Open on a vast white emptiness, where two figures stand.  As we
come closer, we see them staring at the camera, waiting for the
shot to hit them.  It does.

Richard:  So remind me of the point of this?

Sean (still female):  Well, several people were a little confused
at my last fic, so I thought I'd explain everything, along with
a little prelude, before we go on.

Richard:  Sean, no one replied to your last fic at all.

Sean:  OK, *I* was a little confused.

Richard:  So this is just a codification?

Sean:  Right.  So, to start.  Ukyou, Ranma, and Akane came to my
house seeking revenge.

Richard:  Ukyou made you write that Sailor Moon/A-ko/Terry Brooks
authorfic, right?

Sean:  Right.  Then I deleted it.  Heh.

Richard:  In return for which, she kicked you to Jusenkyo.

Sean:  Well, why not?  Everyone's doin' it...anyway, I fell in the
drowned-girl pool...

Richard:  Though you're not 16...

Sean:  Shut up, Richard!  Why did I ever marry you?

Richard:  Ahem, Sean...

Sean:  Ack.  Sorry.  Anyway, basically I look like Linda Phillips
from the old Fox sitcom Duet.

Richard:  In other words, Alison LaPlaca.

Sean:  Right.  And I'm starting to act a little like her, too...

Richard:  Which is a little scary.

Sean:  I suppose it could be worse.  You could be Tom Arnold.

Richard:  Get to Megumi.

Sean:  Anyway, then Megumi got a hold of my rough draft of Honeymoon.

Richard:  Where you have her tied up over the snake pit?

Sean:  It's only a rough.  Anyway, she got a little annoyed, but she
noticed my female form.  So she asked Urd, who was also a little
pissed at me...

Richard:  You've made her a depressed alcoholic.

Sean:  There's a reason!  Anyway, Urd stuck me with you.

Richard:  And that's my cue.  Hi, folks, Richard Phillips here, also
of Duet.

Sean:  And it's sequel, Open House.  As played by Chris Lemmon.

Richard:  I just want to tell you all that I'm not responsible for
Thunder in Paradise.

Sean:  And he's not Richard Lawson, either.

Richard:  Is that it?

Sean:  Pretty much.  Now, apparently, we have to battle a universe
called Fred.

Richard:  What?

Sean:  It's a bit vague, quite frankly.  Anyway, it's better than
a radio station named Frank.

Richard:  OK, we battle Fred.  How?

Sean:  I haven't quite figured that out.  I think we'll get the 
others to fight him while you and I exchange witty banter.

Richard:  Haven't you alienated everyone?

Sean:  No!  Ryouga and Akari adore me, they'll help.

Richard:  How can Akari help?

Sean:  Well, first off, she's so cute that no one would dare attack
her.

Richard:  The Kasumi defence.

Sean:  Right.  Second, she's got a 400 pound attack pig.

Richard:  Ah.

Sean:  And I think I've made up with Ranma and Akane, I did marry 
them off...

Richard:  Won't they be busy helping the other 35 authors?

Sean:  Hell, no!  My universe, my Ranma and Akane!  Let the other
authors use their own Ranmas!

Richard:  Not much of a force...

Sean:  We don't have to do much, really.  Just watch the other authors
finish off Fred while being snippy to each other.  I'm no good at 
writing fight scenes, anyway.

Richard:  Good.  Now for the real question:  why'd you dump me for
Ted?

Sean:  That wasn't me!  Anyway, you dumped me!

Richard:  You know what I mean!  You had me written out just to continue
your sordid little love affair!

Sean:  And it worked!  They've been married six years...

Fade out before this gets even more obscure than it already is...

I'll write more later.

--Sean Gaffney
--the revengefic author that time forgot...