JARITEN'S REVENGE.
Author's Note: This story takes place in the "Magic Knight Kyone" story
set by my friend and neighbor, Josh Lowry, or Kyone.
________________________________________________________________________________
The whole mess started when I met an old friend of mine at the
weekly anime meeting. He asked me to come and see something, but
to find a secret place. So we tried my room, figuring if anyone was
in there I could play something scary, like Macross 7, and frighten them
away. I was in for the shock of my life.
As soon as I came back into my room I noticed two things. All the
clothes in my closet were toally charred and there was a cute,fat,
green-haired baby with a yellow horn on its head wearing tiger striped
diapers. Suddenly it breathed fire at me, which I blocked with my
cereal bowl.
"I'm not fat, but thanks for calling me cute!" Then I knew I was in
trouble... real trouble, not the kind that comes from having eight
tests in eight days.
Suddenly Josh cried "Oh, shit!" and facefaulted, which was another
warning that something was really wrong.
______________________________________________________________________________
The creature known as Jariten spoke. "Hi, Jeff, is something
the matter?" I could tell he was trying to speak in an intimidating
manner, and somehow he was actually able to pull it off, despite
looking like a chubby four-year old.
"Um, Ten-chan, Where are your friends Lum, Shinobu, Sakura-"
Suddenly Jariten's face turned slightly angry, and I thought to
myself 'Baka! Why did you have to say her name?'
"They're not here, but this is the least of your concerns..."
"Hai. My biggest concern is HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET IN HERE! AND
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLOSET!" Right now my closet was just a smoldering
of ashes. For once the fire alarms here did not work. I was glad I
also remembered that it is bad karma to swear in front of a baby, even
one like Jariten. Suddenly Josh recovered from his initial facefault
and said;
"Jeff you idiot, don't you see that something's wrong? Run, I've
already delt with something like this! I can deal with this twerp!"
As soon as he said this I suddenly found myself trapped in some sticky
substance, unable to move. Then I saw Josh lying beside me on the floor,
also unable to move. His mouth was also covered in the goo, preventing
him from talking. Jariten than said
"I think it's my turn to speak. It seems your friend knows what is
about to happen, and I think it's time you should know as well. Jeff
Jarrett you-"
"WAIT ONE MINUTE! JEFF JARRETT IS A WRESTLER! DO I LOOK LIKE A
WRESTLER? I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND HIM, BUT I'M NOT HIM! OUCH!!"
A small column of flame inches from my head managed to shut me up for
the time being.
"Sorry, we're not perfect, and it's hard enough getting your weird
name in English, but we know it's you we are looking for. You, Jeff
Jarlett... <I nodded> have been charged with:
Extremely poor spelling for a college student, even one as dumb as
yourself;
Misuse of Shintoism;
Putting Cherry nakid in a story;
Summoning demons;
Lack of plot;
And the most heinous crime of all, planning to put us in a magical girl
parody. That is why we came after you."
"Hold it! I haven't published any of my story yet-"
Josh managed to rub the goo off his mouth and then said, "It
doesn't matter, prepare to be splashed and hope he's not too cruel-"
Jariten then interrupted my friend.
"No, we're science fiction, we don't use magic. We sentence you
to one of two choices: Death, or roast duck. Which do you choose?"
Josh then said,"You're going to turn him into roast duck?"
Jariten replied,"No, the punishment is eating roast duck."
Suddenly I wondered how such a delicacy could be punishment, then I
remembered the extremes of cooking ability in Nerima. I asked
"Who cooked this meal? Akane? Lum? Usagi?"
Jariten replied, "Ran-chan cooked the meal." I then remembered that I
did not include Ran in my story, and neither did I plan to, say I may be
safe eating her food. Of course, they could be lying. Maybe it really
was Akane, trying Tendo Ultimate Recipe Attack #764 Duck King Neo Storm
Breaker (ten points to whoever gets the reference).
"I'll take the duck, but I just want to ask what am I going to do
about clothes for tomorrow?" WHOOSH!!! Suddenly the temperature in the
room went up by about 40 degrees, but I was finally free of bondage.
Josh wasn't, but suddenly a redhead and a bluehaired girl were dragging
him away while a blond-haired girl with glasses was waving. They looked
familiar, but I couldn't place them immediately. Ran appered out of
thin air with a giant tray. Inside the tray was a roast duck. Ran said
she hoped I would enjoy the meal as she put extra effort into it.
I then replied, "If it comes from such a sweet person as you, the
sweetness has to carry over into the food." I was laying it on thick,
but from what I know about Ran, I REALLY don't want to get on her bad
side.
She then replied "Why thank you! I hope to live up to your
expectations."
Then the main course began. Before eating I said "Itedakimasu!" in
honor of my uninvited guests and "Kamisama!" just in case it WAS Akane.
The meal itself was very good, one of the best I've ever had, but I
suddenly felt drowsy. This was to be expected as it was late and I do
get sleepy after a large meal. Suddenly Ran and Jariten said "Sorry do
disturb you, but we have to go now, Ja ne!" I then took a shower and
went to sleep, not knowing my fate...
____________________________________________________________________________
Morning came, as usual. I woke up rather refreshed, but was
somewhat disappointed as it was noon and I have already missed my
statistics class. I noticed my hair had gotten somewhat larger and my
shirt had grown somewhat bigger, if a bit tight around the chest.
I then thought to myself 'If's that's all they did, then I'm glad I
took the duck'. I noticed a pink note left on my desk with the
embroidered letter "R" in fancy type. I read it, wondering if Ran-chan
was showing some interest in me. After all I am smarter than that zero
Rei. I was disappointed when all it said was "Your clothes are in your
locker..." I poured my cereal, got the milk, and ate. I was very
hungry- I ate two whole bowls. Then I started looking in my locker for
my clothes. I didn't find anything immediately. I then thought 'So they
played an expensive prank on me. It could be worse, my clothes suck
anyway.' Then I looked some more, near the bottom, and found three
articles of clothing. A tiger-striped bikini, and what looked to be 2
regulation-issue Japanese female school uniforms. Suddenly I wondered
if they wanted me to be a Sailor Stunt Double for the day, when
something occurs to me. I looked down at my shirt, and notice two
rather large humps. I looked down the neck of my T-shirt. Breasts.
Ample breasts. I screamed and fainted, for the first and hopefully only
time in my life.
I woke up and made sure I still had breasts, then felt my head. Tiny
horns. Unfortunately I couldn't see my face as the mirror was wrecked
by Jariten while he was destroying my old wardrobe. Suddenly I put
everything together. My old clothes don't fit, I have breasts and tiny
horns. Those obnoxious bastards turned me into Lum! My mind alternated
between horror and perverse enjoyment. I then put on the sailor suit,
(believe me, around this or any other college campus you don't wan't to
go out in a bikini) and one of my hats (which I had to adjust the strap,
my head size had shrunk), and wondered "what the hell do I do now?" It
was 12:50 and I had my Econ class at 1:05. Since my professor had an
'attend all the classes and you get extra credit rule', I decided to
head to class. Of course, when I came in, about 25 men started staring
at me, intensely. This included the professor. Suddenly the professor
asked, "Who are you? I haven't seen you before?" I had to think fast.
I had an idea.
"My boyfriend couldn't make it to your class today, so he asked me to
take notes. I have the coursebook, Is it ok if I do this?"
"Sure. Who's your boyfriend?" I remembered one of the names I saw on
the attendence sheet.
"Kyo Yagami."
The class passed by quickly because my err, boyfriend's prof was a great
lecturer. Fortunately he didn't take attendence. After the class, I
made sure to tell the prof he was a great lecturer (helps Kyo out).
Since I would not know where Josh would be until 6:00, and it was only
2:25 and I had $20.00 in cash, I headed to the local arcade. 'At least I
can still play fighting games'. Of course, the usual suspects were at
the SF machine. I decided to teach them a lesson. I dropped a token
in, while one of them was saying "This isn't for cute girls like you.".
I smirked and picked Bison, during which another of them stated
"Shouldn't you be using Sakura?" I then replied "Shouldn't you be
picking Dan?" I won about 10 straight before they finally got their
minds out of their pants and started playing their normal style, after
which things were about even. Afterwards one of them asked "How did you
learn to they like that? Who taught you? You were even better than our
normal Bison player. Not as good as me, of course, but...no one is". I
rolled my eyes, this guy was evern worse than the men in my Econ class.
I then noticed it was 5:45. I said "Sorry , I have to go!" and then
went to Withers where I met Josh in one of his labs. I then asked Josh
if I could see him for I moment. Of course he agreed, he IS a man (or
so I thought then). I then told him the plight I was in and tried to
prove my identity. Surprisingly, he seemd to be very accepting to his
story.
"So they got you as well? Oh, well, at least you can fly and shoot
lightning..." Of that I wasn't sure about. So I tried. I got out a
poorly aimed burst of lightning which fortunately no one saw. Josh then
said, "We have to go to the bathroom." For once, subtlety was not lost
on me, but I headed to the MEN'S room, for which I got a reply of "No,
you baka! Do I have to draw a wu on your forehead again? The WOMEN'S
ROOM!"
I wondered why the hell would Josh go in the Women's Room, but we
did. Then I saw Josh pour cold water on himself, and suddenly I see
this green-haired girl (no, not an Oni, just an ordinary green-haired
girl). Suddenly this sorority girl came out, looked at us funny and then
asked, "hey, you look weird, are you with those witches or something?"
and then laughed. I had the sudden urge to say "DIVINE RETRIBUTION!"
and use about as much power as the nuclear plant across the street, but
somehow I was able to control myself. Then, suddenly, SPLASH! I felt a
bucket of HOT water crashing down on me. Josh then goes "Damn,
nothing", then pours a bucket of COLD water on me. I then go "WHAT THE
HELL ARE YOU DOING? NOW I'LL HAVE TO GO AROUND IN A BIKINI!!!" Then I
zapped him. A stunned Josh goes "Sumimasen. I though it could work.
You really are screwed. If you need an outfit, you can have a couple of
mine. They're a little small, but..."