<Girls just wanna have fun, Cyndi Lauper>
Makoto and Mrs. Saotome walked into the Tendo house. Akane was in
the living room. "Uh..hi, Mrs. Saotome." More reluctantly, she said,
"Hello, Kino-san."
"Hi, Akane-san. I'm having a pajama party at my house this
Saturday and I was hoping you and Ranko could come."
Akane blinked. "I...um...I guess so. I don't know if Ranko will
want to come..."
"Of course she will," said Mrs. Saotome. "Makoto-chan and I will
be cooking some good food for everyone, and we all know how much Ranko
likes to eat. She needs to get out more and have some fun. She doesn't
seem to have many female friends."
Akane rolled her eyes. "Well..."
Ranko walked in. "Uh...hi."
Makoto turned to her. "Hi, Ranko-chan! I'm having a pajama party
at my place this Saturday. Wanna come?"
"I..uh...I was going to um...well..." Ranko hemmed and hawed nervously.
"It'll be lots of fun!"
"I think it would be a good idea, Ranko. I'll be there for the
first part of the evening, helping Makoto-chan out," Mrs. Saotome said.
"I'd really like it if you did come."
"Yeah! Auntie Saotome is going to help me with the food...we're
gonna have a lot of people there," Makoto said.
"Uh...yeah. I guess I can come." Ranko looked over at Mrs.
Saotome, who smiled.
***************************************************
Lemon Sherbet 3:
"Girls just want to have fun"
***************************************************
<Somewhere in Giant Wombat Studios...>
Serena sighed. And I thought the rest of us Inner Senshi could be
bad, but this is ridiculous. Everyone except her looked...somewhat
battered. Probably because they had spent the last few hours kicking
each other's butts after the new Sailor Dust Particle #56792 and Sailor
Charon had started fighting for making fun of each other.
She marshalled her troops. There was herself, one of the
three..well, four major Sailor Moons in the universe, but the one off in
Amber still didn't count. She was the only one free to act. She had
Sailor Charon, Sailor Dust Particle #43256-A, Sailor Van Allen Belt, Sailor
Oort Cloud, Sailor Hermes, and Tuxedo Umino Kamen. She tried to pretend
they weren't clearly doomed.
"Okay. We're off to save the world!" Suddenly, I'm starting to
understand why Rei used to complain about me all the time.
Her forces cheered. "Hmm. Actually, anyone know where they keep
the volcanoes in this complex?"
Sailor Hermes said, "Umm...should we look under V for Volcanoes?"
"Oh yeah, like this building is laid out in alphabetical order!"
Sailor Charon said. "How do I get out of this stupid dress, anyway?"
"You don't." Sailor Moon lied. "We don't have time to go do
normal things. We've got to save the hostages before they all get brown
on that side...umm, you get the idea."
"What, I'm stuck as a GIRL forever?" Sailor Charon shouted.
"Yes. Now let's go!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Sailor Charon and
Sailor Dust Particle #909090 started to cry. Sailor Moon's crystals
amplified the sound and the ceiling started to collapse.
They all scattered to escape the collapse.
***************************************************
<Girls Just want to have lunch, Weird Al>
Makoto and Mrs. Saotome bustled about, setting out the food they had
prepared. Makoto's guests were busilly yammering away chatting in the
living room. Akane, Ukyou, and Ranko were clustered on the couch,
watching Crayon Shin-chan with Usagi and Rei, who were sprawled out on
the floor in front of the TV. Minako and Ami were helping Makoto out by
moving everyone's gear to the extra bedroom to get it out of the way.
Usagi said to Akane, "I hear you're engaged?"
Akane nodded. "I'm engaged to this idiot named Ranma Saotome."
Ranko said, "Hey, I...He's not an idiot!"
Ukyou glared past Ranko at Akane, who was on the other end of the
couch from her. "Ranchan is not an idiot!"
"Well, Makochan seems to think the world of him. She's always
talking about how handsome he is, and how kind and strong, and.." Usagi
began singing the praises that Makoto usually sung of Ranma.
Ukyou nodded. "He's great!"
Rei said, "Why are you engaged to him if you don't like him, Akane?"
"Our parents arranged it."
Ukyou nodded. "I'm his real fiancee."
Usagi and Rei blinked. Ranko said, "Please, can we argue about this
some other time? I don't want to wreck Makochan's party with a brawl
over which one of you is engaged to...Ranma."
Ukyou said, "Okay, I'll be quiet if she will."
Akane said, "Right."
Ranko breathed a sigh of relief. Possible disaster #1 avoided.
Only a few million more to go.
***************************************************
Dinner was served. Makoto sat at one end of the table, and Mrs.
Saotome was at the other. Ukyou sat to Makoto's left, Ranko to her
right. Akane sat to the right of Ranko, and Ami sat to the left of
Ukyou. They stared across the table at each other. To the right of
Akane were Usagi and Rei, while Minako and Naru sat opposite them to the
left of Ami.
Everyone started munching out, especially Ranko and Usagi who both
ate like crazed weasels. Mrs. Saotome frowned slightly, but didn't say
anything. Minako looked back and forth at Akane and Ami and finally said,
"Seperated at birth?"
Ami laughed. "Maybe. Mom works at the hospital. Maybe she stole
me. I've always wondered how she ever had time to spare to give birth to
me."
"Well, you don't act like a crazed tomboy like Akane, " Ranko
began, then got a drumstick shoved into her ear by Akane. She shut up,
except for making a few noises of disgust and started trying to clean up
her ear.
Mrs. Saotome said, "Ranko, don't insult your cousin. Akane, your
cousin is not a punching bag."
They both nodded reluctantly. Makoto turned to Ukyou. "Can you
help make breakfast tomorrow morning?"
Ukyou nodded. "Sure! I hope no one minds okonomiyaki."
Akane mumbled something about it rotting the brain. Usagi said,
"Yeah, it's great! Want me to help?"
Makoto said, "Umm...I'm sure Ucchan and I can handle it."
Ranko said, "Just don't let Akane even look at the..."
Mrs. Saotome said, "That's quite enough, Ranko."
Ranko sank down in her seat and mumbled something incoherent.
Akane smiled. At least Mrs. Saotome believes in me.
"So what are we gonna do after we eat?" Minako asked.
"Well, I'll be leaving after we eat," Mrs. Saotome said, "so you
won't have to worry about me reporting what you do to your parents." She
smiled.
"We wren't going to do anything like that!" Ami said.
"Besides the wild orgy?" Mrs. Saotome teased.
Ranko blinked neverously. What kind of things do girls do at these
parties anyway?, she wondered. Luckily for her, she couldn't forsee the
future to find out the answer to that in advance.
***************************************************
Several hours had passed. They'd played poker, but Ukyou had cleaned
them all out. They'd watched Tai Place, which was an exercise in Ranko
trying to not die of brain rot while everyone else excitedly babbled
about how so and so was sleeping with such and such and did Paul know
that Hitomi was cheating on him with Takashi and blah, blah, blah...Ranko
just zoned out after a while and waited for the show to end. The
humanity, oh God, the humanity!
Finally, it was time for an important ritual of slumber parties
everywhere, male and female. Truth or dare. They had formed up into the
usual circle, so that everyone could see each other blush. By now, they
were all in their pajamas. Random selection, ie, Makoto said so, had
made Ami the first person to ask a question.
Ami said, "Okay. So I ask a question and if they can't or won't
answer, they have to take a dare I set, right?"
Makoto nodded. "Yeah."
Ami thought hard. "Usagi, I have a question for you."
Usagi said, "Okay!"
"What is the chemical composition of Hydrosulphuric acid?"
Usagi stared blankly at Ami. "The what of what?"
Minako blinked. "Is that a fair question?"
Makoto coughed. "Umm...you don't normally try to stump them...the
idea is to embarass them or find out something you want to know about
them...a way of getting to know them better. It's not trivial pursuit."
Ranko breathed a sigh of relief.
"You didn't tell me that!"
Usagi said, "Well, I'll take the dare on this one, but I agree
that's not a fair kind of question."
Ami sighed. "A dare...How about...stand on your head until you pass
out!"
Rei laughed. "Or fall down. Assuming you can even manage to stand
on your head, Usagi."
Usagi frowned. "Watch me!" She went over to the wall and spent
several minutes trying to stand on her head, but she kept just kicking
the wall. Ranko got up, came over, and helped her. "Thanks, Ranko!"
Usagi stuck out her tongue at Rei. "I'm gonna ask Rei my question. My
question is whether you think it's your bad manners or your bad temper
that keeps you from getting a date."
Rei frowned. "I get plenty of dates!"
Minako laughed. "Name one."
Rei said, "HEY!"
Naru nodded. "You're the only person here without a boyfriend,
after all."
"Hey, I don't have a boyfriend," Ranko said. "I don't want one
either."
Akane smirked. "What about Kunou-sempai, Ranko? He doesn't call
you the pig-tailed goddess for nothing!"
"He is NOT my boyfriend!" Ranko sulked.
Makoto laughed. "Gonna take the dare on that one, Rei?"
She grumbled, "yes."
"Right. I dare Rei to strip down to her underwear and stay that way
for the rest of the evening."
Ranko blinked. Makoto and Minako laughed. "Good thing there aren't
any guys here, Rei, eh?" Akane blushed faintly, and Ukyou tried not to
chortle.
Rei blushed and went and put her bra back on, then returned, wearing
only a bra and panties, black lace bra and panties to be precise. Minako
laughed. "Yeesh, you'd think her boyfriend had ordered her to strip in
public or something." Rei blushed more.
Ranko whispered to Ukyou, "Do these games always get like this?"
and tried not to look.
Ukyou said, "It can only get worse," to Ranko. Makoto leaned over
and stage whispered to them, "That's why it's fun!" She gently punched
Ukyou on the shoulder and said, "Good thing Ranma isn't here. He'd die of
embarrassment." She didn't understand why Ukyou started laughing
hysterically.
Rei looked around the room. "Well, laughing girl," she said to
Minako, "If you think that's so funny, here's your question." Her voice
sharpened with irritation. "Why do you bray like a horse when you laugh?"
Minako just laughed more. "You can do better than that, Rei. It's
cause I'm feeling a little hoarse from my sore throat I had lately."
Everyone laughed and the mood lightened a little. "Question for Ranko."
Ranko nodded nervously. "Umm..yeah?"
"Since Kunou-sempai is apparently NOT your boyfriend, who's a guy
you'd like to date? If you had the chance, anyway."
Ranko froze up, uncertain whether or not to lie, and how to best do
so. Akane said, "Oh, come on Ranko. We all know you have the hots for
Kunou-sempai!"
"I do NOT!" Ranko said, "He's disgusting and an idiot!"
Ukyou said, "Don't tease her, Akane! Besides, it's pretty clear
Kunou-sempai prefers you over her."
Everyone oohed. Sounded like some nice juicy dirt was about to
come out. Ranko said, "Can I answer that I don't know any boys I want to
date?"
Minako nodded. "No cute guys at your school, eh? I'll accept
that. Your question."
Ranko smiled. "So, Akane, why are you such an incompetent cook?"
Akane fumed. "HEY!"
Rei smirked. "Fair question."
"I'm not an incompetent cook!"
"Then you'll have to take the dare if you can't answer the
question," Naru said.
"I did! I'm not incompetent!"
"That doesn't answer the question," Makoto said. "Ranko gets a
dare out of you." At this point, Usagi passed out from standing on her
head. Ranko caught her.
Makoto leaned over to Ukyou, "She learns fast, Ucchan."
Ukyou nodded. "Yeah. That's one reason I...uh...Yeah, she does."
She suddenly realized she was very aware of Makoto's presence. She
looked Makoto up and down subtly and tried to repress thoughts about how
good Makoto looked in her pajamas. She was blissfully unaware of Makoto
eyeing her in return.
"Your dare is to list twelve dishes that require the use of a small
black piglet in them," Ranko said, crossing her arms and smirking after
depositing Usagi on the couch to recover.
Only Makoto's intervention kept Akane from sending Ranko through
the floor.
***************************************************
Time passed and the game continued. It was Naru's turn. She turned
to Usagi. "So, if Mamoru walked in here naked right now, what would you do?"
Usagi said, "I'd tell him it wasn't polite to wander around
someone's house naked!"
Ranko breathed a sigh of relief. Someone here was at least
partially sane.
"Then I'd take him off to Makoto's room so we could talk in private."
Minako smirked. "Things like "Ohhhhh" and "MORE! MORE!", eh?"
"And DO ME!" Makoto said.
Everyone laughed, except Ranko, who cringed quietly. "Your
question, Usagi," Naru said.
"Hmmm. Question for Rei-chan. When you have sex, do you prefer to
be on top or on bottom?"
Rei blushed. "Hey! What would you do if I asked YOU that?"
"Tell you I like being on top," Usagi said. Ranko concluded that
yes, she was the only sane person in the room, and that yes, she
shouldn't have come to this party no matter what Mrs. Saotome said.
Rei said, "I'm gonna regret this...Dare."
Usagi said, "Hmmm. Fake an orgasm."
Rei blushed harder. "Ack!"
Ranko hid her face. Ukyou reached over and patted her. "We're
just having fun, Ranko!"
Akane blushed, wondering if this really was going to turn into an orgy.
Rei began moaning and twitching about in a very campy manner.
Everyone laughed, except Ami who said, "Hmm. Don't take up acting.
You missed two stages of..."
Everyone silenced Ami. Finally, Rei collapsed, huffing and
puffing, tears running down her face from her exertion. Usagi said, "Lemme
take you to the bathroom so you can freshen up. You need a little cold
water on your face and now your makeup is running." She led Rei out of
the room. Rei paused in the doorway. "My question is for Akane."
Akane nodded nervously. "Yes?"
"If you weren't stuck with Ranma, who would you like to date?"
Ukyou and Ranko both turned and stared hard at Akane, who twitched
quietly. "I...uh...ummm...Dare."
"Trade clothing with me."
Akane blushed and followed them out.
Makoto said, "Wait, do your dare first!"
Akane turned and looked around the room. "Hmm. Question for
Ukyou. Do you like Ranma because you're both perverts or is that just a
coincidence?"
Ranko said, "I am NOT a pervert!"
Makoto leaned over and said to Ranko, "She said Ranma, not Ranko."
A little louder, she said to Akane. "Ranma is NOT a pervert."
Ukyou fumed. "I'm not a pervert!"
Akane smirked. "Dodging the question doesn't count. That got
pulled on me. Your dare is to demonstrate your pervert behavior by
dressing and acting as a boy for the rest of the evening!"
"Well, you're already wearing men's pajamas, so that's a start,"
Makoto said.
"I didn't realize you were a transvestite," Ami said.
As she left to change, Akane said, "Heh, she's not the only one..."
Ranko tried to act innocent while everyone else tried to figure out
who she meant. Ukyou sighed and went to bind her breasts. She swiftly
returned, as did Akane, who was now wearing Rei's lacey black underwear.
Minako laughed and said, "Look out, Akane! Some guy is staring at you in
your underwear!" She fell over laughing.
Ranko smirked. "What's there to see?"
Ukyou stared at Akane for a few seconds. "There's my obligatory
male ogle. I've got a question for Minako."
Minako laughed some more. "Gee, ya didn't ogle me! Am I not pretty
enough for you?"
Ukyou winked. "Maybe later, baby." Everyone laughed. Ukyou sat
down and put an arm around Ranma-chan. "When my fiancee isn't watching
us." Everyone laughed more. "Your question, Minako, is to tell us the
person in this room you'd be most willing to sleep with."
Ranko got big eyes and whispered to Ukyou, "You gone nuts too?"
Minako laughed. "Your fiancee blowing in your ear, Ukyou? I'd have
to risk making your fiancee jealous and say you, since you're the only
guy here." Ranko twitched slightly. "You're so manly, I just can't
resist!" She collapsed chortling.
Akane tried to restrain herself from crushing Ranko and Ukyou for
what they were doing. How can they flirt like that? Grrr...She
contented herself with fantasies of knocking them both through a wall.
Minako said, "My question, then. Hmm. Ahh! Makoto, for you.
Would you rather kiss Ranma or our hunky male guest here?" She giggled.
Makoto looked over at Ukyou, then at Akane, who looked ready to
explode. So who would I rather kiss? Ranma, right? But if I say that,
Akane is gonna explode and think I'm after her fiancee. Which would be
right, but...On the other hand, I could say Ukyou, but then they'll all
freak out. Not that kissing Ukyou would be such a bad thing...urk, what
am I thinking? I don't really want to kiss Ukyou, do I? He is
hunky...She. She is hunky. No, wait, that's not what I meant...ummm.
"Dare."
Minako smiled. "I hoped you'd do that. Your dare is to kiss our
hunky male guest full on the lips. Tongue is optional. Kiss must last
at least one minute."
Ukyou and Makoto both got big eyes. Makoto took a deep breath. Her
heart began pounding. She moved slowly over to Ukyou, who sat like a
deer caught in the headlights. Ranko just stared mindlessly, feeling
like her brain was turned to putty by this whole situation.
Ukyou felt her pulse pounding. She hadn't anticipated her first
kiss since Haruka being another girl...not counting a few dreams she
had had where she and Ranma had been smooching as females, but Ranma
was really a guy, so that didn't matter. At least I'm kissing a girl
who looks like a girl this time, she thought, then tried to figure out
why that should matter.
Akane sighed. I wish someone would dare Ranma to kiss me. She
blinked at her own thought. No I don't! Certainly not when we're
both girls and I'm in this outfit! I want my pajamas back...
Makoto pulled Ukyou up to a standing position, then quickly
wrapped her arms around Ukyou and kissed her full on the lips. They
held the kiss for afew long seconds, while their minds whirled
chaotically. She then blushed, stepped back, and released Ukyou, who
sat down hard.
Ranko stared at them. I can't believe they really did that...She
stared over at Ukyou. "Ucchan...You...Makoto...did I really..."
Ukyou stared over at Ranko, an unfamiliar hunger in her eyes.
"You jealous, Ranchan? Here, lemme make it up to you." She leaned
over, grabbed Ranko into her arms and kissed her. This kiss just kept
going, while Ranko's pigtail stood on end.
Makoto felt a flush of jealously, then noticed Akane was turning
beet red. "Oh hohhoho! I see how it is now!" She ran into the
kitchen, and returned with a tea kettle, which she tried to pour onto
Ranko, who narrowly dodged the pot.
Ami and Minako sprung to their feet. "Hey, Akane! What are you
doing?" Ami asked.
"Teaching my baka fiancee not to mess around on me!" She
shouted, chasing Ranko around the room.
Makoto blinked and wondered how Akane had gotten the idea that
Ranko was Ranma. So did the others. "I think we need to get some
sleep...we're all starting to go nuts."
Minako nodded. "You two certainly seemed to be enjoying that a
bit much..."
Makoto blushed.
Ranko ran into the bathroom and locked the door. She breathed a
sigh of relief. "I think we've all gone nuts," she muttered.
Suddenly, she became aware of loud moaning noises coming from the
bathtub. The curtain was drawn, shielding it from view. Hey, Usagi
and Rei were supposed to be in here...
"Hey, you guys okay in there?" Ranko said.
Sudden silence.
"I heard something." Ranko noticed that Akane's pajamas were
lying discarded by the bathtub. So were Usagi's. They taking a bath
or something? Must be crowded in there...so why were they moaning?
"We're just...taking a bath," Usagi said.
Rei laughed almost hysterically behind the curtain. "We're
just...fine."
Loud banging on the door caught their attention. Ranko leaped up
and clung to the ceiling. "Tell them I'm not here."
Rei said, "Uh...right."
The door opened and Makoto stuck her head in. "Ranko, we've
restrained Akane. You can come out now...Ranko?"
Complete Silence. Makoto looked up. "Why are you on the ceiling,
Ranko?"
"Umm...Are you sure she won't pour hot water on me?"
"I'm sure."
"We're not going to all start kissing each other again, are we?"
"I think we're gonna all go to bed...hey, where are Rei and
Usagi?"
"Umm...taking a bath."
Usagi said from behind the curtain, "Hi there, Makochan! We'll
be done in a little bit. Rei was about to co...Umm, We'll be done
soon."
Makoto nodded. "Don't make a mess like last time," she said,
peeling Ranko off the ceiling and taking her back to the living room.
Usagi turned to Rei. "Right. Now where did we leave off?"
The moaning soon recommenced.
***************************************************
Ranma sat at a table in Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, munching on the lunch
Ukyou had made for him. Ukyou came over and sat down with him, since
business was slow. "Did you have as much fun as I did at that party,
Ranchan?" she asked.
"I'd have had more fun being molested by Happousai. At least I
expect that sort of behavior from him." Ranma finished off his
okonomiyaki and started on the second.
Ukyou frowned. "Was it really that bad, Ranchan?" She leaned
closer to Ranma, who looked up and noticed he could see down her shirt a
little. He tried not to look.
"If they'd found out I was a boy...I'd have been ripped apart. Or
worse. I thought Makoto's friends were sane, but now I'm not so sure.
Are all girls' parties like that?" Ranma shuddered faintly and stared at
Ukyou for a moment. She'd seemed to almost enjoy kissing Makoto and vice
versa. Were they really like that? He felt a faint chill run through
his body and wondered, idly, if Ukyou was a good kisser or if Makoto was
a better kisser than he was.
Ukyou saw Ranma seemed distracted. "Something wrong, Ranchan?"
"I...was thinking about...nevermind." Ranma tried to forget it
all by eating another okonomiyaki, but it didn't work.
Ukyou suddenly realized what Ranma was probably thinking of.
"I...You're not jealous, are you?"
"Well, it's not like we've ever actually kissed...I just..."
"Well, that could be fixed." Suddenly, Ukyou was sitting next to
Ranma, who started. She leaned over closer to him, then twined her arms
around him. "I am your fiancee, after all."
For a moment, Ranma was paralyzed. "Right. We are engaged..."
He leaned closer to Ukyou. Their lips met. For a few seconds, they
kissed lip to lip, then...
A customer banged Ukyou in the head with a menu. "Hey, what do I
have to do to get SERVICE around here?"
Ukyou turned and said, "We're closed! Bug off!"
As the man started arguing with her, Ranma said, "I...uh...gotta
go study...See you later, Ucchan!" He got up and ran. Ukyou sighed and
decided to lock the door next time.
***************************************************
<Theme from Aliens>
Makoto finally finished cleaning up the mess in her apartment. The
party had been a lot of fun, but the place was trashed. She pulled a
pair of black panties out of the load of laundry. "I wonder how Rei left
these behind...or did Akane? They did switch."
There was a knock at the door. She opened it, and a large bouquet
of roses was floating in the air. No wait, a really short guy was
holding them. Must be a delivery boy.
She took the roses, then realized too late they were black. The
gas took her and she passed out...
***************************************************
Rei knocked on Makoto's door. It swung open. She blinked.
"Mako-chan?" Maybe I can get my bra and panties and get out without her
noticing... She stepped inside and saw abandoned cleaning utensils on
the floor, and near them a black rose. Mamoru-kun shouldn't leave those
roses everywhere...wait, this one is black. I think we've got trouble...
***************************************************
The Sailor Senshi followed the trail laid out for them by Mercury's
computer. "According to my calculations, Makoto is inside that
mansion." Mercury pointed to the palatial estate that stood nearby.
"Right. We're going in after her!" Mars said. "I'll just burn a
hole in the wall and..."
"We could just jump over the wall," Tuxedo Kamen said, from the
top of it. They all blinked.
"Hmph. Spoil my fun..." Mars said.
***************************************************
They stalked through the corridors of the mansion. As they opened
one door, a huge blade swung down, nearly cleaving Mercury in half.
Venus grabbed her and lept backwards, setting off a barrage of darts, one
of which stuck Sailor Moon in the butt. She yelped.
"What kind of nut puts traps in their own house every five feet?"
Mars grumbled.
Mercury checked her computer. A blip was showing up fifty meters
away. Then forty. "We've got an incoming! I guess we're gonna find
out. Thirty meters. Twenty meters."
They all tensed. Here it comes. The youma, or daimon, or droid,
or giant rabid flaming wombat of the week. The horror. The evil
being...the...
"Ten meters."
"What? We can't see it! It ought to be in the room with us!"
Mars said.
Venus looked around. "Maybe it's a glitch."
"Five meters."
"WHAT?"
"One meter."
"No way!"
Tuxedo Kamen realized too late what the problem was. A mallet
descended, along with a person from the ceiling and bonked him on the
head, knocking him out. "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!! My turtle
will feast tonight!"
The girls turned to face her and she pushed a remote control
button. Walls slammed down, isolating them from each other and shunting
them into rooms prepared for...unwanted visitors.
Kodachi smiled. "Now I must go get Ranma-sama...and take this
caped fool to feed my pet."
***************************************************
Mars looked around the room she was in. It was a solid concrete
vault. "Celestial Fire Surround!" Flaming Mandalas surrounded her, and
she burned a hole in the wall. Then the sprinkler system kicked in with
a mixture of sleeping gas and water. Her last thought was to wonder why
she had used the dub command phrase...
***************************************************
Venus looked around the room she was in. It was a garden
actually. There was some cute guy in a kendo outfit busily tending to
the plants. Well, actually, he was giving orders to a short wrinkly
guy. He turned and saw her. "A goddess has come down from the heavens
to date with me!"
She smiled, then the second half of the sentence kicked in.
"Actually, I'm here for Makoto."
"No one by that name resides here, but I shall date you in his
stead! Come to me, oh blonde goddess of love!" He ran towards her with
open arms.
She took off running, despite feeling complimented.
***************************************************
Mercury slid down a chute that went round and round and round.
She did her best to cling to the sides, but it was too smooth. Finally,
she shot out of the chute...into a huge antbed in the basement mushroom
beds. Ants crawled into her costume and started biting. She ran round
and round, desperately scratching herself and swatting ants.
***************************************************
Moon found herself in an elevator. She had a sinking feeling she
knew exactly what was going to happen. It was soon confirmed.
Kodachi's voice crackled over the loudspeaker. "Soon, Sailor Moon,
you will plummet to your death! HOHOHOHOHOHOH!!!!!!"
Sailor Moon sighed. "Been there, done that. Twice. Nephrite AND
Zoicite. Can't you come up with something original?"
For a moment, all was silence. "What do you mean you've already
done this?"
Sailor Moon pulled out a VCR and a TV and displayed the scenes from
the appropriate episodes, then put them away. "See?"
"How about if I corrupt Tuxedo Kamen and have him kill you?"
"That's been done too."
"Drop a huge flaming mountain on you?"
"Where are YOU gonna get a huge flaming mountain?"
"Uhh...Damn."
There was a bing and the elevator doors opened. Sailor Moon
stepped out, ignoring Kodachi as she yelled, "Hey, COME BACK HERE!!!!"
Moon found herself in the kitchen. She was surrounded by luscious
looking food, even if it was all black. Just a quick snack, she
thought. She grabbed a cookie. One bite and it was nighty night. She
quietly passed out.
***************************************************
Ranma was busy doing homework in the living room of the dojo.
Akane was nearby, working on her homework as well. It was a hot day, and
Akane had her top two buttons undone, for what little relief that
granted. However, it showed off a little of her cleavage, and Ranma
found to his suprise that his eyes kept trying to look down her shirt. I
never do things like this! Focus on my paper. He found to his
embarrassment that he had just drawn a doodle of Akane unbuttoning her
shirt further on his paper.
"Hey, Ranma, can I see what you wrote on your paper?" Akane asked,
leaning over. Ranma could see her bra. He pulled back so he wouldn't
see it. "What, you're not gonna let me see it?"
"Sure, you can...I mean...Ummm."
Akane's eyes narrowed. "You haven't been doodling beaten up
Ryougas again, have you?"
I know what I can do! Ranma thought. He ate his homework. Now
she won't see it.
Akane blinked. "You're really WEIRD, Ranma."
Before he could reply, Kodachi walked in. "Ranma-sama! I've come
to invite you to dinner!"
"Sorry, Kodachi, I have to do homework."
"I understand. I suppose I'll have to spend a lonely evening
feeding Makoto to my pet turtle." She turned to leave.
"Feeding WHO to your pet turtle?" Ranma leaped to his feet.
"Alas, woe is me. Well, a good feeding should perk me up."
Kodachi sprinted off, and Ranma ran after her.
"I bet he'd have waited to finish his homework first if I had
been in danger," Akane grumbled. "Ranma, wait for me!!!!!"
***************************************************
Ranma and Akane leaped in the Kunou mansion window after Kodachi.
Too bad there wasn't any floor on the other side. They both howled and
went down the chute....
At the bottom, Akane landed in a combination Tuxedo/straitjacket,
while Ranma ended up in a wedding dress. Kodachi suddenly landed on
Ranma's head, then frowned. "I did not extend an invitation to the
peasant girl, nor were you supposed to wear my dress, Ranma-sama!"
"It was an accident!"
"Well, I'll dispose of her and get you another tuxedo while you
change out of that." She grabbed Akane and ran. Ranma made chase, not
bothering to change out of the outfit in his haste.
He came to regret this when he chased Kodachi through a room where
the sprinklers were still going (Kodachi used Everready batteries.).
Ranma-chan sighed. Kunou's gonna spot me in this...
He did. The chase lead into the garden, where Kunou had some girl
in a sailor suit up a tree. Kunou turned. "Oh, my beloved pig-tailed
goddess has come to marry me! You and my goddess from the heavens shall
join me in holy wedlock this day!"
Ranma-chan decided screaming was definitely in order.
***************************************************
Akane joined Makoto, Tuxedo Kamen and Sailor Mars on the rope swinging
round and round over the large alligator tub. Kodachi dragged in Sailor Moon
as well, then simply dumped her on the ground. "Too...heavy...for death
trap."
Mars would have made a sarcastic comment, if she was awake. Akane
simply said, "Let her go! It's me you want!"
"Well, perhaps my idiot brother will find her to his fancy. Or at
least be able to move her for me. Now if only Ukyou and Shampoo were
here. I could be rid of all of you at once."
Makoto didn't say anything, being gagged and drugged at the moment.
Akane, however, wasn't drugged or gagged. "Ranma will save us!"
"Hmm. I suppose I should go get Ranma-sama." She turned the crank
to set the crane to slowly lower them into the tank.
As they began to lower, running footsteps drew closer. "Someone is
coming for us!" Akane said. "Now you'll pay!"
It was Sailor Mercury, who ran in and lept into the tank, desperatly
stripping off her uniform, trying to get the ants off her. This worked.
Unfortunately, now the alligator came after her. Luckily, she was a VERY
good swimmer.
"Oh, I twitch in fear. HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi turned to
leave. "I hope she doesn't spoil his appetite. I guess I'll just have
to dump you all in right now." She reached for the crank.
The sound of castanets played and the Tuxedo Kamen themesong could
be heard in the background. Tuxedo Kamen blinked. "Hey, who's stealing
my music?"
A tiny object whirred across the room and struck Kodachi's hands.
A second one smashed the crank. Ukyou set down the jambox playing
Kamen's themesong and smiled from the doorway. "No one puts my friend
over an alligator pit! End of the line, Black Nutcase!"
"That's Black Rose! ROSE!"
Ukyou leaped forward, giant spatula in hand. "Let's rumble!"
The brawl was soon in progress. They fought, Spatula vs. Ribbon,
chef vs. fruitcake, mano a mano. They circled the pool in a graceful
dance, a whirl of weapons, parry, spin, circle, thrust, whunk! Too bad
the people hanging from the rope were still descending into the pool.
Meanwhile, Mercury was swimming for her life. Suddenly, she had an
idea. She clambered up the side of the pool, using her superior speed in
this form to outrace the crocodile. Then she shouted. "Shabon
Spray--Freezing!" The pool froze, alligator and all. The group was
harmlessly lowered onto the ice.
Kodachi shouted. "My poor baby!" She lept over to the ice and
Ukyou klonked her on the head.
"Good work!" Ukyou said. "Umm...Do you always go naked except
for a tiara?"
Mercury did a full body blush, as she realized her costume was now
frozen in the pond with the alligator...
***************************************************
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu bailesu@komodo.hacks.arizona.edu
http://www.hacks.arizona.edu/~bailesu/falcon.html
"The Fortunate Isles, or the Isles of the Blessed abound in fruit and
birds of every kind...These islands, however, are greatly annoyed by the
putrefying bodies of monsters, which are constantly thrown up by the sea."
--The Natural History of Pliny, first century AD.