======================================
PART VIII
Wash that girl right outta my hair....
======================================
[Mid November: Monday Morning]
*RIIIING*RIIING*RIII-
"Hello?"
=Hello, This is Ryo Muhoshin.=
"Good morning, Mr. Muhoshin."
=I called before... regarding information on certain persons who are in
the Furinkan HS area... regarding Ryouga Hibiki in particular.=
"Oh, yes, I remember you. It's been a while."
=Your information... it was rather inaccurate.=
"Pardon?"
=Where to start... Ryouga Hibiki no longer resides at the Tendou dojo.
Akane Tendou is engaged to some ridiculously overpowered martial artist.
Nobody warned me about the little old perverted troll with a talent for
bombs.=
"Mr. Muhoshin."
=What?=
"You accusing me of something?"
=Accuse is such a harsh word, but it seems that this misleading
information...=
"Mr. Muhoshin, I'd like to point out one thing. Exactly when did you
acquire this information?"
=A month ago, wasn't it?=
"No."
=No?=
"No. A year ago. I've got the records to prove it."
=You're bluffing.=
"Remember who you're talking to."
=Ah.... aheh... oh. *CLICK*=
-------------
"Nabiki, time for breakfast. Oh, am I interrupting something?"
Nabiki calmly put down the phone and headed out her door. "No. Just
straightening out some business matters. C'mon Akane, let's eat. I'm
starving."
-------------
Ryo sat on his bed, looking thoroughly embarrased.
"Well," he said, gritting his teeth, "I feel stupid."
The television, which was on the all-news network, was reporting on yet
another report of rampaging pig attacks when Ryo shut it off, needing a
bit of silence to deal with the humiliation that he felt.
He felt entirely too embarrased to buy an update of the situation from
his anonymous informant and decided to do some personal (and very careful)
surveillance.
Besides, he thought, it'd be good exercise.
------------
"And she said WHAT!?!?!?"
The lunch crowd in the okonomiyaki shop turned to look towards the
afternoon entertainment, which was at the moment a surprised Ryouga.
"Unfortunately so, Hibiki," Mousse said, looking grim.
"Hmmm." Ryouga scratched his head. "Wait. This isn't a problem. I'll
just throw the fight."
"Yes! That's it!" said Mousse happily. "But we must make it look
good! I want to impress my future bride."
"Oh, of course, of course." Ryouga nodded solemnly.
"And be sure to steer clear of Shampoo or the old ghoul before the
fight. I have a feeling they're up to something." And with that warning,
Mousse departed.
-----------
Genma and Soun were looking extremely happy as they sat at the dinner
table. Ranma sensed something important had happened.
"Hey, pop, something good happen?"
"Yes, my son. Good fortune has smiled on this house at last."
"That's right, Saotome!" Soun added.
"What happened?" Ranma asked.
"I'M SOOOO HAPPY!!!!" Soun yelled, bursting into tears.
"Ranma, my boy, you won't be seeing Happousai any time soon."
"Hey, that's great! Did he finally move out?"
"Nope. Massive internal injuries."
"Say what?"
"Every bone in his body was broken or cracked. He won't be able to
leave the hospital for months, maybe years! MUHHAHAHAHA!"
"But who did this? You know Happousai isn't easy to beat. If someone
had beaten him up THAT badly..."
"FOOLISH BOY! Never question good fortune!"
Ranma resumed eating, thinking about the situation. Who could have
beaten up Happousai THAT badly? Maybe Miss Hinako, but break every bone
in his body? That wasn't like her. Cologne? Not her style either.
Wait... the last time Ranma saw Happousai was at the movie theater. He
was fighting someone, right? Ranma tried to remember what Happousai was
yelling.
{"MUHOSHIN, DIE!"}
No way. Couldn't be. He musta been distracted by a bra or something.
-----------
Gosunkugi sat in his room, staring at a book his parents had bought
him. He found himself doubting the sanity of his parents. The book was
from an American author, and apparently popular enough to get translated
and published for the Japanese market.
Very slowly, he said the title.
"You're good enough, smart enough, and darn it, people like you: a
twelve step program to enrich your life, by Stuart Smalley."
He shook his head in shame.
-----------
[Wednesday, Sunset]
In the same site where Ranma and Mousse first squared off, the
showdown between Ryouga and Mousse was arranged. As before, there was a
crowd. That was the great thing about this neighborhood: free
entertainment like public martial arts fights happen often.
Ryouga and Mousse were in opposite corners, trying to look serious
about the fight. Ranma, Akane, and Ukyou were sitting in the front rows.
Shampoo was nearby as well, holding a sign that said in large letters
///SHAMPOO MARRY NOBODY!/// She wasn't happy with either choice.
Akane and Ranma sat in the stands, side by side. Ukyou was by Ranma's
other side, but felt uncomfortable.
"Hey, Ukyou. Ryouga ever tell you why he's actin' so weird around me
lately?"
Ukyou herself had wanted to ask Ranma about this for some time. It
seemed Ryouga was genuinely repulsed beyond normal when he was around
Ranma. There was a chance that _maybe_ Ryouga was telling the truth. She
had to know.
"Um... be honest with me, Ranchan. Did you pull some sort of 'prank'
on Ryouga recently? Did you do something... weird to him?"
"Nope. And I'm being honest about this, really. I didn't do
nothin' to Ryouga."
"Good."
"No... wait... there was that one thing I did..." He remembered that
stunt when he tricked Kunou into beating up Ryouga. That one was a
classic. Ranma smiled. Ukyou, for the first time, didn't like that
smile.
"What?" she asked.
"Well, it was just a joke... but anyways, Ryouga got me kinda mad, so I
wanted to get revenge, y'know? So I just changed into a girl and-"
Ukyou's eyes went wide with shock. "You DIDN'T!"
Ranma blinked, surprised by Ukyou's reaction. "Huh? What's the big
deal? I just-"
Before Ranma could finish his story, Ukyou gave him a massive hundred
hand slap. "YOU PERVERT!" She left her seat and stood by Ryouga's
corner, frowning. She couldn't believe it. Ranma _did_ make out with
Ryouga. That was going just too far. That was... it was... _sick_. Ukyou
couldn't believe that this was the man she was in love with.
Meanwhile, Akane gave Ranma an angry glare. "What did you do now!?!"
she yelled loudly.
"Nothing! I swear!"
***
"Hey, Mousse," Ryouga yelled, "ya ready to fight, eh?" He couldn't
hold back a smile.
"Yes. Indeed. I shall surely defeat you Hibiki." Mousse cracked a
quick smile as well.
Cologne entered the ring. "Come, both of you."
The pair stepped to the center of the ring. Suddenly, Cologne poked
Ryouga with her stick in several places. His eyes glazed over, as if he
was in a trance.
"What did you do to him, you old ghoul?"
"Heheheh, just wanted to make sure Ryouga gave his all in this fight."
She turned to Ryouga and pointed her staff at Mousse. "Maul."
"RyougaAACK!" Mousse was interrupted by Ryouga's umbrella poke to the
stomach. "Ryouga! Snap out of it! Ryouga!" Ryouga's eyes were blank,
but he stepped stedily forward, tearing bandanas from his head.
"What's that idiot doing?" Ranma muttered.
"Hey! Ryouga!" Ukyo yelled.
"So I've gotta do this the hard way?" Mousse took a step back.
"FINE!" He stepped forward, a duck-shaped toilet trainer suddenly
appearing in his hand and aimed at Ryouga's head. Ryouga smashed the
trainer with a punch, jumped back, and threw a handful of bandanas at
Mousse, who countered by slicing them all with metal claws that popped out
of his sleeve. Ryouga opened his umbrella and flung it at Mousse, who
dodged to the left and charged at Ryouga with a bonbori much like
Shampoo's. Ryouga caught the weapon with one hand, but was still hit when
the bonbori opened up on top to reveal a spring-loaded glove that rocketed
forth to hit him in the nose. Mousse stepped back, not noticing that
Ryouga's umbrella was coming back. It flew over Mousse, but the handle
was flying low enough to hit Mousse in the back of the head. The amazon
collapsed on the floor, stunned.
"That idiot," sighed Ranma.
"Ryouga you dummy!" yelled Ukyou.
Cologne sprang up to the center of the ring, grinning in triumph, and
said "It is official, Ryouga shall be Shampoo's br-"
"IT'S NOT OVER!" Mousse rose up suddenly, although looking somewhat
unstable. He whipped his arms forward, releasing an absurd amount of
chains which wrapped themselved around Ryouga. Mousse slowly walked
towards Ryouga, searching his robes for something. Cologne murmered to
Ryouga "Akane hates you." Ryouga began to glow with a fiery aura.
"You'll be alone for the rest of your accursed life." Ryouga's blank face
became a snarl. "Ranma is _always_ going to be better than you." The
fiery glow around Ryouga began to swirl.
"Aw man, he's gonna do it," Ranma muttered. "Ryouga! C'mon, snap out
of it! Don't do this! RYOUGA!"
Mousse noticed Ryouga was glowing and knew the time to end this was
near. "Whereisitwhereisitwhereisit... AH-HA!!!" Suddenly, he pulled out
a gigantic mallet. Cologne looked up and it seemed to cover up the sun
itself. It was a mighty mallet indeed. Mousse grunted with effort,
lifted the Mighty Mallet up high, and ran towards Ryouga, screaming
"MALLET OF JUSTICE STRIIIIIIIKE!!!"
Cologne murmered one last thing to Ryouga, tipping him over the edge.
"You're a pig."
"SHISHI HOUKOU-DAN!!!" A blast of energy rushed from Ryouga's hands,
striking Mousse, who was flung back, caught in the dead center of the
blast. Meanwhile, Mousse's mallet was flung arching high, going towards
Ryouga. Mousse was on his knees, trying to get up. Cologne stood at the
center once more and said "Give up Mousse, you're beat*ACK*" Mousse
looked up to see what could have interrupted Cologne. He smiled when he
saw that the Mallet of Justice had not failed him. It had landed on
Ryouga and Cologne both.
Mousse jumped to his feet, triumph surging through him. "I'VE WON!
I'VE WON!!! Witness the POWER of MY LOVE, SHAMPOO!!!" The mallet rolled
off Ryouga's head, revealing a stunned Ryouga and a flat little ghoul.
Meanwhile, Mousse was doing the Amazon Dance of Joy.
Ryouga blinked, groggy and in a daze. "Wha... happa.. whoa..."
Mousse stood triumphant. "I -WILL- MARRY SHAMPOO!" He quickly dodged
a bonbori hurled by Shampoo from the stands.
"Wait, Mousse, the fight isn't over." To everyone's surprise, Cologne
was back up.
"Oh yes it is. Look at him!" Mousse pointed to Ryouga, who, much to
Mousse's surprise, was slowly getting up.
"You see? He is not defeated yet." said Cologne.
Ryouga, finally coming to his senses, realized the situation. "Huh?
Oh... uh oh." He quickly fell on his back and tried his best to look
knocked out.
"Aw man, that's gotta be the _worst_ acting I have ever seen," Ranma
said. The crowd murmered in agreement.
"Shampoo no care. Shampoo no marry any of you!"
"Get up you slacker," Cologne said, reaching over with her staff
towards Ryouga, but he was quickly wrapped up in chains and tossed away by
Mousse, who, in his rush to get Ryouga out of the situation, tossed him
into the stands.
"Ha! You cannot stop the power of my love! COME TO ME, SHAMPOO!"
Mousse lept from the ring, full of bliss, and charged the now extremely
upset amazon girl.
"SHAMPOO NO MARRY YOU!!!" With that battle cry, she punted him into
the sky. Cologne, however, didn't notice, and ranted onward.
"No it isn't! Just you wait! I shall call the Amazon Law Council to
settle this matter! The law is on my side!" Everyone was surprised at
this outburst by Cologne. She'd rarely ever become hysterical before.
"I will not have blind idiots tainting our family line!!!"
"Geez, I guess she REALLY doesn't want Mousse as a son-in-law," Ranma
murmered.
Meanwhile, the crowds in the stands slowly departed, Ryo Muhoshin being
one with the crowds. Ryo had seen enough. That, in his opinion, really
was terrible acting by Hibiki, enough to disgust even an amateur actor.
He lept away, heading somewhere where he hoped to relax for a while.
------------
As the crowds scattered, Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, Ryouga, Mousse, and
Shampoo remained behind, silent and contemplative. Cologne had left with
the rest of the crowd, having no desire to stay in a place of failure.
Shampoo stood apart from the rest of them, her back turned away.
Ranma leaned towards Ryouga. "Nice -ham- acting ya did back there,
P-chan."
Ryouga glared at Ranma. "Shut up, you."
Meanwhile, Mousse reached a hand out to her shoulder.
"Shampoo... my wife..."
***WHAP***
Everyone winced. That looked painful.
"Stupid Mousse!!! Shampoo kill!"
The next several minutes were spent trying to get Shampoo to release
Mousse from her Amazonian Death Choke.
end part 7