Interesting. You don't often see fanfics written from a first person
perspective; it works well here. I especially like they way you kept
switching back and forth from chara to chara.
   There were a couple minor grammatical problems; mostly having a missing
word as opposed to misspellings. Nothing too major, though.
   The Shampoo/Ukyo alliance is an interesting plot line...and it's
handled well, so far.
   Hope to see more of this. :)

- Mike Loader
===/\=====+==================================================================
  /  \    l  "For, look you, there is humour in all things, and the truest
 / () \   l   philosophy is that which teaches us to find it and make the
/      \  l   most of it." - Jack Point, _The Yeomen of the Guard_
--------  l                    mloader@scs.unr.edu
==========+==================================================================
Fnord.