Sorry about the mixup before.  This is the first half of the story I was
hoping to get posted.

Dear Reader,
        This is my very first fanfic, so please bear with me.  I've only
seen the dubbed, TV series of Ranma 1/2, no OAV's, no movies and no books.
So if some of the issues I tried to deal with have already been resolved in
some other way, well, don't tell me- I want to see it for myself.  I hope
you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it.
        Many heartfelt thanks to Rumiko Takahashi, who created the Ranma
universe, and my sincere apologies for any failure on my part to present
her characters accurately.  On with the story...


TRADING PLACES
or
RYOGA'S FURTHER ADVENTURES IN HELL
by CAT

        Ryoga sat under a tree on the edge of the school grounds and heaved
a deep sigh.  Leaning back against the trunk he closed his eyes and
meditated for a moment on Akane's sweet smile.
        "Moping over anyone special?" said Nabiki's voice.  Ryoga's eyes
flew open.
        "Wh-what?"
        "Suppose I told you I had a foolproof plan to get you some time
alone with the girl of your dreams?"
        Ryoga narrowed his eyes suspiciously.  "And how much would a
foolproof plan cost me?"
        "Here's the thing," Nabiki began confidently...


****************************************************************************
*

        Lunch time at Furinkan High was as noisy as usual; the sound of
Akane and Ranma bickering provided a steady background noise.  Nabiki
casually approached Kuno's desk and sat on the edge of it, smoothly
snatching a bit of chicken from his lunch.
        "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Nabiki Tendo?"
        "This," Nabiki said, holding up a folded sheet of paper.
        "What is it?" Kuno asked, trying unsuccessfully to grab the paper.
        "A love letter from the pig-tailed girl."
        "What?!?" Kuno's eyes lit up.  "How much?"
        "It's on the house, Kuno-baby.  Just keep this in mind if I ever
need a favor."
        "Your noble gesture of generosity shall not go unrewarded," Kuno
said as he greedily unfolded the paper.  His eyes goggled as he read: "My
dearest love, Oh how I long to be with you!  If only Ranma were not in our
way, I would fly to you, my true love!"  There was no signature but a
lipstick-imprint.
        "She said she would even marry you if you'd give up on Akane,"
Nabiki commented over her shoulder as she walked back to her desk.
        "Give up on Akane!?!  Perish the thought!" Kuno said archly.  "And
yet... my magnificent wild dandelion has professed her love for me!  But
how can I scorn the beauty of the purest rose!" he cried, as visions of
Akane and girl-type Ranma flashed through his mind.  "Aah!" he wailed,
tears running down his face.  "How unfair is the world that it comes to the
moment of choice!  Very well, I shall abandon my present affection for my
beloved Akane, and shall assure that she is freed from that wretch Saotome
even as I liberate my own pig-tailed Venus!  Pig-tailed girl, love on, and
I shall requite thee!!!"
        "My love!" Kuno breathed, clasping the letter to his chest.   Just
then Ranma's voice cut across the general noise of the room.
        "I am NOT jealous of that pig!"
        "DIE, RANMA!"  Kuno bellowed, diving across his desk as he drew his
sword.
        "Wha-Kuno?!?"  Ranma said, dodging around desks and people in an
attempt to evade the attack.  "Now what's got into you?"
        "I will free the pig-tailed goddess from your evil clutches!"  Kuno
yelled, attacking so fiercely that Ranma was forced out into the hall in an
effort to find room enough to move around.  As he stepped through the
doorway a blast of cold water soaked him.  He spun around to see Ryoga
swinging an empty bucket and smirking.
         "What'd you do that for, you jerk!"  girl-type Ranma spluttered.
        Ryoga grinned as Kuno grabbed Ranma from behind.
        "My love!" Kuno shouted rapturously.  "I adore you!"
        "Aaigh!  Let go of me!"


****************************************************************************

        "So what was that scene with Kuno all about?" Akane asked on their
way home.  "What did you do to him this time?"
        "Hey, I didn't do nothing to Kuno," Ranma snapped as he kept pace
from the top of the fence.
        "Ranma!" Shampoo called, bounding up on to the fence to greet him
with her usual enthusiasm.  "Shampoo make you all better!"
        "Wha- Shampoo!  What are you doing?" Ranma asked as Shampoo popped
a thermometer in his mouth and started unbuttoning his shirt.
        "Friend Ryoga say you sick, dutiful wife make well again!"  Shampoo
explained patiently, testing his forehead for fever and replacing the
thermometer which he kept pulling out.
        "He's not sick!" Akane growled.
        "Not sick?  You so heartless!  Not care that Ranma is deathly ill!"
        "I'm...!"  Akane began.  Ranma leaped off the fence and over her
head, landing neatly on the street ahead of her.
        "I can't hang around for this," Ranma mumbled   , then removed the
thermometer and repeated it so he could be understood.  "I'm gonna get that
little pig."
        "Ranma!  You leave P-Chan alone!" Akane shrieked, and tore off
after him as he ran down the street.
        "Ranma!  Wait!  You in no condition to be running!" Shampoo called
as she joined in the pursuit.
        "Sweetums!" A voice rang out from ahead.
        "Oh no," Ranma gasped, coming to a screeching halt just in time to
avoid a flying bouquet of black roses. He was not able, however, to evade
the bone-crushing embrace of Kodachi, or the tooth-rattling blow Akane
landed on him. Kodachi gave Akane a scathing glare and said, "Insolent
girl! Do not dare to lay a hand on my Sweetums!"
        "Oh, please," Akane grumbled, disgusted.
        "Ranma, oh Ranma my beloved! I, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke
school for girls, the rising star of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics, I
Kodachi Kuno, have arrived to help you rid yourself of these insignificant
pests who bedevil you!"
        "Pest!" Akane yelled.
        "Uhh . . .  I gotta go!" Ranma said, quickly disentangling himself
from Kodachi and leaping up onto a nearby roof.
        "Who are you calling a pest--you--you overblown, cheating wind bag!"
        "Ranma!" Shampoo cried, and leapt after him nimbly. "Why you tell
that girl you have pests?" She stopped and peered around her. "Where you
go?"
        Ranma dodged around the corner of a building looking over his
shoulder to see if any one had spotted him. He turned back around just in
time to see Kuno running at him like vengeance on steroids.
        "Die, Saotome!" Kuno cried, nearly beheading Ranma as he
backpedaled. "I shall smite thee for the honor of the pig-tailed girl!"
        Thinking quickly, and dodging even quicker, Ranma said, "Oh, she's
just around that corner. She was looking for you."
        "What!?! My love!" Kuno cried tossing his sword in the air and
running around the corner. A flood of cold water landed on Ranma from above
just as the sword began its descent. "Ryoga!" girl-type Ranma hissed as he
spied his rival on the roof above. Just then the sword landed handle-first
on Ranma's head, eliciting a yelp of surprise. "My love!" Kuno cried,
rounding the corner again.
        "Ranma!" Shampoo shouted from above.
        "Aaigh!" Ranma yelled, turning tail and running back the way he had
come. Kodachi was just rounding the corner in front of him.
        "So, we meet again, pig-tailed trollop," Kodachi smirked, drawing
out her ribbon.
        "I don't got time for this!" girl-type Ranma snapped, leaping up
onto the roof again.
        "Ranma! You in no condition to be playing with cold water!" Shampoo
cried, startling Ranma so that he didn't see the ribbon snaking around his
ankle until it was too late.
        "Gaah!" Ranma cried, as the ribbon yanked him off the roof and
flung him over the next house. He spied Ryoga just in time to snatch the
teakettle he was holding up.  "Maybe Ryoga's not so bad after all," Ranma
thought, pouring the hot water on his head as his flight began a downward
trajectory. Then he saw Kuno running to meet him, sword swinging. "Aw, that
guy's good for nothing!" he shouted.
        "It is you who are a good-for-nothing!" Kuno bellowed, swinging
furiously as Ranma landed on his head and bounded back up on to the roof.
Ryoga was waiting with more cold water.  "Ryoga, you jerk!  Leave me
alone!" girl-type Ranma snarled.  Ryoga sent enough headbands spinning
towards Ranma to force him back off the roof.
        Kuno caught him in his arms.  "My love!" he cried.  "Now I shall
never let you go!"
        "Put me down!" Ranma yelled.
        "Ah! There you are, cockroach girl!" Kodachi called, then her manic
laughter rang out as she bounded over and lashed out with her ribbon.  Kuno
dropped Ranma and said, "Stay behind me, my love.  Kodachi, I will not
permit you to strike her!"
        "You can't stop me, brother dear," Kodachi said through clenched
teeth.  Ranma took advantage of the distraction to get away.


***************************************************************************

        "Finally," girl-type Ranma sighed as he approached the Tendo house.
"Now to get some hot water and..."  A huge boulder sailed through the air
and Ranma barely jumped out of the way in time.  He turned in time to see
Akane lifting a second boulder.
        "Akane!  What is wrong with you?"
        "What did you do to P-Chan, you big bully!" Akane shrieked.  It was
ony then that Ranma saw the unshed tears shining in her eyes.
        "Akane, it's okay..."
        "It's not okay, you...you...Aaah!" she heaved the second boulder
and Ranma leaped aside again.
        "Now, look here, I didn't do nothing to that rotten pig!  Thanks to
him I had all kinds of trouble today!"
        "Then where is he?  You said you were going to get him and now he's
gone!"
        "He'll show up; he always does," Ranma said, leaping past another
boulder and running into the house.
        Ranma stepped into the bathroom and stripped off his shirt before
he saw that Ryoga was waiting there for him.  "So you made it home after
all," Ryoga smirked.
        "You jerk!  Why'd you have to go stirring up all that trouble!"
        "Hah, that's just the beginning, Ranma!  I'll do whatever it takes
to get you out of Akane's hair!"
        "You better leave me alone if you know what's good for you!"
        "And what are you gonna do about it?" Ryoga asked.
        "Oh, nothing much," Ranma said, narrowing his eyes and hefting a
half-full bucket of water.
        "You wouldn't dare!" Ryoga shouted and ran out of the room.
        "Just watch me!  You get back here, Ryoga!"  Ranma shouted, chasing
after him as he ran all through the house.
        Soun was contemplating the peace of his garden when he heard the
commotion.  He turned in time to see girl-type Ranma, naked to the waist,
chasing after Ryoga with a bucket of water.  Soun's face fell and his eyes
bugged out.


***************************************************************************

        Later, a male and fully-clothed Ranma sat by Ryoga at the table,
where everyone had gathered for supper.  Soun sat opposite Ranma, the same
slack-jawed, bug-eyed look frozen on his face.
        "You better mind your own business, Ryoga," Ranma said with narrow
eyes.  Ryoga glared back.
        "What will you do if I don't?" Ryoga asked quietly.
        "Oh, I dunno.  Maybe tell Shampoo I want pork for dinner," Ranma
hissed.  Akane dumped a bowl of rice on his head.
        "Don't you dare!" she yelled.  Ryoga smiled a tiny smile.
        "Oh, pork sounds like a good idea, Ranma.  We can have that for
dinner tomorrow night," Kasumi said.
        "Why do I even bother?"  Ranma groaned.


**************************************************************************

        "Akane, why are you so upset?" Nabiki asked two days later as Akane
broke another set of cinder blocks.
        "I'm just so tired of this whole situation!  And Ranma doesn't help
any by being so nice to Shampoo and Kodachi!"
        "Gee, Akane, I didn't know you cared."
        "I don't care!"
        "So then it doesn't really matter who he's nice to, does it?"
        "Thanks for the support, Nabiki," Akane said a little bitterly.
        "Oh, I'm always supportive of you, Akane.  You just make up your
mind what it is you really want and I'll support you all the way."  With
that, Nabiki walked out to the garden.  Ranma was standing by the pool,
glumly peering into its depths.
        "Nabiki, we need to talk," Ranma said as her reflection appeared
beside his in the pool.
        "Oh?  What can I help you with, Ranma?" Nabiki asked, all wide-eyed
innocence.
        "You gotta help me get Ryoga off my back.  The guy's been hounding
me for three days!"
        "How much are you willing to pay for my advice?"
        "All I have is two thousand yen."
        "Two thousand?  You want my expert assistance for a mere two thousand?"
        "You already got all the rest of my money!"
        "Hmm.  You have a point there," Nabiki conceded.  "Okay.  The
easiest way to get Ryoga to leave you alone is to give him what he wants --
some time alone with Akane."
        "No way!"
        "And why not?  It's not like you're really serious about Akane or
anything."
        "...There's just got to be some other way!"
        "Of course there is, it's just more complicated."
        "Okay, what's the plan, then?"
        "And more costly."
        "Okay, okay, whatever!"
        "Okay, listen up, Ranma.  Here's the thing..."


*************************************************************************

        The next day at lunch, Nabiki approached Kuno again.
        "Bad news, Kuno-baby," she said.  That got her Kuno's undivided
attention.  "You know that letter from the pig-tailed girl?"
        "I have kept it close to my heart day and night," Kuno answered.
        "Well, I need it back.  Turns out she was talking about Ranma's
friend Ryoga."
        "Ryoga?"
        "She says she's in love with him."
        "With Ryoga?"
        "Mmm-hmm.  Says she fell under his spell the first time she saw him."
        "With Ryoga!?!"
        "That's right, Kuno.  I'll just deliver this to the rightful
owner,"  Nabiki said as she deftly nabbed the letter and hurried out of the
room.
        "Nabiki!  Wait!"  Kuno cried, following her.  He stepped out into
the hallway in time to see girl-type Ranma take the letter from Nabiki with
a smile.  Stunned, Kuno returned to his desk and finished out the rest of
the school day in a stupor (which pretty much went unnoticed, as it seemed
like normal behavior for Kuno).  When school let out, he staggered out onto
the grounds in a daze and saw girl-type Ranma handing a letter to Ryoga.
Ryoga scanned the page, crumpled it and tossed it back in the pig-tailed
girl's face.
        "All right, Ranma, I accept your challenge," Ryoga was saying.
"You pick the time and place, and I'll be there."
        "Be at the Tendo dojo at 6 tonight," Ranma said, and deliberately
walked away with his shoulders slightly slumped over and his feet dragging.
>From a distance, all Kuno saw was Ryoga spurning the pig-tailed girl and
her dejected departure.
        "That cad!" Kuno gasped.  "To treat a lady so discourteously!
Pig-tailed girl, I shall avenge thee!" he shouted.  "Die, Ryoga!"
        "Huh?" Ryoga turned in surprise to see Kuno bearing down on him
with sword drawn and a murderous glare.  "Me?"  He countered with his
umbrella just in time to avoid being skewered.  "What did I ever do to
you?"
        "Fight, you wretch!  I shall thrash you for enchanting my wild
dandelion!"
        "Wha-?  Shut up!  I didn't enchant anybody!"  Ryoga shouted back,
parrying with the umbrella as Kuno pressed his attack.

        ************************************************************************

        "Ranma?" Kodachi called as Kasumi let her into the Tendo house.
"Sweetums, it is now exactly 5:15, and I have come as you beckoned me."
        "Kodachi," boy-type Ranma said from the adjoining room.
"Sweetums!" Kodachi squealed and threw herself at him.  Struggling to get a
breath in as well as get some distance from her, Ranma firmly pushed her
away.
        "Kodachi, I need to talk to you about something important," Ranma said.
        "What is it, darling?  You may talk to me about anything you wish!"
Kodachi sighed, trying again to get Ranma in her clutches.
        "Here, let's sit down here, okay?" Ranma guided her to a pair of
cushions that didn't happen to have any lethal weapons lying nearby.  "It's
about you and me..."
        "Yes, darling?  You had a question you wanted to ask me?"
        "No, listen, I'm trying to tell you it will never work between us,"
Ranma blurted out.  Kodachi's face paled and then flushed deep red, her
eyes narrowing dangerously.
        "You hate me, don't you?" she cried, hiding her face in her hands.
        "No, it's not that..."
        "Then what is it?"
        "It's...it's that I already have a fiancee..." Ranma tried.
        "Don't worry, Sweetums, I can take care of that."
        "Kodachi, I'm sorry," Ranma said,  taking a deep breath to steady
himself,"But I care about Akane.  That's why it will never work out
between us."
        "And you expect me to believe that?" she gritted out through
clenched teeth.


****************************************************************************
***




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                                RACHEL,
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     ****          ROAD KILL ON THE INFORMATION HIGHWAY         ****
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