Kasumi's Halloween Party
by Uncle Fester
Rumiko Takahashi was working late. Alone in her studio, seated
at a small drawing table, she worked quickly in a pool of light cast
by her desk lamp. She was ahead of schedule, as usual, but was
working like the deadline was tomorrow anyway. Still, something was
bothering her. Something she received on her fax machine that
morning.
With a sigh, she set aside her pencil, leaned back in her chair
and stared at the offending document. It was a story. More
accurately, a 'fanfiction' story someone had faxed to her by mistake.
Written in English, the writer credited her and her characters for
inspiration.
"I can't believe they've taken my lovely characters and done
*this* with them," she muttered. "I've spent ten years of my life
planning and drawing those characters. I love those characters."
She sighed again and rocked forward, her head in her hands.
<If *this* is how my public sees Ranma and the rest...> she
thought, shaking her head sadly. <Perhaps, I made a mistake with
them.>
Creativity having been severely driven from her by thoughts of
the offending bit of fiction', Rumiko gave up for the evening and
quietly left her studio for the long walk home.
***** 1 *****
Kasumi Tendo was cheerfully sweeping the front walk, humming a
catchy little tune and day-dreaming happy little dreams as she worked.
It was mid October and the trees were beginning to turn. In a few
weeks, she would be raking leaves and enjoying the briskness of a
typical Nerima autumn.
<I love the change of seasons.> she thought. <It's so...
naturely.>
Her daydreams were interrupted by a ring of the gate bell.
Someone was calling on the Tendos.
"Ohayo," Kasumi happily called as she swung open the large wooden
gate. Before her stood a little old lady, with glasses and carrying a
small stack of books.
"Ohayo, mistress of the house," the old lady returned with a
polite bow. There was something...familiar about this old lady.
Kasumi continued to smile as her mind raced through all the people she
knew in Nerima. She couldn't recall ever seeing this woman before.
Still, there was something disturbingly familiar about her face.
"I am selling 'special' holiday books, mistress," the old lady
croaked as she held out one of her books. "They detail what holidays
Westerners enjoy and how they celebrate them."
"How nice," Kasumi remarked as she accepted one of the books and
casually leafed through the many pages. "So many pretty pictures."
"One of their favorite holidays is only a couple of weeks away;
Halloween," The old lady smiled a toothy smile.
"Halloween?" Kasumi cocked her head at the sound of the word.
"It's a fun Western holiday where everyone dresses up like ghosts
and demons and such," The old lady leafed through another of her books
to find the section on Halloween. "They usually have large parties
and..."
"Parties?" Kasumi perked up at the sound of a celebration. She
liked celebrations.
"Yes, my dear. They have big parties with lots of treats and
games."
Kasumi got a wistful look on her face as she envisioned a dojo
full of friends, all playing whimsical little games. "How much?" she
finally asked, coming back to reality.
"Only 50 yen, my dear." The old lady's eyes had narrowed into
happy slits. At least, they looked like happy slits behind those wire
rimmed glasses. Kasumi couldn't be sure. Still, the price was right.
"How come they're so inexpensive? I mean, they're hard bound,
with lots of pictures and all."
"They're...ah...discontinued books," the old lady looked at the
ground embarrassed at the revelation.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Of course I'll buy one of your books." Kasumi
was suddenly embarrassed herself for asking such a question. Certain
the old lady was selling the books to make enough money to live on,
she felt a pang of guilt at not buying more than one.
"I'm sure you'll enjoy the book, my dear," the old lady said as
she slowly waddled away. <In fact, I'm sure it will have a *major*
impact on your life, my dear.>
That night, after dinner, Kasumi excitedly outlined to the family
her plans for a Halloween party.
"We'll invite *everybody* and have lots of good food and lots of
games and door prizes." she gushed, clapping her hands like an excited
child.
"Hmmm. Daughter, I'm not so sure it's a good idea to hold a
celebration on a night of such evil," Soun Tendo suggested as he
rolled up his newspaper and headed for the toilet.
"Oh, daddy," Akane shot her father a look of pity. "All that
stuff is just superstition." She turned to Kasumi. "I think a
Halloween party is a wonderful idea."
Nabiki and Ranma just leaned on the table, both displaying
slightly annoyed looks. Nabiki was concerned as to how much all this
was going to cost. Ranma was certain too many people would be invited
and he wouldn't get all he wanted to eat.
Kasumi just ignored the two 'party poopers' and began planning
her party.
<They'll come around.> she happily thought.
The next week was a flurry of activity. Kasumi organizing,
baking treats, and prying money from the tightfisted Nabiki to pay for
everything. Akane enlisted Ranma's help in decorating the dojo. With
care, Akane hung the decorations; colored paper streamers, paper
cutouts of bats and skeletons mixed with traditional Japanese lanterns
to give the dojo a festive look. Ranma did all the heavy lifting but
continued to look bored all the same.
"Ranma, if you're not going to get in the 'spirit' of all this,
go help Kasumi." Akane chided while hanging the last jack-o-lantern
cutout.
Ranma, glad to avoid any further work, took the opportunity and
escaped back to the residence. Finding Kasumi in the kitchen, he
asked her what made this holiday so special to Westerners. Kasumi
wasn't really sure but suggested he look it up in her new book.
<Like doing *schoolwork*.> he gloomily thought as he retrieved
Kasumi's book and flopped down to read.
He easily found the section on Halloween and skimmed through the
pages, more looking at the pictures than reading the text. That ended
when his eyes caught on a particular section that dealt with an
obscure aspect of the holiday.
<Well, *this* is more like it.> he mused, reading and rereading
the section. <Yeah, this will make the party more lively.>
"I don't know, Ranma," Akane sounded reluctant when Ranma later
told her of his plans. "Are you *sure* it's part of the celebration?"
"Sure, I'm sure," he replied with his usual confidence. "It said
so in the book."
"Well...." She still looked skeptical.
"Look, if you don't want to be part of it, fine." he sniffed as
his arms crossed. "Just remember, *I* got enough in the 'spirit' to do
this Western holiday right." With that, he turned on his heel and
strode confidently off to finish planning is surprise'.
***** 2 *****
The evening of the party was cool and clear. Kasumi took a last
turn around the dojo to make sure all the preparations were complete.
She compared her decorations to those in the book.
In one corner, stood an old medieval suit of armor complete with
a wicked looking broad axe. That, was Nabiki's donation. Where she
got it, no one wanted to ask. Still, it looked spooky enough to be
part of the party.
A few old instruments of torture were strung along the walls,
mixed with paper skeletons and phoney spider webs, to give the room
its Halloween ambiance.
<Perfect.> she thought. <This will be a party to remember.>
She started to close the book, when a card fell out and fluttered
the floor. Curious, Kasumi picked it up.
<That's strange.> she thought, turning the card over. <It's
addressed to me.>
Reading the card carefully, Kasumi's face grimaced with
confusion. It read: The party's over! Turn to page 666. - Rumiko
Takahashi'.
"What an odd note. And who is this Rumiko Takahashi'?" Kasumi
mumbled as she turned the pages of her book. "I never noticed a page
666."
As she opened to the designated page, a bright flash of light
momentarily blinded her. As her vision cleared, a whirl of ghostly
images seemed to sweep past, around, and through her. Images of
personal computer screens, people typing, young people reading
messages and communicating with one another by typing on their
keyboards. The images shifted to reveal pictures of happy Ranma and
Akane married, enjoying their friends; of Kasumi happily preparing
meals and cleaning with a soft, knowing smile; of Nabiki and her
school friends; of the fathers playing a board game in the main room.
Quickly, the images shifted again. These new images were things
that could only come from twisted regions of evil: Kasumi using a
knife to kill members of her family; Ryouga doing vile things to
Akane; sexual perversions, murder, rape, violence of every
description. It all became too much for Kasumi. With a whimper, the
girl passed out, collapsing onto the floor, her book falling closed in
front of her. As it did, a faint rumble of thunder accompanied the
fading light from the book.
Akane was the first to find her sister. With a look of concern,
she shook her sister awake.
"Are you all right?" Akane asked as Kasumi tried to sit up.
"What happened?"
"I... I'm not sure," Kasumi ran a hand through her hair,
displacing her pony tail. "I must have passed out."
"You've been working too hard on this party, Kasumi,"
"Yes, that must be it," Kasumi pushed herself up to her knees.
"I'm all right now." She was lying, of course. Her whole body
tingled like she had just been electrocuted. Her fingers were still
numb and the room smelled faintly of sulfur.
"Maybe we should call off the party," Akane suggested, helping
Kasumi to her feet.
"No, everyone is expecting to come tonight and have a party,"
Kasumi insisted as she walked slightly unsteadily towards the door.
"We mustn't disappoint our guests."
Reluctantly, Akane helped her sister back to the residence.
Neither girl saw a shadowy figure carrying a bucket slip into the
dojo.
***** 3 *****
Kasumi, dressed in her new silk kimono, stood at the door of the
dojo greeting each of her guests as they arrived. She was
particularly proud of her new kimono. Holding back small amounts of
money from the food budget each week, she finally amassed enough to
purchase the first new kimono since she was a little girl. Bright
gold and green, with red and yellow birds, it was as beautiful a
garment as could be had in all of Japan.
Everyone Kasumi invited came.
Ranma brought Akane, both dressed in their finest. Akane was
pleased with all the decorations while Ranma was only interested in
the food.
Nabiki arrived next dragging a reluctant Tatewaki Kuno. It would
seem he was a bit late on a payment and, well, Nabiki needed an escort
and Kuno the Idiot was better than nothing.
Mr. Tendo arrived with Genma and Nodoka Saotome. Shampoo,
Mousse, and Cologne arrived in their party best. Ukyou hauled a
confused looking Ryouga, just so he wouldn't get lost.
The rest of the invited guests followed. Everyone, but everyone
came. No one wanted to miss Kasumi's party.
And what a party it was; the music, the games, and the contests
were all a hit. No one really cared what the celebration was all
about; just as long as they were having fun.
At midnight, Kasumi got up to thank everyone for coming. Smiling
with delight, she gave a short speech about Halloween and what it
meant to Americans.
Few noticed Ranma moving around almost behind Kasumi. He was
about to spring his trick'. Having read in Kasumi's book about
Halloween pranks pulled by Americans on each other, he planned a trick
to equal anything he found in the book. Earlier, he had mixed up a
special concoction of slime consisting of oil, syrup, oatmeal, and
lots of red dye in a large bucket, and placed the bucket in the
rafters directly over the small stage where Kasumi would be standing.
As Kasumi got to the part where she announced the door prize
winners, Ranma yelled 'trick or treat' and pulled the cord that
tripped the slime bucket.
A red waterfall of slime cascaded down over the startled Kasumi,
coating her completely.
Horrified, Kasumi froze, looking at the slime coating herself and
her new kimono, the one she had saved two years for, the one she was
so proud of.
But worst of all, there was the laughter. Everyone, but
everyone, was laughing. Ranma and Ryouga did a high five',
congratulating each other on rigging such a perfect trick'. Akane
and Nabiki, holding onto each other, were laughing so hard, they
started crying.
"Oh, Kasumi," Shampoo giggled. "You look like wearing dragon
barf." Cologne slapped her granddaughter on the back and reveled in
the joke. For an Amazon, it was a good prank; one worthy of her son-in-law.
"Ho, daughter," Soun chuckled holding onto Genma to keep from
falling down with laughter. "You certainly know how to end a party."
Kasumi slowly brought up her hands to look at slime drooling down
her arms, dripping onto the floor. Her face a study of betrayal,
fear, and anger. The sounds of laughter echoing in her head.
Suddenly, Kasumi's head snapped up, her eyes bugged and glowing
an unearthly red.
The doors slammed shut.
The lights went out; the room bathed an eerie crimson.
The laughter stopped.
"I cook. I clean. I plan parties for you." Kasumi hissed in a
very low voice. "And now *this*."
"Daughter..." Soun started. He never finished as his body was
jerked upright, spun around and propelled through the air of the dojo,
impacting the door to the dojo's toilet. His body easily broke
through, sending splinters of wood everywhere. Without hesitation,
Soun's body was stuffed down the toilet's main channel as if by a
giant hand, leaving only his hips, hands and legs protruding and
quivering.
The assault on Soun Tendo set off an air of confusion and panic.
People rushing every which direction, some towards Kasumi others
running for their lives.
Ranma, certain Kasumi was possessed by some demon, moved her
direction only to be suddenly grabbed by unseen hands, violently spun
around and slammed into Akane's body. Like a couple of rag dolls, the
pair was propelled across the room and into the aging walls of the
dojo. Ranma's body, pressed by an unseen force, smashing Akane
against an ancient oak beam, her ribs audibly snapping, her skull
painfully crushing. In seconds, the pair was pressed to less than an
inch thick, their bodily fluids mingling and drooling onto the floor
from hundreds of places where their skin burst under pressure. Their
mingled bones imbedded in the wood deep enough to suspend their
lifeless bodies in a macabre embrace.
Nabiki attempted to run but was caught and flung face first
towards the medieval suit of armor. Inches from impact, she jerked to
a halt. She could see the massive battle axe, it's razor sharp edge
inches from her heaving breasts. Whimpering and begging, she hung
suspended, death before her. She tried to kick out with her feet to
push the blade away or turn it such that she wouldn't be killed upon
impact. Nothing worked. Slowly, mercilessly, her body was pressed
against the blade, her screams of pain mixing with her whimpers for
mercy, were cut to a bloody foam as the blade punctured her chest,
rupturing her vital organs; her body becoming impaled upon the massive
battle axe. She twitched a few times before expiring, the blade of
the axe protruding from her back, parts of her lungs hanging from the
axe and dangling down her back.
Mousse attempted to attack the glowing Kasumi, chains shooting
from under his robes. As if with a mind of their own, the chains
turned and wrapped themselves around his neck before the sharp ends
shot up to the overhead beams, embedding themselves in the wood.
Mousse's body was violently jerked off the floor, chains tight around
his neck, his hands clawing frantically at their embrace. His now
useless glasses fell to the floor, breaking on impact.
Shampoo and Cologne sprung to their Amazonian attack. It was
blunted when the old hag's staff was yanked from her hands. For a
second, the staff spun in mid air then became a controlled projectile.
Cologne never had a chance. Faster than an eye could follow, the rod
pierced her chest, exploding her heart and lungs, and continued
through her body. Lifted off the ground, Cologne's corpse dangling
lifeless and still spurting blood, the staff sought out another Amazon
target, Shampoo. The younger girl tried to fight off the attacking
staff with her bonbori. She wasn't successful. Like a harpoon, the
wooden projectile caught the girl under her right arm pit, piercing
her skin and progressing through her ribs, lungs, and heart; emerging
from the other side of her body. Shampoo had time to issue only a
tiny, pathetic cry of pain and anguish before the staff severed her
esophagus. Like a giant shish kabob, the staff flew across the dojo,
sticking itself into a wall, the quivering bodies of its victims
drooling their vital fluids onto the dojo's floor to mingle with those
of Ranma and Akane.
Gemna Saotome froze, his eyes wide with fright. As Kasumi fixed
her lethal gaze on is trembling form, his body seemed to expand like
an inflatable doll, his eyes bugging out, his clothes bursting at the
seams as his form expanded beyond their capacity to cover. Someone
screamed as his body finally exceeded its elasticity and he exploded;
pieces of overstuffed Saotome splattering across the dojo.
Nodoka's katana took on a life of its own, unsheathing itself and
twirling before plunging itself back through her womb, passing up
inside her body, ripping her organs and spilling her guts in an
explosive way. It finished by hacking her lifeless corpse like a
garbage disposal; pieces Nodoka adding to the dojo's decorations.
Ukyou threw her sharpened spatulas Kasumi's direction. But
instead of following their intended course, they seemed to hesitate in
mid flight before turning their lethal attentions on their master. In
a panic, Ukyou tried to cover herself with her arms. Her failure was
punctuated by the first spatula slicing through both her forearms and
imbedding itself deep in her face; her brains exploding out the back
of her head. The remainder sliced their way into her lifeless body;
each impact causing her corpse to jerk, her arms and legs flopping
grotesquely.
Kodachi produced a pair of her studded Indian clubs. With an
insane high pitched laugh, she launched her attack. It was no more
successful than the others. Her thrown clubs froze in mid air as
their master's body was violently seized, slowly turned, and viciously
thrown across the dojo to imbed itself halfway through the wall. Her
kicking legs spoke of her survival. The Indian clubs tearing through
her rectum and deep into her body, snuffed whatever life force the
girl clung to. Her long, insane dying scream echoed through the
neighborhood.
Her brother, too, sprang to the attack. Like a good samurai, he
came prepared to fight. Like a good samurai, he confronted his foe.
Like a good samurai, he was cut down by Nodoka's still whirling
katana; his head rolling across the dojo's floor, his body spurting
blood 10 feet into the air.
The Japanese lanterns came crashing down and fires of every
description began to burn. Ryouga tried to shield himself with his
umbrella but failed when one of the burning lanterns came to life and
attacked him from behind. His body burst into flames like dry tinder.
Frantically, the last heartbeats of life urged him towards a tub of
water used earlier for bobbing apples. His sense of direction was not
improved by the flames and he ran into the buffet table instead where
he came to rest blazing away on a platter of roast pork.
The building continued its conflagration as Kasumi slowly made
her way to the door. Her features seeming to run like melted wax as
her body was jerked along, driven by some unearthly force.
Past the burning Happousai, his eyes pierced by two dinner knives
and his body pinned to the floor by large forks.
Past the crushed Akari, the shredded Tofu, the mashed Mikado and
the dismembered Azusa.
Kasumi's body stopped in front of the door. Her eyes narrowed
into tiny red slits and the obstruction exploded outward. Fire had
finally reached her slime spattered kimono and the silken material
burst into flames. Her body slowly, hesitantly made its way to the
residence, torching everything in its path. As Kasumi entered her
home, the neighborhood was treated to a long, anguished, unearthly
wail that seemed to go on forever.
***** 4 *****
An old lady quickly sidestepped to avoid being run over by a
passing fire truck. It seemed there was a huge house fire somewhere
over in Nerima. Ducking into a side street, the old lady peeled off
her gray wig, tossed away her cane and remaining books.
"There, now," Rumiko Takahashi mumbled as she ambled down the
street, her hands clasped behind her back. "Now how should I start
over...?"
***** Ende *****
Happy Halloween, kiddies.
The only thing I left out was Chris Willmore strolling happily towards
the flaming dojo with a bag of marshmallows under his arm.
"It's a sick world and I'm a happy guy." - Uncle Fester