On Nov 1, 2:06pm, Jeff Jarlett wrote:
Subject: [FFML] [ffml][fanfic][uy] Jariten's Revenge Chapter 7
Comments welcomed.
-- End of excerpt from Jeff Jarlett
Oops. Sumimasen- I forgot to send the story.
CHAPTER 7- WEDDING BLISS OR BLITZ?
All characters used are either my friends or copyrights of the original
authors. In this one, only Rumiko Takahashi's characters appear.
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(transcript of the last meeting)
Megane: The committee for the final liberation of Lum-chan is called to order.
Secretary Chibi, report the summary of the last meeting
Chibi: Megane
(Chibi gets malleted)
Megane: call me President Megane!
Chibi: Hai! At our last meeting, we complained about Moroboshi and ordered
some beefbowl from the club treasury.
Kakugeri: I never got paid back.
(Kakugeri gets hit by a tanuki statue)
Megane: You are out of order. Anyway, you are the treasurer, so you take care
of the money.
Kakugeri: But how come it's all my money?
Megane: Because you are the treasurer.
Kakugeri: Oh.
Megane: What are our plans for this week?
Chibi's Note: (about 10 minutes of silence)
Perm: Do I have permission to speak?
Megane: Yes, Vice-President Perm.
Perm: This Saturday Sakura and Tsubame will marry.
Chibi and Kakugeri: The lovely Sakura- what a waste!
Megane: Yes, I know. We're all invited. But what does this have to do with
getting Lum-chan back?
Perm: Lum-chan will be the head bridesmaid at the wedding. As we all know,
our time is running out. Our pecious Lum will marry that slime Moroboshi soon.
We have to act now.
Kakugeri: What do we do?
Perm: I have a plan...
Chibi's Note: (the officers debate over plans of action- these plans are top
secret and will only be distributed on a need-to-know basis.)
Megane: All those in favor of the plan.
All 4: Hai!
Megane: Opposed?
Perm: Baka! If we all said "Hai!", who's going to say "Iie!"
Megane: It's procedure.
Kakugeri: If we don't follow procedure, we would be just a common mob and not
Stormtroopers.
Perm: Gomen.
Megane: The Hai's have it.
Chibi: Shouldn't it be "the Aye's have it?"
Megane: Treasurer, hit the secretary.
Chibi's Note: (it was a painful blow.)
Perm: What's next on the agenda?
Chibi: Beefbowl.
Megane and Perm: Yes!
Kakugeri's wallet: (groan).
Ran: I heard everything you said. It's wrong to do these things to Lum-chan.
All 4: Ran-chan!!
Ran: Konitiwa. I really should tell Lum-chan about this, but...
Chibi's Note: (an object that looks like a cross between handcuffs and
guantlets is handed to Megane.)
Megane: What is this for?
Ran: Baka! What are you going to do when you take her? Sit there while she
zaps the living shit of everyone? This will keep her from using her
electricity.
Chibi: Why are you helping us? Aren't you Lum-chan's friend?
Ran: (giggling to herself) Why, that's exactly why I'm doing this. Um, I
have to go now. Bye Bye!
Chibi's Note: (Ran-chan left.)
Megane: I see. You have made a tremendous contribution to the cause. Chibi,
record a commendation to Ran for her noble efforts to save her friend from
Moroboshi.
Chibi: Duly recorded, President.
Megane: Also record that we need to appoint a security officer for our next
meeting.
Chibi: Hai!
Megane: Now to Beefbowl! For Lum-chan!
All 4: To Lum-chan!
END TRANSCRIPT. FOR COPIES OF THIS TRANSCRIPT PLUS THE 1997 LUM CALENDAR SEND
19900Y TO OFFICE OF LUM'S STORMTROOPERS, P.O.BOX 4913, NERIMA DISTRICT. CHECK
OR MONEY ORDER ONLY.
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Dappya: Now back to the story!
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I woke up to a throbbing of pain- my ankle was still sore from the nasty
fall from last night. There was some swelling, but nothing serious. I was
still thinking about how great last night was. Flying through the air, feeling
the cool currents flow around me. It was perfection. I was perfection. Maybe
being a- WHAT THE @#&#% AM I SAYING! I WAN'T MY BODY BACK! Shinobu, who was
in her dress already, noticed the sudden change in my facial expressions and
asked,
"Emiko-chan, are you alright? Are you ready for the wedding?" I was not
all right, if I was all right I wouldn't have to worry about bras.
"I'm perfectly fine. I can't wait for the wedding." I didn't want
Shinobu cheering me up right now. I wanted to be miserable.
Mrs.Moroboshi called us all down for breakfast- Shinobu, myself, Lum,
Ataru, that little Oni punk, and Anita. It was a Western-style breakfast-
boiled eggs and toast. Mr.Moroboshi appeared not to notice- he was reading the
paper. Most of the conversation was about the wedding. Lum was telling Ataru
to behave. Ataru was mumbling about wanting to (blank) Sakura over and over.
Shinobu was telling Anita and myself how to act as bridesmaids, and she was
telling me how to walk in heels. I hope walking in these things is not as hard
as it looks. As soon as breakfast was finished, everyone raced upstairs to put
their outfits on. After about an hour of dressing up, then having Shinobu
correct all of my mistakes, we all walked downstairs- except for me. I tripped
down the stairs- damn heels! After recovering from the pain in my ankle, I
joined the rest of the group. Mrs.Moroboshi had a camera out, and she said,
"All of you look so cute! I have to take a picture! Line up. Ataru,
you're blocking the girls. Move to the right, a little more, a little more."
Ataru was five feet away from us as Mrs.Moroboshi snapped the picture.
"Perfect. Now have fun and don't stay out too late." We all headed for the
chapel where the wedding was to be held.
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The chapel was a beautiful place. Big halls, giant windows. I usually do
not care for decorations that much, but this place was impressive- even more
impressive than the place where my sister got married. I did wonder about why
the wedding was taking place in a chapel- Sakura's a Shinto soon to be
ex-maiden, and Tsubame- who knows what god or gods he worships? As for
Cherry- wouldn't he insist on a Buddhist ceremony. Sakura, who looked
absolutely gorgeous in her wedding gown (or in anything else), put us in line-
Lum first, Shinobu second, myself third, Anita last. We all headed to the left
door. Walking was geeting more painful- I may have to see a nurse after the
wedding. After about twenty minutes, I hear the "Here comes the bride!"
music, and we all marched out. Even though this was a wedding, several
whistles and catcalls were heard as we marched out. Half the men were
catcalling, while the other half were crying. I don't know if the whistles
were for Sakura or for one of the bridesmaids. I scanned the pews. There were
several people who I reocgnized. Benten, Oyuki, Ataru (who was being chained
to his seat- at nearly everyone's request), Ryu,a few others. Then the groom's
music could be heard. Tsubame was followed by four of his old classmates. The
third best man(I don't know the technical terms- never cared about them) was
really handsome. He smiled at me. I felt uneasy- his smile was not
comforting at all. Then I hear an ominous voice from the pulpit.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to witness the joyous
union of my precious niece Sakura to Tsubame Ozono. Marriage is a blessed
state..." Cherry, to the dismay of everyone present, dribbled on about
marriage for over an hour. Finally, we heard those words.
"Darling Sakura, to you take this man, Tsubame Ozono, to love and to hold,
to protect, to cherish, to be faithul, in sickness and in health, for better or
worse, for the rest of your current incarnation?" As I expected, Cherry threw
in a little Buddhism, but it was a mostly Christian-styled wedding. As soon as
Sakura said "I do.", the lights went out.
Mass pandemonium followed. No one could see anything. There was a smell
in the room- either someone had too many burritos last night- or it was gas! I
figured flying high would be the best option because heavy gas usually affects
the ground first. As I was flying high- I bumped heads with someone else
trying to fly. We both fell down. Almost as I was about to black out, I feel
four hands trying to put me into a bag,two hands checking my head,and two more
hands slipping some sort of device on my hands. I then passed out.
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I woke up- in a vertical position? This was strange. I tried to move,
but something was restricting my movement- chains? I then thought about how
much electricity it would take to break these chains- just to be safe- I'll
start slow and charge up if I need it. I tried zapping the chains- nothing.
My electricity doesn't work? I looked at my bound hands- they were bound by
some sort of weird device. I then noticed my clothes were different- I was
wearing a sailor fuku. "Great. Just great. I've been captured by perverts."
I then saw four familiar yet ugly faces in the room adjacent to my cell. It
appeared like they were discussing something. I tried to listen in. I heard
something like "I didn't know there were two Onis" and "We can't let her go-
she'll kill us!" Megane then entered my cell. With an apologetic tone to his
voice, he said,
"Hi there, I am sorry we have to do this to you, but we are afraid to let
you go." I then replied,
"Don't you know there are laws against kidnapping. You're just a bunch of
pervs anyway- why else would you have put me in this sailor suit?"
"I'm sorry about that, but the gas we used has the side effect of
disintegrating clothes. I'm sorry we had to ruin your dress-you looked cute in
it. As for the sailor suit- it's not ours, It's Kakugeri's little sister's
spare. It was either that or the Naga outfit she wore to the Halloween party.
Of course, you'd look cute in any outfit, but we thought you would be less
offended by the sailor suit."
I shuddered at the thought of me wearing one of Naga's outfits, "Arigato.
However, you can't just keep me here forever- it's expensive to keep hostages,
and I don't think your parents will allow you to keep me forever. So I guess
you are planning to use me as bait for something, right?" Megane nodded.
"Knowing your fixation for Lum, I'm guessing you are going to demand that Lum
breaks off her engagement with Ataru, or else you will kill me."
Megane then wiped his glasses. "No. We will not kill you. You are
correct about our demand. But if our demand is not met, we will marry you
off."
I did not like the sound of this. "Let me guess- you each draw straws or
do some silly rock-scissors-paper game, and the loser gets to marry me? How
lame can you get?"
Megane then said, "No. I'll let you meet your potential husband right
now. Weighing in at 203 kilos, the new President of the Tomobiki Society of
Professional Wrestling, Keirisama." (note: Keirisama means "exceutioner lord")
A rather large and intimidating figure in a mask appears. In a surprisingly
soft voice, he introduced himself and asked if there was anything he could do
for me. First, I asked if he could let me go. He said,
"Sorry. You know I can't do that. Would you like me to order some
takeout for you? Maybe bring a TV in here. Also, do you have a name?"
I then replied. "Sure. Thanks. If you could, some sushi would be nice.
A TV would also be nice as well. Could you check my ankle- it's kind of sore.
Thanks. If you're asking about my name, my name is Emiko." This was the
first time I had willingly used my new name. Maybe the gas was still
affecting my brain.
Megane then motioned to Chibi, "For our honored guest Emiko-chan, let's
get a TV in here. Also order some sushi for all of us. Have you finished
dictating the ransom note?"
Chibi then said, "Bringing, ordering, and done, President."
Megane then asked if I liked anime. I said "Sure. What have you got?" I
was not surprised at all when I saw Megane bring in this huge selection of
tapes- I figured the people here were probably otakus. However, when he popped
in one of his favorites- I screamed. It was the entire season of Macross 7. I
screamed in agony until Megane took it off. I then asked if he had anything
else. He said sure- then he brought in T-oy, his hentai collection, and worst
of all, he brought in Drag-on Ball: The collector's edition. Before I would
have just zapped him to a near crisp- now, now I need to think of something
nastier- it's times like this I wish I had Kodachi's brain.
Megane came in with a pair of chopsticks and my dinner. I saw a smile
cross his face. I was hoping he wasn't thinking what I was thinking.
"Emiko-chan, time for your dinner!" He was going to feed me like a baby.
While it showed some common sense (or total perversion) on his part- now he
will die- I swear!
END CHAPTER 7
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Liner Notes:
The wedding: I suck at knowing about weddings. I decided that Sakura's
wedding would be a bastardization of a Christian wedding.
Megane's anime collection: Megane is an otaku. Knowing Megane, I also
figured I'd hate most of his collection.
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