Haruka's Dark Night of the Soul

Ghostwritten by John Biles

By Any Means Necessary,
A man once said.
The words still echo 
Inside my head.

I will do whatever it takes
I will cross whatever boundaries
I will break whatever rules
To accomplish my mission.

I would sacrifice my possessions,
I would sacrifice my health,
I would sacrifice my life,
Sacrifice my soul.

I do not do this for you.
I do not do this for myself.
I do this for the good of the world.
I do this that the world might live.

I must do what only I can do.
It is what I was made for.
It is for this that I live.
And yet, I know doubt still.

Am I evil?
I know you cannot answer that.
You love me.
We have risked our souls together.

The others do not understand.
They think they can win 
By staying on the straight and narrow
That they can save the world AND their souls.

But we know better, don't we?
Nothing comes without loss.
Nothing comes without sacrifice.
Or do we really know that?

I look at Usagi and see everything I've lost.
She has a love which no one will condemn.
She has a family who loves her still.
She has a soul that remains unstained.

She should hate us for what we've done.
We've put her down, told her she was a child.
We've gone our own way, left her behind.
And yet, she loves us still.

In the end, the task fell to her.
She ignored our wisdom...and won.
She brought healing where we saw only death.
Was everything we did for nothing?

How can she be the Princess?
How can she have power without cost?
What has she given up to do her duty?
Why didn't she have to pay?

You may think I'm bitter.
Hell yes, I'm bitter.
I want to hate her, but I cannot,
Which hurts worst of all.

I'm deathly afraid I sold my soul too cheap.
I'm deathly afraid I didn't HAVE to do the things I've done.
Maybe I'm just a fool who didn't understand.
Tell me, Michiru...did we do the right thing?

Sometimes I dream that when we die, 
The demons will come for our souls.
I pray that Usagi-chan will be there 
To fight them...by any means necessary.


************************************************************************

Haruka speaks to Michiru

Ghostwritten by John Biles

I am a rock, I am a mountain.
I am sufficient unto myself.
I stand alone, needing no one.
I don't lie well, do I?

I want to stand tall and proud
To be like my father was
Before the world broke him,
Leaving him a shattered shell.

When he lost my mother,
He lost everything he cared about.
Did I ever mention...
That I was still around?

I swore that I would stand alone
Nothing would touch me
For I would be too fast.
Speed would be my guardian and my guide.

I gave myself to the race
For I was not wanted elsewhere
I changed my life, my soul, my sex
Casting away everything that could chain me down.

Or so I deluded myself.  
You can run until your feet blister.
You can drive until your engine burns out.
But you can't escape yourself.

And then you found me.
Magical Musician, Lovely Warrior,
Your soul is as deep as the sea
And as lovely as your face.

Like an undertow, 
You crept up on me unseen,
Pulling my feet out from under me
And sucking me into your depths.

No matter how fast I run
I cannot escape you
Anymore than I could escape myself.
So I will run no more.

We shall run the race of life together,
Compose the symphony of our souls in harmony.
Defying those who do not understand,
With the unity of our love.




John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu      bailesu@komodo.hacks.arizona.edu  
http://www.hacks.arizona.edu/~bailesu/falcon.html 

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?

     "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they
     don't get up for at least an hour."
          Wendy, age 8