Revengefic V1.5 :)

	As I was stirring the curry, I couldn't but help wonder at the 
recent events taking place among the FFML writers, especially the men 
or who used to be men, or who are men sometimes, or those who are not 
human at all.  Hmm ... it was very strange indeed that there was such 
a rash of vengeance administered by the anime characters whose lives 
were ruined by the author's whim.

	I procrastinate too much; however, this was a time where I was
glad that I procrastinated and didn't write, much less post any 'fics.
Or had I?  When was the last time I ... time ... time!?  Realization hit
me like a slice of lemon wrapped around a gold brick.  I started to
shake a bit ... I remember writing a story involving the Ranma cast in a
Back to the Future plot.  The problem was that I wrote it so long ago (2
years or so), that I couldn't remember what I had done to the
characters.  I swallowed a lump and hoped that they had forgotten and
...
	Someone tapped my shoulder.  I turned around.  Ranma and Akane
were standing behind me with their arms crossed.

	"I guess you guys are here because of my fanfic, right?"

	They both nodded.

	"I hope you're not angry ... I think I gave it a happy ending,
didn't I?"

	They both shook their heads.

	I started to sweat, and it wasn't because of the hot stove.  I
didn't know what to say that will deter them from their expected course
of action.

	"You're right." Akane replied.

	"Huh?"

	"Nothing you can say will prevent what we're going to you."

	I sighed.

	"Well, if I'm to be punished, can I at least have my dinner
first?  You're welcome to join me."

	Ranma and Akane looked at each other, shrugged, and sat down.
	I spooned the rice out of the rice cooker and ladled some curry
on top and served it to my torment...er...guests.  Akane dug right in.

	"Wow!  This is pretty good curry ... but not quite as good as
Kasumi's.  You're a pretty good cook."

	"Why thank you!"  I leaned forward, "This doesn't wouldn't 
change anything, would it?"

	They both shook their heads.

	"Pity."

	Ranma sniffed and cautiously took a bite.

	"Wow!  Akane's right, this is really good!  You'd make a better
girl than Akane."

	"HEY!" we yelled in stereo :)

	Akane began to glow ominously, "Are you saying that I can't cook?"

	Ranma waved his hands rapidly, "No no no ... it's just that he'd
make a nice girl, wouldn't you say?"

	I froze.  Akane paused for a moment to consider the words.  Ranma 
braced himself for impact.  Crickets started to chirp.

	"Er ... I like being a guy quite fine.  After all, I have three
roommates, all male.  I don't think they'll be comfortable with the idea
either."

	Right then, Ukyou stepped in.  "By the way, do you have any
girlfriends?"

	Drats, the standard question.  "Er ... no."

	"Have you ever had a date?"  Akane asked.

	I bowed my head, deep in thought.  After a few moments, I waved 
my hand furiously and looked up at the expectant gang, ... and plopped
down again.

	Cologne pogoed over on her cane, "Well, are you guys done yet?"

	Ranma shook his head, "Nope, he's still trying to remember the
last time he had a date."

	"Ah!  I remember now!  The last time I had one was over six
years ago.  They don't taste very good when green."

	Everyone facefaulted.

	Cologne rapped my head with the cane.

	*OW!*

	"Okay ... I guess you meant the guy-girl thing ... (the gang
nodded) ... never."

	Akane raised her brows and leaned forward, "Never had a date 
with a girl?"

	I shook my head vigorously.  "I think that girls are weird.
Then again, all humans are weird."

	"You're a strange one," Cologne noted.

	"I'm human, aren't I?"

	"Are you sure?"

	"What do you guys have in store for me?  Please be easy on me,
I don't have the money to do anything now, not even to go on a date,
even if it were with Miss Universe."

	The whole gang (though I don't know how they all fit into the
small kitchen) stood in silent meditation.

	Mousse donned his glasses and produced a cartridge from his
sleeve, "We could put him in an RPG."

	I began to think of all the cool weapons and spells that I could
get ... and the treasure!  Tens of thousands of GP's!

	"I could always use another pair of hands at Ucchan's.  He could 
earn money and meet girls there."

	"So could we, Mousse keeps mixing up the orders."

	"Hey!"

	"Nah, we should cast him as your stunt double, Ranma.  Girls are
always flocking to you."

	"Hey, it's not my fault!"

	"Or as a taste-tester for your cooking."

	Everyone except Akane started to look a bit green.

	"How about we use the nyannichuan water on him and enter him in
a beauty pageant."  Happosai's eyes started to glaze over.

	"It would be a travesty if he should not learn from the best.
I, the Blue Thu ...."

	I quickly cupped his mouth.  I didn't want his display to blow
out the power.

	"I could train the young one ... also it would seem that years
would be needed to get him into shape."

	"I'm in shape.  Round's a shape, no?"  I meekly replied.  Okay,
so I was a tad overweight.

	Gosunkugi stepped in front, or at least he tried to.  He tripped
over a peeved piglet.  "He could learn magic, especially love spells."

	"Your spells never work." Everyone chorused.

	The whole gang huddled together whispering to each other.
Remarkably, they were refraining from fighting, even Happosai resisted
the urge ... well, almost everyone.  I decided to sit down and finish
the rest of dinner.

	Almost an hour later, they broke up and came to me with their
proposal, probably to both teach me and punish me.

	Akane stepped forward, "We've decided to do a bit of everything.
You're going to start out working in Ucchan's (1) working as a waitress 
under Kasumi.  For your hobby, you dabble in magic with Gosunkugi, with 
no success, of course.  One day, Kasumi, is kidnapped and you are 
forced to rescue her, otherwise you face the prospects of having ... do 
I have to say this?"

	"YES!" The gang chimed.

	"Fine.  Let's see ... oh yeah, otherwise, you face the prospect
of having me cook. (I began to compete with Gosunkugi for paleness).  In
order to have you defeat this really bad guy, you will eventually need
to learn sword fighting from Kuno and magic/techniques from Cologne.  In
your quest, you will have to traverse difficult terrain and defeat many 
fiercesome beasts.  Nabiki will be taking her 30% cut of the salvage
rights.  You'll have to solve many puzzles and use martial-arts cooking
as well as enter a beauty pageant (Happosai nearly faints from delight)
in order to reach the bad guy.  Once you finish your quest, you can keep
the equipment, the money, after Nabiki's 45% conversion fee, of course, 
and the experience, of course.  Thus, by the end, you'll be fit, rich, 
smart and be able to have a meaningful relationship with a girlfriend (I
started to grin widely) as well as have suffered many cuts and bruises, 
boring lectures, terrible terrain and weather, cutthroat deals, (I 
started 
to back away) near-death, as well as a really embarrasing beauty pageant 
(I started to panic) ... with Happosai as judge. (blind panic!)

	"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!  What if I fail?  Will I die?!?  What if ..."

	"No, you will not die.  Since it's an RPG, you'll continue off
from the last time you slept.  (Ah those famous save points ... full
night's worth of sleep and health/magic back to 100% :) You can choose 
to give up the search for Kasumi, but then you face the prospect of 
having to eat my cooking for the rest of your life."

	"Wait ... isn't there another opti...!"

	I was throughly doused with the water.  Suddenly, everything
turned dark and I felt a breeze about me.  A few seconds later, the
curtains disappeared and I saw that not only did my body change, but 
my clothing did too (2). I wasn't wearing a t-shirt and pajamas.  Now, 
I was wearing a frilly PINK dress, a white apron with "Piyu! Piyu! (3) 
on top, and was armed with a spatula and a cleaning rag.  Well, at least
I was dry.

	"EH?!? This is what I start out with?!?"

	"Hey, in RPG's you always start at the bottom.  By the way, the
water is from the chitsuton (sp?) so you can't change back too early."

	By now, my consciousness decided to toss in the towel and call
it quits.

	"Remember to have a safe journey!"

	"Wait!"

	The world started to fade out from view.  What seemed like an
instant later, I found myself in a small room.  I looked around and saw
that it was a bathroom.  I stepped over to the mirror.  I took a deep
breath before opening my eyes.  Red hair.  Well, that wasn't much of a
surprise.  Blue eyes ... I always wanted to have blue eyes ^_^.  Medium-
small build (at least I wasn't tiny).  I looked down again.  Urk!
Having a bigger chest was one thing, but a freaking PINK dress!?  Pink
is so ... so ... feminine.  Ugh.  I looked up and saw that I had a PINK
bow in my hair.  I'm really getting to hake PINK now (which my face was
also turning).  The body wasn't too much of a curse, but this dress was
murder ... and those pump were killing my feet!  I wondered how women 
ever wore those unnatural things.

	"Hi-chan!  Could you hurry up and get this order out?"

	I quickly exited the bathroom and looked around.  I was in a
restuarant kitchen full of appliances ... I could sure use a nice
blender ...

	"Over here Hi-chan!"

	I turned to face the source; my eyes alighted upon Kasumi.
There she was slaving away at the stove.  Whatever she was cooking
smelled heavenly.

	"Umm ... Kasumi-san?"

	"You silly ... the dish is over there."  With that she resumed
cooking.

	Without thinking I strode over and got the dish.  I exited the
kitchen and looked around.  The restaurant had only one customer.  I
looked out and saw that it was dark.  The door had it's "open" side
facing me.  The last customer, phew!

	I delivered the order and slowly headed back into the kitchen.
I slapped myself.  Drats, I was still here.  I stopped to think to
assess the situation.  I was in an RPG.  Check.  In my possession was a
spatula, a rag, and a ridiculous outfit.  Check.  That was it.  I 
really needed to talk to someone.  The only familiar face was Kasumi's.

	"Kasumi-san!"  I looked around.  "Kasumi?"  I saw a note on the
countertop.

		To Hi-chan,

		I have kidnapped Kasumi.  I plan to take over the 
	world and rule it with my wife-to-be.  Good luck trying to 
	catch me.

	Mr. X


	Akane walked in.  "Have you seen Kasumi around?"

	I began to panic.



1) By now, Ucchan's was a restaurant chain
2) Mikado and Azusa's rapid costume change team
3) If you've seen Maison Ikkoku, you know what I mean.

This is the first bit of fiction I've written in a while :)
Writing this was fun ... I'm very tempted to continue ;)
I'm also open to ideas ... ex: name of bad guy in this RPG, the quest of
the bad guy, etc.

Note to whoever compiles the revengefics:
You can incorporate this 'fic with the body unaltered.  However, since
it is V1.5, I may make some changes that I would like to see in the
compiled version (e.g. I need a new description of my new self).
Feel free to email me with questions.

P.S.  I'll be going home for a week, so don't expect a reply during 
that time.  I'll still be subscribed though.  I do hope my inbox doesn't 
overflow (crosses fingers).

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David C. Yi's Internet Aquarium - Ranma 1/2-BGC-Porco Rosso-Laputa-MI-KOR