I came up with this goofy idea when I was, yet again, ODed on caffiene. Enjoy.

ELECTION NIGHT!

A stupid little fanfic by mois, Tom Jefferys

All persons mentioned are either (A) real people, or (B) owned by Rumiko
Takahashi et al.

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[Scene opens on the dojo. It is late in the evening, but the house is abuzz
with activity. Outside, Ranma and Genma are at it. Ranma is still in his
fishcake pajamas, while Genma is in his usual attire. Akane is calmy
brushing her teeth, and Nabiki has a bored yet egar look on her face. They
are both in their pajamas and watching television.]

Akane: (Turning to Ranma and Genma) C'mon you guyth! Ith about to thtart!

Ranma: (yelling back) I'll be right there as soon as this old fool gives me
back my toothpaste! (presses attack) HAAA!!!

Genma: I never taught you to depend on toothpaste, boy! RYAAAAHH!

[They counter each other perfectly, and then a pair of perfectly-aimed
frying pans nail them both in the head. They fall dazed into the koi pond]

Akane: (mouth covered in foam) I said shut up! The US Presidential election
is about to start, and I want to see it!

Ranma-chan: (pulling herself out of the pond) Aw, come on Akane! America's
way on the other side of the Pacific, so it's not like its gonna effect
you. Besides, they always elect some idiot to office.

Akane: Well, at least I take an interest in world events!

Ranma-chan: (Laughing) C'mon, Akane! Only a stupid tomboy like you would be
worried about something like that!

[Akane fumes, but before she could do anything, Nabiki transfixes Ranma
with her Glare (Patent pending)]

Nabiki: _I_ like the US Presidential electiosn. So just for that, Saotome,
your debt has just doubled.

Ranma-chan: HEY!

[The panda snickers]

Kasumi: Oh my! I like the election! Ranma-kun! You don't really mean that
I'm stupid or a tomboy, do you?

Ranma-chan: Well, no...er, uh...

Soun: (Dragon head) HOW DARE YOU INSULT KASUMI LIKE THAT! I LIKE THE
ELECTION, TOO!

[Ranma-chan shrinks back, eyes big]

[The retainer wall explodes, the dust settling to reveal a dusty Ryouga]

Ryouga: At last... I made it! I made it in time!

Ranma-chan: Yo, Ryouga! Came to challenge me again, aren'tya? (gets into
ready stance) Well, I'm ready if you are!

Ryouga: (bemused) What are you talking about? I came to see the US
Presidential Election! (goes toward TV) Make way for another, guys!

[Ranma facefaults. Hard.]

[A bicycle bell rings. Shampoo rides by with Mousse perched on the back and
Cologne on top of him.]

Shampoo: Aiyah! Shampoo like election! Shampoo watch on TV!

Cologne: It is quite an amusing specticle.

Mousse: Too bad it's only once every four years.

Ranma-chan: Hey, I thought you guys already had a television.

Shampoo: Stupid Mousse put knife through tube when Shampoo watching 'All
Purpouse Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku'!

Mousse: I coulda sworn that girl sounded like Ranma...

Voice: There are but three things in the world that hold attention from the
great Kunou Tatewaki...

[Ranma-chan spins around and see Kunou and Kodachi behind her]

Kunou:...Those things are, Tendou Akane, the pig-tailed girl, and above
both of them, the US Presidential Election! (blatently ignores both
Ranma-chan and Akane and seats himself to see the TV screen)

Ranma-chan: Er, Kodachi...

Kodachi: Not now, pigtailed heridan! I want to see the election. Hooooohohoho
hooooo! (bounds around spinning black rose petals everywhere and coming to
rest at the tube.)

[Ranma turns around to see Akane looking very smug. Ranma sighs, shrugging.]

Ranma-chan: When in Rome...

[The election report, presented by Dan Rather, drags on into the night.]

Soun: So, who do you think's going to win?

Genma: Definitely Clinton! He reminds me of myself. HAHAHAHAA!

Ranma: I think the country would be better off on its own...

Ryouga: Dole. Have you seen the way Clinton flip flops between liberal and
conservitive? He's more lost than _I_ am!

Shampoo: Silly Ryouga! Dole speak like Shampoo!

Cologne: What's wrong with Dole, great-grandaughter? He's cute! (heart eyes)

[A shiver ripples through the rest of them.]

Dole (onscreen): Bob Dole will cut the deficit, reduce taxes, and--

Mousse: (interrupting) Quiet, Shampoo. I can't hear the old geezer.

[Shampoo kicks him into the distance.]

Shampoo: Stupid Mousse!

Nabiki: I'd like Dole to be in office. When he inflates their deficit...
($KA-CHING$)

Akane: Clinton! I just don't trust that Religious Right of the Republicans.

Kasumi: (cheerful) Now now, Akane...You must embrace the Bible or burn in
Hell. (Everyone stares at Kasumi.) What?

[Suddenly, Mousse crashes down through Dole's pulpit. Said presidential
candidate picks him up and kicks him into the stratosphere.]

Dole: Stupid Mousse! Bob Dole hates people smashing through his pulpit!

Ranma and Akane: (looking at each other) Separated at birth?

Akane: Anyway, Clinton has the best plan for getting their deficit wiped clean.

Kasumi: But Akane, the Democrats have been reigning in the Congress while
the deficit built up.

Ranma: I'm gonna get something to eat. (walks off)

Shampoo: So sorry, Kasumi. It Republicans who make deficit in first place
with all those riders.

Donaldson: And now the moment you've all been waiting for... (all the
viewers are staring engrossed at the TV) ...the winner of the 1996
presidential election is... (the screen suddenly goes blank)

[All heads suddenly turn to Ranma, who's carrying a bowl full of peanuts.
His foot had snagged the TV cord and pulled it out.]

Ranma: Oops! Hehe...

[He's violently displaced and the cord reconnected. The screen turns on.]

Donaldson: ....s all from ABC News. Good night. (ABCNews Ending sequence)

[The viewers turn evil eyes to Ranma, who is shrinking back in fear.]

[Cut to outside of Tendo Dojo, where the sounds of unbelievable violence
are sounding from it. Fade to black.]

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Afterword: Silly, ne? :) Anyway, if you are eligible to vote in the US,
YOU'RE VOTE MATTERS! So please, vote!

Ja!

                           ---------------------
-wyrm/dm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> {MOUNTAIN DEW ROCKS!!} <JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu>
Member of the AFSS          Depraived Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin
   =<SIG>= Wyrm-chan @_@ H-Wyrm @_@ Ten @_@ Chibi-Usa @_@ Azusa =</SIG>=
=<^_^>= R1/2#_#BGC#_#Sailor Moon#_#Dr Who#_#Star Trek#_#Monty Python =</^_^>=

   Currently operating at <wyrm@middle.of.nowhere.void> for the time being

The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.

Childras, the <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu> Mailbox Deamon
Still trapped in Eternal Crystal and loving it!