On Sun, 27 Oct 1996 00:28:09 -0500 (EST) WebDragon wrote:
:
: Akane loves P-chan!!
:
: "P-chan! Come here, baby!"
: He felt, rather than saw, something hard and sharp cleaving into his
: skull and splitting him into two, chopping through the ribs and spilling his
: entrails and brains out in a gory burst of blood. The last thing he saw
: before the blackness took him was an image of Akane looking down at him with
: psychotic eyes - and gripping the handle of a double-edged axe.
:
:
: --------------------------------------------------------------------------
:
: This is a shockfic, BTW.
:
: BWA HA HA HA H AH AH AHAHAH AH AH AH AH AH AHAHA AHAHAHAHAHHA AHA !
Hmm, yeah it is. What a pity, it could have been a good one.
I spent all of this fic, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and
when it did, it was a total anti-climax. Honestly, what was your
intention? A completely out-of-the-blue axe strike followed by an
abrupt ending is not exactly terrifying or horrifc, of whatever
this was supposed to be. I *might* have been vaguely shocking if
the reader wasn't led to expect a surprising twist at the end,
right from the beginning. As surprising twists go, this was a
pretty poor one: It was neither foreshadowed nor explained, nor
did it cast a new light on what went on in the fic before. It's
just, "Oh, she killed him. And she's psychotic, too - Well
La-dee-dah."
Sorry, thumbs down from me.
Sebastian