“Come on Ranma, we’re gonna be late for school!” Akane cried.
     Ranma waved her off, and stood by the screen to the family room.
“Not yet, there’s something I gotta see,” he told her quietly.
     “What is it?” She asked him, getting more upset by the minute.
     “It’s Kasumi,” he said to her. “I gotta see her.”
     “What? Spying on my sister! You _are_ a pervert!”
     Ranma waved his hands in protest at her. “It’s not what you think!”
He hissed in reply.
     “You want to explain yourself?” Akane said crossly.
     “Well you know with me and pop staying here and all, we’ve got 
a pretty big family living at the dojo,” Ranma began. When he saw the
surprised look in Akane’s eyes at the mention of the word ‘family’
(and Ranma including himself in it), he quickly moved on before 
things got uncomfortable between them.
     “So as I was saying,” he continued. “It just amazes me how 
Kasumi can take care of everything in just a few short hours while 
we’re at school. I mean we come home; the laundry’s done, the 
house is clean, the walk is swept, dinner’s cooking... It’s just a 
little incredible, that’s all.”
     “So your reason for making us late for school is?” Akane said 
with crackling eyes.
     “I want to find out what her secret is,” Ranma declared.
     “That’s ridiculous!” Akane cried. “That’s the dumbest thing 
I ever heard!”
     “Fine then, go to school. I’m gonna wait here and find out how 
she does it.” Ranma crossed his arms over his chest.
     Akane stood there patiently.
     “Aha, you’re curious too!” Ranma gloated.
     Akane blushed slightly. “Well... Just a little,” she admitted.
     The sound of Kasumi’s beautiful voice rang clear across the house.
     “Father? Are you there? Akane? Ranma? Nabiki? Mister Saotome?”
     Ranma pressed a finger to his lips and bade Akane be silent.
     Kasumi gave a furtive look around the family room, saw no one, 
and breathed a sigh of relief.
     “Ah, wonderful. Everyone is out of the house. Now I can get 
some work done.”
     Ranma looked expectantly to Akane, who just watched in wonder.
     Kasumi gave one last look around the house, it was almost a 
guilty look if Ranma’s opinion on such things counted. Then she 
walked into the kitchen, took her small portable tape player that Nabiki
had given her for her birthday, and set it on the table. With one last 
nervous, incredibly guilty look, she pulled a tape from her apron pocket
and placed it in the player.
     Ranma could just make it out. It was some American band.
     Metallica.
     The “Master of Puppets” album. 
     Kasumi cranked the volume all the way up and stabbed at the 
‘play’ button...

J. Austin Wilde and Fission Park Press proudly present:

                                KASUMI

Sung(?) to the tune of “Battery.” (With apologies to Metallica.)

“Battery” by James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich. (C) 1986,
Creeping Death Music, ASCAP.
____________________________________________________________________


Brightening the dojo, with her cheery mojo,
     Frowns are stripped and borne away!
Kindness is her power, this is her finest hour, 
     Kasumi is here to stay!

Doing all our laundry,
     Truly is astounding,
          Cannot stop our Kasumi!
Cooking is her passion,
     Cleaning an obsession,
          Cannot stop our Kasumi!
Caring for her family,
     Kasumi is there for me!

Kasumi!

KA-SU-MI!

Fogging Tofu’s glasses; can’t understand his reactions,
     Laughing at his love-struck glee!
Hungry travelers welcome, have a seat and sit down,
     She’ll be out with the tea!

Doing all our laundry,
     Truly is astounding,
          Cannot stop our Kasumi!
Cooking is her passion,
     Cleaning an obsession,
         Cannot stop our Kasumi!
Caring for her family,
     Kasumi is there for me!

Kasumi!

KA-SU-MI!

Innocent and kindly, always understanding,
     Powerhouse of energy!
Whipping up the curry, always bright and cheery,
     How we love our Kasumi!

Doing all our laundry,
     Truly is astounding,
          Cannot stop our Kasumi!
Cooking is her passion,
     Cleaning an obsession,
          Cannot stop our Kasumi!
Caring for her family,
     Kasumi is there for me!

Kasumi!

KA-SU-MI!

Kasumi!

KA-SU-MI!
___________________________________________________________________


     Ranma and Akane walked slowly and quietly away from the dojo.
There were some questions in the universe that they decided they 
just didn’t want the answers to. This was one of them.


                            THE END


(Okay, it could use some work. What do you want for thirty
minutes of fevered head-banging?)