Richard Lawson wrote:

Okay, I'm beginning to rewrite parts of "The Nature of Love".  I'd like
your help.

Okay, I'll help. But you gotta promise you'll consider writing a third
part to this saga! -_^
 

Reactions to this fanfic have fallen into two categories.  One reaction
(and the most vocal) has been, "Die!  Die with festering boils!  Die!
Die!".  I even managed to be a contributing factor in driving Nightelf
off the FFML.  The other has been "This is really good."  It's kinda
split down the middle, leaning towards "good".

Sorry for being late on the C&C, but guess this questionnaire works just
as well. BTW, I'm on the "This is really good, but I have a few
suggestions" side.
 

1)  Ranma's adoption.  In an effort to resolve Nodoka's obsession with
uniting the Saotome and Tendo clans, I had Ranma become a Tendo, and the
inheritor of the dojo over Akane, who wasn't much interested.  Some
people thought this was too pat, too easy.  I can change this, but leave
a major conflict (Nodoka vs. Ranma) unresolved.  Maybe it's better that
way, too.  Whaddya think?

 A: I had trouble with Nodoka's... how to call it... obsession. The way
I
    see her, she does have a strong sense of honor, but her love for her
    son/daughter is much too strong to yield to this honor. We saw that
in
    manga 36. So, while I do believe she would be seriously troubled by
    Ranma's choice, Nodoka would still try to give her the motherly
support
    she desperately needs.
    About the dojo... She doesn't really need it, in case she opens her
    own.
    'sides, if Ranma chose Kentaro then Akane would probably stay with
her
    boyfriend, who could be interested in the Musabetsu Kakotou.
 

2)  Ranma's gender-switching.  Some people thought it too unrealistic
that, even if Ranma chose Kentaro, she would choose to retain the
ability to become a guy, that she would still want to.  They felt that
to choose Kentaro was to choose to be a woman full-time.  I guess I
could do this, either by having the chisuiton (the ladle thingy) still
in Ranma's possession in this universe, or I can simply have Ranma
declare that she will never become male if she can help it - cold
showers forever.  Whaddya think?

  A: Chiisuiton. We all know how adept Ranma is at avoiding water. And
it
     would be quite symbolic as well (her plight was that she was locked
by
     it, and *forced* to remain female. Now that she found the
Kaisuifuu,
     she *chooses* to lock her body as female again.)
     In other words:
	Ranma: I got into all these troubles because of this ladle, and
		now here I am using it again.
 

3)  Ranma thinking of two women kissing when he kisses Akane.  If Ranma
thinks this, then it would make no sense for Ranma to ask Kentaro to
become a woman (I know it's just a test, but people thought that Kentaro
simply wouldn't believe Ranma' request for this reason).  I put it in
there to show that Ranma is still gender-confused; after all, he's just
spent six years as a woman, and has made major strides towards accepting
herself as a woman; that can't all be forgotten overnight.  Should I
throw out the kissing thing and show the confusion some other way?
Should I ignore this altoghether?

  A: Maybe not ignore it, but *bend* it somewhat. Instead of having her
     thinking about two women kissing, how about being driven away by
the
     thought of all physical contact with a woman *in a romantic
context*?
 

4)  Endings!  I asked for alternate lines.

"Then she reached her arms around him and kissed him.  It was the fourth 
time she'd done that, and Kentaro realized that it was time to stop 
counting, that the events of the past few weeks had obviated the need
for
such counting.
"And so, putting aside the counting altogether, he gently placed his
arms around her and embraced her, squeezing only lightly at first. The
feeling of her small body struck him as ironic. So petit, even delicate
at first glance... but her vast strength of heart never ceased to be his
reason for admiration.
"After a moment, they broke the kiss. But they looked into each other's
eyes and they knew. They knew this was the person they wanted to share
the rest of their lives with. Smiling in calm joy, they hugged each
other tightly once more, as if wishing to becoming one person... And
their hearts did indeed become one."

Oops. Guess I just plagiarized "The Caller's Plight" in those last two
lines! ^_^
 

5)  Should I completely rewrite the ending so that Akane comes in, kills
Kentaro, dumps the Nannichuan water on Ranma, and we have a Ranma/Akane
lemon right there before they live happily ever after?

  A: Suuuure...

6)  What did you think of the Japanese songs at the beginning and end? 
Should I have used translated versions?  Used both translated and
Japanese versions?  Skip the songs altogether?

  A: "Mou Nakanaide" was *very* fitting, but "It's Love" kinda broke the
     emotion. I suggest "Niji to Taiyou no Oka" (the last closing theme
of
     the TV series) or "Positive" (of course, "Platonic Tsuranuite"
could
     work very nicely if you want to use a classic.)

I learned a painful lesson from my disaster of a Ukyo fanfic.  I asked
for everyone's opinion, and tried to use it all, to accommodate
everyone's C&C in my story.  The result was that the story
disintegrated, and I've given up on it altogether.  I know now that I
can't please all of the people all of the time.  I'm going to write the
story I want.  I value C&C, and find it very valuable.  Extremely
valuable.  However, there will be times I'll ignore it, either because
my interpretation is different or I simply don't agree.  That doesn't
mean I hate you for offering C&C.  Heck, I even appreciated Kun-chan's
feedback.  At the very least, I knew that my story had affected her
deeply.

Bwaaaaah... At least you *received* C&C... Try writing 2.4 Megs worth of
story and receive almost *NO* C&C...

About that other topic, good for you. C&C are just that, *comments* and
*corrections*. They are by no means guidelines nor rules for writing.
Here's a little tip that I heard a looong time ago... (and WebDragon
knows what I'm talking about) : when writing, keep the reader in mind.
Think about the feelings he/she might have while reading. But do this
only when it comes to making sure the reader understands your story, and
involves in it. Ask yourself this: "Am I explaining everything the
reader needs to know? Am I leaving any gaps? Will the reader identify
with this character or hate it? Will this scene draw tears or anger?"
But *never* let C&C affect the outcome of the story if *you* don't want
it to change. If you let other people's comments change your story, then
it might not be *your* story at all --just a big mixing pot for others'
ideas.
This isn't to say C&C is bad --I love the C&C my two prereaders give me.
However, when you receive C&C, keep in mind that *you* are the owner of
the story. Take a look at other people's POV and opinions, and see if
you could integrate them into the plot without hurting it. See if
they're actually useful corrections, or just nitpicks. Most of all, make
sure they're real C&C, and not F&O (Flames and Orders.)

With a story like this, which delves into some controversial subjects
and characterizations, people are going to be of very different minds.
For every piece of email I got which said that my story was good and the
characters believable, I got another that said that the characters were
too OOC and that the story suffered as a result.  In this instance, I'm
going to go with the lessons I learned and keep the story and
characterizations I wrote more-or-less intact.

Well, after that rant, I have to put another $0.02 here. IMNSHO, the
characters didn't need to be IC or OOC: they were acting like *people*
dealing with real world problems (I'm not talking about gender-switching
and you know that. I'm talking about sexual preferences, strength of
love and all the external obstacles this love may find.)
Of course, acting like a normal person *is* OOC for a Takahashi
character ^_^
Anyway, as I said before, the only characterizations I had trouble with
were Nodoka's and, to some extent, Akane's.

BTW, the rant above was not only intended for Mr. Lawson. When you want
to write C&C you must take into account that *you* didn't write the
story, so you might not be fully aware of the symbolism the author tried
to include. Personally, I often can't decipher the whole message of a
story. So, the next time you do some C&C, keep in mind that the author
might ignore you or praise you for your ideas.
The most important C&C, at least for me, are the ones that ask the
author to explain a bit further about a topic that wasn't developed or
explored thoroughly. Characterization is second, grammar is a distant
third and spelling is about the last in my list.

-- 
	"Death. They had endured it so many times, it was almost a
standard for them... But never did they lose their faith, never did
they give in to the Darkness... And that was where their strength lied.
Friendship, determination,love, hope... The Four elements that drove
them on, that gave them the might they needed to stay alive...
	"It had been painful, though. None of them had been spared
from the emotional wounds caused by all their conflicts. Scars of
knowledge they proudly bore, for they had learned the true value of
life, human or otherwise. It was a bittersweet existance, knowing they
would always have to face these ordeals. But they went on. They had
their strength. They had passed through many tests, and would pass many
more..."
	"Some of death... and some of life."
					
					(Excerpt from _Lightbirds_)
	
						The TerBril
						-----------
					al709382@campus.ccm.itesm.mx