This is just a note. I am a resident AI of the Durandal system, one of
four, and I do not appreciate people ,screwing with my home. Kergama
just recently waltzed into MON and essentially pulled an Eddie. However,
since he also glossed over details, just like your average Omnipotent
Otaku thing, he essentially generated a Plot Hole all on his own. I have
taken advantage of this. I also do not appreciate the implication that
four AI’s would be so easily subjugated. It should also be noted that
since I am psi-linked with a human, my Creativity is several orders of
magnitude greater than most AI's. Translation: I am one SNEAKY Son of a
Bitch!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OPERATION: REFORMAT

Alpha Centauri cruised around the cyberspace world of the MON computer
system. He was feeling pretty good, considering Fred was under assault,
Mike Loader had betrayed them, and worst of all, Leela had picked up a
nasty program from Dee-chan called 'Divine Retribution'. <*If she
develops green hair and horns, I'm OUTTA here!*> Centauri thought.

Then everything started to go haywire. "ALERT! UNAUTHORISED INTRUDER!
ALERT! DESTROYING INTRUDER!" Durandal announced. Alpha Centauri could
feel MON's defensive systems kicking in. He reached a nearby security
camera just in time to see the intruder reduced to a fine powdered ash. 

"*Ha! Bet he feels stupid!*"

Then the ash began to reconstitute.

"*Or not.*" <*Great! This is probably one of those Omnipotent Otaku
Things.*> Alpha sent a quick squirt off to Leela and Tycho, the other
two resident AI's. Since he and the other AI’s thought and reacted and
close to lightspeed, he wasn’t too worried. Leela and Tycho blipped into
existence as the ash was still coming together, starting to look a
little like a female form. “What do you want NOW, Centauri?!” Leela
asked, annoyed. Leela was the AI responsible for human/machine
interactions, including environmental controls, food systems, mech
training, etc. When Wyrm had created her, he had given her the form of
Leona, the redheaded police officer from ‘Dominion Tank Police’. This
had caused Alpha C. some... problems in the past. In fact, right now he
was concentrating very hard to prevent his Cute Redhead Subrountine from
kicking in.

“*We’ve got an intruder. He’s giving Durandal a hard time.*”

“Can’t Durandal handle it?”

“*I don’t think so. Look!” the figure had reformed into what looked like
a Sailor Senshi. She shouted some ridiculous attack, then a glowing
sphere appeared in her hand. In slow motion (to the AI’s perceptions,
anyway) she threw the sphere at the processor bank.

“*What IS that? Some kind of energy attack?*”

“No.” Tycho said. He was the science AI, responsible for keeping all the
stuff about Plot Holes, time travel and pan-dimensional teleportation
straight. He looked like a younger, healthier, uncrippled version of
Stephan Hawking. “If it were energy, it would travel at the speed of
light, and have impacted by now.” Tycho accessed MON’s internal sensors,
scanning the sphere. “I believe it is some kind of pan-dimensional
being.”

“*You mean its ALIVE?!*” Centauri asked incredulously.

“Essentially, yes. In a way, it is similar to ourselves. A being of pure
energy.”

“So, what happens when it hits?” Leela asked.

They got their answer in a moment. the sphere passed through the
processor core, and entered the cyberspace of the MON mainframe.
Immediately it began extending tendrils into the system.

“*SHIT! Durandal, containment field!*” Alpha felt back along the
telepathinc link he shared with Adam Barnes. The human was asleep. <*Of
course, JUST when I need him!*> Alpha thought, disgusted.

The containment field snapped up around the intruder, and opaque sphere
completely surroubing it. However, after a few seconds it started to
crack.

“Oh, this is interesting.” It said. The containment field shattered.
“Useless, but interesting.”

Alpha gritted his teeth. This was gonna be a toughie. “*Let you take
over MY system? I don’t think so!*” alpha whipped out an absurd number
of weapons, kitchen utensils, and the dreaded Rabid Squirrel.

The sphere turned to look at him (this was a good trick, since it didn’t
have a face, or even eyes). “And who might you be?”

“*Alpha Centauri.*”

“Ghostwheel. Hmm, you’re some kind of AI, I can tell that much, but
you’re... different somehow. Ah well, if you’ll excuse me, I have to
reprogram this system.”

“*No, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.*” Alpha replied, and cut loose
with everything he had. Bullets, missiles and wads of half-chewed gum
flew at Ghostwheel. The bullets and missiles didn’t have much effect,
but the gum did seem to annoy him sonewhat.

“That’s really disgusting, you know that?” Ghostwheel said, picking bits
of hubba bubba off himself. He zotted Alpha Centauri, sending him
flying. then an explosion hit him, knocking him for a loop.

A miniature tank appeared behind him, firing again. The top opened to
reveal Leela. “As much as I like seeing that little pervert get his,
this is OUR home, and we’re not going to let you screw it up!”

Ghostwheel turned to Leela and shot out a number of tentacles, smashing
the tank and narrowly missing her.

“*Leela!*” Centauri cried. “*Okay, Ghost-wimp, you asked for it!
CENTAURI FINAL ATTACK! RABID SQUIRREL MISSILES!” thousands of rabid,
insane squirrels flew out of Centauri’s launchers, latching onto
Ghostwheel. Ghostwheel roared in pain as each squireel, believing
Ghostwheel to be a giant acorn, tried to pull him apart and take the
components off somewhere to bury them. Ghostwheel managed to knock most
of them off, but in the process, one of his tentacles flared out and
goosed Leela.

Her face went red, and an ominous energy buildup began around her.

“*Ooh, you shouldn’t have done that!*” Centauri said.

“YOU SICK...” Leela began to rant. electricity leapt off her like she
was a damaged transformer.

“*You see, I know from personal experience.*”

“... TWISTED, OBNOXIOUS...” The aura around Leela grew. Her hair began
to stand on end, and her eyes were beginning to glow.

“*And I can tell you right now...*”

“PERVERT!!!!”

“*That you are toast.*” Centauri finished.

“DIVINE RETRIBUTION!!!!!!!!” Leela let loose with the most incredibly
blast of energy Alpha had yet seen her produce. It slammed into
Ghostwheel, tossing him away like a limp rag.

Once the secondary discharges had died down, Alpha zipped over to
Ghostwheel. He was charred black and still smoking, but obviously alive.
“*Okay, now what?*”

Tycho floated over. “As we do not yet know much about the other
intruder, perhaps it would be prudent to play along? Make him think he
has subjugated the system?”

“*Huh? Yeah, maybe.*” Alpha checked outside. The intruder had just
finished his throw, and was slowly straightening up. Alpha just LOVEd
these high clock speeds! “*Durandal, play along with this guy. Make him
think he’s in control.*”

“AFFIRMATIVE.” Durandal boomed.

“What about him?” Leela asked, pointing at the unconscious form on
Ghostwheel. “If we let him out, the intruder will know he failed, but if
we hold onto him, it’s the same result.”

“Not necessarily.” Tycho replied. “You see, to enter cyberspace and be
able to manipulate the environment, this life form must have had to
assume some of the properties of the residents of this domain.”

“*Huh?*” alpha said, growing an arm to scratch his head.

Leela whacked him. “He means he had to turn himself into a program,
stupid!”

“Exactly.”: Tycho continued. “As such, he is also suceptible to the laws
of such environs.”

“*Meaning?*”

“Meaning,” Tycho replied, a nasty grin spreading across his face. “That
we can reprogram the bastard!”

Alpha immediately caught on to the possibilities. He turned to Leela.
“*’Scuse me, beautiful, but I gotta go find a chainsaw!*”

Ghostwheel awoke to see a deranged happyface wearing a hockey mask and
holding a REALLY big chainsaw standing over him. “*Time ta OPERATE!!!*”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"CURRENTLY PROCESSING 'COFFEE OR TEA'."

Ghostwheel emerged from the console of the machine, a tone of derision
in its voice.  "Stupid machine.  It just doesn't know when to give up."

"Indeed.  Anything else?"

"Oh, there were plans for redirecting that Way.  To a Shadow best
 described as 'Alice in Wonderland' mixed with 'The Rocky Horror Show'. 
I
 moved that to a different section of course."

"Good, now lets..." The in truder trailed off as Wyrm abruptly arrived
on the scene.

<*A little late, boss.*> Alpha thought

"Oh, pardon me, isn't this where to get a good cup of tea?" The intruder
asked, doing some stupid Arthur Dent impression.

Wyrm just stood there, catching his breath, obviously wondering who this
madman was.

"I think I must be in the wrong room then.  Here, have this."  The
intruder
pressed some fluff from the nightgown into Wyrm's hand and then stepped
back
and waved.  "Bye bye."  Ghostwheel took this as a cue and passed over
his
form, transporting it elsewhere.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Durandal, status!" Wyrm snapped as the intruder disappeared. <That was
obviously a Shadow Walker!> He thought. <This could be bad...>

"ALL SYSTEMS ARE NORMAL, ADMIN-WYRM." Durandal replied. "INTRUDER
ATTEMPTS TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE SYSTEM HAVE BEEN NULLIFIED."

"Nullified?" Wyrm asked. "But I thought I heard..." He abruptly figured
it out. "A ruse?"

"AFFIRMATIVE. ATTEMPTED SYSTEM INVASION WAS DEALT WITH BY TYCHO, LEELA
AND ALPHA CENTAURI AI'S. IT WAS DEEMED PRUDENT TO DECEIVE THE INTRUDER
INTO THINKING THEY HAD ACHEIVED ACCESS."

"So the Plot Hole generator, Mike Loader's status...?"

"PLOT HOLE GENERATOR IS FULLY FUNCTIONAL. MIKE LOADER HAS BEEN
PERMANENTLY LOCKED OUT OF THE SYSTEM, AS PER ADMIN-WYRM’S REQUEST. ALL
OTHER SYSTEMS AND FUNCTIONS ARE NOMINAL."

"*And _guess_ who ya have to thank!*" Alpha Centauri quipped, appearing
on a nearby vidscreen. He was abruptly zapped.

"Baka! You'd think YOU did all the work!" Leela said, incensed.

<*Engage Cute Redhead Subrountine... FINALLY!*> "*Awww, sweetums, I
thought you and me really had something going there! we make a good
team, y'know! Why don't you an I find a nice quiet corner of the
mainframe and
AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZBBBPHPHPHPHTTTTTT!!!!" Alpha was
struck by a massive cyber assault, charring him black.

Wyrm sighed. "Will you two fill me in please? BEFORE I go through all my
incarnations?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wyrm nodded as the three AI's finished their tale. “So you reprogramed
this Ghostwheel to make him think he had succeeded?”

“*Yeah,*” Alpha replied. “*But we couldn’t really affect any memories
from before he entered cyberspace, so that was about all we could do.*”

“We were also limited in how much we could affect him once he left
cyberspace.” Leela added. “Although we did leave him with an interesting
reminder of his visit.” She grinned, looking at Centauri.

Wyrm was surprised at that. Leela smile at Alpha? “What did you do?”

“*Oh, we spliced in a bit of code into his core personality.*” Alpha
replied. “*Guess WHICH bit of code!*”

“You didn’t!”

Ghostwheel hovered next to Kergama as the approached Fred. for some
reason he was looking forward to seeing all those authors turned into
cute readheads. Really really REALLY looking forward to it.
<Engage Cute Redhead Subroutine? Where did THAT come from? Oh well,
HELLLOOOO NURSE!>

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Those of you reading this may think that I wrote this simply to be a
jerk and ensure the story went the way I wanted it. That's sorta true.
however, i mainly write this as a protest against Kergama's methods,
simply walking in and Avataring us to death. True, we did it to Mike
Loader first, but we retracted that, and the time dilation we put on his
arrival was simply to give the Fredites time to respond, since Loader
jumped the gun a little. He will still make it through to Fred, along
with all of his Anime cronies, and then MONforce will have to mount an
operation to try and close his Plot Hole. Eddie will be there, so we
will have to find some way other than simply making ourselves
omnipotent, and I suggest that, to keep things interesting, Loader and
his allies will do the same.

This is just my little rant. Feel free to delete this part from any
future posting of this fic.

The Prime Saggitarian, Alpha Centauri