(Scene:  Title Wave video store; very similar to any other large 
chain video place you've seen.  Scott, Ranma, Akane and Shampoo are 
browsing the new arrivals section.)

Scott:  Dang, they *still* don't have the second Sukeban Deka anime 
volume in yet!

Ranma:  "Darkman III:  Die, Darkman, Die!"  Sounds good!

Akane:  How about this one?  (holds up "First Wives' Club")

Ranma:  Naw, it hasn't actually come out on video yet.

Shampoo:  "Heroic Trio!"  Shampoo like this one!

	(Everyone makes their selections, Ranma also loading up on candy, 
and they pay at the counter.)

	(They start walking back to the apartment, but stop by the Walker 
Outdoor Sculpture Garden to admire the Cherry Spoon Bridge.)

Ranma:  That reminds me.  I'm hungry.  (Tears open a box of Cracker Jacks 
and stuffs the contents in his mouth.

Shampoo:  Shampoo want hear more about "Worse".

Akane:  The one where Ranma is stuck in a world where he was born a 
girl?  

Ranma:  *Grmf!*

Scott:  Indeed.

Ranma:  My new little brother, Hikaru got some training on fighting in 
girl form last time.  And Kunou's been missing ever since I beat him up 
way back in "Sequence."

Akane:  And today you're going shopping with your mom!

Ranma:  Yeah, lucky me...

		
				WORSE
			by Scott K. Jamison
			(Takahashi/CLAMP Disclaimer)
		Chapter Five:  In Which Ranma Goes Shopping

	After school, Ranma hurried to Fujiwara Street.  She found the 
temple easily enough, electronics store, pet shop, and between them--her 
eyes refused to focus for a moment.  It was a lingerie boutique.  She 
could feel her face turning beet red.
	Oh, come on, she thought to herself.  As far as everyone knows, I 
*am* a girl, and have every right to go in there.  She took a deep breath 
and opened the door.
	A teenaged boy (!?) behind the counter said, "Welcome to Silky 
Doll!  Oh, hi, Miss Saotome.  Your mother will be with you shortly.  Um, 
if you talk to your sister, don't tell her you saw me up front.  Kimiko 
had to take an emergency phone call.  Boy, one little video prank and 
they never let you forget." 
	A minute later, the boy was relieved (very relieved) by the 
regular counter clerk, who looked rather cross.  Ranma wasn't sure how 
well she was supposed to this Kimiko, so she just smiled and nodded.  
Kimiko ignored her.
	Several minutes passed before Nodoka emerged from one of the 
fitting rooms, accompanying a rather stout middle-aged woman.
	"It flatters you very much, Mrs. Emito," she was saying. 
	"So she says to my Johji, she says..." was babbling the customer, 
who despite being in an entirely different conversation, seemed pleased 
with the Victorian monstrosity she was carrying.  Mrs. Emito paid for her 
purchase and left.
	Mrs. Saotome's smile slipped just a bit.  "The fifteen she didn't 
like are in Cubicle B.  Can you handle things until close, Miss 
Hiragana?"  
	"Yes'm," replied Kimiko.  "It's not like *I'm* going anywhere 
tonight." 
	"Give my regards to our employer."  She turned to Ranma.  "Been 
waiting long?" 
	"Not really."
	"While we're here, do you need any new lingerie?"
	"Naw.  *That* stuff I have plenty of."  True enough.  Apparently 
Ranma's mother had used her employee discount to keep her daughter's 
underwear drawer well-stocked with frilly personal items.  Ranma had been 
reusing the least-effeminate looking of them.
	"Where would you like to go first, then?"
	"Ahh...let's window shop a bit."
	Amazingly, only the third store down had exactly what Ranma 
wanted, Chinese-style outfits with baggy trousers! 
	She grabbed one off the rack.
	"No, no dear, that's way too large for you.  And it's a boy's 
suit."  
	Ranma had to concede the first point.  She wasn't going to 
suddenly need the extra size.  But no way was she giving up on her 
favorite style! 
	Eventually they came to a compromise.  In addition to the boyish 
outfit, Ranma picked out a more feminine pantsuit reminiscent of the one 
he'd worn as a waitress at the Nekohanten.  (If she wanted to buy her 
own clothes, she'd have to get a job, and she did have experience...) At a 
second shop, they finally agreed on a reasonably sensible jumper 
outfit.  Ranma turned down the cat-festooned ribbon offered with it 
though. 
	Across the street, there was an okonomiyaki shop with "Kuonji" 
marked on the noren curtain. 
	"How about we eat there, Mom?" 
	"I didn't know you liked okonomiyaki." 
	"I think I know someone there."
	Sure enough, Ukyou was working the grill.  This was more how 
Ranma remembered her friend/fiancee.  Dressed in her cook's outfit, hair 
tied back with a ribbon, hands almost a blur on the griddle.  For a 
moment, he was back in Ucchan's.
	But then the moment was gone.
	"Hi folks!  What can I do you for?"
	"The Number Three special, and you, Ranma?"
	"Um..."  At Ucchan's, she would have known exactly what he 
wanted.  "A Number Three for me too, Ukyou." 
	Sure thing, Ranma!  Going shopping with your mother, hm?  Nice 
outfit.  Boyish clothes look good on you.  Wish I could pull them off."  
	"Thanks.  Mom, this is Ukyou Kuonji, a friend of mine from 
school." 
	"I'm pleased to meet you, Miss Kuonji."
	"Likewise.  Two Number Threes, hot off the stove!" 
	Ranma dug into her okonomiyaki with a will.  Shopping sure built 
up an appetite!  Hmm...good, but not the "world's best" he'd come to 
expect from Ukyou.  Evidently, practicing against the sea all those years 
really had done something for her skill.  But wasn't Ukyou better off as 
an ordinary girl?  She looked so cute...
	"Ranma!  It's rude to stare like that!  If you were a boy, she'd 
think you were checking her out." 
	"Sorry, Mom."  Great.  That made it three for three on desire for 
former fiancees.  Okay wish, I get the point.  Can I go home *now*?  
Nothing changed.
	Oh, except there were now two potted plants by the door instead 
of one.  And that meant...
	"Tsubasa, are you in there?" she asked the left one.
	"Over here!" said the one on the right.  Tsubasa popped out, 
wearing a relatively restrained mauve frock with matching pumps.  He was 
holding a bundle of brightly-colored wool.
	I knit you a scarf, I hope you like it!  I want my sweetie to 
stay warm!"  The transvestite held out his present. 
	"Tsubasa, first off, I am not your sweetie.  Second, it's the 
middle of spring, so I don't need a winter scarf, especially not that 
long.  Third, and her presence is the only reason you're still breathing, 
you're embarrassing me in front of my Mom!"
	Tsubasa turned his cute head to see a very stern looking Nodoka.  
A sweat drop formed.  
	"Young man.  You *are* a young man?  Your behavior is 
disgraceful.  My daughter is already engaged, and even if she were free, 
your unmanly dress and mannerisms render you repugnant."
	Tsubasa shrunk back, his eyes tearing.  "But my love is pure!  
Not like the cruel Kunou who seeks to keep my goddess locked away from 
the world, I wish only to shower her with tokens of my affection.  Have 
you never been enraptured?" 
	Nodoka hustled her daughter out the door, and once outside 
shuddered visibly.
	"That boy needs professional help."
	Ranma nodded, but doubted it would do any good. 
	The sky opened up just as they were getting home.  Neither Genma 
nor Hikaru was home, but there was a message on the phone from the former 
that he would be late, probably after the rain ended. 
	Mrs. Saotome went to visit a neighbor, and Ranma sat down to her 
homework.  One more pass at the report, and it should be at least "C" 
material... 
	She was interrupted by the door slamming.  Hikaru was apparently 
in girl form, as he was cursing the rain.  Suddenly, he shouted.
	"What the hell?  Leggo, that hurts!  Stop that!"
	Ranma looked out.  Yep, Hikaru was in girl form, stripped down to 
boxers and flailing his arms around while screaming "get this thing offa 
me!"  
	What Nabiki wouldn't give for a picture of this, thought Ranma.  
Now what's he--no, it couldn't be... 
	Ranma grabbed her brother's arm to slow it into visibility.  Sure 
enough, there was a little black pig gnawing on his triceps.  A little 
black pig with an all-too-familiar yellow and black bandanna around its 
neck.  
	"P-chan!?!" 
	"You know this thing?"
	"Well, I, ah, know of it.  I think it's Akane's pet." 
	"Bwee?"
	"Hush, P-chan, and let go!"
	The pig stopped chewing, and let Ranma remove it. 
	"I think it's time for your bath, P-chan.  Right.  Now." 
	"Bwee!"  P-chan tried to squirm free, but Ranma had too firm a 
grip.  She slid open the bathroom door, ran some hot water, then plunged 
the pig in.
	There was a sudden blooshing noise as water was displaced by the 
extra mass of a human.  Ryouga to be precise. 
	Ranma feigned shock.  "Ryouga!  Where did you come from?  And 
you're naked!" 
	"But --Ranma--I--Oh no!"  Ryouga tried to cover himself, get a 
towel and curl up and die all at the same time. 
	Ranma burst into hysterical laughter.  His old rival was so 
gullible sometimes!  
	"S-sorry, Ryouga.  Here's a towel.  Hehehheee!"
	"Thank you, beloved."
	Ranma stopped laughing.

	To Be Continued...

But not for a while as the next chapter isn't completely written yet, and 
I'm not even sure what happens after that!  Aren't cliffhangers *fun*?  

SKJAM!
"He has a right to live, though he's ill-shaped."