"Stories For Nothing (Ballad of R.A.A.C.)"
sung to Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing"
parody lyrics by Ted Hsu

I want R-A-A-C.......
(intro, Ukyou on drums, Akane on synthesizers, Ranma on electric
guitar and Ryouga (with headband) on lead acoustic guitar..the
familiar notes to "Money For Nothing" sound as the Lone Boy shows
that Gold Men Can Jam..)

Well look at them writers, that's the way you do it,
you type your fanfic on the ol' P.C.
that ain't working, that's the way you do it,
stories for nothing and your 'fic for free...

Well that ain't working, that's the way you do it,
lemme tell you those guys aren't dumb,
maybe have to deal with carpal-tunnel syndrome,
maybe get some sprains upon your thumbs..

We got to install microprocessors, custom 'puter deliveries,
we got to move out these laser printers,
we got to move these C.R.T.'s*..

That little author with the series and the sequels,
yeah buddy, that's him right there,
that little author's got some real big fan club,
millions of otaku everywhere..

We got to install microprocessors, custom 'puter deliveries,
we got to move out these laser printers,
we got to move these C.R.T.'s...

I shoulda learned to write those stories,
I shoulda learned not to twiddle my thumbs.
Look at that babe, goin' in the lemon story
man we could have some fun
and that guy up there--what's that? Some fighting noises?
fighting with the baka on a manic spree
that ain't working, that's the way you do it
(Write some) stories for nothing and fanfic for free..

We got to install microprocessors, custom 'puter deliveries,
we got to move out these laser printers,
we got to move these C.R.T.'s....(move-a, move-a)

Now that ain't working, that's the way you do it,
you type your fanfic on the ol' P.C.
That ain't working, that's the way you do it,
stories for nothing and your 'fic for free..