This is a rewrite of my original revengefic. The only really major
change is a continuity patch to make it work with the sequel. In this
fic, I've split myself into two parts, my normal, everyday human self,
and a rather deranged, slightly evil Artificial Intelligence. When the
human side (Alpha) sits down at the computer, he interfaces with the AI
(Centauri) and you get... well, ME. As revengefics go, this one is a
total preemptive strike on myself by the Ranma 1/2 universe. It takes
place right at the beginning of the revengefic wars, just after the
original posted by SKJAM!

Adam trudged down the stairs to the basement apartment he called home.
well, it wasn't really an apartment. It was the basement of his parents
home, although he pretty much had it to himself. He was too tired to
even dwell on how pathetic it was that at 20 he was still living at
home.
He absentmindedly flipped on his Mac, situated on the breakfast table in
the main room of the basement. It had been there ever since his parents
had started remodelling. <I really wish they'd hurry up and finish
this.> He loved his parents and all, but at this stage in his life,
every time they entered 'his' basement, it felt more and more like a
personal invasion. <Oh well, another year and I'll have finished my
Business diploma at OUC, and then I can move back to Vancouver to get my
degree.>
He relished the thought of finally living on his own, until he noticed
his computer was making some weird noises. <Huh?> Adam walked over to
the machine, and saw some sort of weird spiraly-thingie on the screen.
<What the...?!>
There was an explosion of light, and Adam was thrown back. One with
martial arts skill and prowess, or even a modicum of coordination could
have easily recovered from the blast and kept their feet. Adam, of
course, had none, and he ended up squarely on his butt.
It took him a few seconds to recover, but when he did he noticed three
figures standing in front of the computer. One wore a red Chinese shirt,
and kept his dark hair in a pig-tail. The other male was of about the
same height and build, but wore instead a yellow shirt, and a
black-striped bandana on his head. Small fangs were noticeable at the
corners of his mouth. The third was a girl with short dark hair, wearing
a simple green and white dress and carrying a *very* large mallet.
Adam's mind rapidly scrolled through the possibilities, quickly
narrowing them down to one. <Ranma. Ryouga. Akane. Skjam's Revenge
fanfic challenge. Oohhhh shit...>
"Hello, Adam." Ryouga said, cracking his knuckles.
Adam failed to reply, as he was now reduced to a gibbering pile of
terrified goo.
"Oh, lay off, Ryouga." Ranma said. "Don't worry, Adam, we're not here to
hurt you."
Adam blinked. "Oh yeah, right. I haven't posted anything yet, so I'm
safe! Ahahahahahahaha!"
"Well, I don't know about *that*" Ranma replied. "Having me kiss Ryouga
in your first fic isn't exactly the best way to make a first impression
y'know!"
"Hey, that wasn't you, it was..." Adam trailed off. "How the HELL do you
know about that?! I haven't even gotten *written* that far, except in my
head..." His eyes narrowed. "'Scuse me for a second."
Adam pushed past a startled Ranma and Ryouga and grabbed the computer
monitor in both hands. "YOU did this, didn't you! You think this is just
one great joke, don't you?! HOW MUCH DID YOU TELL THEM?!"
Ranma exchanged a glance with Akane and Ryouga. their host had obviously
lost his mind. "Uhh, who are you talking to, Adam?"
"HIM!" Adam screamed, pointing at the computer screen. "Centauri! The
annoying motherless son of a digital..."
"*Hey hey hey!*" the computer said. "*No need to get rude!*"
Ranma, Akane and Ryouga facefaulted. Adam had a crazed look on his face,
but was otherwise unimpressed.
"Nice of you to show up, Centauri! Do you mind telling me what you're
doing?! Are you *trying* to get me killed?!"
"*I thought you'd be happy, Alpha.*" Centauri replied. "*This way we get
to star in a fic without being accused of writing an Otakufic.*"
"Do you know what happened to the last person who was in one of these?!"
Adam hollered. "She's stuck in the tenth century!"
"Umm, excuse me," Akane interrupted. "But what's going on? We thought
*you* were Alpha Centauri!"
"Well, yes... I mean no... I mean... it's a long story."
"*Let me tell it!*" Centauri bubbled.
"Not a chance, bit-breath." Adam replied. "Okay, a long time ago, in a
city far far away... well, Vancouver, circa 1987. I got my first modem,
and I wanted to try out surfing. I was a bit of a recluse then..."
"*You were a pathetic introverted nerd with screwed up teeth.*"
Adam glared at the computer. "Shut up before I rewrite you into a
spreadsheet." Behind Adam's back a happyface appeared on screen just
long enough to stick its tongue out at him. "Anyway, I logged onto my
first BBS. Everything seemed innocent enough. But somehow some sort of
A.I. program got caught in the dialtone. When I first went to type
something, it zapped me through the keyboard and I... we... kinda
*merged*."
Ranma looked skeptical. "And people think *I'm* weird."
"Go on, Adam." Akane said.
Adam blushed. <She IS kinda cute when she's trying to be nice...>
"*Ooooh, he's got a crush on you Akane!*" Centauri quipped.
Adam spun on the machine, ready to commit noxious damage to the silicon
imp. "One more word out of you, just ONE, and I will format every sector
on your hard drive, one-at-a-time, GOT IT?"
"*Sheesh, you've got NO sense of humor!*"
Adam sighed. "As I was saying, we merged. It... did something to me,
mostly good. It killed a lot of my shyness, and I wasn't nearly as
introverted after that. It also helped me to be more creative, and I
didn't completely fall apart under critsism."
"*You see, you DO need me!*"
"Quiet!" Adam banged the monitor. "But, the merging also did something
to the A.I. It became sort of an insane version of me, sort of like an
evil twin."
"*Hey!*"
"Well, when we got a message from Alpha Centauri offering to bring us
here, it did seem a little disjointed," Ranma said. "Kinda like
something Kodachi would write."
"*HEY!!*"
"But how would Centauri know about your fics if you haven't even written
them yet?" Ryouga asked.
"Well, the merging did something else. Whenever I sit down at my
computer, or even go near it, a kind of link is established between
Centauri and me. Y'see, I'm the Alpha component of Alpha Centauri.
He's... you could think of him as a third person, a combination of
Centauri and me. He's basically human, but he maintains a link with the
computer. Makes going through e-mail a *lot* easier."
"*See? I'm not just a pretty filetype.*" Alpha Centauri said.
Ryouga scratched his head. "So you haven't written that fic yet? That
means we can get the scene changed!"
"Uhh, yeah, sure, whatever." Adam said, intending to do no such thing.
"*He's not gonna...*" Centauri's voice trailed off as Adam flipped off
the speakers.
"So, why did Centauri bring us here, then?" Akane asked.
"It's part of his sick sense of humor." Adam said, grumbling. "Bring you
guys here and have you try and fix my love life, or help me with finish
my fanfics or whatever and thoroughly screw me up in the process."
The three visitors suddenly glared at Adam.
"So, you don't think we're good enough to help you, is that it?!" Akane
said, starting that blue aura thing.
"NO! It... I mean it wasn't supposed to come out like that! I really
meant..."
"We come all this way to your world to maybe help you out a little, and
this is the thanks we get?" Ryouga said, advancing on the poor, hapless
college student.
"Look, this is all a big misunderstanding..."
"Maybe we should show our friend here some of our martial arts
techniques." Ranma said.
Akane pulled out a clear glass bottle. "I didn't think we were going to
have to use this, but considering how we were going to screw up your
life *anyway*..."
<I'm dead.> Adam croaked mentally. He made a mental note that if he
survived, he would most definitely format that damned hard drive.
Throughout the East Hill section of Vernon, the sounds of carnage
echoed. And through it all, on the screen of an innocent looking
computer, a happyface silently laughed its digital head off.