<<INCOMMING MESSAGE FROM WYRM! PRIORITY SIGNAL>>
<<EXCLUDE : MIKE W. LOADER>>

Mike is a traitor! He's the Mysterious Trenchcoated Figure, MTF. He came to
me with this communique:

Date: Sat, 5 Oct 1996 12:57:56 +0100
From: Thomas R Jefferys <wyrm@mail.utexas.edu>
To: "Mike W. Loader" <mloader@scs.unr.edu>
Subject: Re: Oi!

Request use of Plot-hole for purpose of war. All measures
will be taken to insure safe usage. Please respond soonest.

Request granted. Plot-hole sent. Realize that I will be
watching.

                         ---------------------
-wyrm/dm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have
TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu>

  "Watching. I sincerely hope you are."

  He grinned, and summoned the plot hole. Time to make things
_really_ interesting. Withdrawing a pasteboard card, he
concentrated on it, feeling it grow cool to the touch. Within
seconds, the man painted on it came to life.

As you can see, I sent him one. And I _was_ watching, and did not like what
I saw.

Fortunately, he's not using them properly at all.

  "Take the 762587236578th Shadow after the Pattern and
turn left."

A universe, or microverse, has a _signature_, not a location. If he
_REALLY_ knew what he was doing, he would've given them a signature format.
Although not defined yet, a signature format would NOT contain "and turn
left." Ergo, not a signature. QED.

Besides, Fred's burried under some sand, not hidden behind a shadow. Baka.

  "Very good. I doubt the plot holes will be an option after
this little foray."

And why the frak NOT, eh? Especially since _I_ know how to make (and
UNmake) them and Mike doesn't (otherwise, he wouldnt've come to me).

  That done, he stepped through the plot-hole and into another
place. A blank grey plain, it appeared; blank but not empty. The
cast of Ranma 1/2, Robotech and their Macross counterparts,
A!MG, Tenchi, and over 23 others were assembled upon it.

  Mike smiled at them. "Hello, fellow Revenging Characters."

  Some smiled back. Others (most prominently Ranma and Co.)
looked as though they would just as soon see him dead.

  "I have it."

  A collective sigh went up from the assembled host.

  "A plot hole. Gateway to Fred. The home of the Author's
resistance. And yours for the taking."

What about MON, eh? It's bigger and has more recources. Fred only has one
star system. MON has 30 kly diameter (and I did NOT pull that figure out of
my ass. Eric Jones can confirm that.)

  Silence. Then Ranma stepped forward. "However...?"

  "Meet your countermeasure."

  Mike typed a few lines, and in stepped a figure of blinding
glory. The assembled characters fought the urge to fall to
their knees.

  Mike grinned. "This is the Undocumented Twisted Chinese
Samurai, Eddie Von Crys. He's the condensed total of Otakufic
protagonists. Even if he is clearly outclassed, outnumbered,
outfought, or even just plain dead, he'll still win. All while
solving everyone's problems in a wise and benevolent fashion."

<snip>

Ah! An artificial Otaku. (reaches through Loader's screan and DUH!s him)
Baka! After trying to make myself omnipotent, that's the next thing I
tried! The guy collapsed under his own ego within minutes. This guy will
last two hours, tops.

  "He's your weapon against them. If any author decides to
indulge his ego and wipe you all out with a flick of the pen and
a stupidly powerful device, Eddie will undo his efforts a post
later."

We've been doing that anyway. NOW look who's been pulling a stupidly
powerful weapon out of his ass? Besides, one post does not an undo make.

  Eddie flexed his muscles, and solved Ranma and Akane's
relationship troubles by explaining that they truly love each
other.

  "In fact, the more omnipotent and all-knowing they make
themselves, the stronger Eddie gets. He lives and breathes off
ego and easy resolutions to problems. On the flip side, if they
stay within the bounds of reason, Eddie'll be too weak to do
much good. But what are the chances of that, eh?"

Better than you think, Mike. They've done so just fine so far. In fact, the
way it's unfolding, it's clear that we don't WANT to solve it the easy way.
I was able to rescue Skywise because of some trickery and a few powerful
ANIMATE friends (which I had written about already).

I've got some powerful mecha in MON, but I can't bring them out at all the
same time. None of them are much more powerful as a YF-21 in fact. My
MANIAC armor is only as good as a DD, and my MANTIS armor, only as powerful
as a Guyver. And I haven't even _used_ them yet! I mean, COME ON!

Ohhhhhh, you mean the PLOT-HOLES. Mike, plot-holes have their limits,
obscenely dangerous, but limited. Ask Onnawulf; it completely buggered his
attempt for a vengance fic. Because of your use of your own plot-hole, I've
tracked it down and collapsed it, perminantly.

  Eddie posed, and casually defeated half the characters in
the room in hand-to-hand combat.

  Mike winced. "I've created a monster."

  Ranma nodded. "Authors are good at that."

And you've forgotten the possibility that, because they are authors, they
have control over their ATTACKERS. I could write out half of them by
portraying them AS MORONS!

  "Right. Are we ready?"

  A thunderous roar was his reply.

  "Prepare for woe, ye Fanfic lords,
      at once we go Fredwards!
   Forward to glory, Animite hordes,
     let Authors fall to Anime's swords!"

Yeah, right. The .sigs said the same thing in the infamous SIG wars, and
look what happened to THEM! Guess what, buddies, without us authors YOU
WOULD NOT EXIST!! Ranma's creator, for instance, has killed the series. If
it wasn't for fanfiction, he would be worse than dead, he would be
forgotten. As for Magic Knight Rayearth, who the hell's heard of them?

You guys better take what you got and be happy.

  And with this mangling of Gilbert and Sullivan, Mike opened
the plot hole to Fred as wide as possible, which was a couple
of klicks.

   The astounded authors on the other side ceased their
training, just in time for SDFs 1,2,3, and 23 to open fire. The
Yamato, assorted Invid, Zentradi, and others followed suit.

  With a roar, the Revenging Characters leaped through the
plot hole and into Fred. A furious melee began....

Did you give the plot-hole to Washuu for study? Nope. That means you don't
know where to direct the plot-hole. That means you've sent them to a place
OTHER than Fred and MON.

Oh, well, too late now. The plot-hole is now collapsed and you're STUCK THERE!
HAHA! And, if you think I just pulled that outta my ass, just ask JesX. He
can attest that I have very good control of plot-holes. >:)

Of course, Loader, you don't know this, as I've excluded you from the
message being sent. But you're still stuck there!

<<END TRANSMISSION>>

                           ---------------------
-wyrm/dm(AKA Tom Jefferys; Time Lord for Hire, "Have TARDIS; Will Travel.")
<wyrm@mail.utexas.edu>                       <JEFFERYSTR@rascal.guilford.edu>
Member of the AFSS          Depraived Kawaii Thing of the First Order, Martin
   =<SIG>= Wyrm-chan @_@ H-Wyrm @_@ Ten @_@ Chibi-Usa @_@ Azusa =</SIG>=
=<^_^>= R1/2#_#BGC#_#Sailor Moon#_#Dr Who#_#Star Trek#_#Monty Python =</^_^>=

   Currently operating at <wyrm@middle.of.nowhere.void> for the time being

"DINSDALE!!!" -Spiny Norman
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