BBBBBBBBBB
BBBBBBBBBBBB
BBB BBB -------
BBB BBB W Y R M
BBB BBB
BBBBBBBBBB Filling a Plot-Hole
BBBBBBBBBB -------
BBB BBB Part 3
BBB BBB Mission: Impossible
BBB BBB -------
BBBBBBBBBBBB
BBBBBBBBBBB yond the round table, Wyrm-k and Wyrm-chan bodyslided in. Wyrm
was wearing a yellow and orange wind shell over a blue wollen sweater. He
also wore a pair of faded blue-jeans and black hiking shoes. Of course, he
had his lavender-rimmed glasses and hair pulled back into a ponytail.
Wyrm-chan, on the other hand, was dressed in a grey sweatshirt, a pink
tee saying "Venus' Chosen!", a pair of tight, white denim jeans and white
canvas sneakers over blue ankle-socks. She had subtly applied makeup and
wore gold-stud earings. Although she kindasorta looked like Ranma-chan,
Wyrm-chan had no objection to wearing a bra. She _is_ a woman, after all. A
well-endowed one at that.
They took their seats at the head of the table, and Nitro, Jadeite,
Padibast, Philip, Adam, and Skywise bodyslid in. A screen had been set up
for Alpha Centauri, but there was a few more minutes to go.
After half an hour, Centauri finally materialized on the screen as the
demented 3D happyface that he is, as he looked a little slagged and
carboned. (The screens were fully holographic; it just wouldn't be a SciFi
setting if it wasn't) "*Hi guys!*"
"Where were you, you digital pinhead!" Adam groused his hentai AI component.
"*Where else? Hitting on Leona!*" he grinned.
A hand reached out and @bapped him. "That's 'Leela', you bagbiting AI!"
Considering what she usually done to him, Leela was being quite gentle.
"You're late, you know," Wyrm-chan stated under no uncertain terms.
<*Engage Cute Redhead Subroutine*> the demented AI thought, and began
to drool over Wyrm's segregated female half. "*My Wyrm-chan! Let's leave
these losers and get funky in cyberspace!*"
Again, Wyrm-chan typed a command on her terminal. On screen the message
"DIVINE RETRIBUTION!" scrolled across, and Centauri was hit, once again,
with a potent cyber-attack.
"*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!*"
the AI screamed once again and looked totally carboned and heat-distorted.
*snap-crack-frazzle-fragglerock* There was even some whisps of cybersmoke
rising from his form. Adam winced again. Alpha Centauri's eyes became Xes
and the message: "GAME OVER!" scrolled across the screen.
Adam grimmaced. "Man, one blast of that, and Nene would be toasted over
fourteen times over!" he whistled admiringly.
"It's just the little Nasty I came up with when Centauri started
hitting on me as well," Wyrm-chan fumed.
Leela appeared onscreen above them, looking like Leona from 'Tank
Police', save that she was wearing a shimmering blue outfit instead of a
police uniform. "Hey! Can I borrow that program sometime?"
"Be my guest," Wyrm-chan smiled.
The image of Alpha Centauri shook off the carbonation and reformed
quickly. "*Ahh, my goddess...*" he sighed.
Wyrm-k had his face in hands. 'Why me?' he wondered. "Listen, we need
to start this meeting...and I do not want any interruptions..." he groaned.
Then it hit him. He rubbed the back of his head and spoke out, "Durandal!
Water, cold."
"ACKNOWLEDGED, ADMIN-WYRM," came the voice of the AI. A glass of cold
water materialized in front of Wyrm. Centauri's eyes widened and shrunk
back.
"*You're not planning to...*" he stammered.
Wyrm-k grinned wickedly. "If you don't behave...and shut that damned
Cute Redhead Subroutine off...then 'Mrs. Pak Man's comming back to your
nearest arcade."
"*Okay, okay...*" <*Disengage Cute Redhead Subroutine*> "*Happy now?*"
"That's yet to be seen," Wyrm said noncommittedly. "Okay, here's the
facts. Mike Loader swindled me out of a plot-hole and started funneling in
hordes of Animates and superships from various Big Robot Era animes. I had
tried shutting it down by remote, but Mike, or someone, has it sheilded
somehow. Also, a Shadow-walker snuck in and tried to sabotoge the plot-hole
generator.
"On top of that, Mike's created the Undocumented Twisted Chinese
Samurai, Eddie Von Crys, the ultimate Omnipotent Otaku Thing," Wyrm
continued gravely, "Basically, his power draws from ego and easy
resolutions. The easier the solution and the more our egos swell, the more
powerful he'll become. If we make ourselves omnipotent and omniscient, then
he's the same."
A wave of dread fell over the MONForce, they looked at each other
quizzically and hopelessly. Fear and Loathing were so thick that you could
cut it with a knife. "Then how the heck do we beat him?" Philip asked.
"Don't you realize that if we show up with our swelled heads, he'll wipe
the floor with us?!" He grabed up the glass of water and splashes himself.
Instant Sailor Senshi, power-down mode. "That's no way for a cutie like me
to die,
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"SHUT UP!" Wyrm-k roared as the entire superstructure of MON started
shaking. Phil-chan did, tears still streaming down. "Listen, all you have
to do is throw one of these..." He holds out a glass-like sphere about the
size of a marble. "...into the plot hole."
"I was wondering when those neutronium glassites would come in handy,"
Wyrm-chan murmured.
Wyrm nodded. "Each glassite contains pellet of 1.5 million tons of
neutronium. Don't look at me like that; the neutronium pellets have been
sealed in gravimetric shields to mask its true mass and weight." Wyrm-k
sighed at their first disbeliving and then puzzled looks. "Never mind.
Basically, just throw them into the plot-hole. The high Rydberg field
generated by the neutronium in the glassites will induce the corridor to
pinch off, collapsing the plot-hole."
Padibast snatched up one of them and eyed it sceptically. It was hard
to swallow the fact that each of them contained one and a half million tons
of neutronium. It weighed three ounces. At most. "How do we arm these
little beasties?"
"You don't; neutronium doesn't really arm, y'know," Wyrm-k explained.
He looked up and saw the team wear shocked faces, except for his anima, who
knew what the answer to the unspoken question was. "And in case you're
wondering, you'll be taking our TARDIS through a plot-hole to there. The
transcendent-ality of the TARDIS will protect it from the collapsers."
Nitro stood, smiling widely. "Great! Let's do it!" he said and started
to move off.
"Wait, Wyrm!" Wyrm-k called out. Wyrm of Gallifrey stopped, looking
back quizzically. "I'll need you to help me make up for some lost time,"
Wyrm-k explained, casting a nasty look at Centauri.
"*Hey! It ain't MY fault that Leela's got such a sexy archetype! And
redheaded to boot!*" the AI leered. Leela grinned ferally and the message
scrolled across the screen:
"DIVINE RETRIBUTION!"
And Alpha Centauri was hit with another massive cyberattack.
"*YAAAAAAAAAAAA-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*"
*zarka- zarka-fry-crispychickenwings* (x_x)
"Urk!" Skywise choked to see the AI treated as such.
"Tilt," Wyrm-chan grinned.
"Couldn'ta happened to a nicer AI," Phil-chan snickered.
Adam put his head in his hands and shook it.
***
As the MONForce prepared themselves for their mission, a song floated
through corridors of the Middle Of Nowhere...
THE MONFORCE BATTLE-SONG
(Sung to the tune of the "Starblazers" Theme)
"We're off to Omega-space,
We're leaving Middle Earth (1)
To save the Authors' fate,
Our MONFORCE!
"A threat from the Animates
Makes the MONFORCE come in haste,
As we rush to meet our fate,
The Revenging Characters await!
"We must be strong and brave
To stop their evil ways.
If Loader's plot should work,
He'll destroy the Universe!
"We'll fight the Revenging Characters,
Battle through the raging fire,
Filled with the hope
That the List will survive.
"And we'll keep peace alive
With our MONFORCE!"
(1) Middle Earth: The homeworld of Middle Of Nowhere.
***
<LATER, IN A MICROVERSE NOT A VERY LONG WAY AWAY...>
The Animates continued pouring in, although with more apprehention than
they did a little while ago. As Mike Loader had discovered, to his great
annoyance, that larger plot-holes make for more unpredictable events. He
shuddered to think about the plague of Elvis-impersonating Troll-Dolls that
came flooding out and was trying to force everyone to learn their obnoxious
version of French. Now he understood why Wyrm kept the plot-holes as small
as possible. The plot-hole truely is a hole in the plot.
That had been hours ago, of course, and nothing else wierd had
happened. He hoped that that had been the last occurance.
Still, it just meant that the attack would proceed with more care. He
had a plot-hole; he could do anything. He let out evil peals of laughter.
The animates looked at him strangely. He grinned in embarrassment and said,
"Uh, heh! Sorry about that..."
Unseen by all, in a dark corner of the plain, five faces peeked around
the corner of a garden shed...
| | | | | |
| | | | | ,---.
| | | | | <:O_O:>
| | | | ,^---^ ;^m-m^
| | | | .:O,O: ;.:O,O:
| | | ,~~~. | ,nn~:>'B ,nn~:>'B
| | | ;O_O/|D ;O_O/|D ;O_O/|D
| | @___@ `-@m__@ `-@m__@ `-@m__@
| | //O_O\\ ///O_O\\ ///O_O\\ ///O_O\\
| | // '>||| // '>||| // '>||| // '>|||
| ,===. \\===D/ \\===D/ \\===D/ \\===D/
| (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O) (O_O)
| /|>;| /|>;| /|>;| /|>;| /|>;|
| |/ |D |/ |D |/ |D |/ |D |/ |D
| | | | | |
In order, they were: Wyrm-chan, at the bottom, Sailor Mak (snort), Jadeite,
Padibast, and Skywise, at the top.
Wyrm-chan whispered to Sailor Mak. "He doesn't seem too concerned..."
Sailor Mak shivered with fear in her red boots. "Th-There's so manyyy,"
she whimpered back.
Jadeite raised an eyebrow. "You sure 'she' isn't my Usagi?" Sailor Mak
cast him a dirty look.
"Be a mench, Phil..." Wyrm-chan hissed. "Skywise?"
"Yo..." he replied.
"You good at stelth, right?"
Skywise smiled. "Yeah, I'd like to think that..."
"Okay, try to sneak around and try to chuck your collapser into the
hole..." Wyrm-chan said. Skywise extracted herself from above Padibast and
started to sneak. "Oh, and don't get caught!" Wyrm-chan added.
"Then I'll be real quiet-like," he replied softy, grinning. He sneaked
off, using his stealth to inch nearer and nearer to the plot-hole. The
collapser was hot in his hand. Wyrm-k had said that he merely had to chuck
the collapser into the plot-hole, and pop! No more plot-hole. He slowed his
progress as he neared the Undocumented Twisted Chinese Samurai, Eddie Von
Crys.
Padibast thought a bit, mulling over what Skywise had said. "Um,
Wyrm-chan," she whispered.
"Nn?"
"Didn't the last guy who said that..." the cat-girl started...
...and Skywise chose the very worst time to step on a twig.
*SNAP!*
The sneaking Skywise froze, dead. Eyes wide, he turned to face Eddie,
who was looking right...at...HIM! He grinned sheepishly and bigsweated.
"um...hi!"
Wyrm-chan covered her face. "Matt..." she said calmly. "Next time, keep
your observations of Murphodynamics to yourself..."
***
<FRED>
The combined forces of the Battleship Yamato, several assorted Invid,
Zentraedi destroyers, and the SDF-1, -2 and -3, and 23 pummeled the
interior of Fred. Only a small, overly stressed forcefield barrier stood
between the ships and the attackers. A small battery of ion cannons fired
back, but they did minimal damage to the hulls.
The bombardment lasted for literally years, Fred time (only a few hours
had passed in this universe). Only the fact that the energy supplies of
both sides were enormous enabled them to keep fighting. The ships had arced
up out into space before turning back to start their assault. This enabled
Fredworld to erect the forcefield, not only protecting them, but cutting
them off from the plot-hole's mouth.
The hordes of animates "pouring" through the 'hole's mouth was
diminished to a trickle as one second on the other side of the hole equals
10 hours, 8 minutes and 45 seconds on this side of the 'hole. This spread
the animate's forces enough so that the battles were tough but manageable.
Wyrm's instructions were very specific; don't use authorship powers to
overcome, only to match the assault. Simple in principle, but it was very
hard to keep morale up, and therefore Fred's defences.
Frosty-Usa, mayor of Fred, gaped as the forcefield glowed red, a sign
of immanent collapse. "Damn!" she hissed, quickly reviewing her options.
With the shield gone, their first target would undoubtably be the Eye of
Harmony power receiver station. It wouldn't be fatal to damage it, as the
station had adequate safeguards to sever the link should it be damaged, but
it would leave them neer powerless and defenseless against the ship's
onslaught.
There was only one thing that she could think of to do. She extracted
her copy of Ginzuishou crystal, painstakingly copied from Wyrm's fanfic
notes for "The Exile" story arc. Although she didn't have certain
advantages (not to give too much of the story away) that Wyrm would have in
using the crystal, she still possessed the Moon Kingdom pedigree.
Right.
Rasing the Moon Cepter high above her head, she called out to the
crystal, "I call upon the power of the Ginzuishou to strike mine enemies
from the sky!" Frosty-Usa let the power gather in the crystal, gathering
energy from the mysterious region of non-space that powered it, and
shouted, "ULTIMATE...COSMIC...MOON...ENLIGHTENMENT!"
A large gout of energy erupted from it, Queen Serenity-style, shooting
out just as the forcefield collapsed. It surged outward, nicking both the
Yamato and the SDF-2, and slammed into the Zentraedi fleet. A quarter was
destroyed in a moment, but the attack came at a great price.
Frosty-Usa felt faint and fell to the ground. The attack had drained
her of most of her energy. Frosty barely had a chance to touch a control on
her wrist to transport her to the bunker, moments before a shock-cannon
blast vaporized the area where she stood.
As she had predicted, the remaining forces pounced on the power
station. After only a few minutes, there was nothing left of the thing that
made them go. All looked hopeless.
They should've taken that as a sign that the cavelry was about to arrive.
<<The Theme from "Starblazers", sans lyrics>>
With a deep wheezing and groaning of asthmatic elephants, a massive
shape appeared. Its forward section consisted of a massive rhomboid pyramid
which was split by a narrow gap halfway down the middle, while its rearward
section consisted of a wide fork within which was nested the massive engine
section. Other that, there were four massive "fins" jutting out from the
rear section and a large disk situated on its dorsal.
The sound cut out, and the massive ship opposed the force assaulting
Fredworld in all its glory. Armed to the teeth, and looking very imposing
as it was as big as a small moon. Say, Demios.
"Your Honor!" called one of the generic fanfic authors that littered
Fred, victims of the SKJAM! Fanfic Challenge. Frosty-Usa turned her
attention towards him. "There's an incoming communication from the ship."
"Put it through," commanded the mayor of Fred.
"*MONDF(2) _Marathon_ calling Fred,*" came a not-unwelcome voice.
"*This is Captain Wyrm calling Mayor Frosty-Usa. Come in, please.*"
"WYRM! Dammit, where'd you get that pig?!" Frosty shouted over the channel.
A wicked grin spread across the half-Time Lord's face. "*That's a silly
question. I built it, of course! Out of one of the small moons I have lying
around MON. 75 trillion cubic light years is a big volume (3). _Marathon_
out!*" With that, the image cut off.
(2) Middle Of Nowhere Defence Force.
(3) On the changing size of MON; the volume isn't. The habitable volume of
MON is defined as the surface volume of a hypersphere that is 30 kly in
radius. I have yet to come up with a satisfactory definition of the
hypervolume of a hypersphere. Damned integrals! :P
***
<MONDF _MARATHON_>
"Shit, I hope this works!" Wyrm-k murmured as soon as the comscreen
darkened. BOBs and Betties (4) ran to and fro checking systems and making
sure everything was running smoothly. Wyrm turned to Nitro, "Thanks for
helping me encase MON into the Shell."
Returning the smile that Wyrm gave him, Nitro waved him off, "Don't
mention it. Submerging a 5D space into a 4D manifold is no small trick,
especially for a space as big as MON."
"Speaking of which..." Wyrm-k wondered aloud, casting a significant
glance to the station in charge of that particular subsystem.
The Betty at that station smiled and reported, "Manifold instability is
within acceptable parameters."
"Good. Tactical?" Wyrm asked, turning to the station.
Various BOBs and Betties were swarming over the Tactical Station. One
brown-suited BOB looked up and reported, "As well as can be expected under
the circumstances."
"Good, I don't want any surprises..." Wyrm-k said.
(4) BOB: Born On Board. The generic name for a ship-born and -bred human on
the original UESC _Marathon_. In the Middle Of Nowhere, a BOB is just a
generic human who has no authoral powers. "Betties" are their female
counterparts.
***
---------------------
-wyrm/dm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> <JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu>
Member of the AFSS {MOUNTAIN DEW ROCKS!!} Vidboi (Marathon Pfhreak)
Depraived Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin
=<SIG>= Wyrm-chan @_@ H-Wyrm @_@ Ten @_@ Chibi-Usa @_@ Azusa =</SIG>=
=<^_^>= R1/2#_#BGC#_#Sailor Moon#_#Dr Who#_#Star Trek#_#Monty Python =</^_^>=
Currently operating at <wyrm@middle.of.nowhere.void> for the time being
"I gotta lot of great ideas! Trouble is, most of them suck."
Childras, the <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> Mailbox Deamon
Still trapped in Eternal Crystal and loving it!