That’s ½ My Goddess  Part 5/9
(Sore Wa Nibunoichi Megami-sama)
by The Scriviner (ebon@i-manila.com.ph)

PART V: Of Baneful Food and Loving Thoughts.

	Ranma never was much of an early riser when he could get away with it. Fortunately for him 
Akane was. The three of them had stayed up late the night before, mostly just getting settled in and 
discussing plans about what to do with poor Ryoga and Ukyou... not much was resolved of course, 
especially after Ranko turned Ranma into a girl and the entire discussion degenerated into another 
shouting match...
	Akane opened the door to Ranma's bedroom and tsked to herself at its state. Admittedly, between 
the three of them, Ranma had the most in the way of personal belongings and they did only just move in 
the day before, it was still no excuse for the mess she saw. It took her a moment to pick her way through 
the scattered clothes (both clean and dirty), training gear, and textbooks (a good many of which had yet to 
be opened she noted with some amusement).
	She paused a moment standing over his futon and smiled down at Ranma's sleeping form. He 
only wore boxer shorts and a tanktop to bed, and much as it embarrassed her, she did like it when he wore 
that around the house. I mean its not really as if he's got anything to hide from me, she thought with a 
giggle, I've seen him in less...
	She knelt next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a slight shake, "It's Monday 
morning, Ranma. Wake up."
	Ranma turned over in his sleep murmuring vaguely, "I... take... to be my lawfully wedded..."
	Akane gave a sigh of exasperation and shook him more vigorously, "C'mon, hurry up, I've got 
breakfast ready..." her brow furrowed for a moment as she caught what he was muttering in his sleep. "A 
wedding? He's dreaming about a wedding?" she thought slightly surprised.
	She was even more surprised as Ranma suddenly reached up and pulled her to him...
	Ranma was indeed dreaming of a wedding... he hadn't gotten a very clear image of who the bride 
was, just that someone was rushing them through the ceremony because something bad was coming... but 
the priest, a man with a mustache and long hair,  had just said you man now kiss the bride and that's what 
he intended to do. He reached for the bride and lifted her veil catching only the briefest glimpse of 
woman's eyes as he drew her close... whereupon she suddenly smashed him on the head with a large and 
very familiar looking mallet...
	That was the sort of thing which would shock anyone to full consciousness. Ranma shook his 
head a few times to clear it as he looked up at a very flustered and angry Akane. She held her huge 
hammer in both hands and glowered at Ranma, a slight aura of energy was beginning to play around her 
body.
	"What did you do that for?!" asked Ranma blearily. He was not at his best during the mornings. 
Especially not until he'd had breakfast...
	"And what may I ask were you trying to do?!" she asked in a tight angry voice.
	"I wasn't trying to do anything! I was just sleeping here!" retorted Ranma, picking himself up off 
the futon.
	"You tried to take advantage of me, you lech!" shouted Akane, "Everything they said about you 
was true, wasn't it!?!"
	"Tried to take advantage of you!? Why the heck would I want to do that, you stupid tomboy?!"
	"You were pretending to be asleep so you could grab me and try to kiss me!" Akane shot back, 
her face burning out of embarrassment and anger.
	"I did not!" Ranma replied, shocked.
	"Did so!"
	"Would you two keep it down, I'm still trying to get some sleep here..." said a rather dishevelled 
looking 	Ranko from the door, "I swear this is so juvenile, I could hear you two arguing all the way on the 
other side of the temple."
	Ranma and Akane turned on Ranko at the same time, "Stay out of this!"
	Ranma, of course, paused momentarily on seeing Ranko. She was wearing a very sheer 
nightgown which left so little to the imagination, she may as well have been naked. Ranko paused a 
moment to stretch and Ranma's eyes couldn't help but follow as some parts went up... and others went that 
way... Akane got a murderous look in her eyes as she tightened her grip on her hammer.
	"Ranko. Get out! This is a private conversation!" said Akane, furious.
	Ranma realized that he was staring and somehow, quite possibly by sheer willpower, he was able 
to tear his gaze from Ranko. He did his best to appreciate the view outside his window, which while less 
interesting than the one at his door, was considerably less dangerous.
	Ranko raised an eyebrow and quietly backed out, closing the door behind her. She decided that if 
they wanted to spend the whole morning arguing this was good too. This was their first major argument in 
a week... with luck this would be the one that broke them up. At the very least if they kept this up, she'd 
have dibs on the bathroom...

	Ranko came into the dining room to find Akane setting the plates on the table. There was 
something very odd in the room which Ranko felt immediately, but she couldn't quite figure out what was 
wrong precisely... a curious scent in the air perhaps...
	It didn't take a goddess to see that Akane was quite upset and was largely slamming the dishes 
onto the table, causing their contents to jump or every so often spill. The fact that most of the dishes were 
shatter proof could've been taken as either luck or foresight on the part of  Ranma for buying them.
	Akane glowered at Ranko, "Don't you have any shame? Put something on!"
	Ranko glanced down at the short terrycloth robe which was all she was wearing and struck a 
pose, "What do I have to be ashamed about Hammer girl? I've got a great figure," she made a dismissive 
gesture in Akane's direction, "But what would you know about that? You haven't got one..."
	Akane glanced involuntarily down at her own clothes. She was wearing an old pair of Ukyou's 
slacks and one of Ranma's Chinese shirts, "Oh, shut up."
	Ranko decided to test the waters, "If you keep wearing masculine clothes like that, how is Ranma 
supposed to find you sexy?"
	Akane muttered under her breath, "What do I care whether or not that stupid jerk thinks I'm 
sexy..." Not that it stopped him from grabbing me like that, she added mentally. 
	Ranko smiled lazily as she seated herself, "What did he do this time, Akane?"
	Akane glared at Ranko, "None of your business, Ranko!"
	Ranko raised an eyebrow, "My aren't we feeling bright and chipper this morning, hammer girl... 
what did your lovey-poo do this time?"
	"He is not my lovey-poo!" Akane replied angrily, rather disgusted at the term...
	"Your darling fiance, then?" asked Ranko innocently.
	"Not that either, he's just a stupid mortal jerk!"
	Ranko smiled, "Hey, I knew you'd see it my way. Are we ready to leave yet?"
	Akane's face clouded over in surprise, "Leave? What do you mean leave?"
	"He's just an idiot right? So just tell the jerk off, I figure he's pissed at you too, he'll let you leave 
and bang! We'll be back in Heaven in time for one of your sister's famous dinners!" Ranko replied 
brightly.
	"Um... I don't know, Ranko..." Akane said uncertainly, the thought of actually leaving Ranma for 
good shocked her out of her angry mood, "I mean... it's not that bad...  um... I mean, it's not like he tried 
to grab me or something..." or he did, but I'm not telling you that, Akane added silently.
	Ranko's perfect brow furrowed, "What DID he do?"
	I don't understand what I'm so upset about, thought Akane as she calmed down some more. She 
gave Ranko an even stare, "I told you. None of your business."
	Akane added to herself, I mean its not like he did something really bad... I was kind of hoping 
he'd do that... she sighed, I just wish he hadn't surprised me like that, though...
	Ranko finally realized what had been bothering since she'd entered the dining room. She gave 
another tentative sniff and glanced at what Akane was setting on the table. She asked Akane tentatively, 
"Akane... did you... cook?"
	Akane replied happily, "Yes. I thought Ranma might like a home cooked meal for a change."
	Ranko nodded slowly as she watched some of the spilled food slowly eat through the table, "Yes. 
He probably would at that..." No telling what he'll change into if he eats that, she thought with a 
suppressed giggle. 
	"Give me a moment," said Ranko as she stood up suddenly. She returned to the table a few 
moments later with a cup of hastily prepared instant ramen. 
	Akane looked at Ranko strangely, "What's that for? I made plenty for all of us."
	Ranko smiled sweetly at Akane, "Oh, none for me thanks. Besides... you know Ranma's appetite. 
You made it for him didn't you? I'll let him enjoy it."
	"Okay," Akane replied doubtfully.
	Ranma arrived at the table still toweling his hair. He was wearing another tanktop and the loose 
Chinese pants he preferred. He was still somewhat grumpy but his expression softened as he noticed 
Akane now seemed to be more cheerful.
	"Um... Akane... about earlier..." Ranma started tentatively.
	Akane cut him off, "Oh, don't worry about it. I shouldn't have gotten so upset, it probably was a 
misunderstanding..."
	"Um... its sort of difficult to have a misunderstanding about something like..."
	Akane smiled pleasantly, "Let's just forget it happened, okay?"
	"Er... Yeah. Okay. I guess..." he replied relaxing somewhat, but still quite uncertain as to what 
DID happen.
	Ranko raised an eyebrow but kept quiet and let the two talk.
	He glanced down at the table and got a surprised look on his face, "Akane? What's all this?"
	"Akane made breakfast for you. All by herself. Wasn't that sweet of her?" Ranko said in her silky 
voice.
	Ranma's face brightened, "Really, Akane?" 
	Akane smiled back at Ranma, "Yeah. Eating nothing but cup ramen isn't good for you."
	"Thanks for the concern..." but his smile faltered as he got a second look at the offerings. None of 
the dishes looked particularly presentable. Or palatable for that matter. Or even edible in some cases...
	Akane failed to notice his expression as she brought the rice cooker closer to the table, "I haven't 
cooked for anyone in a while, so I hope you like it."
	"Oh... okay," said Ranma with a slight sinking sensation. The last time he'd eaten anything that 
looked even remotely like this was when one of his cullinarily challenged fans made him lunch... he ended 
up staying in the hospital for a month. Somehow Akane's cooking seemed to promise even worse than 
that. The food sat in its bowl radiating a certain low grade menace... If it was possible for a meal to glower 
at someone, this meal was doing just that.
	Ranma glanced at Ranko, "Why are you eating instant ramen? Don't you want any?"
	Ranko favored Ranma with a silky smile, "Oh, but your dear, dear Akane made this for you 
Ranma. It wouldn't be right if I ate any of it."
	Akane rolled her eyes, "Ranma, don't listen to her. She's in another of her moods."
	Ranma sat down apprehensively, but hunger overcame suspicion as he spooned what could only 
be loosely be identified as 'chunks' of food over his rice. 
	"It smells... interesting, Akane-chan," said Ranma eyeing the breakfast.
	"Eat up, there's plenty," Akane said offering a few pieces of what might have been an omelet but 
only Kami-sama knew for sure.
	Ranma couldn't help but smile at Akane's happy expression, "Well... you made it Akane-chan, 
I'm sure it'll be good."
	Ranko avoided sniggering at him only by slurping up a few more noodles.
	Akane handed Ranma a pair of chopsticks and she apprehensively watched as Ranma ate  her 
cooking. He bit through the chopsticks at his first mouthful. Akane blinked at him as his face turned 
pale... then slightly green... then purple... before he managed to make a convulsive swallow, chopsticks 
bits and all.
	Ranma stood up suddenly and said in a strained voice, "That was great, Akane. I've got to get 
going... I might be late getting to class!" before he dashed off.
	Akane called after him, "But you're classes won't be for another hour!"
	Ranko was fighting to keep from laughing as she said, "Incidentally, Akane... do you ever taste 
your own cooking?"
	"No. Why?" Akane replied, slightly confused, "Should I?"
	Ranko shook her head, and noted sagely, "No... true gourmets never taste their own dishes. You'd 
better save it, though, he might want some for tonight. Or better yet," Ranko added brightly, as a thought 
occurred to her, "Make him a proper feast! To apologize for fighting with him. Peace offering and all 
that."
	Akane looked suspiciously at her, "Do you think that would work?"
	Ranko nodded, "It'll be perfect! There's an old saying that the way to a man's heart is through his 
stomach, so show him your love by making him a good meal!"
	Akane blushed slightly, "Ranko!"
	"Trust me! I'm the Goddess of Affection! I know these things! It's guaranteed to work!"
	Akane looked at Ranko suspiciously, "Why are you so helpful all of a sudden?"
	Ranko said in tones laden with mock tragedy, "Woe is me, that my own family chooses to suspect 
my good intentions!"
	"That's because you don't have any good intentions, Ranko." Akane replied, exasperated.
	Ranko sighed, "Aw, Akane... didn't it occur to you that I might be getting used to this place? 
Besides... when you guys fight, it's a little tough for me to get any sleep."
	"Okay..." Akane conceded, but still suspicious.
	"I think I might actually be warming up a little to Saotome..." said Ranko sweetly.
	"I suppose it's possible... but I still suspect something's up," she shot Ranko a suspicious look, 
"'...warming up to him...' ?!"
	"Not like that, Hammer girl! Why are you so jealous all the time?"
	"I am not jealous!"
	"So you say, but with a cutie like Ranma I can't really say I'm surprised... I mean with his 
reputation with women and all..."
	"You know he's not like that, Ranko!"
	"Really?" Ranko asked in a bemused tone as Akane stormed off to put the largely untouched 
breakfast away.
	Ranko laughed lightly before turning back to her breakfast, doing her best to hide her 
amusement. Akane's cooking was notorious throughout Heaven. Even the most powerful and hungry First 
rank deities politely declined any offers of food made by Akane Tendo. Ranko knew this and was not 
touching any food Akane had a hand in preparing with anything short of a ten foot pole. Even then, her 
food might even try to eat the pole. 
	Ranko wondered idly if Ranma was okay... she knew it was cruel... perhaps even utterly heartless 
and needlessly sadistic to force the mortal idiot to eat even more of Akane's cooking after he'd so narrowly 
managed to avoid her attempt at breakfast... but all is fair in love and war, Saotome... And this was war. If 
it takes something as loathsome as Akane's cooking to be rid of you and on my way home, then so be it!

	Outside, Ranma managed to spit out most of the noxious mess that he'd swallowed before he 
rinsed his mouth out with some water. His eyes were still watering and it was almost impossible to get the 
hideous taste out of his mouth.
	"No doubt about it," he muttered to himself as he staggered to the van, "She's still mad at me... 
Otherwise she wouldn't try to poison me like that..."

	"So where are you going, Akane?" Ranko asked as she watched her cousin put on one of Ranma's 
coats.
	"I've got some shopping to do. I need some things for dinner tonight," Akane replied.
	Ranko smiled, "You're taking my advice?"
	"Yeah," Akane smiled back without realizing, "Once in a while, even you come up with a good 
idea. I'm sure a nice home cooked dinner will be just the thing to make up for this morning's argument."
	"It'll be fabulous, trust me. He's going to love you for it!" Ranko replied enthusiastically.
	Akane shifted uneasily at Ranko's pleasant tone,  "Are you feeling alright, Ranko? Its not normal 
or you to be so nice."
	Ranko replied with a mysterious grin in  Akane's direction, noting to herself, I can afford to be 
nice. Once Saotome gets a taste of that noxious concoction she'll be trying to pass off as dinner, we'll be 
out of here so fast his head's going to spin.
	"Take care then. There's all sorts of weirdoes out there, you know," said Ranko.
	Akane left muttering, "Well, you would know."
	The market was a comfortable walking distance from the temple and Akane thought she could 
use the walk to clear her mind. She silently berated herself for hitting Ranma when she did... and reflected 
that he was probably still upset at her.
	She sighed. Her temper had gotten the best of her again. You shouldn't surprise a person like 
that. If Ranma had tried to kiss her at another time, she mused, she probably would have let him. But first 
thing in the morning and so suddenly at that... well he was dreaming, she conceded. About a wedding no 
less, she blushed.
	Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice, "Hey... Akane! Akane!"
	Akane whirled around and saw a handsome man approaching her, waving enthusiastically. She 
blinked and realized that it was actually Ukyou, "Oh. Hi, Ukyou," she said.
	Ukyou smiled as she caught up with Akane, "You were really out of it, sugar. I've been calling 
you for the past couple of minutes."
	"Oh, sorry. I was just... thinking," Akane replied.
	Ukyou nodded and gave her a knowing smile, "About Ranchan?"
	Akane blushed, "No... of course not!" she replied with considerably more force than she'd 
intended, "Okay. Maybe."
	"Thought so..." Ukyou replied smugly, "Where are you headed?"
	"The market. I have some shopping to do," Akane replied.
	"No kidding," Ukyou said, "Me too. I need to get some more soba noodles and vegetables for the 
restaurant and there's this really good place nearby."
	Ukyou noticed Akane's distracted expression and wondered what was wrong... it probably did 
have something to do with Ranma, she thought, may as well find out...
	"Do you want some company?" Ukyou asked brightly.
	Akane considered this for a minute... Ukyou was probably the best person to talk to about this. 
After all, she was Ranma's best friend and knew him best. Akane smiled, "Sure, why not?"

	Ranma walked into the Martial Arts Varsity Clubhouse for practice that afternoon. Mousse was 
there and so was Shampoo, but that was to be expected. She rarely left his side, still being rather 
uncomfortable in this new setting, and Mousse was very protective of his "little sister". Ryoga  was there 
as well, helping to train one of the new recruits. Most of the other members of the Varsity were late, but 
this was the usual state of affairs. The coach ran a fairly loose ship.
	Ranma was in a rather thoughtful mood. He was worried that Akane was still mad at him for 
some reason. She claimed that he'd kissed her... which he didn't! He was sure! It's not like he was likely to 
forget something like that... This was Akane, for goodness' sake! That was definitely not something he'd 
forget about... He admitted to himself that he'd been wanting to kiss her for weeks now... the chance just 
never quite came up. That and the fact that when a chance to do so did come up, he'd lose his nerve... It 
was almost laughable. The two of them had been living quite closely for the past month and he hadn't 
even been able to manage a peck on the cheek. 
	Unfortunately, he mused, it also looked like she wasn't too eager for him to do anything of the 
sort. He was absolutely certain that he hadn't kissed her. Or tried to kiss her. Or laid in wait for her to 
come to him unsuspecting so he could pounce on her. Well... he was mostly certain... he could've been 
dreaming, he conceded, but he couldn't quite remember what he was dreaming about.
	And then there was the other thing that was really worrying him... that the only reason she was 
here at all was because of that stupid wish. He wasn't sure if she liked him or not. One minute she was 
very sweet and understanding... the next she'd be a raving lunatic. He was half wishing that he'd never 
made the wish in the first place, but stopped that train of thought... Because he did want Akane to be 
around. Even if she didn't really like him. But another thought occurred to him as he realized that 
maybe... just maybe... Akane was just as unhappy as Ranko was at being stuck on Earth with him... she 
was probably just better at hiding it from him. That thought brought him no comfort at all... he considered 
actually allowing the contracts to be broken... At the very least they'd be free to go back home, and he 
wouldn't have to worry about Ranko trying to transform him ever again... but he didn't want her to leave. 
If she'd only just tell him what she really wanted... he didn't know what that was... if he knew, life would 
be so much simpler for all of them...
	Not realizing what he was doing, Ranma suddenly clenched his hand into a fist and lashed out 
blindly, shouting, "What the heck does she really want!?!"
	He was rather surprised as he felt something solid connect with the end of his fist. Mousse who 
was having a very interesting, if one sided, conversation with the coat rack (which he thought was 
Shampoo), crumpled to the ground saying, "Whadjou do that for?"
	"Um... Sorry about that Mousse..." said Ranma as he helped the Chinese martial artist up. 
Mousse was somewhat stunned and he'd lost his glasses again, but was otherwise fine.
	Ryoga paused his sparring session his pink-haired opponent and asked Ranma in jokingly, 
"Trouble in paradise, Saotome?"
	"Don't get started Ryoga," Ranma muttered under his breath. 
	Ryoga looked at him with some surprise and wisely decided to keep his mouth shut.
	"I heard you moved out of Ucchan's last week." Ryoga said after a meaningful pause.
	Ranma nodded absently and said, "Yeah. You'll be happy to learn that the girls and I have our 
own place out in the suburbs now..."
	Mousse muttered, "How do you do it, Saotome? What bizarre power do you have over women?"
	Shampoo hit Mousse lightly on the arm, "Mousse-sempai just want to know so he can do it too!"
	Ranma rolled his eyes, and replied sharply, "It's not my fault these things just happen to me, 
okay?! I'm stuck with a stupid tomboy and her stupider cousin, and its not my fault!"
	"Whatever," Ryoga replied awkwardly, before returning to his sparring session.
	Ranma blushed and sought for something to change the conversation with, "Oh yeah, I nearly 
forgot. I still have some stuff at the dorm, right? You guys said you'd send it to me once I had an address 
to send it to."
	Mousse, traded a myopic glance with Ryoga, "Erhm... stuff, Saotome?"
	Ranma got a suspicious look in his eyes, "Yeah. My hot plate is still at the dorm. Along with my 
TV, my VCR, the little fridge, my magazines, most of my clothes and about a dozen videos... You know. 
My stuff."
	Ryoga smiled sheepishly, "Oh... Yeah. That stuff..."
	"What did you guys do with it?!" Ranma asked heatedly. The day had already begun badly... he 
did not need this aggravation.
	Mousse did his best to try and calm Ranma down, "There's no need to take that tone of voice with 
us Saotome... we're all friends here..."
	"I'll tell you we're still friends when I find out what you did to my stuff!" Ranma roared.
	Shampoo put her hands on her hips and finally said, "Why you no tell, Saotome-sempai what you 
do? Shampoo thought you say is okay with Saotome-sempai!"
	Ranma looked at Shampoo, "What? What did these two do this time?"
	"They put Saotome-sempai's things for auction so Martial Arts Varsity Clubhouse have new 
windows," she gestured broadly, "See? Is nice windows. They say you no mind. You no mind, Saotome-
sempai, yes?"
	Shampoo could see the expression on Ranma's face and the faint reddish nimbus of energy 
surrounding him. She considered these and quickly got out of his way, "Because if Saotome-sempai 
mind... Shampoo just want you to know Mousse no have anything to do with it. It all Hibiki-sempai 
fault..."
	Ryoga made a small choked sound, "Sha- Shampoo!"
	"Saotome... you did break the windows  kicking Kuno out the last time..." Mousse said lamely.
	Ranma cracked his knuckles and walked purposefully towards Ryoga and Mousse, "Mind... why 
would I mind..?"
	Ryoga backed up slowly, laughing nervously, "So you don't mind?"
	His laugh was cut off abruptly as the front of his shirt and Mousse's were suddenly grabbed and 
lifted by a furious Ranma, "This has been a really, really rotten day. Before it ends I expect you two jerks 
to have all of my stuff... and I do mean all of it, in front of my new home by tonight or I'm going to 
redecorate both your faces, is that clear?!!!"
	"Perfectly," said the surprised Ryoga.
	"Um... Absolutely, Saotome," replied Mousse in a strangled tone.
	The furious Ranma dropped the two on the training mat and stormed off without another word.
	"Saotome-sempai! What about practice?" Shampoo called after Ranma, but he ignored her.
	"He didn't take that as well as I thought he would," murmured Ryoga as he picked himself up. 
And why was he glowing like that?  He added silently.
	Mousse shook his head slightly dazed, "How are we going to get all of Saotome's belongings 
back? I don't even remember who we sold most of it to..."
	"No worry, Mousse-sempai. Shampoo keep all receipts."
	"We still can't get it back even if we do find the new owners!" moaned Ryoga, "The Martial Arts 
Varsity coffers aren't exactly bursting..."
	"Um... Ryoga," Mousse said, "Do you know where Saotome's new address is?"
	"Er... no," after a pause Ryoga added, "But something tells me we'd better find out real quick."
	"I agree," Mousse replied addressing a point about three inches to the left of Ryouga's ear, "I've 
never seen him that mad before," 
	Ryoga murmured, "Yeah. Not even after that time we rented him out to the Nekomi Fashion Club 
to be their model..."
	Shampoo helped Mousse up and meekly suggested, "Maybe he and Akane have fight?"
	Ryoga and Mousse looked at one another, or actually Ryoga looked at Mousse and Mousse looked 
in his general direction, , "You don't suppose..." started Mousse.
	"...Akane left him?" Ryoga said finishing the thought.
	As is standard in these matters, within moments rumor and speculation began to make the rounds 
of the campus...

	Ranma finally got home. Several dozen guys had pestered him about Akane, as he was leaving... 
traffic was horrible... and to top it off, he realized belatedly that he'd left his bag back at the Clubhouse. 
	"I'm home," he called out as he shut the front door and prepared himself. A slender arm suddenly 
lashed out and attempted to strike him on the chest. Ranma easily jumped straight up, jumping off the 
doorway, and landed with a flip behind Ranko.
	Ranko snapped her fingers and remarked casually, "Missed."
	"Don't get started, Ranko. I'm not in the mood." Ranma snapped.
	Ranko remarked wryly, "Don't worry, Saotome. Your darling fiance just cooked you up a 
wonderful dinner... I'm sure that should cheer you up."
	Ranma brightened up, "She did?" but his eyes narrowed again, "You know... now that I think 
about it... you didn't happen to have anything to do with breakfast did you? I mean it certainly tasted like 
something you'd do..."
	The red headed goddess merely smiled innocently at him (no mean feat) and replied, "Saotome, 
you know perfectly well I don't wake up that early..." 
	Ranma got a relieved look on his face. He was positive that she was probably lying to him again. 
So it was Ranko... no one could possibly cook that bad except intentionally, he thought. Ranko could 
positively feel the relief pouring from Saotome... she smirked to herself, Just wait until he tastes dinner...
	"You didn't touch dinner did you?" 
	Ranko gestured to herself and fluttered her lashes at him, "Moi? Akane wouldn't even let me in 
the kitchen. She said it was all a surprise for you..."
	She opened the door and stepped outside, "Oh, by the way, Saotome. Don't wait up," she smiled 
seductively at him, "I've got a date..."
	Ranma nervously waved her off, "Er... okay. Enjoy yourself."
	She turned and faced him a final time, "No, Ranma... you enjoy yourself," she walked to the gate 
laughing pleasantly at some joke only she understood...
	Ranma blinked nervously and thought to himself, Now what did she mean by that?
	A now familiar voice called to him from the kitchen, "Ranma? Is that you?"
	"Yeah, Akane-chan." 
	She stepped out of the kitchen wiping her hands absently on her apron as she took it off. She 
smiled at him and Ranma was momentarily stunned. The last time he'd seen Akane in a dress was when 
they'd first met. Truth to tell, that was more of a uniform to Akane than a real dress, but still. Add to that 
the fact that Ranma was too busy getting hammered to worry about what she was wearing...  Since then, 
based on their rather limited budget, Akane had mostly been wearing Ranma and Ukyou's old clothes... 
Ranko was another matter entirely and Ranma often suspected that she just conjured her clothes as 
necessary. 
	Akane was wearing a long powder blue skirt that reached a little past her knees and a white silk 
blouse that suited her perfectly. The part that had really surprised him was what she'd done to her hair. It 
was now quite short. Almost a pageboy cut. It looked absolutely great on her. Ranma's heart speeded up 
involuntarily...
	"Wha... wha... what did you do to your hair, Akane?!" he asked, dazed.
	She smiled as she deliberately brushed a stray strand from her face, "Do you like it?"
	Ranma gulped nervously, "Uh... it looks great."
	"Thanks. Dinner's almost ready. Why don't you go wait in the dining room?"
	"Um... yeah," he replied, not sure what else to say.
	He walked almost by autopilot into their dining area. He was still in shock. Akane always was 
cute... but now she looked positively devastating... he waited impatiently for her to come back. He 
definitely wanted to see her again to make sure he hadn't dreamed it...
	He sniffed curiously and realized that some truly wonderful scents were wafting in from the 
kitchen. He thought to himself, Wow... it smells great... it definitely must have been Ranko sabotaging 
Akane's breakfast... I wonder how she didn't notice. 
	Akane walked in cheerfully holding a smoking bowl, "It's your favorite, Ranma. Curry."
	"Wow. Thanks," Ranma replied happily, not knowing what else to say. He was having trouble 
tearing his eyes away from Akane and murmurred, "You look really great..."
	"Thanks," Akane blushed,
	"Well, eat up, Ranma." She urged him, watching him intently.
	"Sure!" he said transferring generous portions of rice and curry onto his plate. Ranma eagerly 
shoveled the food into his mouth before his eyes suddenly watered, his face turned red and his expression 
turned to one of horror...
	Akane face was a mask of concern as she asked, "What's wrong?"
	Saotome managed to squeak out, "Water... it's too hot..!"
	She sighed as she passed him a pitcher of water , the contents of which he gulped down 
hurriedly, steam rising slowly from his mouth, "Honestly, Ranma you could have waited for it to cool you 
know."
	Ranma breathed out the last of the steam as he finished the water, "Akane-chan that was 
definitely worth getting burned for..."
	He proceeded to eat more of the meal, this time at a more sedate pace to allow it to cool, "Best 
I've had in years..."
	Akane heaved a sigh of relief, "I was so worried. This is sort of an apology for this morning..."
	Ranma looked up from his meal and looked into Akane's eyes, "Akane..."
	"I'm sorry I hit you. You were asleep and didn't know what you were doing. And breakfast wasn't 
all that grea..."
	Ranma laughed lightly, cutting her off, "Don't worry about breakfast. I know about Ranko 
sabotaging it."
	Akane asked, puzzled, "Ranko..? What does Ranko have to do with anything?"
	"Well, its obvious," said Ranma, wiping his mouth on the table napkin, "If you compare that 
awful mess you served for breakfast and this great spread..."
	"'Awful mess'?" Akane asked furiously.
	"Yeah. I mean, food can't possibly taste that bad unless someone intentionally does it that way. I 
mean, no one cooks that bad... The cockroaches wouldn't touch that junk..." Ranma plunged on, heedless.
	Akane was glowing slightly and thunder was rolling in the distance. She reached under the table 
for the familiar handle of her hammer. She gripped it tightly as her erstwhile boyfriend continued on 
about the faults of breakfast. 
	"... and furthermore..." Ranma suddenly cut himself off when he realized Akane was already 
growling mildly and staring daggers at him, "Um... What's wrong Akane? There's no need to go chasing 
Ranko now... I mean we're finally having a nice quiet dinner... together," he added after a pause, "Why 
are you looking at me like that..?"
	Akane furiously reminded herself again and again must keep my temper in check... must stay 
calm... must stay calm... her aura guttered out eventually and she seemed to collapse a little. She sighed 
heavily, "Ranma. Ranko didn't have anything to do with breakfast I made it all myself."
	Ranma facefaulted and stared at the terrific curry he'd been demolishing, "Um... waitasecond... 
you cooked THAT..? and you cooked THIS?" his mind refused to grasp the concept, "Um... maybe you're 
just not a breakfast making type cook?" he tried.
	"It's okay. I know I'm not a very good cook. You don't have to lie..."
	"But this curry is great!" replied Ranma.
	"I had help," Akane replied reluctantly.
	"Oh."
	"I just wanted to be able to cook for you... You know... like Ukyou can. Like practically every 
other woman who's after you..."
	Ranma couldn't help but smile, "Thanks, Akane-chan... but it's okay. I mean, if you can't cook."
	"Ranma..."
	"So what if they can cook," he added softly, "I mean, I'd rather be with you than them..."
	They both blushed.
	There was an awkward pause for a moment before they spoke up at the same time.
	"Hey, why not have..."
	"Here, have some mo..."
	"You first," Akane said, now smiling.
	"Well, you may as well have some too, Akane-chan. You probably missed breakfast again. We 
can't spend all of our meals with you just watching me eat."
	Akane flushed, "I was not watching you eat, you egotistical jerk!"
	"Yes, you were!" Ranma shot back.
	"Why do I bother with you?" Akane asked without much anger.
	Ranma shrugged and smiled as he spooned some curry onto her plate, "Because you don't have a 
choice."
	"True," Akane conceded, taking the plate, "But you're still a perverted egotistical jerk who tries 
to grope goddesses in the morning."
	"I did not try to grope you!"
	"Did too!"
	"Did not!"
	Akane gave him a wicked grin and said suddenly, "Next time try it when I'm ready."
	Ranma blinked and blushed... she absolutely took his breath away when she smiled like that. He 
smiled back, "I just might."
	"Good," she said taking a mouthful of curry, "Hey, this is good..."
	Ranma nodded in agreement.
	"Stupid tomboy goddess with a hammer," Ranma said lightly, smiling.
	"Sex-changing lecher," she answered mildly.
	"As long as we have that clear," Ranma responded around a mouthful of curry.

	Ukyou watched the two of them from the kitchen and finally heaved a sigh of relief. The both of 
them were both so high spirited she was worried if it would ever work out between them. She had to 
admit... it did hurt a little to hear him say that he'd rather be with Akane than anyone else... even her... 
but she already knew he was in love with her. Even if the dumb jackass can't admit it to himself.
	Akane and Ukyou had spent the morning together. Which was plenty of fun, she had to admit. 
Akane was good company. When they'd finished with their groceries, Ukyou had finally managed to 
wheedle the entire story out of Akane. The girl was a hopeless romantic, Ukyou mused, but she had the 
right idea. Once she'd found out about Akane's planned dinner, she'd insisted that they go shopping and 
Akane make a quick visit to a parlor. She hadn't let her hair down in quite a while, literally. It had cost a 
bit... but Ukyou could certainly afford it. The restaurant was doing pretty well after all. And it wasn't like 
she had anything else to spend her money on, except the restaurant.
	She looked down at herself and smiled faintly. Akane had insisted that she get a dress too... it 
had been quite a few years since she'd worn one. Or a bra for that matter. She had to admit, though, it did 
look pretty good on her when she was trying it out back at the store. She laughed quietly to herself as she 
peeked out at the two lovebirds again. Akane was now feeding Ranma some curry from her plate and 
Ranma was doing the same from his... they looked so sweet together she mused, even as she felt the knife 
twist deeper into her heart.
	She shook her head at her best friend as she began cleaning up the mess she and Akane had 
made of the kitchen in an effort to distract herself. She was careful not to make any noise, as Akane didn't 
want Ranchan to know that she was there. Ukyou was utterly amazed at Akane's utter lack of skill when it 
came to the culinary arts. The woman couldn't even boil water properly. It was amazing. It took the better 
part of the afternoon for Ukyou to help Akane whip a single meal into anything even remotely resembling 
something edible. Truth be told, that curry had started its life as an attempt at sukiyaki. Thank goodness 
for Ranchan's appetite, Ukyou added silently.
	A weary voice called out as someone burst through the back door, "Is this the Greenwood Dojo?"
	Ukyou recognized the voice instantly and rushed to meet the owner... it was Ryoga.
	She clubbed him over the head with a frying pan and said to him, "Quiet, you jerk!"
	Ryoga looked at her with surprise, "Ucchan? What are you doing here?"
	"ME? What are you doing here?!" she asked in a fierce whisper.
	"Isn't this the dojo?"
	"No, you moron! This is the temple where Ranma lives!"
	"Ranma lives in a temple?" Ryoga asked.
	She nodded.
	Ryoga's face darkened, "You're staying with Ranma again?! He just moved out of your restaurant 
and now you've moved in with him?! Is this why Akane left him?!"
	She whapped him over the head with the frying pan again, "No, you idiot! I'm trying to help 
Akane! And keep your voice down!"
	"Okay," he finally whispered back crossly , rubbing his head gingerly where she'd hit him.
	Something Ryoga said finally registered to Ukyou and she whirled on him suddenly, brandishing 
the frying pan in a threatening manner, "What do you mean Akane left Ranma?!" she asked in a raised 
voice.
	"I thought you said we had to keep quiet?" whispered Ryoga.
	She sighed as she dragged the eternally lost man with her to the kitchen, "Yeah, yeah... keep 
quiet... I am not going to let you ruin this for them."
	"Ruin what?!" Ryoga asked sharply, feeling as if he had just walked into the movie a few minutes 
late and no one would tell him what had happened.
	"Dinner. Now just shut up would you?"
	"Okay..."
	Ukyou fumed, "I swear, Ryoga... you ruin this I'll never forgive you."
	Ryoga blinked and replied, "Does that mean you forgive me already for the wedding?"
	She shot him a cold look which shut him up immediately, "No. You've got a lot you haven't been 
forgiven for."
	"Um... right," Ryoga muttered sheepishly. Ryoga glanced at Ukyou and tentatively said, "You 
look... very nice, Ucchan."
	Ukyou merely glared at him, "I have nothing to say to you."
	"But..."
	"Ryoga," she replied tightly, "The only reason I haven't kicked your sorry behind out of here is 
because you'd probably get lost again... probably end up breaking some other poor girl's heart."
	Ryoga had no response to that.
	She sighed and looked him directly in the face, Ranma and Akane momentarily forgotten. She 
was amazed at how difficult it was to stay angry at him. She noticed that he had that look on his face 
again... it was so pathetic and utterly adorable at the same time that she couldn't help it...
	"So you know about my bad sense of---"
	"Of course I know, but it still doesn't change the facts..."
	Desperate to keep her anger burning she asked him sharply, "How could you get lost to your own 
wedding?"
	"It was pretty easy..." Ryoga replied, rubbing the back of his head and blushing.
	 "It... was... pretty... easy?!" she mocked him angrily, raising her voice. She focused her rage 
again. She knew exactly why she hated Ryoga Hibiki...
	"Hey, quiet remember?" said Ryoga pleadingly.
	"Don't you 'quiet' me, you stupid pig! How dare you..?! Not only do you humiliate me, ruin my 
life, abandon me... you've got the nerve to stand there and tell me it was easy?!!"
	"I meant getting lost is easy for me! Don't you think it was tough for me too? Do you have any 
idea how many miles I trudged looking for you?!"
	"How many?" Ukyou heatedly dared him to tell her. 
	"I've got no idea either, but there were a lot!"
	Ukyou couldn't help it and burst out in giggles, her anger draining away from her with each fresh 
burst of laughter. Ryoga looked puzzled for a moment then joined her easy laughter. She tried to shush 
him, but was barely able to keep from laughing herself... by the time they'd both managed to regain their 
composure, Ukyou had tears in her eyes...
	"I knew there was reason why I fell in love with you..." she said, still giggling, not even realizing 
that she had said it.
	Ryoga's face suddenly turned serious again as he knelt in front of Ukyou, "Uk... Ukyou... will you 
marry me? This time I promise to do it right. I won't leave the dorm alone and I'll have someone bring me 
to the..."
	Ukyou sobered up immediately and faced Ryoga, surprise evident on her face. She said to him, 
"My God... you really mean that, don't you? We haven't seen each other for three years and you think just 
like that," she snapped her fingers, "Hey, wow, everything's fine..?"
	She crossed her arms across her chest and looked at him, not as cold now as before, in truth, 
almost sympathetically, "Wake up, Ryoga. I still haven't forgiven you for leaving me. Maybe I never will. 
We've both changed... I'm not that starry eyed school girl who got swept off her feet. Maybe I don't want 
to marry you anymore, did you think of that?"
	Ryoga gulped nervously, "Yeah... but... 
	 "The point is, Ryoga, we're different people now. I don't want to marry you. Give me enough 
time and plenty of good behavior on your part, and I might... I repeat might, start to think of you as a 
friend again... but I'm not making the same mistake twice. We are not getting married."
	Ryoga's face looked resolved as he picked himself up off his knees, "I can live with that... I 
guess... for now."
	Ukyou replied, in a sweet mocking tone, "What's that supposed to mean?"
	"I'll change your mind yet, Ucchan. Just you wait."
	Ukyou looked at him and said softly, "I don't think so."
	She turned away from Ryoga momentarily to glance at Ranma and Akane through the doorway. 
The pair were chatting amiably and didn't seem to have noticed anything... she smiled vaguely in their 
direction and felt a tear trace its way down her cheek. She didn't know if she was crying because she was 
lying to Ryoga... or she was crying for Ranma...
	She wiped the tear on the back of one hand and turned to look Ryoga straight in the eye, "Oh 
yeah... one last thing."
	"What?" Ryoga asked.
	She suddenly grabbed him by the front of his shirt and dragged him towards her and cinched him 
in a tight embrace. She whispered into his chest, "I missed you, you stupid fool."
	Ryoga returned the hug and murmured, "Me too..."

	In another part of town... events were forming themselves into a storm which would no doubt 
have grave consequences in the future. An elegant man stood on the balcony of his mansion, sharing the 
beautiful view of the city with his female companion. The soft light shining behind them obscured their 
faces, leaving only vague silhouettes. They spoke softly, their exchange nonetheless charged with emotion 
despite the calm seeming.
	“Ah, but why can you not, my goddess? Would such a thing not be simplicity itself?” the man 
asked heatedly.
	The woman looked at him sadly, “Alas, my Darling, it is not. For I cannot leave him.”
	The man’s face, still obscured by the dark twisted itself into a disgusted grimace, “He has you 
under his thrall as well... that wretched cur will surely break your heart as certainly as he has littered the 
very streets of this fair city with the love of women who have come to him. 
	“It isn’t a matter of my heart being broken by him. I do not fear that.” she said truthfully, tears in 
her eyes, “I am bound to him by fetters far stronger than even my love for you. He refuses to release me...”
“I had thought that perhaps he had given up his evil ways and chosen to place himself upon the 
true and righteous path of the virtuous, yet you say, even now he refuses to let you go? You, who are so 
close to his own intended?”
“He has neither mercy nor shame,” she murmured, “... the horrors I must endure each day, so far 
removed from my true life...”
	The man replied furiously, “Then I shall challenge him for the right to you! I shall force this evil 
disgrace upon the face of humanity and enemy of all women to release you from your bondage! I swear 
this to you my pig tailed goddess!
	She looked up at him, her eyes shining in the starlight as she gazed adoringly up at him, “Oh, my 
love... you would do this for me?”
	“As certainly as the sun rises in the east,” he replied, setting his jaw and raising a fist to the 
heavens, as though daring the gods themselves to challenge his word, “I shall smite this base fiend and 
free you from his foul clutches for now and for all time! By his defeat, you shall be freed!”
	She drew him into a passionate kiss as an amused, but unspoken thought passed through her 
mind, “What a sap. I’ve got you now, Saotome.”

End of Part V

Authors Afterword:

	I’ll be the first to admit it. This took a while to get out. Between school work, friends, family, the 
MUCKs, time has been at something of a premium for me. I won’t bore you with the details. Suffice it to 
say that since my semestral break has arrived, I’ll be able to devote more time to this and to a few other 
stories I’d still like to work on. 
	This story came out a good deal quieter than I’d originally intended it to be, which could be 
accounted for by the fact that I wrote most of the preceding parts about three months or so ago. There was 
very little slapstick in this one and whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing is up to you folks to 
decide for yourselves. I like what I’ve done... but I could probably stand to work on it some more. 
	For people looking for more comedy and madness, the next part should be more your speed. I’ll 
get to it as soon as possible... and remember, nearly everything in this series is intentional. If it doesn’t 
seem to make sense, it might when a later part comes along, but I’m only human and tend to miss things 
especially at (looks at his watch) 3:48 AM.
	If anyone is interested, I’m planning on transferring my character notes about the characters in 
this story onto my hard disk from the various napkins, old exam papers and whatnot I currently have them 
on. If you want to see a character profile for this series just send me a line and I’ll be more than happy to 
post it (especially for you people who wonder why my Shampoo here acts so... odd.)
	C&C is always welcome, and in fact, requested (down on my knees begging desperately with a 
bit of moaning, thrashing and grinding of teeth...) Thank you for reading. This has been the Scriviner. I 
now return you to your irregularly scheduled messages.