On Sun, 20 Oct 1996 21:03:54 -0500 Richard Lawson said:
: > Then, suddenly, Ranma was desperately shaking her; tears
: > streamed from his eyes, and he was shouting, "Are you OK,
: > Akane? Wake UP, Akane!"
:
: I don't like this characterization of Ranma. Ranma is a strong,
: decisive person during times of crisis. Yes, he can waffle over his
: feelings over Akane and act indecisively. But when the chips are down,
: he puts that all aside and acts quickly and well.
I agree with you here. Ranma was OOC as a plot device to let
Ryouga take charge of the situation.
: > Ukyou looked up at him with tear-filled eyes and
: > managed to say, "I... I... I DON'T KNOW!!!" This was
: > followed by another storm of tears, and Ryouga patiently
: > waited for them to pass.
: > But they didn't pass.
:
: And, finally, I have a problem with Ukyo. :) Seems to me that she's
: taking it a bit too hard. Remember, this is the same woman who tried to
: *kill* Ranma (or at least, seriously injure him). Plus Akane initiated
: the hostilities. Akane has been proven to be all right - at least, not
: in a life-threatening situation. For Ukyo to react like this goes
: against her strength of character and is an over-reaction to the
: circumstances.
You forget that she is reacting to more than just the fact that
she accidentally hurt Akane. She is still not quite over Ranma,
and the accusations have upset her quite a bit. Also, remember
that she just (accidentally) did what she secretly wanted to do,
but would never allow herself to commit.
: > Ranma was now shocked. He reached out to touch her
: > shoulder and she shrugged his hand away.
:
: Kill the "and"; make it two sentences.
I'd go with a "but" instead of the "and".
: > "I think we still can be really good friends..."
: > Akane said gently.
:
: It's a bit of a stretch to have them go from fighting enemies one day,
: and friends the next. I think there should be at least a cooling-down
: period, especially given Akane's temperment.
Two things: Firstly, Akane's temperament is highly changeable and
her anger often vanishes as fast as it flared up. And second,
they *did* have some time to cool off and get used to each other
as an acquaintance - perhaps even friend - *before* this
misunderstanding. They are not *starting* a friendship in this
paragraph, but ascertaining that the incident didn't destroy the
tentative friendship that had already begun.
Also, I think that from now on Akane will actively try to trust
both Ukyou and Ranma more. Remember the way she "checked" on
Ranma (and indirectly Ukyou) when she picked Ranma up from work?
: The ending was just too pat. Everyone said "I'm sorry" and it was all
: better. Forgiveness *is* a wonderful thing, but it's just not that
: easy. Especially with Akane.
Well, yeah, it was a bit cheesy - but that's okay with me, once in
a while.
: I love melodramatic, emotional scenes - I sometimes have tears in my
: eyes when watching Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" - but the scenes you
: have written are mostly *too* much. People go to emotional extremes at
: the drop of a hat, and just as quickly recover.
Hmm, you have a point there. Perhaps she should try to tone it a
little down.
Sebastian