bridget ellen engman wrote:
On Sat, 5 Oct 1996, Richard Lawson wrote:
Kyu puffed furiously at his cigarette. He couldn't stand the CEO. The CEO
was manipulative, demanding, impatient, and downright mean. Kyu had no idea
why he had married her.
---
*very* good -- maybe this section is better for people who haven't seen
it, I like this section better not knowing who the CEO is.
Actually, I wrote it that way hoping to suprise those not familiar with
the series. I'm glad it worked. :)
"There's no school tomorrow. It's Christmas." Ryunosuke cocked his head.
"Will you and Mommy work your problems out eventually?"
---
Not sure if this line is appropriate for a ten-year-old, since I don't
know the character... "work your problems out eventually" doesn't seem
like the way a ten-year-old would word it. If it's from the anime, I'll
feel foolish, but it still doesn't sound right.
Hmm, you're right. Gotta fix this.
For now, though, she sat in her den, staring at the blank screen across the
room that had very recently shown her the image of her son and husband, leaving
her.
She began to cry.
---
Characterization of mother is very interesting + believable; i especially
like this ending to the scene.
Thanks; I kinda like the mother in a weird way. She looks like Nabiki
and sounds like Kodachi (same seiyuu). I kinda see her as combining the
worst attributes of both. Which is why I like her. :)
----
That entire closing narrative is great for a lot of reasons -- 1) with
the opening, frames the story like bookends; 2) calls attention to the
main theme -- love -- and putting the relationship between Kyu and Akiko
in the spotlight; 3) characterization for Nuku-Nuku ( I assume we don't
get many glimpses into her mind in the anime)... I could go on. Besides
all those nifty technical reasons -- I just *like* it. Warm and fuzzy
and... catlike.
Thanks; having had few cats as pets over the years, it was easy for me
to give them a bit of intelligence. I'm glad it worked.
OVERALL -- makes me want to see the anime now. And go snuggle my cat.
What more does a fanfic need? :)
Hehe, that's good. Thanks for the warm fuzzies. :)
--bengman
-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman