanner with its focus limited to the nearby continua, a high-
speed/volume/Q signal proccessor, and coincidence detector. What the
unusual linkup was doing was the equivelent of listening to all the
conversations in a football stadium and guessing that two of them are
talking to each other through walkie-talkies by noting that their
conversations mesh perfectly.
Because the scanner was limiting its eavesdrop to the local continua,
the chances of finding the exact same conversation elsewhere by sheer
coincidence is vanishingly small. Sure, the universe may have infinite
possibilities, but the local scope didn't. Especially if they occur in the
same proper time.
NO ONE can access Trump. But then again, one didn't necessarily NEED
to, depending on what you're looking for. This is one of them.
"*Very good. I doubt the plot-holes will be an option after this little
foray.*" Mike.
"*I could always crash it again, but it would be hard...*" said the
other voice. Wyrm made a face. 'Huh? Define 'crash'. Depending on what a
crash is, it may be recoverable.'
Wyrm turned to the bed. "Wyrm-chan!" he said firmly.
"Hmm?" the scarlet-haired girl looked up, a hopeful look in her eye.
"Trouble!" he answered evenly, with a hint of fury underneath. "Mike's
a traitor! He's with the Revenging Characters! And he's got that
plot-hole!"
"*Ready?*" Mike asked again.
"Couldn't you collapse it?" Wyrm-chan asked.
Wyrm looked a little helpless. "I can't. He must have it sheilded
somehow." Wyrm-chan grew serious. She got to her feet and wrapped a
bathrobe around herself.
"*Ready. Meet you in Fred.*"
The console beeped loudly. Wyrm grinned. "Gotcha!"
"*See you there...Let's do it,*" Mike finished.
"Took the words right out of my mouth."
Wyrm-chan finished adjusting her bathrobe and addressed Wyrm. No
flirting in her voice, just a cold, calculating assessment. "We must
contact Fred."
Wyrm nodded. Fortunately, the time differential would prove an
advantage. Since Fred run at a rate approximately 36525 times faster than
the normal universe (with a biological cellular decay dampening field of
that factor to compensate so that inhabitants of Fred age with the normal
universe), this meant that for each second that time passes in the normal
universe is matched by 10 hours, 8 minutes and 45 seconds of time passing
in Fred.
The seeker, that part of an activating plot-hole that reaches out
toward a target universe, would come from the normal universe, which means
that its time would proceed in proportion to the normal universe. The time
difference will manifest as a time dialation across the hyperchaotic
transdimensional corridor.
Heh!
Spinning around on the chair with a sly grin on his face, he proceeded
to type out a short message to frosty.
<<INCOMMING MESSAGE FROM WYRM! SECURITY ENCRYPTION PROTOCOL2 ENABLED>>
<<EMERGENCY COMMUNIQUE!>>
****************************************************************************
To: bmfrosty@pop3.concentric.net
From: wyrm@mail.utexas.edu (Thomas R Jefferys)
Resend-Path: wyrm@tantalus.MONForce.org&traxVI.middle-of-nowhere.net&gatekeep
er.MON-firewall.org&nullnet.void&admin@system.archive.org&mallet@p-chan.tardi
s-12Kdl.tardis.net.gal&dragon-mage@boiler.rascal.com&wyrm@mail.utexas.edu
Encryption: Super-RSA Security Protocol Enabled; Protocol-2
Priority: 1
Subject: MIKE'S A TRAITOR! HAS PLOT-HOLE!
Frosty! Mike's got a plot-hole and I have connected him with the Revenging
Characters. I had sent it to him on his request, saying:
Request use of Plot-hole for purpose of war. All measures
will be taken to insure safe usage. Please respond soonest.
I granted it, sending a plot-hole. However, I send a microprobe with the
delivery, so I could be sure that Washuu couldn't track it down. However, I
heard some very disturbing things, including an Absolute Shadow Referent,
which had been used in the .SIG Wars. Specifically, Psychowulf and his
goons. Remember that old mess?
I am unable to collapse the plot-hole by remote; he must be blocking the
beam somehow. I have a device that will do the job, but it must be placed
IN the plot-hole to collapse it.
You will have visitors in a few minutes, Universal Standard Time. I will
give you as much time as I can.
Viva l'Otaku!
---------------------
-wyrm/dm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> <JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu>
Member of the AFSS Depraived Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin
=<SIG>= Wyrm-chan @_@ H-Wyrm @_@ Ten @_@ Chibi-Usa @_@ Azusa =</SIG>=
=<^_^>= R1/2#_#BGC#_#Sailor Moon#_#Dr Who#_#Star Trek#_#Monty Python =</^_^>=
Currently operating at <wyrm@middle.of.nowhere.void> for the time being
"DINSDALE!!!" -Spiny Norman
Childras, the <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> Mailbox Deamon
Still trapped in Eternal Crystal and loving it!
****************************************************************************
<<END TRANSMISSION>>
Wyrm clicked the [Send] button, and within seconds it confirmed that it
was recieved.
It was at this time when Mike had met with his compatriots. "*Hello,
fellow Revenging Characters.*"
"As I thought..."
"*I have it.*"
A collective sigh sounded in the microphone.
"*A plot hole. Gateway to Fred. The home of the Author's resistance.
And yours for the taking.*"
'Not the _only_ home!' Wyrm grinned.
"*And, of course, they'd beat the %&^% out of you,*" Mike explained.
"*Being Authors, they can write in incredibly powerful weapons and lucky
twists of fate. You wouldn't stand a chance.*"
Wyrm frowned. "Oh, come on... We can't be that bad, can we?"
"*However...?*" A Ranma came through over the 'comm.
"*Meet your countermeasure.*"
"Countermeasure?" Wyrm and Wyrm-chan parrotted. Suddenly, the otaku
index increased by two thousand percent. "Ugh!" the two eavesdroppers
groaned simultaneously.
"*Why do I feel a sudden urge to marry this person?*" Ukyou, Nabiki,
Shampoo.
"You don't think..." Wyrm-chan whispered.
"*This is the Undocumented Twisted Chinese Samurai, Eddie Von Crys.
He's the condensed total of Otakufic protagonists. Even if he is clearly
outclassed, outnumbered, outfought, or even just plain dead, he'll still
win. All while solving everyone's problems in a wise and benevolent
fashion.*"
"Great! An Omnipotent Otaku Thing," Wyrm grated.
"*He's your weapon against them. If any author decides to indulge his
ego and wipe you all out with a flick of the pen and a stupidly powerful
device, Eddie will undo his efforts a post later.
"*In fact, the more omnipotent and all-knowing they make themselves,
the stronger Eddie gets. He lives and breathes off ego and easy resolutions
to problems. On the flip side, if they stay within the bounds of reason,
Eddie'll be too weak to do much good. But what are the chances of that,
eh?*"
'Better than you think, Loader,' Wyrm smiled. 'We're not the Ranma ML;
we _do_ have a sense of story! I haven't seen that type of fic in a long
while!'
Noises of unbelievable carnage insued.
"*I've created a monster.*"
"*Authors are good at that.*"
"*Right. Are we ready?*"
A thunderous roar was his reply.
Wyrm readied his controls for the plot-hole device, which gave him
control of the hyperchaotic transdiemensional corridors that were
plot-holes. "You know I am," Wyrm whispered in apostrophetic response to
Mike's question.
"*Prepare for woe, ye Fanfic lords,
at once we go Fredwards!
Forward to glory, Animite hordes,
let Authors fall to Anime's swords!*"
The indicators beeped with fevor as the sensors detected the plot-hole
moving into its active mode. The readings quickly reached and then
surpassed the usual curve for such an opening. 'What the...' Wyrm thought.
Then aloud, "The idiot's opening the plot-hole a couple of kilometers wide.
Bozo! No telling what will come out unless we close it fast!" He did not
need to mention Washuu; Wyrm-chan knew about that as well.
His fingers flew over the keyboard, which squeeked and chortled at his
touches.
Suddenly, the entire room flashed red, and loud klaxons blared.
"ALERT! UNAUTHORISED INTRUDER! ALERT! DESTROYING INTRUDER!" Durandal
blared. (And no, Kergma, his voice is not nasal. It's deep and booming.) A
second later, Durandal reported, "INTRUDER HAS BEEN REMOVED."
"NO MATCH IN DATABASE 'SAILOR CHAOS'. POSSIBLE 'SAILOR SENSHI' DESTROY
ON SIGHT! ALERT! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!" Durandal suddenly roared again. A
second later, the screens shuttered, and Durandal boomed agian, "DANGER!
DANGER! UNAUTHORISED INTRUSION! DANGER! DANG...." And then he fell silent.
"DURANDAL, what's wrong?!" Wyrm called. He didn't answer. Wyrm punched
up the internal scan. "Something's in Computer Node
474345-008886-061223-242742. Betcha anything that it's not up to any good."
"No bet."
Wyrm lept up and raced for the door. Wyrm-chan followed close behind.
Wyrm skidded to a halt atop a softly glowing rectangle on the floor with a
computer pad off to the side. He began punching at it. "Voice activation
and open-ended bodysliding fuctions have been interrupted, probably because
Durandal's otherwise occupied," he anylized. "It's Better Manually,
anyway."
He punched up the receptor terminal nearest to the Node, and stood
still on the plate. His body shimmered with the Tuncer Mirage Effect, and
he vanished. Wyrm-chan stepped forward and began punching up the
destination to that node as well...
***
The TME began on the reception terminal by the side of the hallway, and
Wyrm appeared. Looking around briefly, he raced for the Node where the
intruder was working havoc with his systems.
Still in his pajamas, Wyrm was nearing the Node where Durandal was
being attacked had reported a break in. The other two AIs, Tycho and Leela,
were certainly cycling out of their down-time as the alarm sounded. The
alarm probably alerted that flake Alpha Centauri (the AI, not Adam), but
knowing him, he'll probably be following Leela trying to get in a good
snog.
Wyrm's Time Lord ears barely heard a voice say, "Good, now lets..." as
he burst into the room. And stared at a man in a bathrobe looking
surprised. He caught a hint of looking a guilty, but it disappeared
quickly. "Oh, pardon me, isn't this where to get a good cup of tea?" the
intruder asked, obviously trying to pass himself off as an 'Arthur Dent'.
'Yeah, right!' His gut was telling him otherwise. However, he didn't
know who this guy was. Grr. He hated it when that happened.
"I think I must be in the wrong room then," the man, or whatever he
was, stated, "Here, have this." He pressed some fluff from the bathrobe
into Wyrm's hand and then stepped back and waved. "Bye bye," he said, and
vanished.
Wyrm felt that his life had gotten just a little more complicated.
**************************************************************************
To Be Continued...
Notes: Hi, After much thought (Okay, okay! I know this has been goofing
off, but gimme a break!), I've finally resolved how this whole plot-hole
thing will work out. Anyway, this is the first part of the revengefic.
Others will soon join.
Note#2: Mike's "Follow the Bouncing Ball" in its entirety and Kergma's
"Invasion of Fred" except my qutes (>) and the fact that "Durangal" should
be "Durandal" are considered valid. I now do what I should've done some
time ago, retract the entire "Oh, Hum, they've got a plot-hole" thing.
However, I liked the "Invasion of Fred", just change what I say should be,
noted above, Kergma. They're not vital for the story, and I retract saying
them anyway.
Ja!
---------------------
-wyrm/dm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> <JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu>
Member of the AFSS {MOUNTAIN DEW ROCKS!!} Vidboi (Marathon Pfhreak)
Depraived Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin
=<SIG>= Wyrm-chan @_@ H-Wyrm @_@ Ten @_@ Chibi-Usa @_@ Azusa =</SIG>=
=<^_^>= R1/2#_#BGC#_#Sailor Moon#_#Dr Who#_#Star Trek#_#Monty Python =</^_^>=
Currently operating at <wyrm@middle.of.nowhere.void> for the time being
"I gotta lot of great ideas! Trouble is, most of them suck."
Childras, the <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> Mailbox Deamon
Still trapped in Eternal Crystal and loving it!