On Sat, 4 Mar 1995, Jorge A. Pratt wrote:

Finally! Some time to do C&C on this one!

	The story itself is pretty good, if only a bit confusing in terms of
when Ranko blacks out and awakes again (a little empty line or * * *
wouldn't do much harm...) 

	Will consider this, though so far I've mostly had words like 
"off/on" or "blackout/wake up" to work with...

	It's very good to see the story develop this way. It really gets you
thinking about what would happen if Ranma thought things out --and in
this case, it had to be Ranko who did the thinking for him.

	Well, she won't always be thinking...Like Ranma, she tends 
towards the first reaction that comes to mind.  And there's a very 
obvious reason for this...

	I loved that discussion between Genma and Ranko, but it makes me wonder
what will happen when Mrs. Saotome comes to visit... And not only her,
but Ryouga, Happousai, and all the other characters that would have
shown up regardless of Ranma's curse (like Ukyou, Tarou, the Phoenix
people... so on.)

	Well, Ryouga will be up early, and I think Nodoka's visit will be 
much earlier than in the original continuity (And you did catch the 
Ucchan reference, yes?)

	BTW, the First Person Perspective Narrative (FPPN, since I'll use this
term a lot,) could be no better. It really fits the character of the
story without running into OOC or such (but in this story, would there
really be an OOC situation?)

	Well, certain characters have been shaped by previous life 
experiences before meeting Ranma, so I have to try to keep that in mind...

Anyway, keep it up. You've got me riveted. > 
Thanks!

SKJAM!