On Sun, 20 Oct 1996 07:32:55 -0500 Doug Torneden wrote:
: Bonded
: A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
: by Doug "daneel" Torneden
: Chapter 1
: "Then prepare yourself," Ranma's voice rang out edged with
: excitement of the upcoming battle.
[snip]
: "Ranma, you've got a letter," Kasumi sang out sweetly as she
: walked onto the family's porch watching Ranma and his father
: Genma sparring around the small pond in the yard.
[snip]
: *POW*
[snip]
: *SPLASH*
:
: "Whadda do that for?" sputtered Ranma as she broke the water's
: surface. Her suddenly transformed red hair was plastered down
: around her cute face. Her wet clothes clung to her shape
: showing she was no longer male. She just glared at her father
: who was looking sternly at the just recently boy.
: "Ranma no baka," Akane growled as her hammer met with sudden
: resistance, namely Ranma's head. "Who said I wanted to marry
: a pervert like you anyway."
Ya-a-aaawn!
Look, Doug, if you don't care enough about this scene to write
anything of your own - instead of rehashing already overused
material - just leave it out! The introduction with Ryouga
grabbed my interest, and I understand that the laws of suspense
dictate tat not everything can be revealed at once, so you have to
cut at that point. But the scene you cut to has to do its best
to *hold* the interest, which, to be frank, this one didn't do at
all.
I am looking forward to the next part with more information about
that cure - but hopefully less filler.
Sebastian